Forward and Counting
Title: Forward and Counting [Part 3 of the Stage it Out Loud series; 1: No More Secrets and 2: Intermission]
Pairing: YunJae; YooMin
Length: 2/50
Genre: Romance; Humor; Angst
Warning(s): Homophobia
Rating: NC17 / PG15
Disclaimer: Seriously?
Summary: Out of a loop and into the future, how can TVXQ survive a shift in cultures and societal viewpoints as they move back home to brave the uncertain waters that are their Korean careers? Jaejoong can't exactly focus on the bleakness of their work, however, if he is too distracted by the bleakness of their home. Yunho and Changmin, though now separate, find it difficult to distance their bond, Yoochun knows the lack of argument in his and Changmin's relationship is unhealthy, and Jaejoong wonders how he and Yunho will fair the rocky undertones of their dysfunctional relationship. And what of Junsu? What of their families?
00 | 01
CHAPTER TWO
July 19, 2011; 9:22
“Changmin and I aren't really dating,” Yunho says, moving to close his bedroom door.
“I got that part,” Jaejoong says, arms crossed.
Yunho sighs. “We like different people. For Changmin, it was Yoochun-”
Jaejoong's eyes widen.
“-for me, it was you,” Yunho says. “Is you.”
Jaejoong stares at him. “Wait.” He steps closer. “You're telling me that all this time, you had feelings for me?”
Yunho grimaces. “Well-”
“It's a yes or no question,” Jaejoong says.
“Yes,” Yunho says. “I've liked you for a long time.”
“How long?” Jaejoong asks.
“Two and half years,” Yunho says, looking away. “Almost three.”
“Oh my god,” Jaejoong says, hand on his forehead.
“Changmin liked Yoochun for going on two years,” Yunho continues quietly. “We thought that maybe we'd try something like dating each other while pretending...”
Jaejoong meets his gaze.
Yunho takes a deep breath. “... while pretending to be you and Yoochun.”
“What?” Jaejoong whispers.
“It's crazy, I know,” Yunho says.
“What?”
“We took turns every two days,” Yunho explains. He looks nervous, pained, as if this conversation is hurting him. “When it was my turn, he'd act like you. When it was his, I'd act like Yoochun.”
“That's insane,” Jaejoong says.
“Yeah,” Yunho says, “it was. It was my idea. I was drunk. I have no idea why Changmin agreed to it, but he did. It wasn't supposed to last longer than a day, maybe two but... it did.”
“Why?” Jaejoong asks.
“Because it was a way for Changmin and I to be together without being together,” Yunho says, shrugging. “That's what Changmin told me a few weeks-”
“I mean why did you do it, Yunho,” Jaejoong says, voice rising.
“Oh,” Yunho says. He runs a hand through his hair. “To get over you.”
“To get over...” Jaejoong murmurs.
Yunho nods. “I can't get over a crush unless I date them,” he explains. “Or have sex with them.”
“Sex?” Jaejoong asks, and he's almost ashamed when his head fills with thoughts that have nothing to do with the current course of conversation.
“Sex, yes, you're intimate with the act,” Yunho says.
“Yes, thank you,” Jaejoong snaps.
Yunho turns away, towards his desk. “We had rules,” he says next.
Jaejoong scoffs.
“I wasn't supposed to leave him alone with Yoochun.” Yunho sits on the foot of his bed. “He couldn't leave me alone with you. All those times that he was mad at you after we went out alone, it was that. You wouldn't leave me alone long enough to move on.”
“I thought you hated me,” Jaejoong says.
“Another rule was that we wouldn't get false hope,” Yunho continues. “That's why I was so cold to you sometimes. You'd do something that would make me think that you... and I'd have to convince myself that you didn't. So I distanced myself or made you go away.”
“Dude,” Jaejoong says. “I thought you hated me.”
“No one hates you, Jae-yah,” Yunho replies, throwing his hands in the air. “Besides you, apparently.”
Jaejoong looks away.
“The last rule came later,” Yunho says, “and it was that if one of us said something to our crush, the other would have to say it to his. All those times that I wanted to tell you how I felt...”
Jaejoong looks back at him.
Yunho sighs. “Sometimes, I knew that it would be better if I just told you. Even if you didn't feel the same, you were open-minded enough to help me through it. You would have given me my space. Let me move on. But then Changmin would have to tell Yoochun.”
“You let me think that you hated me,” Jaejoong says, “so Changmin wouldn't have to tell Yoochun that he liked him?”
“I didn't want to put him through that,” Yunho says. “Guys are weird when it comes to other guys liking them. You saw how Yoochun was acting. For all we knew, Yoochun could have been disgusted if Changmin told him about his feelings. And yeah, I'd rather you hate me than Changmin get his heart broken in the most insulting way possible.”
Jaejoong nods. “Okay. So, that's it?”
“That's it,” Yunho says.
“Unhealthy,” Jaejoong says. “Obsessive. Using each other so you can obsess over me and Yoochun? Did you think of us when having sex, too?”
“Jaejoong-ah,” Yunho says, climbing to his feet.
“Madness,” Jaejoong says. He scowls, drops his eyes. “And a little on the-”
“Sick side?” Yunho supplies, making Jaejoong look at him. “Yeah. It would have been if that was what we were doing.”
“What?” Jaejoong asks.
“We were trying to do all that,” Yunho says, voice soft and sad. “But it's crazy. So we pretended to do it, I guess.”
“You were pretending to pretend?” Jaejoong asks, incredulous.
“Yes, Jaejoong-ah,” Yunho says. “That's what people do when they're scared.”
~
Jaejoong's mind is brought back to the table when something knocks it several inches to the left.
“Fucking son-of-a-” Yoochun hops on one foot, grasping the toe of his sock.
Jaejoong sighs and reaches for a napkin to dab up the dribbles of coffee that spilled over the rim of his mug. “Good morning,” he says.
“Knew I should have worn those stupid slippers,” Yoochun mutters as he hobbles his way to the coffee pot sitting on the counter. “See it didn't take you long to break out the coffee pot,” he adds, pouring a mug. “Your insomnia hasn't returned, has it?”
Jaejoong glances over his shoulder at him. “No,” he says. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Anything to do with Yunho?” Yoochun asks.
Jaejoong chokes on his coffee.
Yoochun sits across from him and hands him another napkin.
“You know about that?” Jaejoong asks.
“I'm not dead,” Yoochun says.
Jaejoong can't help a smile at that.
“I know that you haven't given him an answer, either.” Yoochun says, nodding into his mug. “Changmin and I are in a pre-dating stage that's kind of like marriage with no touching, so I know everything.”
“So you two are something,” Jaejoong says, tilting his head. “How are you dealing with that?”
“Dealing with what?” Yoochun asks.
Jaejoong blinks. “Nothing.”
Yoochun shrugs, setting down his coffee. “As much as I don't like Yunho right now,” he says, “I can tell that you like him.”
“Says the guy who was in denial until two weeks ago,” Jaejoong counters.
“Don't use my denial to ignore your feelings,” Yoochun says.
“Stop hanging out with Changmin,” Jaejoong replies.
“But what's wrong with it?” Yoochun asks. “You and Yunho.”
“What about us?” Jaejoong asks, leaning back in his chair.
“Well,” Yoochun says. “Why the wait?”
Jaejoong shrugs. “You wouldn't get it,” he says. “At least not until Changmin tells you.”
Yoochun frowns and leans forward. “Until Changmin tells me what?”
“Until Changmin tells him what?” Changmin echoes as he steps into the room, rolling up the sleeves of his button down. From head to toe, his clothing is formal and professional. His hair is slicked back, his shirt is tucked in, and Jaejoong would be damned if those weren't wing-tipped shoes.
“Looking hot, baby,” Yoochun says with a whistle.
“You look like a waiter,” Jaejoong says monotonously.
Changmin smiles at Yoochun-“Thank you.”-before frowning at Jaejoong-“And... thank you?” He moves to the open moving box on the counter. “I'm guessing these are the mugs?”
Both Jaejoong and Yoochun hum the affirmative, Jaejoong raising his eyebrows at Yoochun, Yoochun sticking his tongue out at Jaejoong.
“Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong calls over his shoulder.
Changmin glances up from the mug he's pouring himself.
“Yoochun is surprisingly happy right now,” Jaejoong says. “How did you manage to change him from a complete ass without having sex with him?”
Yoochun clucks his tongue. “Look, if you don't want to talk, just say so-”
“He's a puppy, princess.” Changmin slides into the seat beside Yoochun's. “Just give him a little attention and he'll wait.” He sips at his coffee before changing the subject. “But, again, what are we waiting for me to tell him?”
