timestamp
I've gotta write better towards my audience, which is brandy and Eden.
To the concern for my cousin Eden, yesterday was a success, well for the most part.
Started off awful because I woke up at 5a to get picked up, the driver didn't wake up from partying the night before til 645a. My appt was at 8a, but he tried to be funny... I then yelled at him, unremorseful and reminded him that his job was to pick up a coworker who is going to a cancer and disease center for an appt... I could've been dying(which the wait for him was personally agonizing due to the pain) and you're going to sit here and try to make me laugh and tell me jokes about the girls and drinks you had last night?!
He didn't say another word. I told him that I wasn't going to tell his boss about this morning, but I did say that if Hes got children or a wife, he should really reconsider his priorities... I know he does because he had photos of them in the truck he picked me up in. Lots of them
Everything went well when I arrived, the nurse was confused because I came prepared with my chromecast. I just told her this wasn't my first rodeo and that crappy hospital tv is not my cup of tea.
She then missed my vein, which sucked, and I'm only bringing this up Eden because you're an RN and you love me beyond words and you woulda 'cut a bitch' if you saw that. But my sarcasm started kicking in and things got fun. Nurse lost her glasses within ten mins and came back into the room, I said
"Well that's too bad, because I've gotten really hot by the time you lost your glasses and went blind..."
She then flicked my foot, and laughed at my joke, and said, " I'm gonna find them and come back in here and verify that claim"
She took Charlie, which has been my only metaphorical friend... Then she saw my instant child separation reaction towards my air-tool and she put it right back on my bed side.
I guess that I've been going a little insane that a backpack would bring me happiness beyond measure, granted its a useful backpack and its got a purpose... And it looks like a Charlie.
I remember back in elementary school there was a little teddy bear called Paddington, and I would beg and plead to bring that bear home for the weekend and go on some sort of children adventure... Now Charlie is the thing that has traveled with me more than any human I've ever been with, and its only been about 2 wks, which makes that realization incredibly sad.
Anyways, the process was successful. The only irritating thing was not eating for 24 hrs prior, and Mark precoffee til 3pm is not a fun Mark.
Now here's where people dont listen and just made me throw my arms up and walk away from the situation entirely.
Eden, the Kimi project is over, I took slight advice and tried external contact, but I'm happier talking to a backpack instead of a needy human within the confines of my emotionally unavailable state.
The conversation was very clear, my request was to talk when available and to get to know someone... Having 5 calls during a hospital visit when I'm hooked up to tubes and machines like the matrix doesn't help her cause or neediness.
Knowing full well of my day, she gets upset over my inability to answer the phone... I tried to be funny and tell her that she was inside Charlie and he tried to answer it but he doesn't have any hands... Bitch doesn't have a sense of humour
Then she wrote her own death sentence.
She got upset that she visited me a few times and that I have never kissed her or made any moves, I just made her feel special and appreciated.
I told her to just let it all out, and to just get everything off her chest(I was done with her at this point, I was just curious how many strikes one female can get during one conversation personally...)
She said that I wasn't over brandy(strike one and two... If I had a worse day all 3, you simply don't talk bad about brandy period. If I was in Boston, I woulda called up the boondock saints and offered you to the Lord properly.) and that I wouldn't kiss her because of it... And I work too much, trying to build a relationship over minimum phone conversations. (Strike 3, officially)
I interrupted, "can I ask you something?"
"I'm not finished"
"I told you to read fault in the stars, when did hazel Grace fall in love with Gus?"
"When they got into the hotel room in Amsterdam"(one million strikes)
"You didn't read it... (She fell in love with him when he started reading her favorite book to her in her mom's house when she was trying to fall asleep.)"
"I'm sorry, I must've missed that..."
"Here, for your salvation, what does 'okay' mean whenever they say it to one another?"
"I'm sorry, I don't remember..." (70 million strikes)
" it's their version of 'always' or 'as you wish'... Okay, I want you to listen to me because this is going to be important(71,000,003 strikes is rather impressive)."
She's crying at this point
" for your NEXT relationship, when you have a person of interest and he tells you to read a book... Unless you want to commit the cardinal sin, Read the goddamn book."
"You are being mean"
"I'm not finished... Secondly, me kissing anyone is my decision and mine alone. I feel like I'm the last person on the planet that holds any sexual activities sacred.
Yes, we've done nothing, but. That was the biggest allure about you, it wasn't an issue... Now it's a complaint, I was working on making a girl feel special and appreciated, something that needed work personally with me... If you coming to visit made me owe you that... Then I wouldn't have told you to come, if my first acts of intimacy is based on prostitution, then it's all wrong.
