Gender Identity
Now, I've done an entry (found here) that defined a few terms that I believe all people should have in their vocabulary, if not for the purpose of identifying yourself more easily then for the expansion of open-mindedness. However, this post will be strictly about gender identity, as I feel that non-binary (non-cis and non-trans) people such as myself are left at a severe disadvantage. I will not be providing research or supporting evidence, as most of my argument is based on personal experience and discussions I've read on social media sites. However, if you feel that I should provide some sites for you to conduct your own research, let me know, and I will get around to it sometime in the next year or two (and I mean that literally; I procrastinate and forget).
Before I get into the bulk of this... abstract (?), I want to first remind you all that I am clinically depressed and have been suffering the early effects of social anxiety disorder, so my experience may be either exaggerated or simply made up. I don't pretend to be an expert on he subject, I just feel it needs to be addressed.
Let's begin by revisiting the terms introduced to the lot of you in my first post:
Cisgender -- Identifying as your biological gender.
I'll elaborate on this. To identify as your biological gender does not mean you have to be a prissy girl or a manly boy. You can be butch beyond belief and still identify as female. Your gender and your sex do not have to match (I am female, but that is not my gender identity), but gender and sex are largely based on the same grounds: genitalia. Whether you are a manly woman or a womanly man, if you are comfortable with your body in its basest form (without regards to weight, vanity, etc.), then you may very likely identify as cisgender.
Transgender -- Identifying as the opposite gender.
I categorize trans as binary, because you still identify as a single gender, either A or B. However, it is most common to place this in the non-binary spectrum, commonly referred to as the "trans spectrum." This is where you're born as one sex but feel that you were supposed to be born the other sex. This can lead to severe dysphoria.
Dysphoria -- When used in the trans spectrum, this means hatred of your body, specifically your genitalia, though it can include anything that would suggest you are your assigned gender.
Continuing on with the definition of transsexuality/transgender (I will admit to not knowing the difference between the two; please enlighten me, because even my trans friends have no idea), dysphoria can lead to severe depression and in most cases suicide.
For my readers who are parents, please be aware that the denial of your child's self-identity can be detrimental to a child's self-worth. And I do mean child. Most trans children realise that they're different around the age of six or seven, and they can be suicidal at that age, as well. However, no matter the age, it is best that you merely accept it, even if you feel that it's only a phase. Even if it is, it's better to give in and laugh it off when your child tells you that they were only confused, whereas ignoring or denying the identity can lead to early death and intense mental issues, such as depression and social anxiety disorder (which, trust me, is a horrifying, limiting combination.)
And on to the non-binaries.
Bi-gender -- Identifying as two genders.
Notice how I didn't say both. Both genders together makes androgynous, which is another gender identity, and it includes being both a man and a woman at the same time. Bi-gender differs from that. Bi-gender people will identify solely as one gender at one moment, then the other gender at another moment. This leads to people creating "personas," where they will have a separate name for his or her separate gender (e.g. Katy and Matt, Kat and Steve). Sometimes, the personas can differ so much that it appears that the person has dissociative personality disorder (i.e. multiple personalities, which I did a post on a few years ago here). However, this isn't the case. I'll explain more when discussing gender-fluidity, which is my gender identity. There are, of course, plenty of cases where someone who is bi-gender simply has two genders, and his or her persona/personality remains the same. They just go by a different name and dress differently.
Another thing to note is that bi-gender does not have to mean male and female. It can mean male and androgynous, female and genderless, etc. The only requirement is that there are only two genders.
Tri-gender -- Identifying as three genders.
This wasn't listed on the original post, but I'll say a few words on this now. Tri-gender is similar to bi-gender, only with three instead of two. This can lead to a third persona or name for some. I unfortunately don't have much to say on this one. Everything you just read on bi-gender applies here.
Pangender -- Identifying as all genders.