Yoochun relaxes back in his seat.
Jaejoong fixes Changmin with a knowing look. “Yunho told me.”
“Oh,” Changmin says, nodding. “How much?”
“Everything,” Jaejoong replies.
“Good.” Changmin pulls a napkin from the stand. “Just ripped the band-aid off.”
“That doesn't bother you?” Jaejoong asks.
“I'm lost,” Yoochun says.
“I'll tell you when we start dating,” Changmin tells him, eyes on Jaejoong. “Why would I be bothered? He was going to tell you eventually. God knows how much he wanted to.”
Jaejoong breaks their eye contact.
“Anyway.” Changmin lifts from his seat. “I have to go do a thing.”
“A thing?” Yoochun asks.
“Yeah,” Changmin replies, pausing in front of the door. “A Yunho thing.”
Jaejoong's mug hits the table. “Why are you still dong Yunho things?”
“I don't like the thought of that, either,” Yoochun says, frowning.
Changmin sighs at the both of them. “I'm not doing Yunho, I'm doing a thing with Yunho. There is a difference.” He turns to Yoochun. “And you may be my almost-boyfriend, but I don't need your approval.”
Yoochun looks at his coffee. Taking sympathy, Jaejoong leans forward to comfort him.
“What are you two doing?” Jaejoong asks, patting Yoochun's hand.
“We've been invited back on that show we were on four months ago,” Changmin says. He adjusts his shirt. “You know, In the Closet?”
“You're going back on?” Yoochun asks. He looks like he can't decide whether to stand up or not.
“So you're still going to act like a couple?” Jaejoong asks.
“Of course not,” Yunho replies, stepping into the room with a suit jacket in hand. He's dressed similar to Changmin but his shirt is black instead of red and his tie is a distinct blood red, unlike Changmin's solid gray. He's wearing jeans, as well.
Jaejoong determinedly doesn't notice how good he looks.
Yunho helps Changmin into the jacket. “We're going to announce the end of our relationship the way we announced the beginning,” he says.
“Oh.” Jaejoong grimaces. “Is that wise?”
“Would you prefer we continued pretend dating?” Yunho asks patiently.
“No,” Jaejoong and Yoochun reply in unison.
“Exactly,” Changmin says. He checks his phone. “We should-”
“Right,” Yunho says, checking his watch. He smiles at Jaejoong and nods at Yoochun. “We'll call when recording is over. When Junsu wakes up, make him eat something.”
Jaejoong exchanges looks with Yoochun, but Yoochun looks just as confused as Jaejoong is.
“Junsu skipped dinner last night,” Changmin says, slipping past Yunho. “Get your priorities straight.”
Jaejoong stares at the door where Changmin disappeared.
Yunho sighs and waves before following after Changmin.
~
In the hallway, Yunho almost walks straight into Changmin's back.
“Changmin-ah?” he calls, touching Changmin's shoulder.
Changmin is still and quiet, but at Yunho's nudge, he lifts his head. “I'm fine,” he says. He straightens, clears his throat. “So, you told him.”
Yunho looks him over. “Yeah,” he says, “I did. Is that a problem?”
“No,” Changmin says. “It's good. Great, even. Soon, I'll tell Yoochun, and we'll be with who we wanted to be with.”
Yunho's curiosity isn't so easily swayed. He studies Changmin, makes sure to take a good look, and Changmin's discomfort at the scrutiny is obvious. Ever since the end of their arrangement, Changmin has been treating Yunho so the same that it's boring. Yunho wouldn't go so far as to assume that Changmin is hiding something from him, because even with all of Yunho's slowness, he knows Changmin's tells. Yunho is confident that Changmin can no longer hold anything from him.
How else would Changmin being boring set off so many alarms?
“Changmin-ah,” Yunho says. “If you aren't comfortable with the way things are-”
“Can I still call you Yunho?” Changmin asks.
Yunho is taken aback. “You're most comfortable with calling me hyung, you always have been.”
“Is that a no?” Changmin whispers.
“That means that if you're okay, I'm okay,” Yunho says.
Changmin nods. He looks relieved. “Okay.”
Yunho's concern ups a notch.
“Shall we go?” Changmin asks, motioning toward the door.
Yunho nods slowly, and Changmin leads the way out of the apartment. Yunho continues to watch him on the walk to elevator.
~
“So,” Jaejoong says, owl piggy bank held tight to his chest, “the fact that Changmin is a guy doesn't bother you at all?”
Yoochun throws a slinky at him. It uncoils and slinks into a docile stack square in between them. “We are not having this conversation again,” he says, dismissing the toy.
“But really.” Jaejoong picks up the slinky and places it on the desk. “He has a penis, you know.”
“Yes,” Yoochun says, “I do. No need to remind me.”
“But are you bisexual?” Jaejoong asks. He lifts another box and places it on the bed. “Pansexual?”
An hour after Yunho's and Changmin's departure, Jaejoong and Yoochun are showered and dressed and unpacking Yoochun's room, and Jaejoong is so curious it hurts.
Jaejoong doesn't understand how Yoochun isn't confused by his sudden attraction to another man. Whether it's the penis or the generous amount of body hair, Yoochun doesn't seem to have much of an opinion on the subject at all. It's strange and a little funny-Changmin can't stand people without opinions on everything-but Jaejoong supposes that there's some jealousy in his questions, too.
Jaejoong went through hell coming to term with his sexuality. Yoochun, however, seems perfectly content with just going with it.
Secretly, Jaejoong is trying not to asphyxiate him.
“I'm just me, dude,” Yoochun says, shrugging. “Why smother it with labels? Isn't it just love?”
I'm going to murder you in your sleep, Jaejoong promises internally. “Well, yeah,” he says aloud. “But don't you wonder if there was a guy or two who you would have dated if you knew you could like guys?”
“No,” Yoochun says simply, head stuffed halfway in a box.
“Of course you don't,” Jaejoong mutters under his breath.
Yoochun sighs and rises to his full height. “I don't know. I guess I don't want to think about other guys or if there'll be another guy in the future. I just want to focus on Changmin. Is that so bad?”
Jaejoong bites his lip, emptying a box of clothing onto the bed. “I guess not,” he says.
Yoochun smiles and returns to the box he's working on.
“Bastard,” Jaejoong mutters.
“What?” Yoochun calls.
“Nothing,” Jaejoong says, louder. He abandons the clothes and rips open another box only to pause at what at its top. “Is this...” he asks.
Yoochun straightens. “Is what?”
“What is Changmin's camera doing in your box?” Jaejoong asks, lifting the SLR* from the assortment of journals and notepads. This is the first time he's actually touched it, and he turns it over in his hands. Stickers of odd things cover it in odd places. It's a moment before Jaejoong realizes that each one is TVXQ related.
“Must have gotten thrown in there when we were packing,” Yoochun says, looking at it over Jaejoong's shoulder. “Just put it on the desk.”
Jaejoong frowns at a sticker of a rice bowl next to two J's before obliging. He sets the camera next to the slinky as carefully as he can manage. “Don't you wonder what he takes pictures of all the time?” he asks.
“Not really,” Yoochun says. “One time, I saw him taking a picture of a water bottle.”
“Isn't that a trait common in serial killers?” Jaejoong asks. When Yoochun merely stares at him, Jaejoong says, “Photography of weird things?”
Yoochun begins folding the clothes on the bed.
Jaejoong sighs and starts shelving the notepads.
“Guys.”
Jaejoong and Yoochun look up from their work. Junsu stands in the doorway, looking showered and comfortable in his pajamas.
“Come on,” Junsu says. “Yunho's and Changmin's show is on.”
Jaejoong drops a packet of spiral bounds back into the box.
Yoochun follows them into the hallway. “Doesn't it show at eight?” he asks.
“The show is at eight,” Junsu says as they file into the living room. He drops onto the couch, grabbing the remote. “But the news is already showing clips of it.”
Yoochun sits next to Junsu, Jaejoong next to him.
Junsu turns up the volume.
“-turns out that HoMin wasn't the perfect couple after all,” the anchor says, nodding at the camera. “On today's showing of In the Closet, TVXQ's U-know Yunho and Max Changmin will announce the end of their relationship.”
“Spoiler alert,” Yoochun mutters.
“Is this seriously what we're obsessed with right now?” Jaejoong asks, gesturing at the TV. “Can't the news just stick to murder and high-speed chases?”
Junsu remains silent.
The news station cuts to a clip from In the Closet. Yunho and Changmin sit together at the center of the panel of guests, smiling and immersed in the conversation.
Jaejoong rolls his eyes at the display.
