The joys of family
Once again, it's been a rough (read: vile) few days and I've avoided any form of human contact with everything I had. I'm sorry guys. I hate coming online when I'm in that sort of a place though, because anything I say - be it a post, a comment, or anything - will end up sounding depressed and far too pessimistic. Either that or so sarcastic it's just stupid. I think I'm back now though. I think. I've been ok for a few days now, I'm taking my pills like a good girl, and I'm not hiding in a quiet room with just Persona 4 for company.
What can I say? Escapism HELPS.
I'm almost done typing up the epic holiday post (seriously, this thing is RIDICULOUSLY long) and sorting through the photos.
I was actually working on it until about 5 minutes ago, but now I just feel like I need to post.
Yeah, you know something has gone horrendously wrong in my part of the world. If you don't want to read my ranting and venting, I won't be offended.
My sister's just walked out. Yeah, it's bad. She was going to be going over to her boyfriend's tonight anyway to practise setting up and taking down the tent they're using for Sonosphere (music festival) in a couple of weeks, and she came home with a teapot for Mum (now rather obviously a token apology; I have the intense urge to smash it) and said she was going to stay at Tom's for a couple of days, since "there's been too much shouting around here." Of course, very little shouting has been at or anything to do with her, and she's mostly out anyway. As she left after a short discussion, she said she'd be back tomorrow morning after all.
I have never wanted so hurt someone so viciously as I want to hurt her right now. She's my sister and I love her, but FUCK.
Mum and Dad are already tearing themselves up about my depression (this shit isn't helping, btw, since it makes me feel awfully guilty for being depressed even though I can't help it) and her previous self-harming really messed them up too. This is fucking shredding them. I can already tell that they blame themselves.
Tom did the same thing to his parents a few weeks ago. I want to break his nose. I know without being told, just from the way Tori looked at me, that this idea has either come from him or been heavily influenced by him. He's a nice guy for the most part, and he treats her well as far as I know, but as of right now I want him out of her life forever and ever.
I wonder if she realises that her relationship with Mum and Dad (I know I'll get over it soon enough, and I don't know whether to be happy or ashamed) has been irrevocably damaged here? Even though she changed her tune and decided she'll be back tomorrow when she realised just how hurt and upset Mum and Dad are, she said she was leaving for a couple of days. She was LEAVING. As in, running away from home. She can never take that back, the idiot.
I want there to be something I can say to them. But it feels like anything I say will shatter the face they're trying to hang on to. It really is like trying to ignore a bright fuscia elephant in the middle of the lounge. I don't know what else to do though.
Sorry, guys, I just really needed to vent.
Next post will be happier now I'm feeling a little more positive. Love you!