This is where the lines between terms appear to blur a little, because pangender and gender-fluid look almost identical in certain lighting, probably because pangender is a branch of gender-fluidity. Perhaps the best way to describe pangender is to provide you with a line:
O-------------------------------------Q
The O will represent female; the Q, male (since it kind of has a penis). The pangender spectrum does not include agender, so this entire spectrum pertains to pangender people. I will explain how gender-fluidity differs when I get there. Pangender can mean that you are male one moment, female the next, androgynous after that, male but a little female after that, then female but a little male after that. Anywhere between the O and the Q. Just stake your claim for that moment and enjoy yourself.
[Side note: Here I'd like to remind everyone to not take my word as gospel. The differences between pangender and gender-fluid may be greater or nonexistent. I haven't read anywhere what the differences are, this is just my personal take on it, because the definition of "pangender" is literally: existing as all genders. Agender, however, is: existing devoid of gender. You can't be on the gender spectrum if you aren't gendered. For me, that's just common sense, but you might want to do your own research if you feel that this identity sounds comfortable to you.]
Genderless/Agender -- Identifying as no gender.
This is non-binary. Hell, it's non-spectrum. This would be a good place to revisit our O's and Q's. You might be thinking to yourself that the gender spectrum actually does look like this:
O-------------------------------------Q
However, in reality, the spectrum looks something like this:
< >
< >
O---------------------------------Q
< >
< >
Cisgendered women tend to exist around here (dots representing individual people):
< * * >
< * * * >
O----*---*---*--*----------------Q
< * * * * >
< * * * >
And Cisgendered men tend to inhabit this area:
< * * >
< * * * >
O----------------------*----*----*Q
< * * * * >
< * * >
Now, when someone is agender or genderless, they can be found here:
< > *
< >
O---------------------------------Q
< >
< >
They don't exist on the spectrum, because they feel they have no gender. There are people who are born without sex, meaning without a penis, a vagina, or breasts, but this doesn't necessarily mean they identify as genderless. Where someone who is born male can identify as genderless, so can someone born without gender identify as male. This is often confused with androgynous, but it is actually the opposite. I'm not all too familiar with agender qualities and what would point to one being agender, so I would suggest doing your own research if you feel that this could possibly describe you or a loved one.
Androgynous -- Identifying as both male and female at once.
Here, let me interject a little note. Androgynous is often applied to tomboys and metrosexual men, but used in that context, the word "androgynous" is describing the fashion, not the person. Do not confuse yourself by thinking that you must be androgynous because you don't dress manly or girly, just somewhere in between. Remember what I told you about dysphoria (scroll up and reread the definition if you have forgotten). Being a tomboy means nothing; that is your gender expression, which I will not be getting into in this post. How you express yourself is completely separate from how you identify yourself. Bear that in mind as you read on.
Androgyny differs from agender in that it is the complete opposite. Agender is without gender; androgyny is a complete mesh of the two. Well, it isn't required that the percentage be completely 50/50, but you get my drift. Androgynous people tend to mix the styles of men and women, accenting both male and female qualities depending on how they feel that day. They inhabit the center of the gender spectrum, though they can be more feminine-identified or masculine-identified. They tend to not drift between the genders, but that isn't to say they don't.
Gender-fluid -- Identifying as any gender on or off the spectrum at any given time.
And here I am :) This differs from pangender in the sense that you can be agender at times, as well. Gender-fluid means that your gender flows between the two points (male and female) naturally, and sometimes it falls off the spectrum altogether. I find that I fluctuate between male, female, both genders, and neither gender quickly and frequently. The way I dress differs, as does the amount I dislike my female body.
Let's talk about the personas. Personalities, as I said, don't change here, though they can appear to. Sometimes, a female identity can be quiet and considerate, whereas the person's male identity can be loud and assertive. While it may seem that these are differing people altogether, what is actually happening is a change in emotion. I for one have a very cranky and dismissive male persona, while my female is friendly and flirty, my androgynous is dominant and charming, and my agender is plain spacey. My personality, however, is exactly the same in all genders; I still like the same foods, know the same things, am a good listener, and hate to cook (though my female likes to give it a try every once in a while).