“Anyway,” a host says, changing the subject. “Let's turn the attention to our favorite celeb couple.”
Another guest claps a hand on Yunho's shoulder, as if congratulating him for something.
Yunho smiles politely at the guest, then the hosts. “Actually,” he says. “We aren't a couple anymore.”
The entire set gasps in dismay.
“Why?” asks a female host. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Changmin murmurs into his mic, surprising Yunho. “We just realized that we want different things in a relationship.”
Yunho nods his agreement.
The cast, however, still doesn't look satisfied.
“But you were so cute,” says another host.
“We were,” Yunho says.
“But we're just looking for different things,” Changmin says. “We're still friends-”
Yunho throws an arm around Changmin's shoulders and pulls Changmin against his side. Their heads rest together briefly. “Best of friends,” Yunho says.
The hosts appear to relax at that, several of them nodding their heads before continuing on to another subject.
Jaejoong all but groans, throwing his head back.
“Technically that's all true,” Yoochun says.
Jaejoong glares at him. “How does this not bother you at all?”
“You think that doesn't bother me?” Yoochun asks, scoffing. “They're all over each other!”
“Shh,” Junsu cuts in, waving them silent.
“The TVXQ members have confirmed that they are still single,” the news anchor says after the clip is over. “This might be good news for any lucky men looking for relationships. Now, on to the weather-”
“That was surprisingly supportive,” Jaejoong says. He reaches across Yoochun and takes the remote from Junsu. He mutes the sound. “I was expecting something a little more ignorant.”
“It's not over yet,” Yoochun says. “There's still hope.”
Junsu snatches the remote back from Jaejoong.
Jaejoong stares at him, Yoochun looking uncomfortable in between them.
“I want to hear the weather,” Junsu mutters shyly. He un-mutes the TV. “Some of us actually plan on going out today.”
“Where're you going?” Yoochun asks.
“My house,” Junsu replies. “My mom's been blowing up my phone since we arrived in the country.”
Jaejoong tsks, climbing to his feet. “Dammit.”
“Oh, right,” Yoochun says. “Families.” He sighs. “I guess I could go see my dad real quick. My mom would want me to spend the night.”**
“Dammit!” Jaejoong repeats, pacing in front of them.
“Hyung,” Junsu says with a roll of his eyes. “Can't see the TV.”
“What's wrong with you?” Yoochun asks, watching Jaejoong move from one end of the couch to the other.
Jaejoong whines, hands in his hair. “I have eight sisters,” he says. “Nine if you count my bio family. I'm not ready to see any of them. And my mother, I mean, the last time I saw her she was going all homophobic about Yunho and Changmin.”
Yoochun sighs gravely.
“You don't have to see them,” Junsu tells Jaejoong, distracted. “Just text them that you're unpacking or having troubles with C-JES-And, hyung, stop blocking the TV.”
Jaejoong falls back into his seat. “And coming out,” he says. “How do I go about doing that?” He looks at Yoochun. “How're you planning on telling your family?”
Yoochun's fingers curl into Jaejoong's thigh and dig deep and painful into the fabric of his jeans. Jaejoong quiets with a wince.
Yoochun is staring straight ahead, face stony and expressionless.
“What?” Junsu asks, looking at them.
Jaejoong's heart sinks into the pit of his stomach. “Oh my god,” he whispers to Yoochun. “I am so sorry.”
Junsu turns off the TV and throws the remote on the coffee table. He pulls one leg onto the couch as he turns to face Yoochun. “Telling your family what, hyung?”
Yoochun doesn't look away from the screen.
“I am so sorry,” Jaejoong says again, Yoochun's hand still clenching his thigh. “I thought you told-”
“Yoochun-hyung,” Junsu says, soft and gentle. “What is he talking about?”
Jaejoong reaches forward but Yoochun only tightens his hold and Jaejoong's teeth clench at the pain.
Junsu leans forward, touching Yoochun's other hand. “It's okay, hyung,” he says. “You can tell me.”
Jaejoong's brow furrows. That hurts a little more than it should. He masks it, chokes it down his throat. You can tell me? What the hell is that? Jaejoong's announcement-or accidental stumble of a confession-was hardly so well-received. When Jaejoong told Changmin his sexuality, Junsu left the room. Cold. Dismissive.
When did Junsu turn a new leaf, Jaejoong would sure as hell like to know. Where is Jaejoong's acceptance? Where is Jaejoong's assurance? Jaejoong is still waiting. He's still stinging with Junsu's refusal.
However, Jaejoong doesn't say any of that. He manages to un-pry Yoochun's fingers from his jeans and he holds Yoochun's hand, tight and secure.
Yoochun clears his throat and looks at Junsu. “I... I kind of have a thing,” he says. “For Changmin. I have a thing for Changmin. I like him. He likes me.”
Junsu nods, but Jaejoong can see his distaste in the bobbing of his Adam's apple. “That's... good,” Junsu says. “Isn't it? That he likes you back?”
Yoochun blinks at him. “Yeah,” he replies. “I think it is.”
“Are you two dating?” Junsu asks.
“No.” Yoochun glances at Jaejoong, then back at Junsu. “Not yet, I mean, after he gets some emotional issues under control, we'll try.”
“Thats good,” Junsu says. He smiles. “I'm happy for you. You have my blessing.”
Yoochun smiles, too, and Jaejoong honestly can't believe what is happening in front of him.
Fortunately, Jaejoong's phone begins to ring just as Yoochun relaxes his grip on Jaejoong's hand. Jaejoong lets go and excuses himself from the room. “Hello?” he says upon reaching the hallway.
“It's me,” Yunho replies. It sounds like he's standing at the center of the apocalypse. “We're done with shooting, but it looks like we'll be another half hour.”
“Really?” Jaejoong says. He moves further down the hall after glancing back into the living room. “How are you two doing?” he asks, softer.
“Fine,” Yunho says. “Why?”
“Well, the news is already airing your... announcement.” Jaejoong steps into his room. “So I'm thinking it might be a big deal.”
“They're what?” Yunho asks. He grumbles something Jaejoong can't make out in the surrounding noise. “-ing people,” he's saying. “It's been fifteen minutes.”
“What?” Jaejoong asks, sitting on his bed.
“Don't worry about it,” Yunho says. “Look, we have to go. The lead host is waving us over.”
“Wait!” Jaejoong says. “There's another thing.”
“Yeah?” Yunho replies.
Jaejoong takes a moment. “I... I kind of outed Yoochun.”
“All I got out of that was kind of,” Yunho says. “Sorry, can you repeat that?”
“I outed Yoochun,” Jaejoong enunciates.
On the other line, there's a yelp that is definitely Changmin's and the slam of a door.
Jaejoong assumes Yunho heard him this time.
“You what?” Yunho asks, and his voice echoes.
Jaejoong snorts.
“I'm putting you on speaker,” Yunho says. “Changmin-ah, he outed your boyfriend.”
“He's not my-Wait, to who?” Changmin asks. His voice is echoing, as well.
“Where are you guys?” Jaejoong asks curiously.
“Yunho dragged me into the bathroom,” Changmin says, sounding anything but amused.
“I outed him to Junsu,” Jaejoong replies. “I thought he'd already told him.”
“How did Junsu react?” Changmin asks. He doesn't sound too upset, to Jaejoong's surprise. “Good, right?”
Jaejoong blinks. “Yeah. Amazing compared to how he reacted to me.”
“That makes sense,” Changmin says. “Junsu seems to be in the bargaining stage, after all.”
“What?” Jaejoong asks.
“Just some psychology BS,” Yunho says. Changmin gives an offended huff somewhere around him. “Jae-yah, you outed yourself by accident, so don't feel bad.”
Jaejoong mulls over that for several seconds. “You said another half hour?” he asks quietly.
There's a shuffle as Yunho supposedly takes him off speaker phone. “Yeah,” he says finally. “At least.”
“If they ask you to drink-”
“I'll say no,” Yunho assures him. “Changmin needs to comfort Yoochun, and you and I-”
“Need to talk,” Jaejoong says. “Right.” He kneads his temple. “See you when you get home?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Yunho says. “See you in a bit.”
Jaejoong hangs up the phone and slides it back into his pocket.
A knock on the doorframe lifts his gaze.
Yoochun strolls into the room, hands behind his head. “Hey.”
Jaejoong stares up at him.
Yoochun sits beside him. “Okay,” he says, “so you are never invited over to my houses ever again.”
“I'm sorry,” Jaejoong says, grimacing.
Yoochun shrugs. “Junsu is oddly cool about it, so whatever. There is something, though.”
