Forward and Counting (PG15 version)
Title: Forward and Counting [Part 3 of the Stage it Out Loud series; 1: No More Secrets and 2:Intermission]
Pairing: YunJae; YooMin
Length: 3/50
Genre: Romance; Humor; Angst
Warning(s): Homophobia
Rating: NC17 / PG15
Disclaimer: Seriously?
Summary: Out of a loop and into the future, how can TVXQ survive a shift in cultures and societal viewpoints as they move back home to brave the uncertain waters that are their Korean careers? Jaejoong can't exactly focus on the bleakness of their work, however, if he is too distracted by the bleakness of their home. Yunho and Changmin, though now separate, find it difficult to distance their bond, Yoochun knows the lack of argument in his and Changmin's relationship is unhealthy, and Jaejoong wonders how he and Yunho will fair the rocky undertones of their dysfunctional relationship. And what of Junsu? What of their families?
00 | 01 | 02
CHAPTER THREE
“You don't have a friendship like the one Changmin and I have-waiting for two years for your brothers to come back, realizing you're both gay, losing half of everything you've ever had-and just be okay with the thought of risking it,” Yunho says, eyes the most urgent they've been that day. “I can't not have him in my life.”
~
“Oh sorry, hyung,” Changmin says when he and Jaejoong almost collide in the living room doorway.
Jaejoong teeters but catches his balance, aided by the hand Changmin has on his shoulder. “What are you in such a hurry for?” he asks, backing into the hallway.
Changmin's smile is sheepish. “Excited for donuts?” he says.
Jaejoong shifts his weight. “But the diet-”
“Doesn't start until this afternoon,” Changmin says. His eyes sparkle in a way Jaejoong finds oddly disturbing. “I only get donuts about twice a year.”
“He also smokes once a month,” Yoochun says upon stepping out of his bedroom. “As if killing himself is okay if it's done in moderation.”
“You don't really have much room to talk,” Jaejoong tells him.
“I'm leaving,” Changmin says.
“Actually.” Jaejoong steps into Changmin's path. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“What about?” Changmin asks.
Jaejoong glances at Yoochun, resolve wavering. “Have you talked to Yunho lately?” he asks Changmin.
Yoochun rolls his eyes but doesn't leave the room, and Jaejoong is forced to internalize his annoyance.
“I talk to him every day,” Changmin says after a glance between them. “We live together.”
“No,” Jaejoong says. “I mean: Have you two talked about... stuff?”
Changmin sighs. “Is this about what he told you?”
“I just don't think you're seeing eye to eye,” Jaejoong says.
“Nothing's changed between me and Yunho,” Changmin assures him. He nods at Yoochun, the corner of his mouth tugging a little. “Just ask this one. It drives him up a wall.”
“Good to know that you get that,” Yoochun mutters.
Jaejoong's lips purse. “I just...” He thumbs at the bridge of his nose. “I think you should talk about your relationship. Did you even talk about it when you broke up?”
Yoochun groans. “Okay,” he says. “I'm leaving now.” He moves into the living room, Changmin's glare pushing him on through the door.
“We don't need to talk,” Changmin says to Jaejoong. “Yunho and I get each other.”
“You're used to getting each other,” Jaejoong says, “but you're not on the same page with this one.”
“I agree,” Changmin says quietly, and Jaejoong knows he's telling the truth, but that doesn't help his frustration.
Jaejoong tuts. “Dude,” he says, “I'm not starting a relationship with someone who hasn't officially ended things with his ex.”
Changmin opens his mouth.
“Or whatever you are,” Jaejoong amends. He folds his arms and rises to his full height in the hope that intimidation will help his resolve but he's several inches too short for the gesture to have any real effect.
Still, Changmin drops his eyes. “I don't want you two to have problems,” he murmurs softly. “I want you to be together.”
“I know you do,” Jaejoong says. He relaxes his stance. “But you need to talk to him.”
A moment passes; Jaejoong thinks he sees Changmin's temple pulse.
“Okay,” Changmin says. He nods, plays with his hair. “I'll... think about it.”
Somehow, that reaction only makes Jaejoong feel like a douche for breaching the subject at all.
Changmin starts towards the entryway. “Now,” he says, excitement returning. “On to donuts!”
Yunho enters the door just as Changmin reaches it. They both pause, staring at each other for several seconds before Yunho analyzes the look on Changmin's face.
“Donuts?” Yunho asks.
Changmin glances over his shoulder, pinning Jaejoong under his glare. “See?” he asks. “Same page.” He turns back to Yunho's confused look and says, “The diet doesn't start until this afternoon.”
Yunho raises his arms in surrender and slides past him. “Unarmed, bro, don't worry,” he says. “Just a question.”
Changmin turns with him, skeptical. “Really? Not going to lecture me on spoiling my entire day?”
“Nope,” Yunho says, shaking his head. He smiles. “You're getting donut holes, right?”
Again, Changmin looks at Jaejoong. “Three guesses why he likes holes.”
Jaejoong doesn't miss a beat. “Because they're an inch long, always leave him unsatisfied, and remind him of you?”
Changmin's jaw drops. He squares his shoulders, but before Jaejoong can arm himself, Yunho steers Changmin out the door.
“He's won this one, Changmin-ah,” Yunho says, chuckling. “Just go ready your counterattack while you're waiting in line.”
Jaejoong clucks his tongue. “It's no fun when I have to wait for it,” he says.
Changmin smiles over his shoulder. “I expect a battle when I return, princess,” he says, and with one last wink, he's out of the apartment.
Left alone, Yunho and Jaejoong face each other.
Jaejoong coughs. “So,” he says. “Where have you been?”
Yunho hangs his bag on the hall tree. “With Baek Changju.” He moves past Jaejoong and into the living room, Jaejoong on his heels. “That man has a serious crush on you.”
“He's married,” Jaejoong says as they cross the room.
Yoochun waves at Yunho from the couch.
Yunho waves back. “Well,” he says, “he has a lot to explain to his wife.”
They enter the kitchen. Yunho wastes no time in attaching himself to the refrigerator, yanking it open and bending low.
Taking his seat at the table, Jaejoong can't say he doesn't enjoy the view. He rattles himself, tearing his eyes away from Yunho's body.
Good lord, he chastises. What am I, fourteen?
Jaejoong's inner berating allows Yunho enough time to straighten, soda in hand, and sit across from Jaejoong.
Jaejoong clears his throat. “What did he say?” he asks, voice breaking.
Yunho rolls his eyes. “`You should have seen Jaejoong as the leader of JYJ,'” he says in a sing-song voice. “`Jaejoong's dancing has really improved.' 'Jaejoong makes decisions so cool-headedly.'”
“I do,” Jaejoong says.
“No,” Yunho tells him. “You don't.”
Jaejoong looks at the soda when Yunho raises it to his lips. “Isn't that-”
“The diet doesn't start until this afternoon,” Yunho reminds him.
Jaejoong smiles. He knows that he should remind himself why he's angry at this man, but he rests his chin on his palm, allowing himself one more moment of weakness. “Are you the jealous type?” he asks, still smiling.
Yunho takes another swig of his soda as he appears to give it some thought. “I might be,” he says. “Never really thought about it, but my exes would probably describe me as possessive.
For reasons Jaejoong can't name, Jaejoong is immeasurably pleased at that. He laughs. “I can't say that I was expecting that,” he says.
Yunho grins at him. “Nice to know that I can still surprise you.” He looks contemplative, then, grin fading. “So, have you forgiven me yet?”
Jaejoong sobers, as well. He adjusts his shirt. “I don't know,” he replies.
Yunho nods and looks away.
“It's not really that complicated,” Jaejoong says, reasoning aloud. “You two started something immensely stupid but ended up to really be doing something very... human.”
Yunho stares at him. “You've been researching psychology, haven't you?” he asks.
Jaejoong blushes. “So what if I have?” he mutters. “I Google when I'm confused. Big deal.”
“That's adorable,” Yunho says.
Jaejoong glares at him, ignoring the butterflies erupting in his lower belly. “I know what you were doing wasn't really unforgivable,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “My main problem is that you live with him.”
Yunho looks like he's physically exerting himself with his attempts not to groan. “Jae-yah,” he stresses, “he's not my-”
“You told me that you two weren't dating,” Jaejoong interrupts, irritation bubbling once more. “You said that you were having an arrangement instead. Then you said that you weren't actually having the arrangement, but you were just using it so you could ignore your feelings.”
Yunho sighs.
Jaejoong shakes his head. “I rocked math class in college, bro. Two negatives make a positive. You were dating. Man up and accept that.”