What I've found, however, is that my emotions fluctuate depending on my gender. My female can be just as pissy as my male if you say the right things, and my androgynous walks into the same number of walls that my agender does. Some things are just easier to say when I'm more comfortable with my body, such as when I'm female. When I'm male, however, I hate my breasts and the tone of my female voice and I just kind of want everyone to stop looking at me. Some people are more sexual in different genders, too, and that applies to all non-binaries, not just gender-fluidity.
Again, there are more, but this should round the bases.
So. Pronouns.
Now, I myself don't really care what you call me, be it he or she, but not everyone feels that way. Obviously, transgendered men and women feel more comfortable being referred to as their preferred gender, but genderless and androgynous people sometimes wish to be referred to as "they" or "them," sometimes even "it," though I would personally punch you in the face for calling me "it." (Not really... well, maybe.) There are other pronouns, too, that are strictly used in the trans spectrum, but I won't list them here because you can look them up yourself. Some people even ask their friends to stop using pronouns with them at all (e.g. "Sam went to the store today and Sam ran into Jane, and Sam gave her a hug.") Just ask them when they tell you their gender identity what pronouns they would prefer.
Dysphoria (again.)
A common argument against non-binaries is that, "It's just internalized sexism. Women can be masculine." That's true. They can. However, when that woman is looking at herself in the mirror and thinking to herself, "These fucking boobs. I hate them. They should just disappear," and when she cringes at the suggestion of vaginal sex because of the vagina more than the penetration, there is more than gender roles going on there. Dysphoria (the hatred of your body) is the sole indicator of being trans or non-binary. Simply wanting to be a guy for the sake of being a guy, however, is a little on the sexist side.
Now, do not fret, my dear androgynous readers who are staring at their computer screens going, "But I don't hate my body, I just wish it had extra equipment. Does that make me sexist?!"
Let me give you a scenario.
A girl is going through the women's clothing section with her friends, and she skips right past the dresses section, heading straight for the men's sweat pants.
"Rach," her friend says, lip curling. "Why not try on a few dresses? These ones are so cute!"
"Nah," the girl says. "I'm too much of a guy for dresses. I also hate Glee and despise cooking. I don't wear make up, either."
"Are you sure you're not trans?" her friend asks curiously. "You'd look so hot as a guy."
"You think so?" The girl thinks about it. "Actually, I think I'm androgynous. I mean, I like guy things. I think I'll try being a guy."
That, my friends, is sexism. I can go on and on about internalized sexism, because it is a problem, so I'll probably do another post on that eventually, but I won't discuss it here. Instead, let's discuss something I just told you I wouldn't talk about: gender expression.
How you express your gender is different for everyone, be it that they pride themselves on being "girly girls" or "manly men," but being a flaming gay man doesn't actually indicate that you're any less of a man. If you have no problems with your penis and lack of a vagina, congratulations. You're cisgender. *throws a party*
Women who identify as butch women usually have some other personality thing going on. Just because you don't like bottoming doesn't make you a man. Not liking vaginal sex doesn't make you a man (for me, vaginal anything is actually painful.) Conversely, liking vaginal sex doesn't make you a woman; chances are, you like orgasming, as do most people. Lots of trans men (FTM transsexuals) will actually have vaginal sex with their male partners as long as the partners still see the trans men as men.
So, androgynous lovelies, do not second guess yourselves (unless this was you... then you should rethink your gender identity; being a guy for the sake of being a guy is called cosplay. Just do that). Dysphoria differs from person to person, but when I am androgynous, I find myself wanting a penis to add down there. Dysphoria doesn't always mean hating what is there; sometimes, it's hating what isn't.
And... that's all I got. Really, I'm pooped. It took me three days to get this all down. I might add more later, but this is it for now.
Just love yourself. No one can judge you more harshly then you can, and know that no matter what you hate or don't hate, you are beautiful. Even if you're finishing this post thinking, "Shit. I'm not actually blah blah blah, I just thought I was. Oops."