Jaejoong looks at him, patient.
“It might actually be a problem,” Yoochun tell him. “This `no labels' thing. It has it's perks, but I never really thought of coming out because I don't consider myself gay or bi or pan or whatever. I don't even think I'm straight.”
Jaejoong nods.
“So I guess that, yeah,” Yoochun says, hands on his knees, “I'm a little scared now. I still don't think I'm of any special sexuality-or of any sexuality-but it's still there, I guess.”
“Sorry for scaring you,” Jaejoong says.
Yoochun shakes his head. “No, you woke me up. No need to apologize for that.”
Jaejoong meets his eyes, and they share a smile.
“You do have to apologize for what I just saw, though,” Yoochun says. “You and Yunho finishing each other's sentences is a little disturbing, honestly.”
Jaejoong scoffs at him, punching his shoulder.
~
Right on the dot, Jaejoong is waiting for Yunho and Changmin the moment they step into the apartment. His arms are crossed and his jaw is set, and Yunho pauses in front of him.
Changmin moves on in search of Yoochun.
“Jae-yah,” Yunho says.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong says.
Yunho hangs his bag on the hall tree. “I have an idea,” he says.
Jaejoong quirks an eyebrow.
“No,” Yunho says, “this isn't like the chocolate dipped kimchi, this is an actually good idea.”
“We need to talk,” Jaejoong argues.
“Go out with Changmin,” Yunho says.
Jaejoong stares at him.
“I don't care where,” Yunho says. “Knowing him, he'll take you to the gay district just because you're the only person insane enough to go with him.”
“How would that help anything?” Jaejoong asks, arms tightening around himself.
“Because Yoochun borderline hates my guts,” Yunho says. “And Changmin is my best friend. He's not my ex, Jae-yah.”
“But he is,” Jaejoong says.
“But he isn't,” Yunho replies.
Jaejoong frowns.
Yunho smiles, tilting his head. “Then we'll talk,” he says.
~
Yoochun is flipping through a photo album when Changmin enters his room.
“Hey,” Yoochun says, snapping the album closed.
“Hey,” Changmin echoes. He nods, closes the door. He looks nervous. “So Jaejoong-hyung said he outed you?”
Yoochun smiles. “To Junsu, yeah,” he says. “Nothing to worry about, though. Junsu was strangely okay with the whole idea of you and me.”
“That's good then,” Changmin says. His eyes drop to the album. “What're you doing?”
Yoochun glances at it, as well, but he throws it on the bed. “Nothing special, just family.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Are you going to see yours?”
Changmin shrugs, growing stiff at the subject. “Dunno,” he says. “Maybe.”
Yoochun nods. He clears his throat. “Changmin-ah.”
Changmin lifts his eyes.
“I don't have a sexuality,” Yoochun says. “That bothers you, doesn't it?”
Changmin doesn't reply.
Yoochun hesitates only for a moment. “And... coming out,” he continues. “About that, how do I... do anything if I don't...”
Changmin bites his lip. “Everyone has a sexuality, hyung,” he murmurs. “Even not having any sexual attraction at all is a sexuality.”
“But I-” Yoochun says.
“Don't want to think about it,” Changmin says. “It's not that you're against labels, it's just that you don't see the point in them. That you don't want to take the time to worry about such things. That other things are important.”
“Like us,” Yoochun suggests.
“Like us,” Changmin whispers. He shrugs. “But that's fine. There are a lot of people like that. Who would rather not confuse themselves over who they find attractive and who they don't.”
“That's fine?” Yoochun asks.
“Yeah,” Changmin says. “It's not like I can force you to pick a category.”
“Yes, you can.” Yoochun folds his arms over his chest. “Changmin-sh, you're kind of not okay with things like this.”
“Well,” Changmin says, “I'm fine now. It's okay, hyung.”
Yoochun's eyebrows furrow. “I'm sorry,” he says, “but I thought this was where you sat me down and thoroughly explained each sexuality until I find one that fits.”
Changmin raises his eyebrows. “Do you want me to do that?”
“I want you to do what you want, baby,” Yoochun says.
Changmin sighs, running a hand through his hair, but doesn't say anything further. He crosses the room and picks up his camera, pressing a few buttons when he's turned it on.
Yoochun isn't sure if this is a problem or not.
~
Changmin does take Jaejoong to the gay district. He's like a child at a circus, bouncing on his toes whenever he has the thought to stand still. With the help of his long legs, Jaejoong can hardly keep up with him.
“You really like this place, don't you?” Jaejoong asks, eyes on Changmin's awestruck look.
“I've never been,” Changmin says, pulling out his trusty camera. “I always wanted to, but I was afraid that people would read into my sexuality. Now that I'm out, I can be here as much as I want.”
“Wouldn't Yunho come with you?” Jaejoong asks.
Changmin shakes his head and takes a picture of a neon sign. “No. Even out of the closet, Yunho is too dignified to come here.”
As he says that, they pass an outside café table surrounded by colorfully dressed men aged from twenty to sixty. One of the middle-aged types stands up, whistling after Jaejoong and Changmin.
“Come on, baby!” he calls. “Give us some shake to that walk!”
“How 'bout a flash or two?” encourages one of the table's elderly men.
Jaejoong is staring at them, completely taken aback, when Changmin grabs him by the wrist and drags him into the nearest restaurant. The men's cat-calls still ring strong even while Jaejoong and Changmin are running away, and Jaejoong looks expectantly at Changmin.
Changmin looks apologetic. “And that's why it's never a good idea to come alone,” he says. He waves at the restaurant hostess. She starts toward them. “Just remember that men can be pigs,” Changmin says to Jaejoong. “So can women, but men are statistically more likely to assault you in public.”
Jaejoong nods, noting that in the records in the back of his mind.
The hostess smiles when she meets them. “Shim Changmin, Kim Jaejoong,” she greets with a bow. “Just the two of you?”
Changmin returns her smile, nodding.
She grabs two menus from her post and leads the men to their table.
“So,” Jaejoong says when they slide into their seats. “How's Yoochun?”
Changmin's smile wavers, but only briefly. “A little spooked,” he says. “But fine.”
“And therapy?” Jaejoong asks.
“Small talk's not really your thing, hyung,” Changmin tells him, setting his camera on the table.
Jaejoong sighs. “Why aren't you calling Yunho hyung now?” he asks. At Changmin's frown, he adds, “I'm just curious.”
“No,” Changmin says, “you're threatened. But really, you don't need to be.”
“Then why all this name business?” Jaejoong asks.
“He's my best friend,” Changmin says.
“He's your ex,” Jaejoong corrects.
“We've been through a lot,” Changmin elaborates, setting his elbows on the table. “He's practically my soulmate. If Yunho told you everything, then you should know that we weren't really dating.”
“That's not what Yunho told me,” Jaejoong says.
“Then I don't know what he told you.” Changmin opens his menu. “Where Yunho is concerned, we were just playing our parts. That's the whole of it.”
Jaejoong's anger dissipates at those words. He looks at Changmin, at his frustration, and he suddenly sees it. Changmin's innocence. Changmin's sadness.
Yunho hurt him.
For a moment, Jaejoong can't stop staring.
“It doesn't matter anyway,” Changmin says. “Whatever we were, it's over. It might not look it, but I do like Yoochun.”
“That's obvious,” Jaejoong says.
“Then open your menu and pick something,” Changmin says.
Jaejoong glances at his copy, startled, and flips it open. “I don't think you need to worry, though,” he says.
Changmin glances at him.
Jaejoong nods. “Yunho loves you,” he says. “Don't question that because he's horrible at proving it.”
Changmin holds his stare for a moment longer before burying his nose in his menu.
Jaejoong sets down his; for only a second, he thought he saw Changmin's eyes fill with the utmost emotion.
And Jaejoong knows that this is what Yunho wanted him to see.
*I am currently editing No More Secrets, and one of the edits is that Changmin has a digital SLR camera that he takes everywhere with him. The only chapter that's been updated online is Chapter One, and the camera is in the first scene with Yunho and Changmin. It's my way of explaining why there are pictures at the beginning of every chapter besides the fact that it looks cool. As for the editing, I've edited the first 5 chapters, but a new beta is working solo on them, so I'm waiting for her to finish looking over chapter two before sending her three. No More Secrets is being changed to present tense, as well.
**I literally just learned a week ago that Yoochun's parents were divorced. Now that Mr. Park has passed away, I'll do my best to not make him into a jerk. It's only the polite thing to do.
A/N: I know the gay district is Homo Hill, but I'll keep calling it the gay district because that sounds less homophobic. For story purposes, let's pretend the boys haven't been there before. This chapter is a little longer than planned, but that's how it goes.
