Good Lord I Think I'm Falling For Him All Over Again...
It's frustrating but absence did not make the heart go fonder. It's only when he's around more often that I end up feeling this way. I don't know how he really feels for me but I really doubt it's ever beyond that being a friend. I love him more than a friend but even in my mind that can never really be. Realistically, he can't be the one that I'd be with for ever. I've long decided I didn't want him to have to carry my cross. He already is carrying the weight of being my friend and that alone is a task not for everyone because of the sheer Hell I can give people. If the military needed somebody with so much carnage eating themselves inside to power up some advanced bio-synced system, I'd be one of the first candidates to be enlisted. There's so much hate in me that can kill someone and I know that the first person who can stop me is him. I don't want him to have to be my enemy when I finally snap. There's a limit to how long I can hold on, and thankfully my body is doing what it can to limit myself. Nobody is supposed to live this way, containing yourself when you know you can do sooo much more. But I have to do it. Even I perceive myself as a threat to society. Hell, all I need is a terrorist to kidnap me and we could work things out together to bring down humanity with as much carnage as possible per attack. I'm intense that way.