Thirdly, I'm incredibly, emotionally unavailable... I made a promise to myself that I've had my last first kiss, and everything involved after that. Sure, brandy broke my heart, into a Fucking million little pieces, but, many years ago, I might've broken hers too. That was too long ago to recount successfully but I'll give it to her cuz she threw that at my face... We're even.
But you brought her up, brandy is a saint to me, when in others eyes she's the devil in disguise. I'll tell you one thing, you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you... It was a privilege to have brandy break my heart, I needed it, I needed to be a better person, for her... She told me we need a break and I need to work on myself, I'm a grenade right now Kimi, if I die tomorrow and if brandy was the last person I was intimately involved with... It'll be the way I've always wanted it to be... and I'll die happy. With that being said, youll always be the other woman, and that's not fair. I won't let you have that opportunity. "
If you want to ever talk to me again, her name will never ever leave your mouth...
The conversation promptly ended.
Sorry cousin, I tried to simply make a friend, your kind always wants more. I'd rather talk to a backpack than her and get pushed into corners that are uncomfortable for me.
But, another good story/friend activity happened a week ago with torry.
Torry wanted to have dinner with me after she found out of my hospital stay. I told her to met up with me after work and that I dont have dinner with someone freshly married.(She was mad at first that I didn't attend her wedding, until she found that I was on a hospital bed and then she felt like a terrible person).
So she did, and she followed me out to Andrews and the county road and she was confused.
Torry: " what're we doing? Are we doing a good ol Texas night out? Where's the beer? How are you?"
Me: my lungs still suck at being lungs, and you don't have to get drunk to have a good time...
I went to my trunk and grabbed my brand new telescope
Torry: are you serious?! Are we stargazing?!
I lit mosquito/bug away candles around the car
Me: well... This was what I was gonna do, but you invited yourself and I allowed it.
Torry: well first tell me what happened...
Me: bronchitis turned into pneumonia within 2 days... I couldn't breathe anymore, coughed up blood. They did a PET scan, I've got T1 Thryoid... It's a four stage disease that turns into cancer, it's my job to not get to stage T4.
Torry: thyroid?
Me: it's the muscle below your Adams Apple, it sends air to both your lungs and also controls your metabolism... Mine sucks. Which makes my lungs suck... It answers a lot of questions
Torry: I'm sorry
Me: I dont want to talk about that anymore, we're here for a reason.
I hand her paperwork
Torry: these are coordinates?
Me: I'm checking if we can see these stars on this hemisphere before I buy them...
Torry: you can buy stars?
Me: yes, I'm adding to the two I already bought... My thoughts are stars that I'm trying to build into constellations... It's my cool new hobby if my days are numbered.
Torry interrupted immediately: please don't talk like that...
Me: I'm building my own personal Orion, so If i leave my house or be at work and look up... I can smile and remember there are some really beautiful people.
Torry: you're going to make me cry
Me: I'm not trying, wanna learn how to locate? It's really easy...
We check the stars and draw them on a map.
Torry: who's aaliyah, Jerry, bree and Brooke?
Me: all kids that need to meet one day
Torry: I like this bunch
Me: yeah me too, me and my buddy Eric Wise are right here(I point at the middle of the map where the other 4 stars are surrounding), I bought our stars together about 10 years ago, now its time to add.
Torry: what started this? Who's Eric?
Me: Eric is not with us anymore, but I'm a man with a gigantic heart and I will never forget him... honestly what started this idea, my music, ed sheeran- all of the stars, he's dominated my radio... I can't listen to him without thinking of brandy.
Torry starts Crying: I love that song. This is so amazing, where were you ten years ago???
I ignored that comment
Me: yeah, the idea is, if they are lost and I'm not around, they can look up and find 'us', and maybe it'll guide them to a good decision or home.
Torry: seriously, what kind of prayer does a girl have to do to get a guy like you?
Me: well you're married... Keep repeating that to yourself, you should've married into good qualities
Torry: you've ruined me and gave me hope for mankind. You make me hate my unemotional husband
I change the subject
Me: Orion has one more star left.
Torry: who's it gonna be?
Me: I don't know, it's not a concern right now. Who wants to date someone who wears their sickness like a hazard warning sign? I've got the worst luck in the world.
Torry: fuck those girls who'll judge you by your cover, you don't wear that all the time, only when it's dusty
Me: when is it not dusty? And it tickles, I'd rather deal with the coughing than the tickle sensation
Torry: I do have to admit when I saw you like this for the first time I cried. You're too good of a person...