Pairing: YunJae; YooMin
Length: 2/50
Genre: Romance; Humor; Angst
Warning(s): Homophobia
Rating: NC17 / PG15
Disclaimer: Seriously?
Summary: Out of a loop and into the future, how can TVXQ survive a shift in cultures and societal viewpoints as they move back home to brave the uncertain waters that are their Korean careers? Jaejoong can't exactly focus on the bleakness of their work, however, if he is too distracted by the bleakness of their home. Yunho and Changmin, though now separate, find it difficult to distance their bond, Yoochun knows the lack of argument in his and Changmin's relationship is unhealthy, and Jaejoong wonders how he and Yunho will fair the rocky undertones of their dysfunctional relationship. And what of Junsu? What of their families?
00 | 01
CHAPTER TWO
July 19, 2011; 9:22
“Changmin and I aren't really dating,” Yunho says, moving to close his bedroom door.
“I got that part,” Jaejoong says, arms crossed.
Yunho sighs. “We like different people. For Changmin, it was Yoochun-”
Jaejoong's eyes widen.
“-for me, it was you,” Yunho says. “Is you.”
Jaejoong stares at him. “Wait.” He steps closer. “You're telling me that all this time, you had feelings for me?”
Yunho grimaces. “Well-”
“It's a yes or no question,” Jaejoong says.
“Yes,” Yunho says. “I've liked you for a long time.”
“How long?” Jaejoong asks.
“Two and half years,” Yunho says, looking away. “Almost three.”
“Oh my god,” Jaejoong says, hand on his forehead.
“Changmin liked Yoochun for going on two years,” Yunho continues quietly. “We thought that maybe we'd try something like dating each other while pretending...”
Jaejoong meets his gaze.
Yunho takes a deep breath. “... while pretending to be you and Yoochun.”
“What?” Jaejoong whispers.
“It's crazy, I know,” Yunho says.
“What?”
“We took turns every two days,” Yunho explains. He looks nervous, pained, as if this conversation is hurting him. “When it was my turn, he'd act like you. When it was his, I'd act like Yoochun.”
“That's insane,” Jaejoong says.
“Yeah,” Yunho says, “it was. It was my idea. I was drunk. I have no idea why Changmin agreed to it, but he did. It wasn't supposed to last longer than a day, maybe two but... it did.”
“Why?” Jaejoong asks.
“Because it was a way for Changmin and I to be together without being together,” Yunho says, shrugging. “That's what Changmin told me a few weeks-”
“I mean why did you do it, Yunho,” Jaejoong says, voice rising.
“Oh,” Yunho says. He runs a hand through his hair. “To get over you.”
“To get over...” Jaejoong murmurs.
Yunho nods. “I can't get over a crush unless I date them,” he explains. “Or have sex with them.”
“Sex?” Jaejoong asks, and he's almost ashamed when his head fills with thoughts that have nothing to do with the current course of conversation.
“Sex, yes, you're intimate with the act,” Yunho says.
“Yes, thank you,” Jaejoong snaps.
Yunho turns away, towards his desk. “We had rules,” he says next.
Jaejoong scoffs.
“I wasn't supposed to leave him alone with Yoochun.” Yunho sits on the foot of his bed. “He couldn't leave me alone with you. All those times that he was mad at you after we went out alone, it was that. You wouldn't leave me alone long enough to move on.”
“I thought you hated me,” Jaejoong says.
“Another rule was that we wouldn't get false hope,” Yunho continues. “That's why I was so cold to you sometimes. You'd do something that would make me think that you... and I'd have to convince myself that you didn't. So I distanced myself or made you go away.”
“Dude,” Jaejoong says. “I thought you hated me.”
“No one hates you, Jae-yah,” Yunho replies, throwing his hands in the air. “Besides you, apparently.”
Jaejoong looks away.
“The last rule came later,” Yunho says, “and it was that if one of us said something to our crush, the other would have to say it to his. All those times that I wanted to tell you how I felt...”
Jaejoong looks back at him.
Yunho sighs. “Sometimes, I knew that it would be better if I just told you. Even if you didn't feel the same, you were open-minded enough to help me through it. You would have given me my space. Let me move on. But then Changmin would have to tell Yoochun.”
“You let me think that you hated me,” Jaejoong says, “so Changmin wouldn't have to tell Yoochun that he liked him?”
“I didn't want to put him through that,” Yunho says. “Guys are weird when it comes to other guys liking them. You saw how Yoochun was acting. For all we knew, Yoochun could have been disgusted if Changmin told him about his feelings. And yeah, I'd rather you hate me than Changmin get his heart broken in the most insulting way possible.”
Jaejoong nods. “Okay. So, that's it?”
“That's it,” Yunho says.
“Unhealthy,” Jaejoong says. “Obsessive. Using each other so you can obsess over me and Yoochun? Did you think of us when having sex, too?”
“Jaejoong-ah,” Yunho says, climbing to his feet.
“Madness,” Jaejoong says. He scowls, drops his eyes. “And a little on the-”
“Sick side?” Yunho supplies, making Jaejoong look at him. “Yeah. It would have been if that was what we were doing.”
“What?” Jaejoong asks.
“We were trying to do all that,” Yunho says, voice soft and sad. “But it's crazy. So we pretended to do it, I guess.”
“You were pretending to pretend?” Jaejoong asks, incredulous.
“Yes, Jaejoong-ah,” Yunho says. “That's what people do when they're scared.”
~
Jaejoong's mind is brought back to the table when something knocks it several inches to the left.
“Fucking son-of-a-” Yoochun hops on one foot, grasping the toe of his sock.
Jaejoong sighs and reaches for a napkin to dab up the dribbles of coffee that spilled over the rim of his mug. “Good morning,” he says.
“Knew I should have worn those stupid slippers,” Yoochun mutters as he hobbles his way to the coffee pot sitting on the counter. “See it didn't take you long to break out the coffee pot,” he adds, pouring a mug. “Your insomnia hasn't returned, has it?”
Jaejoong glances over his shoulder at him. “No,” he says. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Anything to do with Yunho?” Yoochun asks.
Jaejoong chokes on his coffee.
Yoochun sits across from him and hands him another napkin.
“You know about that?” Jaejoong asks.
“I'm not dead,” Yoochun says.
Jaejoong can't help a smile at that.
“I know that you haven't given him an answer, either.” Yoochun says, nodding into his mug. “Changmin and I are in a pre-dating stage that's kind of like marriage with no touching, so I know everything.”
“So you two are something,” Jaejoong says, tilting his head. “How are you dealing with that?”
“Dealing with what?” Yoochun asks.
Jaejoong blinks. “Nothing.”
Yoochun shrugs, setting down his coffee. “As much as I don't like Yunho right now,” he says, “I can tell that you like him.”
“Says the guy who was in denial until two weeks ago,” Jaejoong counters.
“Don't use my denial to ignore your feelings,” Yoochun says.
“Stop hanging out with Changmin,” Jaejoong replies.
“But what's wrong with it?” Yoochun asks. “You and Yunho.”
“What about us?” Jaejoong asks, leaning back in his chair.
“Well,” Yoochun says. “Why the wait?”
Jaejoong shrugs. “You wouldn't get it,” he says. “At least not until Changmin tells you.”
Yoochun frowns and leans forward. “Until Changmin tells me what?”
“Until Changmin tells him what?” Changmin echoes as he steps into the room, rolling up the sleeves of his button down. From head to toe, his clothing is formal and professional. His hair is slicked back, his shirt is tucked in, and Jaejoong would be damned if those weren't wing-tipped shoes.
“Looking hot, baby,” Yoochun says with a whistle.
“You look like a waiter,” Jaejoong says monotonously.
Changmin smiles at Yoochun-“Thank you.”-before frowning at Jaejoong-“And... thank you?” He moves to the open moving box on the counter. “I'm guessing these are the mugs?”
Both Jaejoong and Yoochun hum the affirmative, Jaejoong raising his eyebrows at Yoochun, Yoochun sticking his tongue out at Jaejoong.
“Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong calls over his shoulder.
Changmin glances up from the mug he's pouring himself.
“Yoochun is surprisingly happy right now,” Jaejoong says. “How did you manage to change him from a complete ass without having sex with him?”
Yoochun clucks his tongue. “Look, if you don't want to talk, just say so-”
“He's a puppy, princess.” Changmin slides into the seat beside Yoochun's. “Just give him a little attention and he'll wait.” He sips at his coffee before changing the subject. “But, again, what are we waiting for me to tell him?”
Yoochun relaxes back in his seat.
