weird feeling
i hate this feeling. its almost like pre-depression. its so weird not having my girlfriend nemore, shits so boring. not neccesarily cuz im without her but cuz im without everything. my two main friends i see when im home work all the time. and both have new sig. others so im gonna try to avoid the third-wheel syndrome. so i have really no1 close to chill wit on a regular basis. but its funny cuz i haven been doin stuff lately.
last thursday i went to stylewars, local mc comptetition where two people compete each round to see who can rock the crowd the best(not a regular battle). the shit was pretty ok, nuthin spectacular. the winner was a big nigga named midas, it was funny how hed come on stage and start dancin to the beat before he'd spit. def deserved to win, better than all the other nigas competing. most of em was wack gangsta-rappers. it was cool to watch but none of it moved me at all. during the middle 2 crews came out and performed about 4 songs each, some rowdy-club type shit. again nothin moved me. i yawned way too much that night. i did see mark, the engineer im learning mixing from. i need to call him today and see bout comin thru to his studio to record until i get the money to upgrade my computer. my recording isnt workin perfect, and he think it might be because of ram. i got the money to do it but i dont wanna be broke afterwards, so i may wait till i get my refund check from school, which oughta be within a month.
o case i didnt explain me and toya broke up, i didnt wanna post till i was sure its final, and it is. she called me couple days before christmas, sayin we oughta break up cuz she's still has baggage from the jocelyn shit. she believes my friend jocelyn was trynna steal me from her during our early days together, which is prolly true. but that was like a year ago, i figured shed be over it by now. but when she said shes not, i was like "ok i agree we need to break up." then she talked herself out of it cuz we been together so long itd be hard to break up. i wasnt havin it. this shit was like the last straw, this semester just past we argued bout 1-2 times a week towards the end, the relationship was stressin me the fuck out. and im thinkin, maybe we oughta break and see if this is really worth all the trouble. maybe we got together too quickly, maybe we compromise too much to keep it together. so im decidin to move on, and if we meant to be it'll happen later on. she was hurt and whatnot, but what can i do. its like we both see how many problems there are, but im the only one with the balls to end it.
now we're ok i guess. shes still hopin we'll get back together, and we talk online sometimes, strictly on a friend-tip. hope she isnt too hurt when she sees me wit other girls.
so now that thats explained, like i said im just bored now. no job, and not enough friends to be around. but i been doin shit, so i shouldnt be bored. last night i was at church for "watchnight service." but i planned on leavin from service wit some girls, shit fell thru cuz ppl was scared to leave. ended up being me, tony, brennen, and dee drivin to 7-11 to get somethin to eat. then after service, me, dee, and brennen went to dee's friend's house and chilled outside wit her. cool girl, but she had a boyfriend, so thats a dead end. but her friend came by to wish her happy new years, a girl i recognize from morgan. for some reason i hesitated in trynna talk to the girl from morgan, carleisha(sp?), prolly cuz of rusty game and her talking bout goin to eat wit some cat named devin. but turns out devin's her gay friend, so i shoulda hollered at her. dee's friend said she'd see what she can do about me and carleisha, i cant believe im gettin a hookup, i oughta be grown up past that shit. chalk it up to rustiness, i have been out the girl-pullin game for 14 months.
after that brennen stayed at my house till today, left a hour a go. we didnt do much, but it was cool havin another person my age around. thats really whats borin me, not being around friends, and not havin a love interest. when it comes to girls ima affection-whore. more than sex and shit like that, i be feeling like i need someone to hug, kiss, hold, that type of stuff. i need a girl to chill wit, who can hold an ok conversation, and who likes me the same way without needing a relationship. but it'll hard lookin for that before school starts again, cuz seems like most girls i see when im out at malls and shit are always jailbait. ima stay out of committed relationships for at least this whole semester, after breakin up wit toya i need to be single or semi-single, last thing i need is another serious relationship.
last thursday i went to stylewars, local mc comptetition where two people compete each round to see who can rock the crowd the best(not a regular battle). the shit was pretty ok, nuthin spectacular. the winner was a big nigga named midas, it was funny how hed come on stage and start dancin to the beat before he'd spit. def deserved to win, better than all the other nigas competing. most of em was wack gangsta-rappers. it was cool to watch but none of it moved me at all. during the middle 2 crews came out and performed about 4 songs each, some rowdy-club type shit. again nothin moved me. i yawned way too much that night. i did see mark, the engineer im learning mixing from. i need to call him today and see bout comin thru to his studio to record until i get the money to upgrade my computer. my recording isnt workin perfect, and he think it might be because of ram. i got the money to do it but i dont wanna be broke afterwards, so i may wait till i get my refund check from school, which oughta be within a month.
o case i didnt explain me and toya broke up, i didnt wanna post till i was sure its final, and it is. she called me couple days before christmas, sayin we oughta break up cuz she's still has baggage from the jocelyn shit. she believes my friend jocelyn was trynna steal me from her during our early days together, which is prolly true. but that was like a year ago, i figured shed be over it by now. but when she said shes not, i was like "ok i agree we need to break up." then she talked herself out of it cuz we been together so long itd be hard to break up. i wasnt havin it. this shit was like the last straw, this semester just past we argued bout 1-2 times a week towards the end, the relationship was stressin me the fuck out. and im thinkin, maybe we oughta break and see if this is really worth all the trouble. maybe we got together too quickly, maybe we compromise too much to keep it together. so im decidin to move on, and if we meant to be it'll happen later on. she was hurt and whatnot, but what can i do. its like we both see how many problems there are, but im the only one with the balls to end it.
now we're ok i guess. shes still hopin we'll get back together, and we talk online sometimes, strictly on a friend-tip. hope she isnt too hurt when she sees me wit other girls.
so now that thats explained, like i said im just bored now. no job, and not enough friends to be around. but i been doin shit, so i shouldnt be bored. last night i was at church for "watchnight service." but i planned on leavin from service wit some girls, shit fell thru cuz ppl was scared to leave. ended up being me, tony, brennen, and dee drivin to 7-11 to get somethin to eat. then after service, me, dee, and brennen went to dee's friend's house and chilled outside wit her. cool girl, but she had a boyfriend, so thats a dead end. but her friend came by to wish her happy new years, a girl i recognize from morgan. for some reason i hesitated in trynna talk to the girl from morgan, carleisha(sp?), prolly cuz of rusty game and her talking bout goin to eat wit some cat named devin. but turns out devin's her gay friend, so i shoulda hollered at her. dee's friend said she'd see what she can do about me and carleisha, i cant believe im gettin a hookup, i oughta be grown up past that shit. chalk it up to rustiness, i have been out the girl-pullin game for 14 months.
after that brennen stayed at my house till today, left a hour a go. we didnt do much, but it was cool havin another person my age around. thats really whats borin me, not being around friends, and not havin a love interest. when it comes to girls ima affection-whore. more than sex and shit like that, i be feeling like i need someone to hug, kiss, hold, that type of stuff. i need a girl to chill wit, who can hold an ok conversation, and who likes me the same way without needing a relationship. but it'll hard lookin for that before school starts again, cuz seems like most girls i see when im out at malls and shit are always jailbait. ima stay out of committed relationships for at least this whole semester, after breakin up wit toya i need to be single or semi-single, last thing i need is another serious relationship.