the leftfielder always sees the weird conversation starters coming
im typing because i have really no other last resorts. im feeling quite behind and inadequate right now because a friend of mine ive known forever and a day is getting married and it just blew me out of the water. im so happy for her, its awesome she was able to wade thru the crap and find someone she doesnt mind spending the rest of her life with. but its bitter sweet because its a reminder of how i was unable to end my dysfunctional relationship at the time and tell her how i felt because, i admit, i had/have a small crush :) awwww.. yeah i know its cute. even then my timing of such issues was always less than stellar, i admit. i dont know if it would have even worked out, way back then i felt strong about it but could never say a word because i was afraid, im not sure of what tho. looking back, i always was afraid of other people talking about me, whether it was good or bad. please dont ask why because im not sure. so i went out of my way to blend in and say little so no attention would be brought my way. and i hated it despite me doing it to myself. but thats changed, thank god, and now its my great timing that will make me forever hold my peace. *sigh* what can you do? oh well, best i can do is stay close and be a friend. im a little less confident there is someone out there who will fight the Man(tm) with me while traveling the globe and living life to its fullest while being true to oneself and not letting this overly commerical world we live in bring us down. but im looking and shes somewhere :)