Cio cio, my loves
P.S. If any of my readers are intersex, don't think I forgot about you. I love you, too. I'll even put you on my crappy gender spectrum. (Psst; the Y is You :D)
< >
< >
O----------------Y-----------------Q
< >
< >
Before I get into the bulk of this... abstract (?), I want to first remind you all that I am clinically depressed and have been suffering the early effects of social anxiety disorder, so my experience may be either exaggerated or simply made up. I don't pretend to be an expert on he subject, I just feel it needs to be addressed.
Let's begin by revisiting the terms introduced to the lot of you in my first post:
Cisgender -- Identifying as your biological gender.
I'll elaborate on this. To identify as your biological gender does not mean you have to be a prissy girl or a manly boy. You can be butch beyond belief and still identify as female. Your gender and your sex do not have to match (I am female, but that is not my gender identity), but gender and sex are largely based on the same grounds: genitalia. Whether you are a manly woman or a womanly man, if you are comfortable with your body in its basest form (without regards to weight, vanity, etc.), then you may very likely identify as cisgender.
Transgender -- Identifying as the opposite gender.
I categorize trans as binary, because you still identify as a single gender, either A or B. However, it is most common to place this in the non-binary spectrum, commonly referred to as the "trans spectrum." This is where you're born as one sex but feel that you were supposed to be born the other sex. This can lead to severe dysphoria.
Dysphoria -- When used in the trans spectrum, this means hatred of your body, specifically your genitalia, though it can include anything that would suggest you are your assigned gender.
Continuing on with the definition of transsexuality/transgender (I will admit to not knowing the difference between the two; please enlighten me, because even my trans friends have no idea), dysphoria can lead to severe depression and in most cases suicide.
For my readers who are parents, please be aware that the denial of your child's self-identity can be detrimental to a child's self-worth. And I do mean child. Most trans children realise that they're different around the age of six or seven, and they can be suicidal at that age, as well. However, no matter the age, it is best that you merely accept it, even if you feel that it's only a phase. Even if it is, it's better to give in and laugh it off when your child tells you that they were only confused, whereas ignoring or denying the identity can lead to early death and intense mental issues, such as depression and social anxiety disorder (which, trust me, is a horrifying, limiting combination.)
And on to the non-binaries.
Bi-gender -- Identifying as two genders.
Notice how I didn't say both. Both genders together makes androgynous, which is another gender identity, and it includes being both a man and a woman at the same time. Bi-gender differs from that. Bi-gender people will identify solely as one gender at one moment, then the other gender at another moment. This leads to people creating "personas," where they will have a separate name for his or her separate gender (e.g. Katy and Matt, Kat and Steve). Sometimes, the personas can differ so much that it appears that the person has dissociative personality disorder (i.e. multiple personalities, which I did a post on a few years ago here). However, this isn't the case. I'll explain more when discussing gender-fluidity, which is my gender identity. There are, of course, plenty of cases where someone who is bi-gender simply has two genders, and his or her persona/personality remains the same. They just go by a different name and dress differently.
Another thing to note is that bi-gender does not have to mean male and female. It can mean male and androgynous, female and genderless, etc. The only requirement is that there are only two genders.
Tri-gender -- Identifying as three genders.
This wasn't listed on the original post, but I'll say a few words on this now. Tri-gender is similar to bi-gender, only with three instead of two. This can lead to a third persona or name for some. I unfortunately don't have much to say on this one. Everything you just read on bi-gender applies here.
Pangender -- Identifying as all genders.
This is where the lines between terms appear to blur a little, because pangender and gender-fluid look almost identical in certain lighting, probably because pangender is a branch of gender-fluidity. Perhaps the best way to describe pangender is to provide you with a line:
O-------------------------------------Q
The O will represent female; the Q, male (since it kind of has a penis). The pangender spectrum does not include agender, so this entire spectrum pertains to pangender people. I will explain how gender-fluidity differs when I get there. Pangender can mean that you are male one moment, female the next, androgynous after that, male but a little female after that, then female but a little male after that. Anywhere between the O and the Q. Just stake your claim for that moment and enjoy yourself.