Jaejoong fixes Changmin with a knowing look. “Yunho told me.”
“Oh,” Changmin says, nodding. “How much?”
“Everything,” Jaejoong replies.
“Good.” Changmin pulls a napkin from the stand. “Just ripped the band-aid off.”
“That doesn't bother you?” Jaejoong asks.
“I'm lost,” Yoochun says.
“I'll tell you when we start dating,” Changmin tells him, eyes on Jaejoong. “Why would I be bothered? He was going to tell you eventually. God knows how much he wanted to.”
Jaejoong breaks their eye contact.
“Anyway.” Changmin lifts from his seat. “I have to go do a thing.”
“A thing?” Yoochun asks.
“Yeah,” Changmin replies, pausing in front of the door. “A Yunho thing.”
Jaejoong's mug hits the table. “Why are you still dong Yunho things?”
“I don't like the thought of that, either,” Yoochun says, frowning.
Changmin sighs at the both of them. “I'm not doing Yunho, I'm doing a thing with Yunho. There is a difference.” He turns to Yoochun. “And you may be my almost-boyfriend, but I don't need your approval.”
Yoochun looks at his coffee. Taking sympathy, Jaejoong leans forward to comfort him.
“What are you two doing?” Jaejoong asks, patting Yoochun's hand.
“We've been invited back on that show we were on four months ago,” Changmin says. He adjusts his shirt. “You know, In the Closet?”
“You're going back on?” Yoochun asks. He looks like he can't decide whether to stand up or not.
“So you're still going to act like a couple?” Jaejoong asks.
“Of course not,” Yunho replies, stepping into the room with a suit jacket in hand. He's dressed similar to Changmin but his shirt is black instead of red and his tie is a distinct blood red, unlike Changmin's solid gray. He's wearing jeans, as well.
Jaejoong determinedly doesn't notice how good he looks.
Yunho helps Changmin into the jacket. “We're going to announce the end of our relationship the way we announced the beginning,” he says.
“Oh.” Jaejoong grimaces. “Is that wise?”
“Would you prefer we continued pretend dating?” Yunho asks patiently.
“No,” Jaejoong and Yoochun reply in unison.
“Exactly,” Changmin says. He checks his phone. “We should-”
“Right,” Yunho says, checking his watch. He smiles at Jaejoong and nods at Yoochun. “We'll call when recording is over. When Junsu wakes up, make him eat something.”
Jaejoong exchanges looks with Yoochun, but Yoochun looks just as confused as Jaejoong is.
“Junsu skipped dinner last night,” Changmin says, slipping past Yunho. “Get your priorities straight.”
Jaejoong stares at the door where Changmin disappeared.
Yunho sighs and waves before following after Changmin.
~
In the hallway, Yunho almost walks straight into Changmin's back.
“Changmin-ah?” he calls, touching Changmin's shoulder.
Changmin is still and quiet, but at Yunho's nudge, he lifts his head. “I'm fine,” he says. He straightens, clears his throat. “So, you told him.”
Yunho looks him over. “Yeah,” he says, “I did. Is that a problem?”
“No,” Changmin says. “It's good. Great, even. Soon, I'll tell Yoochun, and we'll be with who we wanted to be with.”
Yunho's curiosity isn't so easily swayed. He studies Changmin, makes sure to take a good look, and Changmin's discomfort at the scrutiny is obvious. Ever since the end of their arrangement, Changmin has been treating Yunho so the same that it's boring. Yunho wouldn't go so far as to assume that Changmin is hiding something from him, because even with all of Yunho's slowness, he knows Changmin's tells. Yunho is confident that Changmin can no longer hold anything from him.
How else would Changmin being boring set off so many alarms?
“Changmin-ah,” Yunho says. “If you aren't comfortable with the way things are-”
“Can I still call you Yunho?” Changmin asks.
Yunho is taken aback. “You're most comfortable with calling me hyung, you always have been.”
“Is that a no?” Changmin whispers.
“That means that if you're okay, I'm okay,” Yunho says.
Changmin nods. He looks relieved. “Okay.”
Yunho's concern ups a notch.
“Shall we go?” Changmin asks, motioning toward the door.
Yunho nods slowly, and Changmin leads the way out of the apartment. Yunho continues to watch him on the walk to elevator.
~
“So,” Jaejoong says, owl piggy bank held tight to his chest, “the fact that Changmin is a guy doesn't bother you at all?”
Yoochun throws a slinky at him. It uncoils and slinks into a docile stack square in between them. “We are not having this conversation again,” he says, dismissing the toy.
“But really.” Jaejoong picks up the slinky and places it on the desk. “He has a penis, you know.”
“Yes,” Yoochun says, “I do. No need to remind me.”
“But are you bisexual?” Jaejoong asks. He lifts another box and places it on the bed. “Pansexual?”
An hour after Yunho's and Changmin's departure, Jaejoong and Yoochun are showered and dressed and unpacking Yoochun's room, and Jaejoong is so curious it hurts.
Jaejoong doesn't understand how Yoochun isn't confused by his sudden attraction to another man. Whether it's the penis or the generous amount of body hair, Yoochun doesn't seem to have much of an opinion on the subject at all. It's strange and a little funny-Changmin can't stand people without opinions on everything-but Jaejoong supposes that there's some jealousy in his questions, too.
Jaejoong went through hell coming to term with his sexuality. Yoochun, however, seems perfectly content with just going with it.
Secretly, Jaejoong is trying not to asphyxiate him.
“I'm just me, dude,” Yoochun says, shrugging. “Why smother it with labels? Isn't it just love?”
I'm going to murder you in your sleep, Jaejoong promises internally. “Well, yeah,” he says aloud. “But don't you wonder if there was a guy or two who you would have dated if you knew you could like guys?”
“No,” Yoochun says simply, head stuffed halfway in a box.
“Of course you don't,” Jaejoong mutters under his breath.
Yoochun sighs and rises to his full height. “I don't know. I guess I don't want to think about other guys or if there'll be another guy in the future. I just want to focus on Changmin. Is that so bad?”
Jaejoong bites his lip, emptying a box of clothing onto the bed. “I guess not,” he says.
Yoochun smiles and returns to the box he's working on.
“Bastard,” Jaejoong mutters.
“What?” Yoochun calls.
“Nothing,” Jaejoong says, louder. He abandons the clothes and rips open another box only to pause at what at its top. “Is this...” he asks.
Yoochun straightens. “Is what?”
“What is Changmin's camera doing in your box?” Jaejoong asks, lifting the SLR* from the assortment of journals and notepads. This is the first time he's actually touched it, and he turns it over in his hands. Stickers of odd things cover it in odd places. It's a moment before Jaejoong realizes that each one is TVXQ related.
“Must have gotten thrown in there when we were packing,” Yoochun says, looking at it over Jaejoong's shoulder. “Just put it on the desk.”
Jaejoong frowns at a sticker of a rice bowl next to two J's before obliging. He sets the camera next to the slinky as carefully as he can manage. “Don't you wonder what he takes pictures of all the time?” he asks.
“Not really,” Yoochun says. “One time, I saw him taking a picture of a water bottle.”
“Isn't that a trait common in serial killers?” Jaejoong asks. When Yoochun merely stares at him, Jaejoong says, “Photography of weird things?”
Yoochun begins folding the clothes on the bed.
Jaejoong sighs and starts shelving the notepads.
“Guys.”
Jaejoong and Yoochun look up from their work. Junsu stands in the doorway, looking showered and comfortable in his pajamas.
“Come on,” Junsu says. “Yunho's and Changmin's show is on.”
Jaejoong drops a packet of spiral bounds back into the box.
Yoochun follows them into the hallway. “Doesn't it show at eight?” he asks.
“The show is at eight,” Junsu says as they file into the living room. He drops onto the couch, grabbing the remote. “But the news is already showing clips of it.”
Yoochun sits next to Junsu, Jaejoong next to him.
Junsu turns up the volume.
“-turns out that HoMin wasn't the perfect couple after all,” the anchor says, nodding at the camera. “On today's showing of In the Closet, TVXQ's U-know Yunho and Max Changmin will announce the end of their relationship.”
“Spoiler alert,” Yoochun mutters.
“Is this seriously what we're obsessed with right now?” Jaejoong asks, gesturing at the TV. “Can't the news just stick to murder and high-speed chases?”
Junsu remains silent.
The news station cuts to a clip from In the Closet. Yunho and Changmin sit together at the center of the panel of guests, smiling and immersed in the conversation.
Jaejoong rolls his eyes at the display.
“Anyway,” a host says, changing the subject. “Let's turn the attention to our favorite celeb couple.”
