(no subject)
Characters: Lee and Gaara
Rating: PG
Notes: Lee's so sweet. XD That's all I have to say. The end. <3
Lee found himself outside Gaara’s door- he had been there for many long minutes, having knocked. He’d heard some sort of a response from inside, and worried, had left the door- moving instead to the window. It was ajar, and so he pushed it the rest of the way up, carefully moving through it and into Gaara’s house. His wrist panged in protest to the actions that he called it to duty for- and his head throbbed. But he needed to see his friend. There was something, a little nagging voice in his head that said “Gaara needs you.” And his caring for the young man, well. It only pushed him to perform the act of breaking and entering.
"Come in!" Gaara called again. No one entered. The boy frowned and stood slowly, gripping his crutches.
Becasue of the poisoning and the beating and everything else his body had been subjected too, the bones in his ankle were not mending properly. He heard the window rattle and tensed as Koshiro gave a little hiss. Someone was coming in. Gaara backed up, stumbling a little.
"Who's there?" he demanded, voice a little shaky.
Lee smiled at the boy, quiet for a moment- the expression on his face was sad, happy…a myriad of emotions at once, playing over his countenance. “It’s Lee. I…came to visit. You didn’t answer your door, so I. Um…well, I came in through the window.” His smile faded when he realized that Gaara, although focused on his voice, was staring near-sightlessly to the left of him. “I was worried.”
"Oh..." Gaara swallowed, taking a breath realizing his heart had been going a mile a minute. "I...I thought you might be my uncle..." he admitted quietly. He knew that man was in jail but he couldn't help but wonder if Yashamaru would be able to use influence or money - or the deceased Nakago's connection to Orochimaru - to get out.
“No…I wouldn’t hurt you like that man. And I won’t let him in your house.” Lee mumbled. His voice rose after a moment, “How have you been?” He cursed himself mentally, knowing it a stupid question to ask. “I…should’ve visited you sooner. I should’ve.”
"Its okay. Sasori told me..about your fall and such." Gaara said and then smiled. "I hope you are feeling better. And Sasori-kun as well. He's been very kind."
Lee blushed, reaching to rub at his panging wrist. “Yeah…my medication’s been making me dizzy. The doctor’s put me on some stuff that…well, you don’t need to hear about it.” He mumbled the last part, not wanting the boy to know that he was on medication, much less what it was for.
"Why are you on medication?" Gaara asked worriedly, his smile fading. He moved back to the bed and slowly sat, scooting up against the headboard and then patted the seat next to him, inviting Lee to sit as well. "What happened Lee?"
Lee went to sit next to him, curling up with his knees to his chest. He hadn’t talked to anyone about what had been going on- not Sasori, not his beloved Sensei…just the doctor. “I’ve…got depression. And there’ve been these things that I’ve been hearing. Auditory hallucinations.” His voice was quiet, a hint of shame to it.
"...Hallucinations are the hardest." Gaara said in a hushed tone. A hand blindly reached out and rested on Lee's shoulder. "I've...been having some lately. I don't remember them always...Kankuro comes home sometimes and I'm talking or reacting to something that's not there. I wish I knew why...but at least you are getting help. There is no shame in that Lee." His hand squeezed lightly, trying to sound cheerful for his friend. If Lee was having problems, he didn't need more of Gaara's on his shoulders.
“I just…have voices in my head. They talk to me. They tell me to do things…” He tipped his head forward onto his knees, leaning slightly toward Gaara, into his touch. He needed friendship right now…Sasori had been being distant. Sensei had been wrapped up in the play…he had no one to talk to, really. Aside from the cat, and that certainly did nothing for his sanity. “Tell me that I’m not going crazy, Gaara.”
"You're not crazy, Lee." Gaara said soothingly. He was crazy; he'd been awful to Kan and then clinging the next. Kankuro hadn't told him everything and Gaara wasn't sure he wanted to know everything. That and he was going on another bout of insomnia. "You are not crazy."
“Are you sure?” Lee’s voice held a waver in it. He had gone to Gaara with strength, and the intent to cheer his friend, but now…something was failing miserably. “Life just seems pointless, Gaara. If it weren’t for the play…if it weren’t for Sasori and you…” He pressed his face against his knees again, whimpering at the thought that had surfaced in his head. “I can’t ignore the voices… Gaara, give me your hand.”