I interrupted before she got too emotional
Me: it's okay, I get the short end of the stick all the time, I anticipated the worst. When I got diagnosed I didn't even flinch, my first question was, what do I got to do to get better and healthy... And they told me. Charlie is only for 4 wks... Then I get a follow-up
Torry: I will help you anytime, you're not alone, I just want you to know that. You'll be healthy again
We finished all the coordinates.
Torry: this is literally the coolest thing I've ever seen anyone do. I'm speechless
Me: haha, you're husband isn't a hopeless romantic...
Torry: no, have you talked to brandy?
Me: no, if she knew that I was doing this, she'd probably scream at me for 40 mins with her Fucking green cup that I hate, with some sort of pride speech... I just love her voice too much to put the phone down while she's trying to literally rip me a new asshole over the phone. She's gotten close to strangling me via cell phone before
We laugh
Torry: sorry. I wish I can help.
Me: she asked for a break, and I'm growing up fast, brandy will be brandy... The problem I see, is a bunch of our peers with empty promises and all talk. I dont even talk, I think about these activities and just do them. It's not like I can procrastinate right now either, time has never been so important
Torry: STOP talking like that! wait... How much is a star?
Me: not cheap.
Torry: this is the strawberry wine isn't it...
Me: some of it, you're good with this guessing game.
Torry: I thought you were gonna do a charity?
Me:I did, there's an adopted apraxia highway coming 2015. I've gotta go to Washington to sign for it and find it. It'll be a good advertising start.
Torry: you're so perfect, thank you for showing me everything... I've gotta go before I make a mistake and have to file for divorce and repent my sins.
I Walk towards my trunk and throw her an energy drink and a Starbucks coffee
Torry: STOP!!! YOURE SO NICE
Me: drive safe, don't die. It's getting late
Torry: are you fine? Do you want me to grab you a tank? Do you need a hug? Wanna use my gas card?
Me: air? Sure. Thank you... Thank you for never being negative whenever you ask about brandy, I mean it... and I'll be fine... I want to enjoy my loneliness for a while anyway.
Torry: you're welcome, and Mark... you love her. That's all you needed to say to me. We need stickers and flair for Charlie... He needs some personality
Okay, you said you wanted to call me tonight brandy, I might take this steroid prescription, if I can have torry or Murillo do it. If I do, I will lose my voice and barely talk til later in the evening, text me first if you want to call and I'll tell you if I'm fine.
And don't bother sending money. It'll be a waste of time for you and me.
To the concern for my cousin Eden, yesterday was a success, well for the most part.
Started off awful because I woke up at 5a to get picked up, the driver didn't wake up from partying the night before til 645a. My appt was at 8a, but he tried to be funny... I then yelled at him, unremorseful and reminded him that his job was to pick up a coworker who is going to a cancer and disease center for an appt... I could've been dying(which the wait for him was personally agonizing due to the pain) and you're going to sit here and try to make me laugh and tell me jokes about the girls and drinks you had last night?!
He didn't say another word. I told him that I wasn't going to tell his boss about this morning, but I did say that if Hes got children or a wife, he should really reconsider his priorities... I know he does because he had photos of them in the truck he picked me up in. Lots of them
Everything went well when I arrived, the nurse was confused because I came prepared with my chromecast. I just told her this wasn't my first rodeo and that crappy hospital tv is not my cup of tea.
She then missed my vein, which sucked, and I'm only bringing this up Eden because you're an RN and you love me beyond words and you woulda 'cut a bitch' if you saw that. But my sarcasm started kicking in and things got fun. Nurse lost her glasses within ten mins and came back into the room, I said
"Well that's too bad, because I've gotten really hot by the time you lost your glasses and went blind..."
She then flicked my foot, and laughed at my joke, and said, " I'm gonna find them and come back in here and verify that claim"
She took Charlie, which has been my only metaphorical friend... Then she saw my instant child separation reaction towards my air-tool and she put it right back on my bed side.
I guess that I've been going a little insane that a backpack would bring me happiness beyond measure, granted its a useful backpack and its got a purpose... And it looks like a Charlie.
I remember back in elementary school there was a little teddy bear called Paddington, and I would beg and plead to bring that bear home for the weekend and go on some sort of children adventure... Now Charlie is the thing that has traveled with me more than any human I've ever been with, and its only been about 2 wks, which makes that realization incredibly sad.
Anyways, the process was successful. The only irritating thing was not eating for 24 hrs prior, and Mark precoffee til 3pm is not a fun Mark.
Now here's where people dont listen and just made me throw my arms up and walk away from the situation entirely.
Eden, the Kimi project is over, I took slight advice and tried external contact, but I'm happier talking to a backpack instead of a needy human within the confines of my emotionally unavailable state.
