Sundays
Every Sunday I get to play a character who has super-human power, can convince a crowd to follow her, and defeat almost anyone who comes her way.
But that’s not what I look forward to. What I enjoy is the consequence of all that. And the nitty gritty details of living life and discovering oneself.
I could go on for hours about the other characters in the story, what we’ve done, and what we are striving towards. But what I want to talk about today is one relationship in particular.
My character started out with the plan to stay away from romantic and / or sexual relationships, due in part to a dark event in her past, and more so due to “not having time for that.” She's trying to change the world, and being hunted down for existing, so trivial personal matters were given up as personal sacrifice.
However, that changed when she met a beautiful woman who oozed sexuality, in an extremely comfortable and matter-of-fact way. Suddenly my stern demeanour was replaced by humility, blushes, and attempts to endear myself to her. She became our ally, but often was separated from us in her missions. Still, the attraction grew, even as she revealed herself to be seemingly destined for someone else, and a shapeshifter with questionable means of acquiring those forms. It didn't matter what she looked like, though her true form was quite attractive. What mattered was how she spoke to my character, and how capable she was on her own. Jealousy brewed against this intended pairing, despite her seeming to be interested in him.
Travelling with her and several others, one night we found ourselves alone together. She was welcoming, and my character gave into her desires.
Since then their relationship has bloomed, and this past Sunday my character admitted that she was falling in love.
And though the finer details of our interactions are largely unstated, I feel as though I am in a relationship with another woman. Me, not my character. Once per week I get to wear my bisexuality with pride, no longer subject to doubters who only see my current heterosexual relationship and dismiss the rest.
It's wonderful, and fills me with hope that someday I might meet another woman in real life, despite being long out of college.
But then there is the reality that this character is being portrayed by a man, and my partner at that. Though he plays many characters, and first introduced this one to potentially be paired with a different player, I worry that it somehow cheapens what otherwise feels like a great success.
This is the reality of being bisexual. As we aren't typically involved in polyamorous-with-one-of-each-gender relationships, we are perceived and judged based on our current partner. And as there are far more straight men out there (and more men in the nerd world, period) than queer women, I've dated more men.
And if my relationship with my current partner continues, I will be perceived as living a heterosexual life. But that will never be the truth. I will still long for, and seek out ways to be involved with other women, if even just on Sundays in-game.
But that’s not what I look forward to. What I enjoy is the consequence of all that. And the nitty gritty details of living life and discovering oneself.
I could go on for hours about the other characters in the story, what we’ve done, and what we are striving towards. But what I want to talk about today is one relationship in particular.
My character started out with the plan to stay away from romantic and / or sexual relationships, due in part to a dark event in her past, and more so due to “not having time for that.” She's trying to change the world, and being hunted down for existing, so trivial personal matters were given up as personal sacrifice.
However, that changed when she met a beautiful woman who oozed sexuality, in an extremely comfortable and matter-of-fact way. Suddenly my stern demeanour was replaced by humility, blushes, and attempts to endear myself to her. She became our ally, but often was separated from us in her missions. Still, the attraction grew, even as she revealed herself to be seemingly destined for someone else, and a shapeshifter with questionable means of acquiring those forms. It didn't matter what she looked like, though her true form was quite attractive. What mattered was how she spoke to my character, and how capable she was on her own. Jealousy brewed against this intended pairing, despite her seeming to be interested in him.
Travelling with her and several others, one night we found ourselves alone together. She was welcoming, and my character gave into her desires.
Since then their relationship has bloomed, and this past Sunday my character admitted that she was falling in love.
And though the finer details of our interactions are largely unstated, I feel as though I am in a relationship with another woman. Me, not my character. Once per week I get to wear my bisexuality with pride, no longer subject to doubters who only see my current heterosexual relationship and dismiss the rest.
It's wonderful, and fills me with hope that someday I might meet another woman in real life, despite being long out of college.
But then there is the reality that this character is being portrayed by a man, and my partner at that. Though he plays many characters, and first introduced this one to potentially be paired with a different player, I worry that it somehow cheapens what otherwise feels like a great success.
This is the reality of being bisexual. As we aren't typically involved in polyamorous-with-one-of-each-gender relationships, we are perceived and judged based on our current partner. And as there are far more straight men out there (and more men in the nerd world, period) than queer women, I've dated more men.
And if my relationship with my current partner continues, I will be perceived as living a heterosexual life. But that will never be the truth. I will still long for, and seek out ways to be involved with other women, if even just on Sundays in-game.