Gaara gave it, his heart almost stopping. "Don't say that Lee. There is always a reason to continue. I know it seems hopeless." The small redhead hesitated then continued. "Hinata showed me that. If she hadn't...I would have...You shouldn't feel that way. If you do, then come to me. I'll always listen."
Lee didn’t comment, but simply guided Gaara’s hand to a raised scar that crossed his wrist. It was a new scar, the tissue soft. “I…tried it. And knew that I didn’t want to die. But the thoughts keep coming back. The voices keep telling me to…to do it.”
Gaara felt ill, his hollow cheeks becoming paler. "Don't...don't do that Lee." he said in a hushed voice, shaking a bit. "If you did that...I...if you ever feel that way come to me. No matter the time. Please promise me?" He looked towards where his friend should be, pale, sightless eyes full of tears.
Lee nodded, then remembering that Gaara wouldn’t have seen the motion, spoke. “I…promise. It hurts, Gaara. People telling you in your head that you’re worthless. You wake up, and they say it. You lie down and they say it.” He drew his wrist back from Gaara, pulling his sleeve down over it.
"I know." Gaara swallowed hard, whispering. "I know Lee." He looked down, thin shoulders dropping a bit. "But I know you're not worthless. And Gai-sensei and Sasori-kun and Sakura-san and Tenten-san and Neji-san know you are not. Believe in that."
“It feels like I am. The play…that keeps me going. You and Sasori keep me going. I know I’m not completely worthless…but it feels like I am. It feels like it…” He sighed, looking up and over at Gaara. His eyes traced the curve of his slim, tiny shoulders and he couldn’t help but reach out and put an arm around them. “Thank you.”
Gaara leaned against him and closed his eyes. Funny...with Lee here he felt he could sleep. Last night and the night before he'd pretended to be asleep until he heard Kankuro's breathing slow. Then he'd gotten up and paced blindly the rest of the nights. "You're welcome. And whenever you need me..."
“Thank you, Gaara. Thank you so much…If there’s anything I can do to repay you. Anything.” He murmured, voice laced with gratitude. He noted that Gaara’s breathing had slowed for just a moment, “Are you…tired?”
"No." Gaara lied with practiced ease. "I'm just glad you're here." He sat up and smiled. "How is Sasori? I haven't seen him in a little while."
“It’s not good to lie, Gaara-kun.” Lee smiled, laughing softly. “Your entire body says you’re sleepy, and there’s bags under your eyes that I could go shopping with.” He tugged Gaara close again, then released him- a one armed, brief hug. “Sasori is well. I…haven’t seen him much lately. He’s been busy.”
"So has Kankuro." Gaara said quietly. He hesitated. "My uncle is going on trial. I will have to...to testify." The thought of it made him want to be sick with nervousness.
“Do…you want me to come to the trial? Just to sit in the court. So you’ll have someone…” Lee offered, his tone hushed. “And stop trying to get around your being tired…you should sleep, Gaara-kun. You really need it. I…can feel that you need it.”
"I...I can't..." Gaara sounded somewhat desperate. "And it's easier to stay awake then wake up screaming."
“I know what you mean…” Lee could help but reach to smooth Gaara’s bangs out of his eyes with a gentle touch. “I think though that you would be safe sleeping around me. I’ll chase your nightmares away. That’s what friends do.”
Gaara smiled tiredly. "You would. But if I can't sleep with Kankuro, I’m not sure if..." Gaara shook his head and then leaned against Lee again. "Have you told Sasori about all this?"
Lee shook his head, “Sasori…doesn’t know. He hasn’t been home enough to see me. Or…care.” He whispered the last word, hanging his head slightly. “He should know, but I just don’t know how to tell him. I…tried to kill myself, Gaara. Twice.”
"You need to tell him." Gaara's voice was strong. "Sasori needs to know. You shouldn’t be alone in this, Lee. And Sasori is your lover. He has a right to know what you've been going through. If you died, he would be the most affected."
“It’s because he’s so close to me that I won’t tell him.” He sighed, “If your lover were so close to you that they’d hurt if they knew you’d made yourself have such pain…would you want to tell them? It would just hurt Sasori, Gaara. I can’t hurt him.”