The conversation was very clear, my request was to talk when available and to get to know someone... Having 5 calls during a hospital visit when I'm hooked up to tubes and machines like the matrix doesn't help her cause or neediness.
Knowing full well of my day, she gets upset over my inability to answer the phone... I tried to be funny and tell her that she was inside Charlie and he tried to answer it but he doesn't have any hands... Bitch doesn't have a sense of humour
Then she wrote her own death sentence.
She got upset that she visited me a few times and that I have never kissed her or made any moves, I just made her feel special and appreciated.
I told her to just let it all out, and to just get everything off her chest(I was done with her at this point, I was just curious how many strikes one female can get during one conversation personally...)
She said that I wasn't over brandy(strike one and two... If I had a worse day all 3, you simply don't talk bad about brandy period. If I was in Boston, I woulda called up the boondock saints and offered you to the Lord properly.) and that I wouldn't kiss her because of it... And I work too much, trying to build a relationship over minimum phone conversations. (Strike 3, officially)
I interrupted, "can I ask you something?"
"I'm not finished"
"I told you to read fault in the stars, when did hazel Grace fall in love with Gus?"
"When they got into the hotel room in Amsterdam"(one million strikes)
"You didn't read it... (She fell in love with him when he started reading her favorite book to her in her mom's house when she was trying to fall asleep.)"
"I'm sorry, I must've missed that..."
"Here, for your salvation, what does 'okay' mean whenever they say it to one another?"
"I'm sorry, I don't remember..." (70 million strikes)
" it's their version of 'always' or 'as you wish'... Okay, I want you to listen to me because this is going to be important(71,000,003 strikes is rather impressive)."
She's crying at this point
" for your NEXT relationship, when you have a person of interest and he tells you to read a book... Unless you want to commit the cardinal sin, Read the goddamn book."
"You are being mean"
"I'm not finished... Secondly, me kissing anyone is my decision and mine alone. I feel like I'm the last person on the planet that holds any sexual activities sacred.
Yes, we've done nothing, but. That was the biggest allure about you, it wasn't an issue... Now it's a complaint, I was working on making a girl feel special and appreciated, something that needed work personally with me... If you coming to visit made me owe you that... Then I wouldn't have told you to come, if my first acts of intimacy is based on prostitution, then it's all wrong.
Thirdly, I'm incredibly, emotionally unavailable... I made a promise to myself that I've had my last first kiss, and everything involved after that. Sure, brandy broke my heart, into a Fucking million little pieces, but, many years ago, I might've broken hers too. That was too long ago to recount successfully but I'll give it to her cuz she threw that at my face... We're even.
But you brought her up, brandy is a saint to me, when in others eyes she's the devil in disguise. I'll tell you one thing, you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you... It was a privilege to have brandy break my heart, I needed it, I needed to be a better person, for her... She told me we need a break and I need to work on myself, I'm a grenade right now Kimi, if I die tomorrow and if brandy was the last person I was intimately involved with... It'll be the way I've always wanted it to be... and I'll die happy. With that being said, youll always be the other woman, and that's not fair. I won't let you have that opportunity. "
If you want to ever talk to me again, her name will never ever leave your mouth...
The conversation promptly ended.
Sorry cousin, I tried to simply make a friend, your kind always wants more. I'd rather talk to a backpack than her and get pushed into corners that are uncomfortable for me.
But, another good story/friend activity happened a week ago with torry.
Torry wanted to have dinner with me after she found out of my hospital stay. I told her to met up with me after work and that I dont have dinner with someone freshly married.(She was mad at first that I didn't attend her wedding, until she found that I was on a hospital bed and then she felt like a terrible person).
So she did, and she followed me out to Andrews and the county road and she was confused.
Torry: " what're we doing? Are we doing a good ol Texas night out? Where's the beer? How are you?"
Me: my lungs still suck at being lungs, and you don't have to get drunk to have a good time...
I went to my trunk and grabbed my brand new telescope
Torry: are you serious?! Are we stargazing?!
I lit mosquito/bug away candles around the car
Me: well... This was what I was gonna do, but you invited yourself and I allowed it.
Torry: well first tell me what happened...
Me: bronchitis turned into pneumonia within 2 days... I couldn't breathe anymore, coughed up blood. They did a PET scan, I've got T1 Thryoid... It's a four stage disease that turns into cancer, it's my job to not get to stage T4.
Torry: thyroid?
Me: it's the muscle below your Adams Apple, it sends air to both your lungs and also controls your metabolism... Mine sucks. Which makes my lungs suck... It answers a lot of questions
Torry: I'm sorry
Me: I dont want to talk about that anymore, we're here for a reason.
