Oh god, this is what being an adult is like isn't it
I like my life right now. I want to get that out of the way first, so that no one thinks I'm unhappy with the way things are going. It's hard, but that's how life is, and I don't regret postponing my career, or moving here, or living with Juu. I don't regret quitting my old job, and I don't regret getting my new one. Right now, my life is pretty good. I can pay bills, and sometimes I have free time. I'm learning to knit, I've started writing fanfic again (and participating in fandom at all), and generally settling into hobbies and productive ways to spend my time when I'm not earning money.
Therein lies the problem I suppose, because as much as I like this life right now, I feel like my soul is thirsty. I want to help, I want to make a difference in a real, physical way to the world around me. I've volunteered a few times since I've been here, and it's all been pretty satisfying - but with my work schedule, it's also very sporadic and random.
I mentioned before that I considered running a Girl Scout troop. I still would like to. Or volunteering (or ideally working for) organizations like the Riverkeepers or Sierra Club. I keep trying to apply to volunteer at the local zoo - but work will not give me a steady schedule in order to do that sort of thing. I'd love to be one of those people that contributes to the community.
What this boils down to is, I don't know wtf I want to be doing. I need work to pay my bills (at least $900 a month) but where do I invest my time? I'm about to become a trainer at work - which entails a slight raise - so I get to work about 30 hours a week now.
Do I use my free time to attend school again and try to get a job in my field? (And if so, what discipline do I want to go for?)
Do I use it to invest in the community, make connections, pad my resume?
Or do I use my free time to go places and do things, for my hobbies and for spending time with people I love?
It's a job by itself to juggle all these things, and while I can make time for most of them, it can't be all. Finding a balance here is next to impossible. I need the money, so I'll often take extra hours at work... but if I work anywhere close to 40 hours, that means I do not have a day off. Without days off, scheduling anything besides work becomes impossible.
So right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to do everything, but there's not enough of my time to spread around. I've got to find a way to make everything work and still be happy. And I'll find that way... it's just hard to see right now.
Therein lies the problem I suppose, because as much as I like this life right now, I feel like my soul is thirsty. I want to help, I want to make a difference in a real, physical way to the world around me. I've volunteered a few times since I've been here, and it's all been pretty satisfying - but with my work schedule, it's also very sporadic and random.
I mentioned before that I considered running a Girl Scout troop. I still would like to. Or volunteering (or ideally working for) organizations like the Riverkeepers or Sierra Club. I keep trying to apply to volunteer at the local zoo - but work will not give me a steady schedule in order to do that sort of thing. I'd love to be one of those people that contributes to the community.
What this boils down to is, I don't know wtf I want to be doing. I need work to pay my bills (at least $900 a month) but where do I invest my time? I'm about to become a trainer at work - which entails a slight raise - so I get to work about 30 hours a week now.
Do I use my free time to attend school again and try to get a job in my field? (And if so, what discipline do I want to go for?)
Do I use it to invest in the community, make connections, pad my resume?
Or do I use my free time to go places and do things, for my hobbies and for spending time with people I love?
It's a job by itself to juggle all these things, and while I can make time for most of them, it can't be all. Finding a balance here is next to impossible. I need the money, so I'll often take extra hours at work... but if I work anywhere close to 40 hours, that means I do not have a day off. Without days off, scheduling anything besides work becomes impossible.
So right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to do everything, but there's not enough of my time to spread around. I've got to find a way to make everything work and still be happy. And I'll find that way... it's just hard to see right now.