If wesley can't save you, you're in trouble
Alright, as most people would know i rate Wesley Snipes, he is the fuckin man! In fact, as i have said repeatedly, i'd put him ahead of Denzel Washington for the best actor to ever exist, you only have to look as far as movies such as Passanger 57 to realise his brilliance.
The first 2 blades, needless to say, were pretty good, they had good action, good one liners, and most importantly Wesley at his ass kicking peak. However, after watching Blade Trinity, i just have to say, that movie fuckin sucks. Now i could write a review over it, but let me just pick 10 of the movies lame things/scenes (there are plenty more) to show to you how gay this movie is. These 10 lame things appear in no particular order.
1) The amount of time the movie spends advertising the ipod. Jessica Alba's puncy vampire hunter apparently doesnt go hunting unless she has an ipod (ALTHOUGH YOU WILL NOTICE SHE DOESNT HAVE IT IN THE FIRST SCENE OF THE MOVIE). Somewhere along the lines apple has bribed blade trinity and we see the fuckin thing mentioned at least 5 times. Now im a fan of the ipod as much as a next person, i mean, a 20 gig mp3 player, that shit rocks, but fuck!!! Can't you stick to queers like Bono to advertise your product!!
2) The one liners in blade 1 and 2 were abundant, and generally good. The one liners in this movie have a success ratio of about 1:100 with at least 4 good ones, that means at least 400 of them were terrible. Let me show you an example,
So we had our pants down
we had more then our pants down we got fucked in the ass (or something to those lines)
you loved it
I mean, "you loved it", what the fuck! If the first 2 lines weren't poor enough that last one just sealed it. Im as immature as the next person in the kindygarden, but even i know lines such as this are stupid, it really makes me miss seinfeld!
3)Some of Blade Trinity looks like you're watching crouching tiger hidden dragon, which was a gay movie, enough said.
4)In one scene of the movie Ryan Reynolds claims that "he cant shoot around the corner", because he has a gun. I assumed this meant because he dindt want to pop around the corner and expose himself to getting shot. After he says this Jessica Alba says "i can", they do some gay faces at each other and then Jessica gets out her bow and arrow STEPS OUT AND AROUND THE CORNER AND SHOOTS. Now, WHERE THE FUCK is the logic behind this. Reynolds has a gun which is QUICKER than a bow and arrow at reaching its target yet he cant step around the corner but Jessica Alba can? Can you spell stoopid (i cant)
5)The casting of the movie sucks. Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Alba can't fight, the scenes look gay. Triple H is a wrestler and his punches look faker in this movie that what they do in wrestling, it really is gay. And the main badass vampire whose suppose to be mr tough looks like he just walked off a soccer pitch. I dunno about you guys, but id never be scared of someone who looks like they shave their legs for their profession. LIBERACHE GAY
6)In the first 2 blade movies we saw some nice action scenes, theres a few in this but most are gay. Also theres heaps of "look at me im so cool i cant shoot my enemies from anywhere without even looking at them" shoots. This is really really gay, now ive heard of the look away pass in basketball, but doing it in movies DOESNT MAKE THEM COOL
7) SPOILER (not that it should matter) at the end they makle a diesease that kills all the vampires. You wanna know who makes this disease, A FUCKING BLIND PERSON!! How the hell can a blind person analyse DNA content to make a biological weapon, last i knew they couldn't even read.
8)This movie has made me say "gay" at least 9 times in this review so far, no other movie has done that before
9) This movie was so predictable, now im a bitch when it comes to movies. If anything pops up on the screen ill put my head through the roof because i jumped so high. This movie is so PREDICTABLE you can see exactly what is going to happen next, maybe the other 2 blades had this as well, but it was no where near as obvious.
10) I'm going to have to tie first place here. First we have vampire dogs in the movie, WHAT THE FUCK was the point of putting vampire dogs in the movie? Was it supposed to be funny when they hit cars and did a YELP? Do the creators know they could have put the YELP anywhere else, like for example, as the whole dialogue, i'd make more fuckin sense that way!! Secondly, the ending. Ok, now, that was just fuckin hopeless, does he bite the bitch or what? Or does he just ride his bike like a loser all day, also who let ryan reynold narrate the intro and ending.