Yunho doesn't reply.
Jaejoong looks at him. “... But I get that he's not your ex,” he says. “Not really. And you live with him.”
Yunho runs a hand through his hair. “Right,” he says. “That's not changing, either. Down the line, certainly, but he'll always be there. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, Changmin has to be by my side.”
“Changmin basically told Yoochun the same about you,” Jaejoong says.
Yunho points at the doorway, out to the living room. “So that's what that was?” he asks, probably talking about Yoochun's wave.
Jaejoong glances in the same direction. “Yeah, he's trying.”
“Cool,” Yunho says.
Jaejoong looks at him. He sighs, letting himself take in Yunho's profile, Yunho's reluctant honesty. Am I really this insane? he wonders to himself.
“Give me 'till tonight,” Jaejoong says, looking away.
Yunho's eyebrows raise.
“To think it over,” Jaejoong says.
“Of course,” Yunho says, setting down his soda. “Anything you need.”
~
Yunho doesn't notice Junsu leave. All he's aware of is that Jaejoong has gone out for a quick grocery run and Changmin is still blazing the Glazed Trails of Sprinkles and Nuts. Yunho has just poured himself a bowl of cereal, box still in the process of being closed when Yoochun opens the fridge. That's when it occurs to Yunho that they're the only ones in the apartment.
Yoochun seems to have noticed as well, because he stiffens when Yunho looks at him, pulling the milk carton from the back of the top shelf. “Will you want milk with your donuts?” he asks.
Yunho eyes him. “Sure, pour me a glass,” he says. He jingles his bowl of dry cereal. “Then pass the carton over here.”
Yoochun grunts and pulls down a few glasses. Once they're each filled to the rim, he holds the carton out, and Yunho takes it. Yoochun grabs the cereal box.
“So,” Yunho says, coaxed into throwing the first bone by the prickling hairs on the back of his neck. “How are things going with you and Changmin?”
Yoochun smiles, visibly relaxing. “Great,” he says. “I mean, we're not dating yet but it's nice just getting to know him.”
Yunho's eyebrows furrow. “You already knew him.”
“I knew him as a guy,” Yoochun says. “Now I'm getting to know him as a partner.”
Yunho hums, stepping away from the counter.
Yoochun turns away. He digs his spoon into his bowl with brutal nervousness. “Hyung,” he says. He leans against the counter, holding his bowl below his chin. “Can I ask you something?”
Yunho feels that he knows where this is headed. He prepares himself, sits on the table. He sets his bowl beside him on the tabletop. “Okay,” he says.
Yoochun takes a bite of cereal before continuing. “Did you have a reason for that?” he asks.
Yunho's head tilts. “Hmm?” he asks.
Hesitantly, Yoochun points at Yunho's left arm. “That.”
Realization slugs Yunho low in the gut. His entire body runs cold, every part of him shutting down. He suddenly feels it. He feels the scar being etched into his skin all over again.
“You don't really have to talk about it,” Yoochun says, back-pedaling. He takes another nervous bite. “I'm just curious. I've known that it wasn't a birthmark for a while.”
Yunho doesn't open his mouth. He's in lockdown, overwhelmed by memories. He's aware that he should probably say something, but he can't. He can't slip back into U-Know right now.
There's a reason why he's made it such a specific point to not remember.
Yoochun looks like he's trying so desperately to not burst into tears. “I'm sorry,” he says. “I shouldn't have asked.”
Yunho feels that raw anger rise up within him, consuming his chest and abdomen. Then why bring it up? he wants to ask. Why do this to me? The self-loathing that always over-powers in these times lifts its head, and Yunho beats it down, horrified at himself.
“No,” he says finally. His voice doesn't sound like it's his own. He can feel the grating of his bones as his jaw moves.
Yoochun stares at him, spoon halfway to his mouth.
“I didn't,” Yunho says. “I didn't have a reason, not really, I...” He trails off.
Yoochun sets down his bowl.
The images wash over Yunho, a continuous stream of suppressed, ignored emotion. The rugged cashier. The bottle of bourbon*.
As if desperate to recreate the scene, Yunho knocks his bowl off the edge of the table. The dish is plastic so it remains in one piece, but its sound is still earth-shattering. Yunho jumps. Yoochun jumps. Yunho looks at it, leaning over to peer at the mess.
He can smell his blood from that night.
Yoochun steps away from the counter, drawing Yunho's attention onto him. “That's... not good,” Yoochun says. “I had friends in America. The one's with reasons never managed to actually do it.”
Yunho scratches his neck. “It was just...” He eyes the mess again. “It was everything at once, I guess. Nothing really to blame at that point.”
“Overwhelmed, right?” Yoochun asks. He folds his hands behind his back and steps closer; Yunho watches his feet. “The friend I had who actually... actually ended up doing it called me and said that there was no real reason.”
Yunho nods. Absentminded, he trails his finger up his scar, and it tingles at his touch. He's flashed with bits of it. The pain. The determination. “No reason to die,” he mumbles. “No reason not to.”
Yoochun's eyes look close to overflowing but he somehow bites it back and sits at the table. “But you didn't do it,” he says. He sounds more like he's asking than reassuring. “You didn't succeed.”
And Yunho snaps. He laughs, the sound strange and dark, even to him. “When I say that I attempted,” he says, “I mean I started and didn't finish.” He presents Yoochun his arm, practically shoves it in his face.
Yoochun startles.
“This is as far as I got,” Yunho says. “The night after I met you all. I got rid of everything I had. I was ready for my mom to see my body in the next day's paper.”
Yoochun covers his mouth. He stares at Yunho's scar.
“But I didn't go through with it,” Yunho says. Bile builds in the back of his throat. “I killed who I was that night. I became who I am now. I live for TVXQ-That's who I am now, because I killed him.”
Yoochun's tears finally spill over. Yunho jerks his arm away, glaring down at him.
“... Am I interrupting?”
Donut bag clutched tightly at his side, Changmin stands in the doorway. He looks between Yunho and Yoochun cautiously.
Yunho slides off the table. “Your boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to ask about my suicide attempt,” he growls. He doesn't look Changmin in the eyes as he takes his leave.
~
Changmin bumps into the doorframe as Yunho brushes past him. He stares after him, watching him cross the living room in three strides.
Then Yoochun sniffs, and Changmin sits beside him and takes his hand.
“Are you okay?” Changmin asks.
Yoochun looks at him like he's insane. “I'm fine,” he says, gesturing at the door, “but Yunho-hyung, is he-”
“He's fine,” Changmin says. “I've never seen him like that, but I assume he's snapped.”
Yoochun doesn't look like he understands.
Changmin wipes away one of Yoochun's tears. “It's a defense mechanism of his. He snapped once when you two fought about me. I never knew what it looked like, but now I do.”
“What does it look like?” Yoochun asks between sniffs.
Changmin reaches for the display in the center of the table. He pulls out a couple of napkins. “Like the day we met*,” he says. “He told me off.”
Yoochun shrugs exasperatedly.
“Before the attempt,” Changmin explains.
“Oh,” Yoochun says. He dabs at his nose with one of the napkins. “So you know what's going on?”
Changmin sighs and lets go of Yoochun. He leans back in his seat. “I have no idea.”
~
“Kim Jaejoong?”
Jaejoong pauses after placing the jar of kimchi in his basket. Three high school girls are staring at him from across the aisle, looking as if Jaejoong is going to implode into a handful of fairy dust before their very eyes.
He flashes his winning smile. “Yes?”
All three girl squeal simultaneously. Maybe it's because this hasn't happened in a while, but Jaejoong lets them crowd him against the condiment section.
“Oh my gosh,” the tallest one says, squeezing her arms together. “We are huge fans.”
“You don't say,” Jaejoong says, chuckling.
The other two giggle.
“We just want to welcome you home,” another says. Her hair is cut short on one side and long on the other.
“Yes,” the last one says. Her voice is soft and very high and she blushes when Jaejoong's eyes lock with hers. “A-And that you're healthy.”
The short-haired girl nods. “We want to make sure that you're eating.”
“The others, too,” the tall girl chimes in. “Especially Yunho-oppa and Changmin-oppa because of their breakup.”
Jaejoong tenses. “You think so?” he says.
“Of course,” the short-haired girl says. “When my boyfriend broke up with me, I didn't eat for a week.”
“They need chocolate,” the tall girl says confidently. “To get over the loss of a man's love.”