I hand her paperwork
Torry: these are coordinates?
Me: I'm checking if we can see these stars on this hemisphere before I buy them...
Torry: you can buy stars?
Me: yes, I'm adding to the two I already bought... My thoughts are stars that I'm trying to build into constellations... It's my cool new hobby if my days are numbered.
Torry interrupted immediately: please don't talk like that...
Me: I'm building my own personal Orion, so If i leave my house or be at work and look up... I can smile and remember there are some really beautiful people.
Torry: you're going to make me cry
Me: I'm not trying, wanna learn how to locate? It's really easy...
We check the stars and draw them on a map.
Torry: who's aaliyah, Jerry, bree and Brooke?
Me: all kids that need to meet one day
Torry: I like this bunch
Me: yeah me too, me and my buddy Eric Wise are right here(I point at the middle of the map where the other 4 stars are surrounding), I bought our stars together about 10 years ago, now its time to add.
Torry: what started this? Who's Eric?
Me: Eric is not with us anymore, but I'm a man with a gigantic heart and I will never forget him... honestly what started this idea, my music, ed sheeran- all of the stars, he's dominated my radio... I can't listen to him without thinking of brandy.
Torry starts Crying: I love that song. This is so amazing, where were you ten years ago???
I ignored that comment
Me: yeah, the idea is, if they are lost and I'm not around, they can look up and find 'us', and maybe it'll guide them to a good decision or home.
Torry: seriously, what kind of prayer does a girl have to do to get a guy like you?
Me: well you're married... Keep repeating that to yourself, you should've married into good qualities
Torry: you've ruined me and gave me hope for mankind. You make me hate my unemotional husband
I change the subject
Me: Orion has one more star left.
Torry: who's it gonna be?
Me: I don't know, it's not a concern right now. Who wants to date someone who wears their sickness like a hazard warning sign? I've got the worst luck in the world.
Torry: fuck those girls who'll judge you by your cover, you don't wear that all the time, only when it's dusty
Me: when is it not dusty? And it tickles, I'd rather deal with the coughing than the tickle sensation
Torry: I do have to admit when I saw you like this for the first time I cried. You're too good of a person...
I interrupted before she got too emotional
Me: it's okay, I get the short end of the stick all the time, I anticipated the worst. When I got diagnosed I didn't even flinch, my first question was, what do I got to do to get better and healthy... And they told me. Charlie is only for 4 wks... Then I get a follow-up
Torry: I will help you anytime, you're not alone, I just want you to know that. You'll be healthy again
We finished all the coordinates.
Torry: this is literally the coolest thing I've ever seen anyone do. I'm speechless
Me: haha, you're husband isn't a hopeless romantic...
Torry: no, have you talked to brandy?
Me: no, if she knew that I was doing this, she'd probably scream at me for 40 mins with her Fucking green cup that I hate, with some sort of pride speech... I just love her voice too much to put the phone down while she's trying to literally rip me a new asshole over the phone. She's gotten close to strangling me via cell phone before
We laugh
Torry: sorry. I wish I can help.
Me: she asked for a break, and I'm growing up fast, brandy will be brandy... The problem I see, is a bunch of our peers with empty promises and all talk. I dont even talk, I think about these activities and just do them. It's not like I can procrastinate right now either, time has never been so important
Torry: STOP talking like that! wait... How much is a star?
Me: not cheap.
Torry: this is the strawberry wine isn't it...
Me: some of it, you're good with this guessing game.
Torry: I thought you were gonna do a charity?
Me:I did, there's an adopted apraxia highway coming 2015. I've gotta go to Washington to sign for it and find it. It'll be a good advertising start.
Torry: you're so perfect, thank you for showing me everything... I've gotta go before I make a mistake and have to file for divorce and repent my sins.
I Walk towards my trunk and throw her an energy drink and a Starbucks coffee
Torry: STOP!!! YOURE SO NICE
Me: drive safe, don't die. It's getting late
Torry: are you fine? Do you want me to grab you a tank? Do you need a hug? Wanna use my gas card?
Me: air? Sure. Thank you... Thank you for never being negative whenever you ask about brandy, I mean it... and I'll be fine... I want to enjoy my loneliness for a while anyway.
Torry: you're welcome, and Mark... you love her. That's all you needed to say to me. We need stickers and flair for Charlie... He needs some personality
Okay, you said you wanted to call me tonight brandy, I might take this steroid prescription, if I can have torry or Murillo do it. If I do, I will lose my voice and barely talk til later in the evening, text me first if you want to call and I'll tell you if I'm fine.
And don't bother sending money. It'll be a waste of time for you and me.