"I knew it would hurt Kankuro and I still told him." Gaara said. "It helped; Kankuro knows how to take care of me better now how to help me. To keep that from Sasori...Lee, it's a betrayal. You're basically saying he's not important enough to know about something so drastic." He gripped his friends shoulder tightly.
“Kankurou…? Gaara…” Lee stopped, his mind putting together quite the improbable picture, “Tell me that I heard that wrong, Gaara…” He shook his head to clear it, “I’ll tell Sasori. But Gaara…Kankurou? He’s your brother. Your brother…your lover?” Lee furrowed his brow. Something in his face said that he would hold no prejudice against the boy for his choice of lovers, but there was confusion, and wanting to know the truth.
Gaara's mouth dropped open and he moved it soundlessly for a moment. "I..." He swallowed and pulled away from Lee, almost defensively. "Just tell Sasori, Lee." he said timidly, almost childishly, actually looking scared.
“Gaara, I said I’d tell him.” Lee paused, closing his eyes as Gaara pulled away from him. “It’s okay…if you and Kankurou. I won’t tell anyone. It’s not my choice who loves who.” He let a smile slip onto his face as he opened his eyes, “And you know, love isn’t choosey about who it matches you up with. It doesn’t care that he’s…you know. Your brother.”
Gaara rested his head on his knees. "...The others talk; especially some of the teachers. I...I hate it." He swallowed, closing his blind eyes, remembering when Yashamaru had walked in on him and Kankuro while in...a compromising situation. His skinny shoulders gave a twitch.
“They shouldn’t talk. It’s your decision…and if you two love each other, then there’s nothing stopping it. You shouldn’t hate it. The talk lets you know that people at least recognize your love as something. They talk about me and Sasori, you know. We…don’t let it bother us.”
Gaara suddenly luanched forward, hugging Lee as tightly as he could and crying softly as his hands fisted in Lee's shirt. "I...I shoudln't cry right now. And...and give you more problems...I..."
Lee wrapped his arms gently around Gaara, hugging him close. “It’s not a problem. It’s something that you need to talk about. It’s something that I’m willing to hear…it’s not a burden to me in the least, Gaara-kun. Shhh…just cry, okay? It’s good to cry sometimes.”
“I j-just worry. I worry all the time." Gaara swallowed. "About Kan; he's really reckless, y'know? And the trial coming up and what if it doesn't go right and..." His breath hitched.
“You need to not worry. Kankurou is strong…he can take good care of himself, even if he IS reckless. He’s…brave and strong enough to take care of you and himself, you know?” Lee squeezed Gaara slightly, shifting to pull him a little closer, into a more comfortable position. “The trial will go fine.” Lee’s voice hardened, “That bastard will be put away.”
It happened again. Gaara was completely worn out and he collasped against Lee. His breathing calmed a bit as he buried his face in the other boy's neck, still shaking a bit. "I....thank you, Lee."
Lee shifted to hold Gaara as close as possible, to impart as much comfort as he could to the boy. To his best friend. “You’re welcome…it’s never a problem, Gaara. It’s just the truth. You need to hear it from someone. Why don’t you rest now? I’ll make sure that you’re safe. That’s a promise.”
"But you just got here..." Gaara mumured. "I don't get to see you very often; I don't want to sleep through you being here."
“I promise that I’ll come by tomorrow then. But you need your sleep.” He smoothed a hand soothingly over Gaara’s hair, “just sleep…” He softly hummed a lullaby that he had learned as a child, the melody soft and low.
Gaara struggled, like a child who doesn't want to go to bed, but he couldn't resist. Lee's presence was warm and comforting and Gaara was weak from days without sleep and without eating. His eyes drifted closed, although his hand still tightly gripped Lee's shirt.
Lee waited for the better part of an hour, listening to Gaara’s quiet breathing, before he gently moved the boy off of him and to the bed beside him. He tugged the covers down and made sure that they were placed over Gaara before he turned to leave. As an afterthought, he slipped off his over shirt, knowing that it smelled of him- and he had always been comforted by things that smelled familiar and ‘nice’, leaving it next to Gaara. He watched as the boy curled around it, smiling. It was another minute for him to get to the window, slip it open and climb out it- leaving the same way he entered, closing it with a click behind him. “Sweet dreams, my friend. You need them more than me.” He whispered, turning and walking slowly back to his dorm.