Jaejoong laughs. “You three are very mature, aren't you?” he asks. “Well, Yunho's and Changmin's breakup was mutual-”
“It's never mutual,” the tall and short-haired girls say in unison.
Jaejoong stares at them; he's officially ran out of things to say. He coughs and pulls his hand basket to his chest. “Well, girls,” he says, “if you would like, you can inspect my groceries for heartbreak remedies. No chocolate, unfortunately. We've been put on a diet.”
The girls nod their sympathies at that last sentence, the short-haired girl patting the unnatural flatness of her stomach. After minutes of careful analysis by the Breakup Patrol, Jaejoong is finally released to carry on with his shopping. He chuckles on his way out of the grocery store.
In the parking lot, however, he stills meters away from his car.
The woman he's spotted stops, as well. She makes her way over to him. “Jaejoong-ah,” Boa says.
Jaejoong curses the lump in his throat. “Boa.”
What a surprise. He would never expect to run into Boa, not now, after two and half years of no communication. It's a little odd, this awkwardness between them. She was one of the few who didn't take the lawsuit as an act of betrayal, but that doesn't make this situation any less nerve-wracking.
She looks exactly the same. Better, even. She nods at his scrutiny, hiking her purse up her shoulder. “I heard you were back,” she says.
“I bet everyone is ecstatic,” Jaejoong says.
Boa gives him the look she gives anyone who's being an ass or an idiot or both-both, in Jaejoong's case; he's always both-and cocks her head to the side. “How's Changmin?” she asks.
Jaejoong stares at her.
Boa smiles wryly, dropping her eyes. “I was with him when he... you know*.” She scratches her elbow. “Is he okay now?”
Jaejoong bites his lip. “No,” he says. “Not really.”
Concern furrows Boa's brow.
“He's better than he was,” Jaejoong assures her, switching his grocery bags to his other hand. “But it's a process.”
Boa nods, looking a little relieved. “Where are you working now?” she asks.
“C-JES,” Jaejoong replies.
“Still,” Boa says. “Good.”
“SM would never take Yunho or Changmin back,” Jaejoong says.
Boa looks uncomfortable at the turn of topic. “That's true,” she says.
“But C-JES did,” Jaejoong says. “Which is good.”
Boa doesn't bother with the look this time. She merely nods at the store behind Jaejoong. “I should go in,” she says.
“Yeah,” Jaejoong says. He moves out of the way.
Boa's eyes stay on him. “Tell Yunho to call me next time he gets a chance,” she says. “The boys want to see them. Leeteuk didn't mean what he said.”
Jaejoong's eyebrows furrow.
“And Changmin really should apologize to Siwon.” Boa starts walking backwards, slowly approaching the grocery store. “Leeteuk's an ass, but really.” She smiles. “Good to see you, Jaejoong.”
Jaejoong waves her inside.
~
“There's no way I'm apologizing to that motherfucker,” Changmin says when Jaejoong passes on Boa's request, and Yoochun pauses the movie they're watching.
Jaejoong shrugs in the living room doorway, completely confused.
“And Leeteuk can go fuck himself,” Changmin says. “That asshole can't go around telling people where to put their genitalia and expect everyone to just accept it as who he is.”
“Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong says. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“I do,” Yoochun says. “I agree with Changmin.”
“I'd love to see Boa,” Changmin says. “And Heechul and Shindong were both extremely supportive, but Leeteuk is not allowed within my immediate vicinity or I'll smash his face in**.”
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. “Cool,” he says. “I'll let him know when the lot of them forgive me for suing their company.”
Changmin glares at him, annoyed. “Yunho is on the balcony,” he says. “Smoking.”
“Great.” Jaejoong pushes off the door frame. “All five of us are going to develop lung cancer by the end of the year.”
“I'm going first,” Yoochun says, reaching for the remote.
Changmin pats his knee.
Jaejoong shakes his head and slips onto the terrace. There, Yunho looks up from his book. He closes it when Jaejoong slides the door closed and places it on the patio table. He pulls his cigarette from his mouth.
“Hey,” he says. “Back from shopping?”
Jaejoong watches him stub out the cigarette in the center of the table. “Yeah," he says, pulling out the chair beside Yunho's and sitting down. “Ran into Boa.”
Yunho nods. “I got asked personal questions about the time I chose to end my life,” he says.
Jaejoong winces. “I guess you win the most awkward conversation of the day, then,” he whispers.
Yunho smiles tiredly.
Jaejoong laughs, but he eyes the scar on Yunho's arm for a moment. “So... yeah.” He takes a deep breath. “I'll accept that dinner request.”
Yunho's eyebrows hit his hairline. “What happened to waiting until tonight?”
“I was planning to,” Jaejoong says, folding his arms on the tabletop. “But today I ran into some fans and they had a way of showing me that everyone gets their heart broken and everyone just wants to love someone.”
Yunho looks impressed. “You're really more well-rounded than we give you credit for.”
Jaejoong sighs. “Very good, Yunho,” he says. “That's a brilliant example of what not to say to the person you're trying to date. Thanks for participating.”
Yunho's grin widens.
“What I'm trying to say,” Jaejoong continues, ignoring him, “is that even though it's clear that you were actually dating Changmin-but in a really weird way since you count's just date him like a normal person-I can forgive that.”
Yunho nods.
“Especially compared to what you first told me,” Jaejoong says. “Yunho, if you really were roleplaying as me and Yoochun the entire time-”
Yunho glares at him, offended. “I already told you that we weren't,” he says.
“Good,” Jaejoong says. “Because I wouldn't be able to forgive that.”
“I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for that,” Yunho mumbles.
Jaejoong nods. “So, yeah,” he says again. “You live with Changmin, but I can understand how that's none of my business.”
Yunho's smile resurfaces. “Thank you,” he says.
Jaejoong smiles back. “However,” he says, and Yunho looks curious. “I do think that you should talk to Changmin.”
Yunho frowns. Jaejoong prepares himself for their first fight as a couple.
“What about?” Yunho asks.
Jaejoong gives him a pointed look. “Your relationship?” he suggests.
Yunho sits forward in his seat.
“Your feelings?” Jaejoong lists next. “The lack of said feelings?”
“There's nothing that needs to be discussed,” Yunho says, anything but convincing.
“Oh, please,” Jaejoong says.
“Our breakup was mutual,” Yunho tells him.
“It's never mutual,” Jaejoong argues. “Yunho, you hurt him, you know?”
Yunho scoffs. “He hurt himself.”
“Jesus,” Jaejoong whispers. “He hurt you, too.”
It isn't a question, and Yunho's aggravation is defensive.
“He thinks I'm an idiot,” Yunho says. “He thinks that I really was thinking of you the whole time.”
“He's always thought you were an idiot,” Jaejoong says.
“There's a limit,” Yunho replies. He snorts, folding his arms across his chest. “This is just fucking insulting.”
“Then talk to him about it,” Jaejoong insists.
“Why do I have to be the one going to him?” Yunho asks.
Jaejoong drags his hands down his face. “God, both of you are infuriating. I thought you two were okay with talking about feelings?”
“I thought you were threatened by this?” Yunho says.
“When I thought he was in love with you, yeah,” Jaejoong says. “But now I know that both of you are just stupid. He's more than your ex, but you're choosing me and he's choosing Yoochun, I get that. But he doesn't know that you get that, and it's hurting him.”
“I know,” Yunho says. He sighs and takes off his glasses, disposition softening. “I can't talk to him yet, though. He thinks I'm stupid.”
“He could just have a low self-esteem,” Jaejoong says. Jaejoong would know. God, would he know.
“He does,” Yunho concedes, because if anyone would know how Changmin saw himself, it would be Yunho. “But the truth is that he's my best friend and we've been through so much together and we've always been on the same wave-length. This is seriously the first time since the lawsuit that Changmin hasn't trusted me.”
Jaejoong wonders about that. It could be true, definitely. Changmin's self-image could be so whittled down by recent events that he's is second guessing all that Yunho sees in him. Jaejoong's heart breaks at the thought.
“I'll talk to him,” Yunho says. Yunho nods at Jaejoong, expression hard and decided. “Later, maybe a few weeks later, I'll talk to him. I've never been completely in love with him because of my feelings for you, but I've made it no secret that I adore the hell out of him.”
Jaejoong nods, recalling the tens upon dozens of interviews and gif-sets showcasing Yunho's admiration for his maknae.
“I kind of knew none of it was making it to his head,” Yunho says, “but it still hurts. I'm pissed at him. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't get how amazing he is, but why should he, it's only me who's telling him.”
Jaejoong stares at him. “He really doesn't, does he?”