Another guest claps a hand on Yunho's shoulder, as if congratulating him for something.
Yunho smiles politely at the guest, then the hosts. “Actually,” he says. “We aren't a couple anymore.”
The entire set gasps in dismay.
“Why?” asks a female host. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Changmin murmurs into his mic, surprising Yunho. “We just realized that we want different things in a relationship.”
Yunho nods his agreement.
The cast, however, still doesn't look satisfied.
“But you were so cute,” says another host.
“We were,” Yunho says.
“But we're just looking for different things,” Changmin says. “We're still friends-”
Yunho throws an arm around Changmin's shoulders and pulls Changmin against his side. Their heads rest together briefly. “Best of friends,” Yunho says.
The hosts appear to relax at that, several of them nodding their heads before continuing on to another subject.
Jaejoong all but groans, throwing his head back.
“Technically that's all true,” Yoochun says.
Jaejoong glares at him. “How does this not bother you at all?”
“You think that doesn't bother me?” Yoochun asks, scoffing. “They're all over each other!”
“Shh,” Junsu cuts in, waving them silent.
“The TVXQ members have confirmed that they are still single,” the news anchor says after the clip is over. “This might be good news for any lucky men looking for relationships. Now, on to the weather-”
“That was surprisingly supportive,” Jaejoong says. He reaches across Yoochun and takes the remote from Junsu. He mutes the sound. “I was expecting something a little more ignorant.”
“It's not over yet,” Yoochun says. “There's still hope.”
Junsu snatches the remote back from Jaejoong.
Jaejoong stares at him, Yoochun looking uncomfortable in between them.
“I want to hear the weather,” Junsu mutters shyly. He un-mutes the TV. “Some of us actually plan on going out today.”
“Where're you going?” Yoochun asks.
“My house,” Junsu replies. “My mom's been blowing up my phone since we arrived in the country.”
Jaejoong tsks, climbing to his feet. “Dammit.”
“Oh, right,” Yoochun says. “Families.” He sighs. “I guess I could go see my dad real quick. My mom would want me to spend the night.”**
“Dammit!” Jaejoong repeats, pacing in front of them.
“Hyung,” Junsu says with a roll of his eyes. “Can't see the TV.”
“What's wrong with you?” Yoochun asks, watching Jaejoong move from one end of the couch to the other.
Jaejoong whines, hands in his hair. “I have eight sisters,” he says. “Nine if you count my bio family. I'm not ready to see any of them. And my mother, I mean, the last time I saw her she was going all homophobic about Yunho and Changmin.”
Yoochun sighs gravely.
“You don't have to see them,” Junsu tells Jaejoong, distracted. “Just text them that you're unpacking or having troubles with C-JES-And, hyung, stop blocking the TV.”
Jaejoong falls back into his seat. “And coming out,” he says. “How do I go about doing that?” He looks at Yoochun. “How're you planning on telling your family?”
Yoochun's fingers curl into Jaejoong's thigh and dig deep and painful into the fabric of his jeans. Jaejoong quiets with a wince.
Yoochun is staring straight ahead, face stony and expressionless.
“What?” Junsu asks, looking at them.
Jaejoong's heart sinks into the pit of his stomach. “Oh my god,” he whispers to Yoochun. “I am so sorry.”
Junsu turns off the TV and throws the remote on the coffee table. He pulls one leg onto the couch as he turns to face Yoochun. “Telling your family what, hyung?”
Yoochun doesn't look away from the screen.
“I am so sorry,” Jaejoong says again, Yoochun's hand still clenching his thigh. “I thought you told-”
“Yoochun-hyung,” Junsu says, soft and gentle. “What is he talking about?”
Jaejoong reaches forward but Yoochun only tightens his hold and Jaejoong's teeth clench at the pain.
Junsu leans forward, touching Yoochun's other hand. “It's okay, hyung,” he says. “You can tell me.”
Jaejoong's brow furrows. That hurts a little more than it should. He masks it, chokes it down his throat. You can tell me? What the hell is that? Jaejoong's announcement-or accidental stumble of a confession-was hardly so well-received. When Jaejoong told Changmin his sexuality, Junsu left the room. Cold. Dismissive.
When did Junsu turn a new leaf, Jaejoong would sure as hell like to know. Where is Jaejoong's acceptance? Where is Jaejoong's assurance? Jaejoong is still waiting. He's still stinging with Junsu's refusal.
However, Jaejoong doesn't say any of that. He manages to un-pry Yoochun's fingers from his jeans and he holds Yoochun's hand, tight and secure.
Yoochun clears his throat and looks at Junsu. “I... I kind of have a thing,” he says. “For Changmin. I have a thing for Changmin. I like him. He likes me.”
Junsu nods, but Jaejoong can see his distaste in the bobbing of his Adam's apple. “That's... good,” Junsu says. “Isn't it? That he likes you back?”
Yoochun blinks at him. “Yeah,” he replies. “I think it is.”
“Are you two dating?” Junsu asks.
“No.” Yoochun glances at Jaejoong, then back at Junsu. “Not yet, I mean, after he gets some emotional issues under control, we'll try.”
“Thats good,” Junsu says. He smiles. “I'm happy for you. You have my blessing.”
Yoochun smiles, too, and Jaejoong honestly can't believe what is happening in front of him.
Fortunately, Jaejoong's phone begins to ring just as Yoochun relaxes his grip on Jaejoong's hand. Jaejoong lets go and excuses himself from the room. “Hello?” he says upon reaching the hallway.
“It's me,” Yunho replies. It sounds like he's standing at the center of the apocalypse. “We're done with shooting, but it looks like we'll be another half hour.”
“Really?” Jaejoong says. He moves further down the hall after glancing back into the living room. “How are you two doing?” he asks, softer.
“Fine,” Yunho says. “Why?”
“Well, the news is already airing your... announcement.” Jaejoong steps into his room. “So I'm thinking it might be a big deal.”
“They're what?” Yunho asks. He grumbles something Jaejoong can't make out in the surrounding noise. “-ing people,” he's saying. “It's been fifteen minutes.”
“What?” Jaejoong asks, sitting on his bed.
“Don't worry about it,” Yunho says. “Look, we have to go. The lead host is waving us over.”
“Wait!” Jaejoong says. “There's another thing.”
“Yeah?” Yunho replies.
Jaejoong takes a moment. “I... I kind of outed Yoochun.”
“All I got out of that was kind of,” Yunho says. “Sorry, can you repeat that?”
“I outed Yoochun,” Jaejoong enunciates.
On the other line, there's a yelp that is definitely Changmin's and the slam of a door.
Jaejoong assumes Yunho heard him this time.
“You what?” Yunho asks, and his voice echoes.
Jaejoong snorts.
“I'm putting you on speaker,” Yunho says. “Changmin-ah, he outed your boyfriend.”
“He's not my-Wait, to who?” Changmin asks. His voice is echoing, as well.
“Where are you guys?” Jaejoong asks curiously.
“Yunho dragged me into the bathroom,” Changmin says, sounding anything but amused.
“I outed him to Junsu,” Jaejoong replies. “I thought he'd already told him.”
“How did Junsu react?” Changmin asks. He doesn't sound too upset, to Jaejoong's surprise. “Good, right?”
Jaejoong blinks. “Yeah. Amazing compared to how he reacted to me.”
“That makes sense,” Changmin says. “Junsu seems to be in the bargaining stage, after all.”
“What?” Jaejoong asks.
“Just some psychology BS,” Yunho says. Changmin gives an offended huff somewhere around him. “Jae-yah, you outed yourself by accident, so don't feel bad.”
Jaejoong mulls over that for several seconds. “You said another half hour?” he asks quietly.
There's a shuffle as Yunho supposedly takes him off speaker phone. “Yeah,” he says finally. “At least.”
“If they ask you to drink-”
“I'll say no,” Yunho assures him. “Changmin needs to comfort Yoochun, and you and I-”
“Need to talk,” Jaejoong says. “Right.” He kneads his temple. “See you when you get home?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Yunho says. “See you in a bit.”
Jaejoong hangs up the phone and slides it back into his pocket.
A knock on the doorframe lifts his gaze.
Yoochun strolls into the room, hands behind his head. “Hey.”
Jaejoong stares up at him.
Yoochun sits beside him. “Okay,” he says, “so you are never invited over to my houses ever again.”
“I'm sorry,” Jaejoong says, grimacing.
Yoochun shrugs. “Junsu is oddly cool about it, so whatever. There is something, though.”
Jaejoong looks at him, patient.