Rating: PG
Notes: Lee's so sweet. XD That's all I have to say. The end. <3
Lee found himself outside Gaara’s door- he had been there for many long minutes, having knocked. He’d heard some sort of a response from inside, and worried, had left the door- moving instead to the window. It was ajar, and so he pushed it the rest of the way up, carefully moving through it and into Gaara’s house. His wrist panged in protest to the actions that he called it to duty for- and his head throbbed. But he needed to see his friend. There was something, a little nagging voice in his head that said “Gaara needs you.” And his caring for the young man, well. It only pushed him to perform the act of breaking and entering.
"Come in!" Gaara called again. No one entered. The boy frowned and stood slowly, gripping his crutches.
Becasue of the poisoning and the beating and everything else his body had been subjected too, the bones in his ankle were not mending properly. He heard the window rattle and tensed as Koshiro gave a little hiss. Someone was coming in. Gaara backed up, stumbling a little.
"Who's there?" he demanded, voice a little shaky.
Lee smiled at the boy, quiet for a moment- the expression on his face was sad, happy…a myriad of emotions at once, playing over his countenance. “It’s Lee. I…came to visit. You didn’t answer your door, so I. Um…well, I came in through the window.” His smile faded when he realized that Gaara, although focused on his voice, was staring near-sightlessly to the left of him. “I was worried.”
"Oh..." Gaara swallowed, taking a breath realizing his heart had been going a mile a minute. "I...I thought you might be my uncle..." he admitted quietly. He knew that man was in jail but he couldn't help but wonder if Yashamaru would be able to use influence or money - or the deceased Nakago's connection to Orochimaru - to get out.
“No…I wouldn’t hurt you like that man. And I won’t let him in your house.” Lee mumbled. His voice rose after a moment, “How have you been?” He cursed himself mentally, knowing it a stupid question to ask. “I…should’ve visited you sooner. I should’ve.”
"Its okay. Sasori told me..about your fall and such." Gaara said and then smiled. "I hope you are feeling better. And Sasori-kun as well. He's been very kind."
Lee blushed, reaching to rub at his panging wrist. “Yeah…my medication’s been making me dizzy. The doctor’s put me on some stuff that…well, you don’t need to hear about it.” He mumbled the last part, not wanting the boy to know that he was on medication, much less what it was for.
"Why are you on medication?" Gaara asked worriedly, his smile fading. He moved back to the bed and slowly sat, scooting up against the headboard and then patted the seat next to him, inviting Lee to sit as well. "What happened Lee?"
Lee went to sit next to him, curling up with his knees to his chest. He hadn’t talked to anyone about what had been going on- not Sasori, not his beloved Sensei…just the doctor. “I’ve…got depression. And there’ve been these things that I’ve been hearing. Auditory hallucinations.” His voice was quiet, a hint of shame to it.
"...Hallucinations are the hardest." Gaara said in a hushed tone. A hand blindly reached out and rested on Lee's shoulder. "I've...been having some lately. I don't remember them always...Kankuro comes home sometimes and I'm talking or reacting to something that's not there. I wish I knew why...but at least you are getting help. There is no shame in that Lee." His hand squeezed lightly, trying to sound cheerful for his friend. If Lee was having problems, he didn't need more of Gaara's on his shoulders.
“I just…have voices in my head. They talk to me. They tell me to do things…” He tipped his head forward onto his knees, leaning slightly toward Gaara, into his touch. He needed friendship right now…Sasori had been being distant. Sensei had been wrapped up in the play…he had no one to talk to, really. Aside from the cat, and that certainly did nothing for his sanity. “Tell me that I’m not going crazy, Gaara.”
"You're not crazy, Lee." Gaara said soothingly. He was crazy; he'd been awful to Kan and then clinging the next. Kankuro hadn't told him everything and Gaara wasn't sure he wanted to know everything. That and he was going on another bout of insomnia. "You are not crazy."
“Are you sure?” Lee’s voice held a waver in it. He had gone to Gaara with strength, and the intent to cheer his friend, but now…something was failing miserably. “Life just seems pointless, Gaara. If it weren’t for the play…if it weren’t for Sasori and you…” He pressed his face against his knees again, whimpering at the thought that had surfaced in his head. “I can’t ignore the voices… Gaara, give me your hand.”