“So give me some time,” Yunho says. “To cool down a little bit.”
Jaejoong looks at him. He noticed them before, but now the creases in Yunho's forehead are more pronounced, the tenseness of every muscle in his face contradicting the smile pulling at his lips. Jaejoong wonders if these are the signs he should start looking out for when Yunho needs comfort.
Yunho needs comfort.
Jaejoong flushes at the thought. “Okay,” is all he says.
Yunho's smile turns grateful.
Jaejoong leans further onto his elbows, resting his chin behind them. He peeks up at Yunho.
Yunho seems to find the cuteness amusing. His eyes warm.
“So,” Jaejoong says. “We're dating now.”
“Officially,” Yunho replies.
“You're my boyfriend,” Jaejoong says.
That looks like it takes Yunho off guard. His smile falters and he blushes ever so slightly, the color change almost imperceptible. Jaejoong finds it a little endeering; he isn't sure if Yunho has blushed more than five times since they met.
“I am,” Yunho says.
“Cool,” Jaejoong says. He blushes, too, digging his face deeper into his arms. “We're boyfriends.”
Yunho chuckles again.
Jaejoong grins, though Yunho can't see it. “It's a little...” He lifts his head from the table. “It's a little anticlimactic, isn't it?”
Yunho shrugs. “I could give you a climax.”
Jaejoong's cheeks jump from warm to burning in no time at all. He stares at Yunho, hiding his face once again.
Yunho holds his gaze, and there's something dangerous in his eye.
Jaejoong tries to laugh it off. He and Yunho have only been dating for three minutes. Yunho is joking, surely. “That,” Jaejoong says, the sound muffled as he refuses to raise his head. “That sounded a little...”
“Erotic?” Yunho fills in. He nods, no longer smiling. “I meant it that way.” He pushes his chair back. “Come on, we're in plain view out here.”
Jaejoong doesn't move for several moments. He can't be serious, he tries to convince himself, but the longer Yunho stares down at him expectantly, the less certain Jaejoong becomes. Finally, Jaejoong lifts from his seat.
Yunho nods and leads the way inside. Jaejoong follows at a distance, still unsure of what's going on. As they cross the living room, Jaejoong expects Changmin or Yoochun to notice them, but they're too immersed in their movie to even pass them a glance. Jaejoong quickens his pace.
Yunho seems to be in a hurry, as well, because when they reach the hallway, Yunho grabs Jaejoong by the wrist and yanks him forward.
Jaejoong stumbles into Yunho's chest. Yunho's arm wraps around Jaejoong's waist, his nose digs into Jaejoong's neck. Jaejoong gasps, hands grasping Yunho's shoulders instinctively. Yunho mouths at Jaejoong's birthmark, playing at it with his tongue. He growls when Jaejoong shivers. He pulls away and yanks open his bedroom door.
“Yunho-” Jaejoong squeaks when he's shoved into the room then against the back of the door. He barely catches his breath before Yunho's mouth is on his. He moans, hands on Yunho's neck.
Yunho wastes no time with lip-play. His tongue shoves into Jaejoong's mouth.
Jaejoong moans again, louder, more surprised than aroused.
Yunho breaks away. “Bed,” he murmurs against Jaejoong's lips.
“Yun-mnn!” Jaejoong is silenced by another kiss, this one hungrier, but somehow Jaejoong is overwhelmed with amusement. He laughs, the sound bubbling out of his chest and swallowed in between them.
Yunho pulls back to look at him curiously.
Jaejoong holds Yunho at arm's length, gasping for air as he laughs harder. “Wait,” he says, giggling. “Wait a minute.”
“What?” Yunho asks. He's panting, too, and Jaejoong's smile grows fond.
“We've literally been dating for-” Jaejoong pulls out his phone. “-twelve minutes.” He tilts his head, smiling at Yunho's bewilderment. “Can't we wait a minute?”
“... What?” Yunho asks.
Jaejoong shakes his head. “Can we wait?” he asks again. “I think we should take things kind of slow.”
Yunho frowns. He steps back, allowing Jaejoong to move off the door. “Slow?” he asks.
“Slow,” Jaejoong agrees, nodding. He pats Yunho's chest, resting a hand on Yunho's shoulder.
Yunho pouts but nods. He begins to look more like himself as that predatory look fades the slightest bit. “Okay,” he says.
Jaejoong's smile widens, and he pats Yunho's chest a couple more times. He doesn't say anything more, only looks up into Yunho's face. A part of him seriously can't believe that he's here now. He's in Yunho's room, winded from the most impressive kiss he's probably ever experienced and talking Yunho down from sex. He's dating Yunho now. Yunho is his boyfriend. He's Yunho's boyfriend. They're a couple.
He wants to find it surreal and unexpected but he's too caught up in wondering what took them so long to get here. This is so natural; convincing Yunho that sex right now would be too soon; an arm around Yunho's neck; a hand on Yunho's chest***.
When Yunho smiles back in that sheepish way of his, Jaejoong pushes onto his toes and captures Yunho's lips in his own, and the moment is officially perfect.
~
In the living room, Yoochun peeks at Changmin from the other side of the couch. He thinks he's being discrete, but Changmin sighs and picks up the remote.
Changmin pauses the TV. “What is it?” he asks.
Yoochun pokes at the pillow in his lap. “They're... you know, right?” he asks, jerking his head at the hallway.
“Probably,” Changmin says, shrugging. “Yunho has an unusually high sex drive, so it wouldn't surprise me.”
Yoochun nods, looking away.
Changmin frowns. “Does that bother you?”
Yoochun glances at him, then turns to face him. “Does it bother you?” he asks.
Changmin snorts, ears turning red as he turns back to the TV.
“It's an understandable assumption,” Yoochun defends as his unease dissipates a bit. “He's your ex, and I could understand if it bothers you that he's having sex with other people.”
Changmin rubs at his temple. “Is everyone obsessed with me and Yunho or something?”
“Baby,” Yoochun says. Changmin looks at him. “You don't have to be in love with someone to feel jealous. I completely understand if you are.”
“I'm not,” Changmin says. “Even when we were dating we weren't sexually compatible. He took my virginity, but-”
Yoochun coughs.
“Oh, stop it,” Changmin tells him. “Someone had to take it.” He sighs, ears reddening further. “I'm upset with him, but that's not why.”
“Why, then?” Yoochun asks.
“I'll tell you eventually,” Changmin says. He smiles, an attempt at being reassuring, though it does little to settle Yoochun's trepidation. “Soon, but not right now.”
Yoochun nods, Changmin's sincerity winning the tiny argument.
Changmin puffs a sigh of relief before reaching again for the remote.
* If you have yet to read the Intermission, these are the first of several things you won't understand. Just go read it now. This chapter will still be here when you're done.
** I have no idea who Leeteuk is given that SUJU is not my cup of tea, so if you're a Leeteuk fan... sorry.
*** This position might seem a little hetero-normative, but the YunJae duo has stood in this position more than once in real life, so it only seems natural for these specific people.
A/N: I actually don't agree with the “it's never mutual” thing. My first breakup was mutual. We were both avoiding each other for a week because we were trying to figure out how to break up with each other. I know this is a slow start for the story, but literally everything I have planned for this half of things are events that happen to YunJae and YooMin as couples. I would have just jumped into the relationships, but I've vowed to not be one of those authors who rushes things just because I'm impatient. Another 2 chapters for YooMin to get together, and then the drama starts. Like, the first major event happens right after they start dating. Like seconds after.
And if no one noticed the parallels between Yunho's first time with Seokjin (in the Intermission) and this dry-humping with Jaejoong, I'm pointing it out to you now.
As for the arrangement/relationship between Yunho and Changmin: Things will be fully explained, but that comes after YooMin start dating, so at least 2 more chapters. I'm releasing them kind of quick so you shouldn't have to wait too long. Basically, the thing that everyone seems to keep missing is that Yunho said to Jaejoong that there was an arrangement where he and Changmin role-played, but then he told Jaejoong right after that-SURPRISE-that's not what we were really doing. I won't spoil it, but please stop focusing on the role-playing/arrangement/thinking-of-JaeChun-during-sex, because I've tried several times to point out that that's not what was really going on. I mean, think about it. Who the hell would do something that creepy for 4 straight months? This is a fan-fiction, and that was my original intention, but that was 3 years ago, and I've realized how stupid that is. I would have just deleted that part of the plot, but that is literally what started the plot off to begin with. Then 3 months ago I figured out a way for the arrangement (or the fake-arrangement) to make sense, so I'm rolling with it. Sadly, that means I can't explain it in one go. Sorry.