I gave this 1 out of 5 spuds, it gets the 1 spud because;
1) at least on two occasions wesley snipes talks like a funny black person and says "motherfucker"; and
2) it has rekindled my love for perhaps getting a tattooo
now let us all pray for both more journal updates and no blade quadrinity.
The first 2 blades, needless to say, were pretty good, they had good action, good one liners, and most importantly Wesley at his ass kicking peak. However, after watching Blade Trinity, i just have to say, that movie fuckin sucks. Now i could write a review over it, but let me just pick 10 of the movies lame things/scenes (there are plenty more) to show to you how gay this movie is. These 10 lame things appear in no particular order.
1) The amount of time the movie spends advertising the ipod. Jessica Alba's puncy vampire hunter apparently doesnt go hunting unless she has an ipod (ALTHOUGH YOU WILL NOTICE SHE DOESNT HAVE IT IN THE FIRST SCENE OF THE MOVIE). Somewhere along the lines apple has bribed blade trinity and we see the fuckin thing mentioned at least 5 times. Now im a fan of the ipod as much as a next person, i mean, a 20 gig mp3 player, that shit rocks, but fuck!!! Can't you stick to queers like Bono to advertise your product!!
2) The one liners in blade 1 and 2 were abundant, and generally good. The one liners in this movie have a success ratio of about 1:100 with at least 4 good ones, that means at least 400 of them were terrible. Let me show you an example,
So we had our pants down
we had more then our pants down we got fucked in the ass (or something to those lines)
you loved it
I mean, "you loved it", what the fuck! If the first 2 lines weren't poor enough that last one just sealed it. Im as immature as the next person in the kindygarden, but even i know lines such as this are stupid, it really makes me miss seinfeld!
3)Some of Blade Trinity looks like you're watching crouching tiger hidden dragon, which was a gay movie, enough said.
4)In one scene of the movie Ryan Reynolds claims that "he cant shoot around the corner", because he has a gun. I assumed this meant because he dindt want to pop around the corner and expose himself to getting shot. After he says this Jessica Alba says "i can", they do some gay faces at each other and then Jessica gets out her bow and arrow STEPS OUT AND AROUND THE CORNER AND SHOOTS. Now, WHERE THE FUCK is the logic behind this. Reynolds has a gun which is QUICKER than a bow and arrow at reaching its target yet he cant step around the corner but Jessica Alba can? Can you spell stoopid (i cant)
5)The casting of the movie sucks. Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Alba can't fight, the scenes look gay. Triple H is a wrestler and his punches look faker in this movie that what they do in wrestling, it really is gay. And the main badass vampire whose suppose to be mr tough looks like he just walked off a soccer pitch. I dunno about you guys, but id never be scared of someone who looks like they shave their legs for their profession. LIBERACHE GAY
6)In the first 2 blade movies we saw some nice action scenes, theres a few in this but most are gay. Also theres heaps of "look at me im so cool i cant shoot my enemies from anywhere without even looking at them" shoots. This is really really gay, now ive heard of the look away pass in basketball, but doing it in movies DOESNT MAKE THEM COOL
7) SPOILER (not that it should matter) at the end they makle a diesease that kills all the vampires. You wanna know who makes this disease, A FUCKING BLIND PERSON!! How the hell can a blind person analyse DNA content to make a biological weapon, last i knew they couldn't even read.
8)This movie has made me say "gay" at least 9 times in this review so far, no other movie has done that before
9) This movie was so predictable, now im a bitch when it comes to movies. If anything pops up on the screen ill put my head through the roof because i jumped so high. This movie is so PREDICTABLE you can see exactly what is going to happen next, maybe the other 2 blades had this as well, but it was no where near as obvious.
10) I'm going to have to tie first place here. First we have vampire dogs in the movie, WHAT THE FUCK was the point of putting vampire dogs in the movie? Was it supposed to be funny when they hit cars and did a YELP? Do the creators know they could have put the YELP anywhere else, like for example, as the whole dialogue, i'd make more fuckin sense that way!! Secondly, the ending. Ok, now, that was just fuckin hopeless, does he bite the bitch or what? Or does he just ride his bike like a loser all day, also who let ryan reynold narrate the intro and ending.
I gave this 1 out of 5 spuds, it gets the 1 spud because;
1) at least on two occasions wesley snipes talks like a funny black person and says "motherfucker"; and
2) it has rekindled my love for perhaps getting a tattooo
now let us all pray for both more journal updates and no blade quadrinity.