[Side note: Here I'd like to remind everyone to not take my word as gospel. The differences between pangender and gender-fluid may be greater or nonexistent. I haven't read anywhere what the differences are, this is just my personal take on it, because the definition of "pangender" is literally: existing as all genders. Agender, however, is: existing devoid of gender. You can't be on the gender spectrum if you aren't gendered. For me, that's just common sense, but you might want to do your own research if you feel that this identity sounds comfortable to you.]
Genderless/Agender -- Identifying as no gender.
This is non-binary. Hell, it's non-spectrum. This would be a good place to revisit our O's and Q's. You might be thinking to yourself that the gender spectrum actually does look like this:
O-------------------------------------Q
However, in reality, the spectrum looks something like this:
< >
< >
O---------------------------------Q
< >
< >
Cisgendered women tend to exist around here (dots representing individual people):
< * * >
< * * * >
O----*---*---*--*----------------Q
< * * * * >
< * * * >
And Cisgendered men tend to inhabit this area:
< * * >
< * * * >
O----------------------*----*----*Q
< * * * * >
< * * >
Now, when someone is agender or genderless, they can be found here:
< > *
< >
O---------------------------------Q
< >
< >
They don't exist on the spectrum, because they feel they have no gender. There are people who are born without sex, meaning without a penis, a vagina, or breasts, but this doesn't necessarily mean they identify as genderless. Where someone who is born male can identify as genderless, so can someone born without gender identify as male. This is often confused with androgynous, but it is actually the opposite. I'm not all too familiar with agender qualities and what would point to one being agender, so I would suggest doing your own research if you feel that this could possibly describe you or a loved one.
Androgynous -- Identifying as both male and female at once.
Here, let me interject a little note. Androgynous is often applied to tomboys and metrosexual men, but used in that context, the word "androgynous" is describing the fashion, not the person. Do not confuse yourself by thinking that you must be androgynous because you don't dress manly or girly, just somewhere in between. Remember what I told you about dysphoria (scroll up and reread the definition if you have forgotten). Being a tomboy means nothing; that is your gender expression, which I will not be getting into in this post. How you express yourself is completely separate from how you identify yourself. Bear that in mind as you read on.
Androgyny differs from agender in that it is the complete opposite. Agender is without gender; androgyny is a complete mesh of the two. Well, it isn't required that the percentage be completely 50/50, but you get my drift. Androgynous people tend to mix the styles of men and women, accenting both male and female qualities depending on how they feel that day. They inhabit the center of the gender spectrum, though they can be more feminine-identified or masculine-identified. They tend to not drift between the genders, but that isn't to say they don't.
Gender-fluid -- Identifying as any gender on or off the spectrum at any given time.
And here I am :) This differs from pangender in the sense that you can be agender at times, as well. Gender-fluid means that your gender flows between the two points (male and female) naturally, and sometimes it falls off the spectrum altogether. I find that I fluctuate between male, female, both genders, and neither gender quickly and frequently. The way I dress differs, as does the amount I dislike my female body.
Let's talk about the personas. Personalities, as I said, don't change here, though they can appear to. Sometimes, a female identity can be quiet and considerate, whereas the person's male identity can be loud and assertive. While it may seem that these are differing people altogether, what is actually happening is a change in emotion. I for one have a very cranky and dismissive male persona, while my female is friendly and flirty, my androgynous is dominant and charming, and my agender is plain spacey. My personality, however, is exactly the same in all genders; I still like the same foods, know the same things, am a good listener, and hate to cook (though my female likes to give it a try every once in a while).
What I've found, however, is that my emotions fluctuate depending on my gender. My female can be just as pissy as my male if you say the right things, and my androgynous walks into the same number of walls that my agender does. Some things are just easier to say when I'm more comfortable with my body, such as when I'm female. When I'm male, however, I hate my breasts and the tone of my female voice and I just kind of want everyone to stop looking at me. Some people are more sexual in different genders, too, and that applies to all non-binaries, not just gender-fluidity.