Pairing: YunJae; YooMin
Length: 3/50
Genre: Romance; Humor; Angst
Warning(s): Homophobia
Rating: NC17 / PG15
Disclaimer: Seriously?
Summary: Out of a loop and into the future, how can TVXQ survive a shift in cultures and societal viewpoints as they move back home to brave the uncertain waters that are their Korean careers? Jaejoong can't exactly focus on the bleakness of their work, however, if he is too distracted by the bleakness of their home. Yunho and Changmin, though now separate, find it difficult to distance their bond, Yoochun knows the lack of argument in his and Changmin's relationship is unhealthy, and Jaejoong wonders how he and Yunho will fair the rocky undertones of their dysfunctional relationship. And what of Junsu? What of their families?
00 | 01 | 02
CHAPTER THREE
“You don't have a friendship like the one Changmin and I have-waiting for two years for your brothers to come back, realizing you're both gay, losing half of everything you've ever had-and just be okay with the thought of risking it,” Yunho says, eyes the most urgent they've been that day. “I can't not have him in my life.”
~
“Oh sorry, hyung,” Changmin says when he and Jaejoong almost collide in the living room doorway.
Jaejoong teeters but catches his balance, aided by the hand Changmin has on his shoulder. “What are you in such a hurry for?” he asks, backing into the hallway.
Changmin's smile is sheepish. “Excited for donuts?” he says.
Jaejoong shifts his weight. “But the diet-”
“Doesn't start until this afternoon,” Changmin says. His eyes sparkle in a way Jaejoong finds oddly disturbing. “I only get donuts about twice a year.”
“He also smokes once a month,” Yoochun says upon stepping out of his bedroom. “As if killing himself is okay if it's done in moderation.”
“You don't really have much room to talk,” Jaejoong tells him.
“I'm leaving,” Changmin says.
“Actually.” Jaejoong steps into Changmin's path. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“What about?” Changmin asks.
Jaejoong glances at Yoochun, resolve wavering. “Have you talked to Yunho lately?” he asks Changmin.
Yoochun rolls his eyes but doesn't leave the room, and Jaejoong is forced to internalize his annoyance.
“I talk to him every day,” Changmin says after a glance between them. “We live together.”
“No,” Jaejoong says. “I mean: Have you two talked about... stuff?”
Changmin sighs. “Is this about what he told you?”
“I just don't think you're seeing eye to eye,” Jaejoong says.
“Nothing's changed between me and Yunho,” Changmin assures him. He nods at Yoochun, the corner of his mouth tugging a little. “Just ask this one. It drives him up a wall.”
“Good to know that you get that,” Yoochun mutters.
Jaejoong's lips purse. “I just...” He thumbs at the bridge of his nose. “I think you should talk about your relationship. Did you even talk about it when you broke up?”
Yoochun groans. “Okay,” he says. “I'm leaving now.” He moves into the living room, Changmin's glare pushing him on through the door.
“We don't need to talk,” Changmin says to Jaejoong. “Yunho and I get each other.”
“You're used to getting each other,” Jaejoong says, “but you're not on the same page with this one.”
“I agree,” Changmin says quietly, and Jaejoong knows he's telling the truth, but that doesn't help his frustration.
Jaejoong tuts. “Dude,” he says, “I'm not starting a relationship with someone who hasn't officially ended things with his ex.”
Changmin opens his mouth.
“Or whatever you are,” Jaejoong amends. He folds his arms and rises to his full height in the hope that intimidation will help his resolve but he's several inches too short for the gesture to have any real effect.
Still, Changmin drops his eyes. “I don't want you two to have problems,” he murmurs softly. “I want you to be together.”
“I know you do,” Jaejoong says. He relaxes his stance. “But you need to talk to him.”
A moment passes; Jaejoong thinks he sees Changmin's temple pulse.
“Okay,” Changmin says. He nods, plays with his hair. “I'll... think about it.”
Somehow, that reaction only makes Jaejoong feel like a douche for breaching the subject at all.
Changmin starts towards the entryway. “Now,” he says, excitement returning. “On to donuts!”
Yunho enters the door just as Changmin reaches it. They both pause, staring at each other for several seconds before Yunho analyzes the look on Changmin's face.
“Donuts?” Yunho asks.
Changmin glances over his shoulder, pinning Jaejoong under his glare. “See?” he asks. “Same page.” He turns back to Yunho's confused look and says, “The diet doesn't start until this afternoon.”
Yunho raises his arms in surrender and slides past him. “Unarmed, bro, don't worry,” he says. “Just a question.”
Changmin turns with him, skeptical. “Really? Not going to lecture me on spoiling my entire day?”
“Nope,” Yunho says, shaking his head. He smiles. “You're getting donut holes, right?”
Again, Changmin looks at Jaejoong. “Three guesses why he likes holes.”
Jaejoong doesn't miss a beat. “Because they're an inch long, always leave him unsatisfied, and remind him of you?”
Changmin's jaw drops. He squares his shoulders, but before Jaejoong can arm himself, Yunho steers Changmin out the door.
“He's won this one, Changmin-ah,” Yunho says, chuckling. “Just go ready your counterattack while you're waiting in line.”
Jaejoong clucks his tongue. “It's no fun when I have to wait for it,” he says.
Changmin smiles over his shoulder. “I expect a battle when I return, princess,” he says, and with one last wink, he's out of the apartment.
Left alone, Yunho and Jaejoong face each other.
Jaejoong coughs. “So,” he says. “Where have you been?”
Yunho hangs his bag on the hall tree. “With Baek Changju.” He moves past Jaejoong and into the living room, Jaejoong on his heels. “That man has a serious crush on you.”
“He's married,” Jaejoong says as they cross the room.
Yoochun waves at Yunho from the couch.
Yunho waves back. “Well,” he says, “he has a lot to explain to his wife.”
They enter the kitchen. Yunho wastes no time in attaching himself to the refrigerator, yanking it open and bending low.
Taking his seat at the table, Jaejoong can't say he doesn't enjoy the view. He rattles himself, tearing his eyes away from Yunho's body.
Good lord, he chastises. What am I, fourteen?
Jaejoong's inner berating allows Yunho enough time to straighten, soda in hand, and sit across from Jaejoong.
Jaejoong clears his throat. “What did he say?” he asks, voice breaking.
Yunho rolls his eyes. “`You should have seen Jaejoong as the leader of JYJ,'” he says in a sing-song voice. “`Jaejoong's dancing has really improved.' 'Jaejoong makes decisions so cool-headedly.'”
“I do,” Jaejoong says.
“No,” Yunho tells him. “You don't.”
Jaejoong looks at the soda when Yunho raises it to his lips. “Isn't that-”
“The diet doesn't start until this afternoon,” Yunho reminds him.
Jaejoong smiles. He knows that he should remind himself why he's angry at this man, but he rests his chin on his palm, allowing himself one more moment of weakness. “Are you the jealous type?” he asks, still smiling.
Yunho takes another swig of his soda as he appears to give it some thought. “I might be,” he says. “Never really thought about it, but my exes would probably describe me as possessive.
For reasons Jaejoong can't name, Jaejoong is immeasurably pleased at that. He laughs. “I can't say that I was expecting that,” he says.
Yunho grins at him. “Nice to know that I can still surprise you.” He looks contemplative, then, grin fading. “So, have you forgiven me yet?”
Jaejoong sobers, as well. He adjusts his shirt. “I don't know,” he replies.
Yunho nods and looks away.
“It's not really that complicated,” Jaejoong says, reasoning aloud. “You two started something immensely stupid but ended up to really be doing something very... human.”
Yunho stares at him. “You've been researching psychology, haven't you?” he asks.
Jaejoong blushes. “So what if I have?” he mutters. “I Google when I'm confused. Big deal.”
“That's adorable,” Yunho says.
Jaejoong glares at him, ignoring the butterflies erupting in his lower belly. “I know what you were doing wasn't really unforgivable,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “My main problem is that you live with him.”
Yunho looks like he's physically exerting himself with his attempts not to groan. “Jae-yah,” he stresses, “he's not my-”
“You told me that you two weren't dating,” Jaejoong interrupts, irritation bubbling once more. “You said that you were having an arrangement instead. Then you said that you weren't actually having the arrangement, but you were just using it so you could ignore your feelings.”
Yunho sighs.
Jaejoong shakes his head. “I rocked math class in college, bro. Two negatives make a positive. You were dating. Man up and accept that.”
Yunho doesn't reply.
