Ann/Lucy, can i get a beep beep, pg-13 (for language)
(2/2)
“Did you just get her number?” Leslie asks, beaming in a way that makes her think she might end up the Marshal of the First Annual Pawnee Pride Parade.
“Not like that. Don’t get any ideas.”
“There is an alarming lack of resources in Pawnee for those questioning their sexual orientation, Ann. We should fix that. Think about it. You could be a pioneer in this town.”
“I thought the penguins got there first. And, you know, that entire gay bar that we have. You know, the one that worships you as the next messiah? The Bulge?”
“But think of the lesbians, Ann,” Leslie said, “the beautiful lesbians, such as yourself. And the girl behind the bar. You would be incredibly attractive while making out.”
“This is weird.”
“Lesbians aren’t weird, Ann. They’re a natural part of life.”
“I’m not a lesbian, if you haven’t noticed. And she’s not a lesbian. She’s Tom’s ex-girlfriend, remember? Lucy?”
Leslie’s facial expressions always change more slowly when she’s drunk, so watching her face go from excited to concerned is actually sort of fascinating. Her eyebrows go first, then her mouth, and then her eyes all in a cartoonish slow motion. “We can’t tell Tom the two of you are lesbians together. He’d explode. Or want to join. Either way, it’s bad.”
It’s time to make an executive decision. “We’re going home.”
“Together?”
“Yes, Leslie, together. Prepare to have your world rocked.”
“But-Ben.”
“Leslie, we’re going to call Ben, he’s going to come pick us up, and then he will drop me off at my house, and I will go inside alone, and then he will drive you back to your house, and he will probably come inside with you and this is as far as I am taking this train of thought before I get uncomfortable.”
“Oh, ok. He could give Lucy a ride home too. Or a ride to your house. I could go ask her for you. I can be a wing-lady for you, Ann Perkins. You deserve the best.”
“You just stay here and call Ben. I’ll go settle the tab.”
Leslie calls out as she turns her back and starts heading back up to the bar, “Tell Lucy that Ben is a very responsible driver. He obeys speed limits.”
Ann’s just glad Leslie forgot that they don’t even have a tab.
Lucy’s waiting for her up at the bar. “I think speed limits are very important. Safety first.”
“How much of that did you hear?”
Lucy smiles. “It’s a slow night. Good acoustics in this place too.”
“Leslie’s heart is in the right place. The execution is sometimes lacking.”
“I don’t usually take advantage of our more inebriated patrons. It’s sort of a rule.”
“A rule,” Ann repeats, trying not to sound as stupid as she feels.
“Yeah, a rule.” Lucy looks past her for a moment. “I don’t think your friend really knows how to make obscene gestures, by the way.”
“I don’t want to turn around, do I?”
“Probably not.” Lucy smiles, and gives Leslie a thumbs up. “Give me a call. I mean-no pressure.”
“No, no, I totally will.”
“Good.”
There’s the very start of an awkward pause, and then Leslie shouts, “NEVER DOUBT MY WING-LADY SKILLS, ANN PERKINS.”
So. Just another exciting night at the Snake Hole Lounge.
(2/2)
“Did you just get her number?” Leslie asks, beaming in a way that makes her think she might end up the Marshal of the First Annual Pawnee Pride Parade.
“Not like that. Don’t get any ideas.”
“There is an alarming lack of resources in Pawnee for those questioning their sexual orientation, Ann. We should fix that. Think about it. You could be a pioneer in this town.”
“I thought the penguins got there first. And, you know, that entire gay bar that we have. You know, the one that worships you as the next messiah? The Bulge?”
“But think of the lesbians, Ann,” Leslie said, “the beautiful lesbians, such as yourself. And the girl behind the bar. You would be incredibly attractive while making out.”
“This is weird.”
“Lesbians aren’t weird, Ann. They’re a natural part of life.”
“I’m not a lesbian, if you haven’t noticed. And she’s not a lesbian. She’s Tom’s ex-girlfriend, remember? Lucy?”
Leslie’s facial expressions always change more slowly when she’s drunk, so watching her face go from excited to concerned is actually sort of fascinating. Her eyebrows go first, then her mouth, and then her eyes all in a cartoonish slow motion. “We can’t tell Tom the two of you are lesbians together. He’d explode. Or want to join. Either way, it’s bad.”
It’s time to make an executive decision. “We’re going home.”
“Together?”
“Yes, Leslie, together. Prepare to have your world rocked.”
“But-Ben.”
“Leslie, we’re going to call Ben, he’s going to come pick us up, and then he will drop me off at my house, and I will go inside alone, and then he will drive you back to your house, and he will probably come inside with you and this is as far as I am taking this train of thought before I get uncomfortable.”
“Oh, ok. He could give Lucy a ride home too. Or a ride to your house. I could go ask her for you. I can be a wing-lady for you, Ann Perkins. You deserve the best.”
“You just stay here and call Ben. I’ll go settle the tab.”
Leslie calls out as she turns her back and starts heading back up to the bar, “Tell Lucy that Ben is a very responsible driver. He obeys speed limits.”
Ann’s just glad Leslie forgot that they don’t even have a tab.
Lucy’s waiting for her up at the bar. “I think speed limits are very important. Safety first.”
“How much of that did you hear?”
Lucy smiles. “It’s a slow night. Good acoustics in this place too.”
“Leslie’s heart is in the right place. The execution is sometimes lacking.”
“I don’t usually take advantage of our more inebriated patrons. It’s sort of a rule.”
“A rule,” Ann repeats, trying not to sound as stupid as she feels.
“Yeah, a rule.” Lucy looks past her for a moment. “I don’t think your friend really knows how to make obscene gestures, by the way.”
“I don’t want to turn around, do I?”
“Probably not.” Lucy smiles, and gives Leslie a thumbs up. “Give me a call. I mean-no pressure.”
“No, no, I totally will.”
“Good.”
There’s the very start of an awkward pause, and then Leslie shouts, “NEVER DOUBT MY WING-LADY SKILLS, ANN PERKINS.”
So. Just another exciting night at the Snake Hole Lounge.
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alkjsdfdjslkf MEG, thank you!!! This is so fantastically wonderful! Ann, Lucy and a drunk Leslie Knope? I could not ask for more.
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God bless you for putting this thing together, seriously.
(PS Are you on AO3? Do you want to put up a collection for people to dump things into if they post there?)
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And yes, I am! I am stackalees on AO3 and did I do this right? Haha!
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