Things are annoyingly not okay but generally okay
(re-post from FA)
Hiyal !
Before this post I have typed up another one regarding to FWA days ago, due to my computer decided to reboot itself at random times and I did not planned on save my journal before it did so.....not really in the mood to retype yet, we will see.
Things are getting a little out of paws for me last week, roommate being an asshole, work load is heavy and preventing me going home early to take care of things, parents flipped out at each other (never a good thing), FA and journals, sister and friends of the family need to find out our family vacation time and make plans, apartment hunt......ahh there's so much XD
Only good thing about last week is there wasn't any injury and no death in my family, good!
So because of all the above things I have been dealing with, really got no time to socialize much like I wanted to, and I apologize to anyone who intend to contact or keep in touch with me, I am doing my best to keep personal stuffs taken cared of first, and never meant to put off on any of you. Still slowly getting each of the things done but thankfully making a lil bit of progress this weekend, looked a few apartments and parents actually starting to talk to each other again :)
Really as much as I want to keep in touch with folks especially after FWA, I might have to end up leave the idea alone and potentially drop it, it's been like two months now and I still haven't be able to do much catch up, friends if you have time to spend on memes or jerk off, save yourself some time and do something more meaningful :P (or, can I have your time please?)
One more thing I am really stressful about is the issue between me and roommate.
I am living in a 3 bedroom townhouse right now. Besides a friend I have known from cybershepherd, I didn't know the other guy until we moved in. He's lazy, only clean stuffs like less than 5% of the time we live here, had a puppy and not been house trained so she goes in the house from time to time, quite often actually. This roommate used to work long extended hours and had to leave the puppy in crave all day long until he gets off from work, it's really not healthy for the puppy. So I have decided to help out and let the puppy out at least taking bathroom breaks if he's not around, and cleaned after the dog mutiple times in the house. Mentioned it to him, no appreciation, oh well at least the puppy didn't died from some kidney disease.
Months later he broke up with his gf, got all sad and stressed out from work, eventually quit his job and sit his ass in the apartment and playing games all day, until he decided to move his dog and himself to his parents' wonderful right? (not having a house trained dog in the house was more than exciting) He found a friend to move into his space so he doesn't have to worry about rent, ok reasonable. Now he and his friend start trashing the place (oh I didn't mention, he still comes here and play games all day long), doubles up the dishes. I mentioned this to him twice now and he kind just ignored me. Until one day I got home from a 11 hour shift, very tired, very stressed, seeing the dishes still sitting in the sink, I turned to them and ask them to clean it up, my good old fashion lazy roommate, talking back to me that he already moved out and doesn't care, he comes playing games and leave taking his trashes out and that's it (<-lies).
I didn't want to start argue with him but still trying to make a point here, so I mentioned the fact I cleaned after his dog. He responded to me "dude that's because you wanted to, I never asked you to do it." Our conversation ends there.
..................Words really couldn't describe my anger at that moment, after a tired long day and now this, I had no energy to keep fighting it, very pointless and very disappointing. All the things I did because of being considering his stress, not being appreciated, all the cleaning up after the dog, not being appreciated, because he wanted a job I helped turn in his resume and got him an interview at my work, not being appreciated. No respect whatsoever. Took me days to stop thinking revenging in some childish foolishness, very grateful I am only going to be here less than 60 days now and I won't need to see him in my life ever again. Otherwise....who knows what I will do?
Somehow from there I starting to develop a fearful thought just now. I am not sure when will it go away. All these time I hang out with furrys because I know most of the time, where the line is. I feel a lot of furs are very trustworthy and as a friend, I have showed to many people that I can tolerate shortcomings from people. Friends got angry I tried to talk to them, friends being sad I tried to be there for them.
But after my roommate said something like that to me, I start wondering myself, what if my friends are taking advantage of my personality? Try to be nice, try to be considering, and ends up having someone say to me because "I wanted to do it, didn't asked you"? And people who have the potential to be assholes, will there be this one day you actually show your asshole side of you and using it against me?
It's a very very scary thought and I am currently having difficulty dealing with it. Sure roommate comes and goes and I won't be seeing him again, but friends? Even perfect mates can flip out and have bitter end, what chance do we friends to each other holds? Will there be one day we flipped out at each other because someone is being foolish and not considering? That's not what I want.
That's not what I want after all the time and effort I try to make all of you my friends, I might not be a perfect human being but I never meant to hurt people, so please don't just decide one day it's a good idea to hurt me.
hmmm *sighs* Just need to vent this out, nothing gone serious wrong.
Some of you may already knew it and showed that you care, I thank you for that.
Some other things:
AC
My lease ends 6/3 and I am yet to find a new apartment to move in, yet to find a roommate. If I get to move out in May next month then there shall be some lights for me regards to AC. If I have to move and then move-in to new place in June, then chances are I probably won't be at AC, same situation just like last year.
For Raleigh/Cary NC furs, if yourself or you know someone who wants roommate or will be looking for place to live starting next month (or June), please let me know, I am still gathering information and look at all sorts options right now. If have to, I am also considering living on my own for the first time after college. If you are responsible and respect other people, at the same time don't mind have interaction at the place with me, do let me know that if you are looking for place to live too. I am currently looking for place for $700~$850 +/- to split with.
As for AC, due to my unstable of going/not going, I can't really look for room space and guarantee to show up. However if you have floor space that you won't be using, and don't mind keep it open for me in case I end up going, that'd be more than appreciated!