Jaejoong looks at him. “... But I get that he's not your ex,” he says. “Not really. And you live with him.”
Yunho runs a hand through his hair. “Right,” he says. “That's not changing, either. Down the line, certainly, but he'll always be there. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, Changmin has to be by my side.”
“Changmin basically told Yoochun the same about you,” Jaejoong says.
Yunho points at the doorway, out to the living room. “So that's what that was?” he asks, probably talking about Yoochun's wave.
Jaejoong glances in the same direction. “Yeah, he's trying.”
“Cool,” Yunho says.
Jaejoong looks at him. He sighs, letting himself take in Yunho's profile, Yunho's reluctant honesty. Am I really this insane? he wonders to himself.
“Give me 'till tonight,” Jaejoong says, looking away.
Yunho's eyebrows raise.
“To think it over,” Jaejoong says.
“Of course,” Yunho says, setting down his soda. “Anything you need.”
~
Yunho doesn't notice Junsu leave. All he's aware of is that Jaejoong has gone out for a quick grocery run and Changmin is still blazing the Glazed Trails of Sprinkles and Nuts. Yunho has just poured himself a bowl of cereal, box still in the process of being closed when Yoochun opens the fridge. That's when it occurs to Yunho that they're the only ones in the apartment.
Yoochun seems to have noticed as well, because he stiffens when Yunho looks at him, pulling the milk carton from the back of the top shelf. “Will you want milk with your donuts?” he asks.
Yunho eyes him. “Sure, pour me a glass,” he says. He jingles his bowl of dry cereal. “Then pass the carton over here.”
Yoochun grunts and pulls down a few glasses. Once they're each filled to the rim, he holds the carton out, and Yunho takes it. Yoochun grabs the cereal box.
“So,” Yunho says, coaxed into throwing the first bone by the prickling hairs on the back of his neck. “How are things going with you and Changmin?”
Yoochun smiles, visibly relaxing. “Great,” he says. “I mean, we're not dating yet but it's nice just getting to know him.”
Yunho's eyebrows furrow. “You already knew him.”
“I knew him as a guy,” Yoochun says. “Now I'm getting to know him as a partner.”
Yunho hums, stepping away from the counter.
Yoochun turns away. He digs his spoon into his bowl with brutal nervousness. “Hyung,” he says. He leans against the counter, holding his bowl below his chin. “Can I ask you something?”
Yunho feels that he knows where this is headed. He prepares himself, sits on the table. He sets his bowl beside him on the tabletop. “Okay,” he says.
Yoochun takes a bite of cereal before continuing. “Did you have a reason for that?” he asks.
Yunho's head tilts. “Hmm?” he asks.
Hesitantly, Yoochun points at Yunho's left arm. “That.”
Realization slugs Yunho low in the gut. His entire body runs cold, every part of him shutting down. He suddenly feels it. He feels the scar being etched into his skin all over again.
“You don't really have to talk about it,” Yoochun says, back-pedaling. He takes another nervous bite. “I'm just curious. I've known that it wasn't a birthmark for a while.”
Yunho doesn't open his mouth. He's in lockdown, overwhelmed by memories. He's aware that he should probably say something, but he can't. He can't slip back into U-Know right now.
There's a reason why he's made it such a specific point to not remember.
Yoochun looks like he's trying so desperately to not burst into tears. “I'm sorry,” he says. “I shouldn't have asked.”
Yunho feels that raw anger rise up within him, consuming his chest and abdomen. Then why bring it up? he wants to ask. Why do this to me? The self-loathing that always over-powers in these times lifts its head, and Yunho beats it down, horrified at himself.
“No,” he says finally. His voice doesn't sound like it's his own. He can feel the grating of his bones as his jaw moves.
Yoochun stares at him, spoon halfway to his mouth.
“I didn't,” Yunho says. “I didn't have a reason, not really, I...” He trails off.
Yoochun sets down his bowl.
The images wash over Yunho, a continuous stream of suppressed, ignored emotion. The rugged cashier. The bottle of bourbon*.
As if desperate to recreate the scene, Yunho knocks his bowl off the edge of the table. The dish is plastic so it remains in one piece, but its sound is still earth-shattering. Yunho jumps. Yoochun jumps. Yunho looks at it, leaning over to peer at the mess.
He can smell his blood from that night.
Yoochun steps away from the counter, drawing Yunho's attention onto him. “That's... not good,” Yoochun says. “I had friends in America. The one's with reasons never managed to actually do it.”
Yunho scratches his neck. “It was just...” He eyes the mess again. “It was everything at once, I guess. Nothing really to blame at that point.”
“Overwhelmed, right?” Yoochun asks. He folds his hands behind his back and steps closer; Yunho watches his feet. “The friend I had who actually... actually ended up doing it called me and said that there was no real reason.”
Yunho nods. Absentminded, he trails his finger up his scar, and it tingles at his touch. He's flashed with bits of it. The pain. The determination. “No reason to die,” he mumbles. “No reason not to.”
Yoochun's eyes look close to overflowing but he somehow bites it back and sits at the table. “But you didn't do it,” he says. He sounds more like he's asking than reassuring. “You didn't succeed.”
And Yunho snaps. He laughs, the sound strange and dark, even to him. “When I say that I attempted,” he says, “I mean I started and didn't finish.” He presents Yoochun his arm, practically shoves it in his face.
Yoochun startles.
“This is as far as I got,” Yunho says. “The night after I met you all. I got rid of everything I had. I was ready for my mom to see my body in the next day's paper.”
Yoochun covers his mouth. He stares at Yunho's scar.
“But I didn't go through with it,” Yunho says. Bile builds in the back of his throat. “I killed who I was that night. I became who I am now. I live for TVXQ-That's who I am now, because I killed him.”
Yoochun's tears finally spill over. Yunho jerks his arm away, glaring down at him.
“... Am I interrupting?”
Donut bag clutched tightly at his side, Changmin stands in the doorway. He looks between Yunho and Yoochun cautiously.
Yunho slides off the table. “Your boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to ask about my suicide attempt,” he growls. He doesn't look Changmin in the eyes as he takes his leave.
~
Changmin bumps into the doorframe as Yunho brushes past him. He stares after him, watching him cross the living room in three strides.
Then Yoochun sniffs, and Changmin sits beside him and takes his hand.
“Are you okay?” Changmin asks.
Yoochun looks at him like he's insane. “I'm fine,” he says, gesturing at the door, “but Yunho-hyung, is he-”
“He's fine,” Changmin says. “I've never seen him like that, but I assume he's snapped.”
Yoochun doesn't look like he understands.
Changmin wipes away one of Yoochun's tears. “It's a defense mechanism of his. He snapped once when you two fought about me. I never knew what it looked like, but now I do.”
“What does it look like?” Yoochun asks between sniffs.
Changmin reaches for the display in the center of the table. He pulls out a couple of napkins. “Like the day we met*,” he says. “He told me off.”
Yoochun shrugs exasperatedly.
“Before the attempt,” Changmin explains.
“Oh,” Yoochun says. He dabs at his nose with one of the napkins. “So you know what's going on?”
Changmin sighs and lets go of Yoochun. He leans back in his seat. “I have no idea.”
~
“Kim Jaejoong?”
Jaejoong pauses after placing the jar of kimchi in his basket. Three high school girls are staring at him from across the aisle, looking as if Jaejoong is going to implode into a handful of fairy dust before their very eyes.
He flashes his winning smile. “Yes?”
All three girl squeal simultaneously. Maybe it's because this hasn't happened in a while, but Jaejoong lets them crowd him against the condiment section.
“Oh my gosh,” the tallest one says, squeezing her arms together. “We are huge fans.”
“You don't say,” Jaejoong says, chuckling.
The other two giggle.
“We just want to welcome you home,” another says. Her hair is cut short on one side and long on the other.
“Yes,” the last one says. Her voice is soft and very high and she blushes when Jaejoong's eyes lock with hers. “A-And that you're healthy.”
The short-haired girl nods. “We want to make sure that you're eating.”
“The others, too,” the tall girl chimes in. “Especially Yunho-oppa and Changmin-oppa because of their breakup.”
Jaejoong tenses. “You think so?” he says.
“Of course,” the short-haired girl says. “When my boyfriend broke up with me, I didn't eat for a week.”
“They need chocolate,” the tall girl says confidently. “To get over the loss of a man's love.”
Jaejoong laughs. “You three are very mature, aren't you?” he asks. “Well, Yunho's and Changmin's breakup was mutual-”
“It's never mutual,” the tall and short-haired girls say in unison.