Gaara gave it, his heart almost stopping. "Don't say that Lee. There is always a reason to continue. I know it seems hopeless." The small redhead hesitated then continued. "Hinata showed me that. If she hadn't...I would have...You shouldn't feel that way. If you do, then come to me. I'll always listen."
Lee didn’t comment, but simply guided Gaara’s hand to a raised scar that crossed his wrist. It was a new scar, the tissue soft. “I…tried it. And knew that I didn’t want to die. But the thoughts keep coming back. The voices keep telling me to…to do it.”
Gaara felt ill, his hollow cheeks becoming paler. "Don't...don't do that Lee." he said in a hushed voice, shaking a bit. "If you did that...I...if you ever feel that way come to me. No matter the time. Please promise me?" He looked towards where his friend should be, pale, sightless eyes full of tears.
Lee nodded, then remembering that Gaara wouldn’t have seen the motion, spoke. “I…promise. It hurts, Gaara. People telling you in your head that you’re worthless. You wake up, and they say it. You lie down and they say it.” He drew his wrist back from Gaara, pulling his sleeve down over it.
"I know." Gaara swallowed hard, whispering. "I know Lee." He looked down, thin shoulders dropping a bit. "But I know you're not worthless. And Gai-sensei and Sasori-kun and Sakura-san and Tenten-san and Neji-san know you are not. Believe in that."
“It feels like I am. The play…that keeps me going. You and Sasori keep me going. I know I’m not completely worthless…but it feels like I am. It feels like it…” He sighed, looking up and over at Gaara. His eyes traced the curve of his slim, tiny shoulders and he couldn’t help but reach out and put an arm around them. “Thank you.”
Gaara leaned against him and closed his eyes. Funny...with Lee here he felt he could sleep. Last night and the night before he'd pretended to be asleep until he heard Kankuro's breathing slow. Then he'd gotten up and paced blindly the rest of the nights. "You're welcome. And whenever you need me..."
“Thank you, Gaara. Thank you so much…If there’s anything I can do to repay you. Anything.” He murmured, voice laced with gratitude. He noted that Gaara’s breathing had slowed for just a moment, “Are you…tired?”
"No." Gaara lied with practiced ease. "I'm just glad you're here." He sat up and smiled. "How is Sasori? I haven't seen him in a little while."
“It’s not good to lie, Gaara-kun.” Lee smiled, laughing softly. “Your entire body says you’re sleepy, and there’s bags under your eyes that I could go shopping with.” He tugged Gaara close again, then released him- a one armed, brief hug. “Sasori is well. I…haven’t seen him much lately. He’s been busy.”
"So has Kankuro." Gaara said quietly. He hesitated. "My uncle is going on trial. I will have to...to testify." The thought of it made him want to be sick with nervousness.
“Do…you want me to come to the trial? Just to sit in the court. So you’ll have someone…” Lee offered, his tone hushed. “And stop trying to get around your being tired…you should sleep, Gaara-kun. You really need it. I…can feel that you need it.”
"I...I can't..." Gaara sounded somewhat desperate. "And it's easier to stay awake then wake up screaming."
“I know what you mean…” Lee could help but reach to smooth Gaara’s bangs out of his eyes with a gentle touch. “I think though that you would be safe sleeping around me. I’ll chase your nightmares away. That’s what friends do.”
Gaara smiled tiredly. "You would. But if I can't sleep with Kankuro, I’m not sure if..." Gaara shook his head and then leaned against Lee again. "Have you told Sasori about all this?"
Lee shook his head, “Sasori…doesn’t know. He hasn’t been home enough to see me. Or…care.” He whispered the last word, hanging his head slightly. “He should know, but I just don’t know how to tell him. I…tried to kill myself, Gaara. Twice.”
"You need to tell him." Gaara's voice was strong. "Sasori needs to know. You shouldn’t be alone in this, Lee. And Sasori is your lover. He has a right to know what you've been going through. If you died, he would be the most affected."
“It’s because he’s so close to me that I won’t tell him.” He sighed, “If your lover were so close to you that they’d hurt if they knew you’d made yourself have such pain…would you want to tell them? It would just hurt Sasori, Gaara. I can’t hurt him.”