Again, there are more, but this should round the bases.
So. Pronouns.
Now, I myself don't really care what you call me, be it he or she, but not everyone feels that way. Obviously, transgendered men and women feel more comfortable being referred to as their preferred gender, but genderless and androgynous people sometimes wish to be referred to as "they" or "them," sometimes even "it," though I would personally punch you in the face for calling me "it." (Not really... well, maybe.) There are other pronouns, too, that are strictly used in the trans spectrum, but I won't list them here because you can look them up yourself. Some people even ask their friends to stop using pronouns with them at all (e.g. "Sam went to the store today and Sam ran into Jane, and Sam gave her a hug.") Just ask them when they tell you their gender identity what pronouns they would prefer.
Dysphoria (again.)
A common argument against non-binaries is that, "It's just internalized sexism. Women can be masculine." That's true. They can. However, when that woman is looking at herself in the mirror and thinking to herself, "These fucking boobs. I hate them. They should just disappear," and when she cringes at the suggestion of vaginal sex because of the vagina more than the penetration, there is more than gender roles going on there. Dysphoria (the hatred of your body) is the sole indicator of being trans or non-binary. Simply wanting to be a guy for the sake of being a guy, however, is a little on the sexist side.
Now, do not fret, my dear androgynous readers who are staring at their computer screens going, "But I don't hate my body, I just wish it had extra equipment. Does that make me sexist?!"
Let me give you a scenario.
A girl is going through the women's clothing section with her friends, and she skips right past the dresses section, heading straight for the men's sweat pants.
"Rach," her friend says, lip curling. "Why not try on a few dresses? These ones are so cute!"
"Nah," the girl says. "I'm too much of a guy for dresses. I also hate Glee and despise cooking. I don't wear make up, either."
"Are you sure you're not trans?" her friend asks curiously. "You'd look so hot as a guy."
"You think so?" The girl thinks about it. "Actually, I think I'm androgynous. I mean, I like guy things. I think I'll try being a guy."
That, my friends, is sexism. I can go on and on about internalized sexism, because it is a problem, so I'll probably do another post on that eventually, but I won't discuss it here. Instead, let's discuss something I just told you I wouldn't talk about: gender expression.
How you express your gender is different for everyone, be it that they pride themselves on being "girly girls" or "manly men," but being a flaming gay man doesn't actually indicate that you're any less of a man. If you have no problems with your penis and lack of a vagina, congratulations. You're cisgender. *throws a party*
Women who identify as butch women usually have some other personality thing going on. Just because you don't like bottoming doesn't make you a man. Not liking vaginal sex doesn't make you a man (for me, vaginal anything is actually painful.) Conversely, liking vaginal sex doesn't make you a woman; chances are, you like orgasming, as do most people. Lots of trans men (FTM transsexuals) will actually have vaginal sex with their male partners as long as the partners still see the trans men as men.
So, androgynous lovelies, do not second guess yourselves (unless this was you... then you should rethink your gender identity; being a guy for the sake of being a guy is called cosplay. Just do that). Dysphoria differs from person to person, but when I am androgynous, I find myself wanting a penis to add down there. Dysphoria doesn't always mean hating what is there; sometimes, it's hating what isn't.
And... that's all I got. Really, I'm pooped. It took me three days to get this all down. I might add more later, but this is it for now.
Just love yourself. No one can judge you more harshly then you can, and know that no matter what you hate or don't hate, you are beautiful. Even if you're finishing this post thinking, "Shit. I'm not actually blah blah blah, I just thought I was. Oops."
Cio cio, my loves
P.S. If any of my readers are intersex, don't think I forgot about you. I love you, too. I'll even put you on my crappy gender spectrum. (Psst; the Y is You :D)
< >
< >
O----------------Y-----------------Q
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