Jaejoong stares at them; he's officially ran out of things to say. He coughs and pulls his hand basket to his chest. “Well, girls,” he says, “if you would like, you can inspect my groceries for heartbreak remedies. No chocolate, unfortunately. We've been put on a diet.”
The girls nod their sympathies at that last sentence, the short-haired girl patting the unnatural flatness of her stomach. After minutes of careful analysis by the Breakup Patrol, Jaejoong is finally released to carry on with his shopping. He chuckles on his way out of the grocery store.
In the parking lot, however, he stills meters away from his car.
The woman he's spotted stops, as well. She makes her way over to him. “Jaejoong-ah,” Boa says.
Jaejoong curses the lump in his throat. “Boa.”
What a surprise. He would never expect to run into Boa, not now, after two and half years of no communication. It's a little odd, this awkwardness between them. She was one of the few who didn't take the lawsuit as an act of betrayal, but that doesn't make this situation any less nerve-wracking.
She looks exactly the same. Better, even. She nods at his scrutiny, hiking her purse up her shoulder. “I heard you were back,” she says.
“I bet everyone is ecstatic,” Jaejoong says.
Boa gives him the look she gives anyone who's being an ass or an idiot or both-both, in Jaejoong's case; he's always both-and cocks her head to the side. “How's Changmin?” she asks.
Jaejoong stares at her.
Boa smiles wryly, dropping her eyes. “I was with him when he... you know*.” She scratches her elbow. “Is he okay now?”
Jaejoong bites his lip. “No,” he says. “Not really.”
Concern furrows Boa's brow.
“He's better than he was,” Jaejoong assures her, switching his grocery bags to his other hand. “But it's a process.”
Boa nods, looking a little relieved. “Where are you working now?” she asks.
“C-JES,” Jaejoong replies.
“Still,” Boa says. “Good.”
“SM would never take Yunho or Changmin back,” Jaejoong says.
Boa looks uncomfortable at the turn of topic. “That's true,” she says.
“But C-JES did,” Jaejoong says. “Which is good.”
Boa doesn't bother with the look this time. She merely nods at the store behind Jaejoong. “I should go in,” she says.
“Yeah,” Jaejoong says. He moves out of the way.
Boa's eyes stay on him. “Tell Yunho to call me next time he gets a chance,” she says. “The boys want to see them. Leeteuk didn't mean what he said.”
Jaejoong's eyebrows furrow.
“And Changmin really should apologize to Siwon.” Boa starts walking backwards, slowly approaching the grocery store. “Leeteuk's an ass, but really.” She smiles. “Good to see you, Jaejoong.”
Jaejoong waves her inside.
~
“There's no way I'm apologizing to that motherfucker,” Changmin says when Jaejoong passes on Boa's request, and Yoochun pauses the movie they're watching.
Jaejoong shrugs in the living room doorway, completely confused.
“And Leeteuk can go fuck himself,” Changmin says. “That asshole can't go around telling people where to put their genitalia and expect everyone to just accept it as who he is.”
“Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong says. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“I do,” Yoochun says. “I agree with Changmin.”
“I'd love to see Boa,” Changmin says. “And Heechul and Shindong were both extremely supportive, but Leeteuk is not allowed within my immediate vicinity or I'll smash his face in**.”
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. “Cool,” he says. “I'll let him know when the lot of them forgive me for suing their company.”
Changmin glares at him, annoyed. “Yunho is on the balcony,” he says. “Smoking.”
“Great.” Jaejoong pushes off the door frame. “All five of us are going to develop lung cancer by the end of the year.”
“I'm going first,” Yoochun says, reaching for the remote.
Changmin pats his knee.
Jaejoong shakes his head and slips onto the terrace. There, Yunho looks up from his book. He closes it when Jaejoong slides the door closed and places it on the patio table. He pulls his cigarette from his mouth.
“Hey,” he says. “Back from shopping?”
Jaejoong watches him stub out the cigarette in the center of the table. “Yeah," he says, pulling out the chair beside Yunho's and sitting down. “Ran into Boa.”
Yunho nods. “I got asked personal questions about the time I chose to end my life,” he says.
Jaejoong winces. “I guess you win the most awkward conversation of the day, then,” he whispers.
Yunho smiles tiredly.
Jaejoong laughs, but he eyes the scar on Yunho's arm for a moment. “So... yeah.” He takes a deep breath. “I'll accept that dinner request.”
Yunho's eyebrows hit his hairline. “What happened to waiting until tonight?”
“I was planning to,” Jaejoong says, folding his arms on the tabletop. “But today I ran into some fans and they had a way of showing me that everyone gets their heart broken and everyone just wants to love someone.”
Yunho looks impressed. “You're really more well-rounded than we give you credit for.”
Jaejoong sighs. “Very good, Yunho,” he says. “That's a brilliant example of what not to say to the person you're trying to date. Thanks for participating.”
Yunho's grin widens.
“What I'm trying to say,” Jaejoong continues, ignoring him, “is that even though it's clear that you were actually dating Changmin-but in a really weird way since you count's just date him like a normal person-I can forgive that.”
Yunho nods.
“Especially compared to what you first told me,” Jaejoong says. “Yunho, if you really were roleplaying as me and Yoochun the entire time-”
Yunho glares at him, offended. “I already told you that we weren't,” he says.
“Good,” Jaejoong says. “Because I wouldn't be able to forgive that.”
“I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for that,” Yunho mumbles.
Jaejoong nods. “So, yeah,” he says again. “You live with Changmin, but I can understand how that's none of my business.”
Yunho's smile resurfaces. “Thank you,” he says.
Jaejoong smiles back. “However,” he says, and Yunho looks curious. “I do think that you should talk to Changmin.”
Yunho frowns. Jaejoong prepares himself for their first fight as a couple.
“What about?” Yunho asks.
Jaejoong gives him a pointed look. “Your relationship?” he suggests.
Yunho sits forward in his seat.
“Your feelings?” Jaejoong lists next. “The lack of said feelings?”
“There's nothing that needs to be discussed,” Yunho says, anything but convincing.
“Oh, please,” Jaejoong says.
“Our breakup was mutual,” Yunho tells him.
“It's never mutual,” Jaejoong argues. “Yunho, you hurt him, you know?”
Yunho scoffs. “He hurt himself.”
“Jesus,” Jaejoong whispers. “He hurt you, too.”
It isn't a question, and Yunho's aggravation is defensive.
“He thinks I'm an idiot,” Yunho says. “He thinks that I really was thinking of you the whole time.”
“He's always thought you were an idiot,” Jaejoong says.
“There's a limit,” Yunho replies. He snorts, folding his arms across his chest. “This is just fucking insulting.”
“Then talk to him about it,” Jaejoong insists.
“Why do I have to be the one going to him?” Yunho asks.
Jaejoong drags his hands down his face. “God, both of you are infuriating. I thought you two were okay with talking about feelings?”
“I thought you were threatened by this?” Yunho says.
“When I thought he was in love with you, yeah,” Jaejoong says. “But now I know that both of you are just stupid. He's more than your ex, but you're choosing me and he's choosing Yoochun, I get that. But he doesn't know that you get that, and it's hurting him.”
“I know,” Yunho says. He sighs and takes off his glasses, disposition softening. “I can't talk to him yet, though. He thinks I'm stupid.”
“He could just have a low self-esteem,” Jaejoong says. Jaejoong would know. God, would he know.
“He does,” Yunho concedes, because if anyone would know how Changmin saw himself, it would be Yunho. “But the truth is that he's my best friend and we've been through so much together and we've always been on the same wave-length. This is seriously the first time since the lawsuit that Changmin hasn't trusted me.”
Jaejoong wonders about that. It could be true, definitely. Changmin's self-image could be so whittled down by recent events that he's is second guessing all that Yunho sees in him. Jaejoong's heart breaks at the thought.
“I'll talk to him,” Yunho says. Yunho nods at Jaejoong, expression hard and decided. “Later, maybe a few weeks later, I'll talk to him. I've never been completely in love with him because of my feelings for you, but I've made it no secret that I adore the hell out of him.”
Jaejoong nods, recalling the tens upon dozens of interviews and gif-sets showcasing Yunho's admiration for his maknae.
“I kind of knew none of it was making it to his head,” Yunho says, “but it still hurts. I'm pissed at him. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't get how amazing he is, but why should he, it's only me who's telling him.”
Jaejoong stares at him. “He really doesn't, does he?”
“So give me some time,” Yunho says. “To cool down a little bit.”