"I knew it would hurt Kankuro and I still told him." Gaara said. "It helped; Kankuro knows how to take care of me better now how to help me. To keep that from Sasori...Lee, it's a betrayal. You're basically saying he's not important enough to know about something so drastic." He gripped his friends shoulder tightly.
“Kankurou…? Gaara…” Lee stopped, his mind putting together quite the improbable picture, “Tell me that I heard that wrong, Gaara…” He shook his head to clear it, “I’ll tell Sasori. But Gaara…Kankurou? He’s your brother. Your brother…your lover?” Lee furrowed his brow. Something in his face said that he would hold no prejudice against the boy for his choice of lovers, but there was confusion, and wanting to know the truth.
Gaara's mouth dropped open and he moved it soundlessly for a moment. "I..." He swallowed and pulled away from Lee, almost defensively. "Just tell Sasori, Lee." he said timidly, almost childishly, actually looking scared.
“Gaara, I said I’d tell him.” Lee paused, closing his eyes as Gaara pulled away from him. “It’s okay…if you and Kankurou. I won’t tell anyone. It’s not my choice who loves who.” He let a smile slip onto his face as he opened his eyes, “And you know, love isn’t choosey about who it matches you up with. It doesn’t care that he’s…you know. Your brother.”
Gaara rested his head on his knees. "...The others talk; especially some of the teachers. I...I hate it." He swallowed, closing his blind eyes, remembering when Yashamaru had walked in on him and Kankuro while in...a compromising situation. His skinny shoulders gave a twitch.
“They shouldn’t talk. It’s your decision…and if you two love each other, then there’s nothing stopping it. You shouldn’t hate it. The talk lets you know that people at least recognize your love as something. They talk about me and Sasori, you know. We…don’t let it bother us.”
Gaara suddenly luanched forward, hugging Lee as tightly as he could and crying softly as his hands fisted in Lee's shirt. "I...I shoudln't cry right now. And...and give you more problems...I..."
Lee wrapped his arms gently around Gaara, hugging him close. “It’s not a problem. It’s something that you need to talk about. It’s something that I’m willing to hear…it’s not a burden to me in the least, Gaara-kun. Shhh…just cry, okay? It’s good to cry sometimes.”
“I j-just worry. I worry all the time." Gaara swallowed. "About Kan; he's really reckless, y'know? And the trial coming up and what if it doesn't go right and..." His breath hitched.
“You need to not worry. Kankurou is strong…he can take good care of himself, even if he IS reckless. He’s…brave and strong enough to take care of you and himself, you know?” Lee squeezed Gaara slightly, shifting to pull him a little closer, into a more comfortable position. “The trial will go fine.” Lee’s voice hardened, “That bastard will be put away.”
It happened again. Gaara was completely worn out and he collasped against Lee. His breathing calmed a bit as he buried his face in the other boy's neck, still shaking a bit. "I....thank you, Lee."
Lee shifted to hold Gaara as close as possible, to impart as much comfort as he could to the boy. To his best friend. “You’re welcome…it’s never a problem, Gaara. It’s just the truth. You need to hear it from someone. Why don’t you rest now? I’ll make sure that you’re safe. That’s a promise.”
"But you just got here..." Gaara mumured. "I don't get to see you very often; I don't want to sleep through you being here."
“I promise that I’ll come by tomorrow then. But you need your sleep.” He smoothed a hand soothingly over Gaara’s hair, “just sleep…” He softly hummed a lullaby that he had learned as a child, the melody soft and low.
Gaara struggled, like a child who doesn't want to go to bed, but he couldn't resist. Lee's presence was warm and comforting and Gaara was weak from days without sleep and without eating. His eyes drifted closed, although his hand still tightly gripped Lee's shirt.
Lee waited for the better part of an hour, listening to Gaara’s quiet breathing, before he gently moved the boy off of him and to the bed beside him. He tugged the covers down and made sure that they were placed over Gaara before he turned to leave. As an afterthought, he slipped off his over shirt, knowing that it smelled of him- and he had always been comforted by things that smelled familiar and ‘nice’, leaving it next to Gaara. He watched as the boy curled around it, smiling. It was another minute for him to get to the window, slip it open and climb out it- leaving the same way he entered, closing it with a click behind him. “Sweet dreams, my friend. You need them more than me.” He whispered, turning and walking slowly back to his dorm.