“It might actually be a problem,” Yoochun tell him. “This `no labels' thing. It has it's perks, but I never really thought of coming out because I don't consider myself gay or bi or pan or whatever. I don't even think I'm straight.”
Jaejoong nods.
“So I guess that, yeah,” Yoochun says, hands on his knees, “I'm a little scared now. I still don't think I'm of any special sexuality-or of any sexuality-but it's still there, I guess.”
“Sorry for scaring you,” Jaejoong says.
Yoochun shakes his head. “No, you woke me up. No need to apologize for that.”
Jaejoong meets his eyes, and they share a smile.
“You do have to apologize for what I just saw, though,” Yoochun says. “You and Yunho finishing each other's sentences is a little disturbing, honestly.”
Jaejoong scoffs at him, punching his shoulder.
~
Right on the dot, Jaejoong is waiting for Yunho and Changmin the moment they step into the apartment. His arms are crossed and his jaw is set, and Yunho pauses in front of him.
Changmin moves on in search of Yoochun.
“Jae-yah,” Yunho says.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong says.
Yunho hangs his bag on the hall tree. “I have an idea,” he says.
Jaejoong quirks an eyebrow.
“No,” Yunho says, “this isn't like the chocolate dipped kimchi, this is an actually good idea.”
“We need to talk,” Jaejoong argues.
“Go out with Changmin,” Yunho says.
Jaejoong stares at him.
“I don't care where,” Yunho says. “Knowing him, he'll take you to the gay district just because you're the only person insane enough to go with him.”
“How would that help anything?” Jaejoong asks, arms tightening around himself.
“Because Yoochun borderline hates my guts,” Yunho says. “And Changmin is my best friend. He's not my ex, Jae-yah.”
“But he is,” Jaejoong says.
“But he isn't,” Yunho replies.
Jaejoong frowns.
Yunho smiles, tilting his head. “Then we'll talk,” he says.
~
Yoochun is flipping through a photo album when Changmin enters his room.
“Hey,” Yoochun says, snapping the album closed.
“Hey,” Changmin echoes. He nods, closes the door. He looks nervous. “So Jaejoong-hyung said he outed you?”
Yoochun smiles. “To Junsu, yeah,” he says. “Nothing to worry about, though. Junsu was strangely okay with the whole idea of you and me.”
“That's good then,” Changmin says. His eyes drop to the album. “What're you doing?”
Yoochun glances at it, as well, but he throws it on the bed. “Nothing special, just family.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Are you going to see yours?”
Changmin shrugs, growing stiff at the subject. “Dunno,” he says. “Maybe.”
Yoochun nods. He clears his throat. “Changmin-ah.”
Changmin lifts his eyes.
“I don't have a sexuality,” Yoochun says. “That bothers you, doesn't it?”
Changmin doesn't reply.
Yoochun hesitates only for a moment. “And... coming out,” he continues. “About that, how do I... do anything if I don't...”
Changmin bites his lip. “Everyone has a sexuality, hyung,” he murmurs. “Even not having any sexual attraction at all is a sexuality.”
“But I-” Yoochun says.
“Don't want to think about it,” Changmin says. “It's not that you're against labels, it's just that you don't see the point in them. That you don't want to take the time to worry about such things. That other things are important.”
“Like us,” Yoochun suggests.
“Like us,” Changmin whispers. He shrugs. “But that's fine. There are a lot of people like that. Who would rather not confuse themselves over who they find attractive and who they don't.”
“That's fine?” Yoochun asks.
“Yeah,” Changmin says. “It's not like I can force you to pick a category.”
“Yes, you can.” Yoochun folds his arms over his chest. “Changmin-sh, you're kind of not okay with things like this.”
“Well,” Changmin says, “I'm fine now. It's okay, hyung.”
Yoochun's eyebrows furrow. “I'm sorry,” he says, “but I thought this was where you sat me down and thoroughly explained each sexuality until I find one that fits.”
Changmin raises his eyebrows. “Do you want me to do that?”
“I want you to do what you want, baby,” Yoochun says.
Changmin sighs, running a hand through his hair, but doesn't say anything further. He crosses the room and picks up his camera, pressing a few buttons when he's turned it on.
Yoochun isn't sure if this is a problem or not.
~
Changmin does take Jaejoong to the gay district. He's like a child at a circus, bouncing on his toes whenever he has the thought to stand still. With the help of his long legs, Jaejoong can hardly keep up with him.
“You really like this place, don't you?” Jaejoong asks, eyes on Changmin's awestruck look.
“I've never been,” Changmin says, pulling out his trusty camera. “I always wanted to, but I was afraid that people would read into my sexuality. Now that I'm out, I can be here as much as I want.”
“Wouldn't Yunho come with you?” Jaejoong asks.
Changmin shakes his head and takes a picture of a neon sign. “No. Even out of the closet, Yunho is too dignified to come here.”
As he says that, they pass an outside café table surrounded by colorfully dressed men aged from twenty to sixty. One of the middle-aged types stands up, whistling after Jaejoong and Changmin.
“Come on, baby!” he calls. “Give us some shake to that walk!”
“How 'bout a flash or two?” encourages one of the table's elderly men.
Jaejoong is staring at them, completely taken aback, when Changmin grabs him by the wrist and drags him into the nearest restaurant. The men's cat-calls still ring strong even while Jaejoong and Changmin are running away, and Jaejoong looks expectantly at Changmin.
Changmin looks apologetic. “And that's why it's never a good idea to come alone,” he says. He waves at the restaurant hostess. She starts toward them. “Just remember that men can be pigs,” Changmin says to Jaejoong. “So can women, but men are statistically more likely to assault you in public.”
Jaejoong nods, noting that in the records in the back of his mind.
The hostess smiles when she meets them. “Shim Changmin, Kim Jaejoong,” she greets with a bow. “Just the two of you?”
Changmin returns her smile, nodding.
She grabs two menus from her post and leads the men to their table.
“So,” Jaejoong says when they slide into their seats. “How's Yoochun?”
Changmin's smile wavers, but only briefly. “A little spooked,” he says. “But fine.”
“And therapy?” Jaejoong asks.
“Small talk's not really your thing, hyung,” Changmin tells him, setting his camera on the table.
Jaejoong sighs. “Why aren't you calling Yunho hyung now?” he asks. At Changmin's frown, he adds, “I'm just curious.”
“No,” Changmin says, “you're threatened. But really, you don't need to be.”
“Then why all this name business?” Jaejoong asks.
“He's my best friend,” Changmin says.
“He's your ex,” Jaejoong corrects.
“We've been through a lot,” Changmin elaborates, setting his elbows on the table. “He's practically my soulmate. If Yunho told you everything, then you should know that we weren't really dating.”
“That's not what Yunho told me,” Jaejoong says.
“Then I don't know what he told you.” Changmin opens his menu. “Where Yunho is concerned, we were just playing our parts. That's the whole of it.”
Jaejoong's anger dissipates at those words. He looks at Changmin, at his frustration, and he suddenly sees it. Changmin's innocence. Changmin's sadness.
Yunho hurt him.
For a moment, Jaejoong can't stop staring.
“It doesn't matter anyway,” Changmin says. “Whatever we were, it's over. It might not look it, but I do like Yoochun.”
“That's obvious,” Jaejoong says.
“Then open your menu and pick something,” Changmin says.
Jaejoong glances at his copy, startled, and flips it open. “I don't think you need to worry, though,” he says.
Changmin glances at him.
Jaejoong nods. “Yunho loves you,” he says. “Don't question that because he's horrible at proving it.”
Changmin holds his stare for a moment longer before burying his nose in his menu.
Jaejoong sets down his; for only a second, he thought he saw Changmin's eyes fill with the utmost emotion.
And Jaejoong knows that this is what Yunho wanted him to see.
*I am currently editing No More Secrets, and one of the edits is that Changmin has a digital SLR camera that he takes everywhere with him. The only chapter that's been updated online is Chapter One, and the camera is in the first scene with Yunho and Changmin. It's my way of explaining why there are pictures at the beginning of every chapter besides the fact that it looks cool. As for the editing, I've edited the first 5 chapters, but a new beta is working solo on them, so I'm waiting for her to finish looking over chapter two before sending her three. No More Secrets is being changed to present tense, as well.
**I literally just learned a week ago that Yoochun's parents were divorced. Now that Mr. Park has passed away, I'll do my best to not make him into a jerk. It's only the polite thing to do.
A/N: I know the gay district is Homo Hill, but I'll keep calling it the gay district because that sounds less homophobic. For story purposes, let's pretend the boys haven't been there before. This chapter is a little longer than planned, but that's how it goes.