Jaejoong looks at him. He noticed them before, but now the creases in Yunho's forehead are more pronounced, the tenseness of every muscle in his face contradicting the smile pulling at his lips. Jaejoong wonders if these are the signs he should start looking out for when Yunho needs comfort.
Yunho needs comfort.
Jaejoong flushes at the thought. “Okay,” is all he says.
Yunho's smile turns grateful.
Jaejoong leans further onto his elbows, resting his chin behind them. He peeks up at Yunho.
Yunho seems to find the cuteness amusing. His eyes warm.
“So,” Jaejoong says. “We're dating now.”
“Officially,” Yunho replies.
“You're my boyfriend,” Jaejoong says.
That looks like it takes Yunho off guard. His smile falters and he blushes ever so slightly, the color change almost imperceptible. Jaejoong finds it a little endeering; he isn't sure if Yunho has blushed more than five times since they met.
“I am,” Yunho says.
“Cool,” Jaejoong says. He blushes, too, digging his face deeper into his arms. “We're boyfriends.”
Yunho chuckles again.
Jaejoong grins, though Yunho can't see it. “It's a little...” He lifts his head from the table. “It's a little anticlimactic, isn't it?”
Yunho shrugs. “I could give you a climax.”
Jaejoong's cheeks jump from warm to burning in no time at all. He stares at Yunho, hiding his face once again.
Yunho holds his gaze, and there's something dangerous in his eye.
Jaejoong tries to laugh it off. He and Yunho have only been dating for three minutes. Yunho is joking, surely. “That,” Jaejoong says, the sound muffled as he refuses to raise his head. “That sounded a little...”
“Erotic?” Yunho fills in. He nods, no longer smiling. “I meant it that way.” He pushes his chair back. “Come on, we're in plain view out here.”
Jaejoong doesn't move for several moments. He can't be serious, he tries to convince himself, but the longer Yunho stares down at him expectantly, the less certain Jaejoong becomes. Finally, Jaejoong lifts from his seat.
Yunho nods and leads the way inside. Jaejoong follows at a distance, still unsure of what's going on. As they cross the living room, Jaejoong expects Changmin or Yoochun to notice them, but they're too immersed in their movie to even pass them a glance. Jaejoong quickens his pace.
Yunho seems to be in a hurry, as well, because when they reach the hallway, Yunho grabs Jaejoong by the wrist and yanks him forward.
Jaejoong stumbles into Yunho's chest. Yunho's arm wraps around Jaejoong's waist, his nose digs into Jaejoong's neck. Jaejoong gasps, hands grasping Yunho's shoulders instinctively. Yunho mouths at Jaejoong's birthmark, playing at it with his tongue. He growls when Jaejoong shivers. He pulls away and yanks open his bedroom door.
“Yunho-” Jaejoong squeaks when he's shoved into the room then against the back of the door. He barely catches his breath before Yunho's mouth is on his. He moans, hands on Yunho's neck.
Yunho wastes no time with lip-play. His tongue shoves into Jaejoong's mouth.
Jaejoong moans again, louder, more surprised than aroused.
Yunho breaks away. “Bed,” he murmurs against Jaejoong's lips.
“Yun-mnn!” Jaejoong is silenced by another kiss, this one hungrier, but somehow Jaejoong is overwhelmed with amusement. He laughs, the sound bubbling out of his chest and swallowed in between them.
Yunho pulls back to look at him curiously.
Jaejoong holds Yunho at arm's length, gasping for air as he laughs harder. “Wait,” he says, giggling. “Wait a minute.”
“What?” Yunho asks. He's panting, too, and Jaejoong's smile grows fond.
“We've literally been dating for-” Jaejoong pulls out his phone. “-twelve minutes.” He tilts his head, smiling at Yunho's bewilderment. “Can't we wait a minute?”
“... What?” Yunho asks.
Jaejoong shakes his head. “Can we wait?” he asks again. “I think we should take things kind of slow.”
Yunho frowns. He steps back, allowing Jaejoong to move off the door. “Slow?” he asks.
“Slow,” Jaejoong agrees, nodding. He pats Yunho's chest, resting a hand on Yunho's shoulder.
Yunho pouts but nods. He begins to look more like himself as that predatory look fades the slightest bit. “Okay,” he says.
Jaejoong's smile widens, and he pats Yunho's chest a couple more times. He doesn't say anything more, only looks up into Yunho's face. A part of him seriously can't believe that he's here now. He's in Yunho's room, winded from the most impressive kiss he's probably ever experienced and talking Yunho down from sex. He's dating Yunho now. Yunho is his boyfriend. He's Yunho's boyfriend. They're a couple.
He wants to find it surreal and unexpected but he's too caught up in wondering what took them so long to get here. This is so natural; convincing Yunho that sex right now would be too soon; an arm around Yunho's neck; a hand on Yunho's chest***.
When Yunho smiles back in that sheepish way of his, Jaejoong pushes onto his toes and captures Yunho's lips in his own, and the moment is officially perfect.
~
In the living room, Yoochun peeks at Changmin from the other side of the couch. He thinks he's being discrete, but Changmin sighs and picks up the remote.
Changmin pauses the TV. “What is it?” he asks.
Yoochun pokes at the pillow in his lap. “They're... you know, right?” he asks, jerking his head at the hallway.
“Probably,” Changmin says, shrugging. “Yunho has an unusually high sex drive, so it wouldn't surprise me.”
Yoochun nods, looking away.
Changmin frowns. “Does that bother you?”
Yoochun glances at him, then turns to face him. “Does it bother you?” he asks.
Changmin snorts, ears turning red as he turns back to the TV.
“It's an understandable assumption,” Yoochun defends as his unease dissipates a bit. “He's your ex, and I could understand if it bothers you that he's having sex with other people.”
Changmin rubs at his temple. “Is everyone obsessed with me and Yunho or something?”
“Baby,” Yoochun says. Changmin looks at him. “You don't have to be in love with someone to feel jealous. I completely understand if you are.”
“I'm not,” Changmin says. “Even when we were dating we weren't sexually compatible. He took my virginity, but-”
Yoochun coughs.
“Oh, stop it,” Changmin tells him. “Someone had to take it.” He sighs, ears reddening further. “I'm upset with him, but that's not why.”
“Why, then?” Yoochun asks.
“I'll tell you eventually,” Changmin says. He smiles, an attempt at being reassuring, though it does little to settle Yoochun's trepidation. “Soon, but not right now.”
Yoochun nods, Changmin's sincerity winning the tiny argument.
Changmin puffs a sigh of relief before reaching again for the remote.
* If you have yet to read the Intermission, these are the first of several things you won't understand. Just go read it now. This chapter will still be here when you're done.
** I have no idea who Leeteuk is given that SUJU is not my cup of tea, so if you're a Leeteuk fan... sorry.
*** This position might seem a little hetero-normative, but the YunJae duo has stood in this position more than once in real life, so it only seems natural for these specific people.
A/N: I actually don't agree with the “it's never mutual” thing. My first breakup was mutual. We were both avoiding each other for a week because we were trying to figure out how to break up with each other. I know this is a slow start for the story, but literally everything I have planned for this half of things are events that happen to YunJae and YooMin as couples. I would have just jumped into the relationships, but I've vowed to not be one of those authors who rushes things just because I'm impatient. Another 2 chapters for YooMin to get together, and then the drama starts. Like, the first major event happens right after they start dating. Like seconds after.
And if no one noticed the parallels between Yunho's first time with Seokjin (in the Intermission) and this dry-humping with Jaejoong, I'm pointing it out to you now.
As for the arrangement/relationship between Yunho and Changmin: Things will be fully explained, but that comes after YooMin start dating, so at least 2 more chapters. I'm releasing them kind of quick so you shouldn't have to wait too long. Basically, the thing that everyone seems to keep missing is that Yunho said to Jaejoong that there was an arrangement where he and Changmin role-played, but then he told Jaejoong right after that-SURPRISE-that's not what we were really doing. I won't spoil it, but please stop focusing on the role-playing/arrangement/thinking-of-JaeChun-during-sex, because I've tried several times to point out that that's not what was really going on. I mean, think about it. Who the hell would do something that creepy for 4 straight months? This is a fan-fiction, and that was my original intention, but that was 3 years ago, and I've realized how stupid that is. I would have just deleted that part of the plot, but that is literally what started the plot off to begin with. Then 3 months ago I figured out a way for the arrangement (or the fake-arrangement) to make sense, so I'm rolling with it. Sadly, that means I can't explain it in one go. Sorry.