And I will make another journal just for looking for roommate(s) in the triangle area.
Hiyal !
Before this post I have typed up another one regarding to FWA days ago, due to my computer decided to reboot itself at random times and I did not planned on save my journal before it did so.....not really in the mood to retype yet, we will see.
Things are getting a little out of paws for me last week, roommate being an asshole, work load is heavy and preventing me going home early to take care of things, parents flipped out at each other (never a good thing), FA and journals, sister and friends of the family need to find out our family vacation time and make plans, apartment hunt......ahh there's so much XD
Only good thing about last week is there wasn't any injury and no death in my family, good!
So because of all the above things I have been dealing with, really got no time to socialize much like I wanted to, and I apologize to anyone who intend to contact or keep in touch with me, I am doing my best to keep personal stuffs taken cared of first, and never meant to put off on any of you. Still slowly getting each of the things done but thankfully making a lil bit of progress this weekend, looked a few apartments and parents actually starting to talk to each other again :)
Really as much as I want to keep in touch with folks especially after FWA, I might have to end up leave the idea alone and potentially drop it, it's been like two months now and I still haven't be able to do much catch up, friends if you have time to spend on memes or jerk off, save yourself some time and do something more meaningful :P (or, can I have your time please?)
One more thing I am really stressful about is the issue between me and roommate.
I am living in a 3 bedroom townhouse right now. Besides a friend I have known from cybershepherd, I didn't know the other guy until we moved in. He's lazy, only clean stuffs like less than 5% of the time we live here, had a puppy and not been house trained so she goes in the house from time to time, quite often actually. This roommate used to work long extended hours and had to leave the puppy in crave all day long until he gets off from work, it's really not healthy for the puppy. So I have decided to help out and let the puppy out at least taking bathroom breaks if he's not around, and cleaned after the dog mutiple times in the house. Mentioned it to him, no appreciation, oh well at least the puppy didn't died from some kidney disease.
Months later he broke up with his gf, got all sad and stressed out from work, eventually quit his job and sit his ass in the apartment and playing games all day, until he decided to move his dog and himself to his parents' wonderful right? (not having a house trained dog in the house was more than exciting) He found a friend to move into his space so he doesn't have to worry about rent, ok reasonable. Now he and his friend start trashing the place (oh I didn't mention, he still comes here and play games all day long), doubles up the dishes. I mentioned this to him twice now and he kind just ignored me. Until one day I got home from a 11 hour shift, very tired, very stressed, seeing the dishes still sitting in the sink, I turned to them and ask them to clean it up, my good old fashion lazy roommate, talking back to me that he already moved out and doesn't care, he comes playing games and leave taking his trashes out and that's it (<-lies).
I didn't want to start argue with him but still trying to make a point here, so I mentioned the fact I cleaned after his dog. He responded to me "dude that's because you wanted to, I never asked you to do it." Our conversation ends there.
..................Words really couldn't describe my anger at that moment, after a tired long day and now this, I had no energy to keep fighting it, very pointless and very disappointing. All the things I did because of being considering his stress, not being appreciated, all the cleaning up after the dog, not being appreciated, because he wanted a job I helped turn in his resume and got him an interview at my work, not being appreciated. No respect whatsoever. Took me days to stop thinking revenging in some childish foolishness, very grateful I am only going to be here less than 60 days now and I won't need to see him in my life ever again. Otherwise....who knows what I will do?
Somehow from there I starting to develop a fearful thought just now. I am not sure when will it go away. All these time I hang out with furrys because I know most of the time, where the line is. I feel a lot of furs are very trustworthy and as a friend, I have showed to many people that I can tolerate shortcomings from people. Friends got angry I tried to talk to them, friends being sad I tried to be there for them.
But after my roommate said something like that to me, I start wondering myself, what if my friends are taking advantage of my personality? Try to be nice, try to be considering, and ends up having someone say to me because "I wanted to do it, didn't asked you"? And people who have the potential to be assholes, will there be this one day you actually show your asshole side of you and using it against me?
It's a very very scary thought and I am currently having difficulty dealing with it. Sure roommate comes and goes and I won't be seeing him again, but friends? Even perfect mates can flip out and have bitter end, what chance do we friends to each other holds? Will there be one day we flipped out at each other because someone is being foolish and not considering? That's not what I want.
That's not what I want after all the time and effort I try to make all of you my friends, I might not be a perfect human being but I never meant to hurt people, so please don't just decide one day it's a good idea to hurt me.
hmmm *sighs* Just need to vent this out, nothing gone serious wrong.
Some of you may already knew it and showed that you care, I thank you for that.
Some other things:
AC
My lease ends 6/3 and I am yet to find a new apartment to move in, yet to find a roommate. If I get to move out in May next month then there shall be some lights for me regards to AC. If I have to move and then move-in to new place in June, then chances are I probably won't be at AC, same situation just like last year.
For Raleigh/Cary NC furs, if yourself or you know someone who wants roommate or will be looking for place to live starting next month (or June), please let me know, I am still gathering information and look at all sorts options right now. If have to, I am also considering living on my own for the first time after college. If you are responsible and respect other people, at the same time don't mind have interaction at the place with me, do let me know that if you are looking for place to live too. I am currently looking for place for $700~$850 +/- to split with.
As for AC, due to my unstable of going/not going, I can't really look for room space and guarantee to show up. However if you have floor space that you won't be using, and don't mind keep it open for me in case I end up going, that'd be more than appreciated!
And I will make another journal just for looking for roommate(s) in the triangle area.