another time stamp
Dear LiveJournal,
What a crazy who knows how long...
I don't know if I'm a glutton for punishment, or I'm too nice for my own good... But some skeletons I've been dodging finally caught up to me. I'm tired of being tough
First the good, then the bad,
I love my job, I can go complete nerd mode and recite chemical compounds and dangers, JSA's and JFA's and safety practices, SOP's and what page they are on and the paragraph you can find it in... all I have been doing is being on site, reading disclosure statements from North Dakota and Pittsburgh, job related things. The hardest part tho is recognizing similarities and implementing them in real life scenarios.
Blah blah blah, conocophillips job site awarded me an safety award for successful location of H2S on site. Causing a stop work for a crew of 37, Avoiding any disaster, blah blah blah, created a prototype H2S monitor engineered to fit on a boot strap instead of the "breathing zone" around the chest... because H2S is heavier than air so it travels like a mist instead of freeflowing naturally.
My devotion to work and tweeking things creatively awarded me a bonus... Which led to buying something I really wanted for myself for the first time without worrying about judgement. Every time I sit inside my new car, it's a wonderful release of accomplishment and freedom.
I then started making friends, lots of them, that entire crew of ppl paid me a visit, obtained my # and paid their thanks and asked many questions.
My antisocial behaviour kicked in, I didn't want to make friends... I came here to find myself and make a career under the banner, if you really want it go out and get it and don't let anything stop you.
I already had my friend, the one person I've been talking to everyday, something that life has taught me;
Kimi Fuhrmann
Impressions can last, especially when the right words are used.
I leave for salt lake,
me: hello Kimi Fuhrmann
Kimi: this silence is deafening
Me: this drive is boring
Kimi: I want to be with you tomorrow
Me: that'd be nice...
Kimi: I want to hang out tomorrow... and then forever... Pick me up at 3am, I'll meet you half way.
Me: okay. I'd like that.
She's been right there, as reliable as any person I've ever met.
Now, the bad, because this is my only outlet and when things were going great... Life likes to slap me just as hard across my face.
Backstory:
I was born prematurely, my family only knows that... But it defines me as a person. I have smaller lungs than normal ppl, and I'm always sick, randomly, kidney stones, bronchitis, pneumonia, the lists goes on. I get everything
Growing up sick all the time sucked... Then I got tuberculosis when I was 11 and my parents was told that this lung disease was going to be difficult and that I might not make it.
My mom taught me how to wish upon the stars, we did it together every night during my battle with TB. My dad was granted retirement from the navy early and was there full time, for the first time. Tough was something that was forced upon me from the beginning, I still remember my dad's words, "please, you'll appreciate your own efforts when you're older, but you've been given a death sentence... All you've gotta do is live to tell about it."
I basically lived at the hospital, young and weak, I could barely keep standing. For some odd reason, the TB left my system and I wasn't terminal anymore... I found this passion of a fresh start, regardless of my cards dealt initially, I wanted to be tough, and started wrestling, football, running, anything that was the exact opposite of what I experienced... Weakness.
Little does anyone know, my knight in shining armour complex isn't what it is by definition... It's a twisted reality, I've always been the damsel in distress, from day one... I just never show it
Now the bad,
I went down at work, not because I had an accident, but because I couldn't breath anymore.
I was aware of what was going on around me... I was weasing and panicked, the CB radio is firing off, "Washington is down, Clydesdale, need help..." I was rushed to the hospital. The one place I grew to hate at a young age...
I stayed over night. Unaware of what happened, all I knew was that it's been getting hard to breath lately. And that I'm always in pain...
Robin Williams said it best, sometimes the happiest people are the saddest, you've just gotta love them like their dying.
One day became 3, three days off the grid... 3 days off the phone, internet, reality. I'm alone in a new state, alone taking tests, tests that I got so used too... But one test I wasn't ready for
Kimi Fuhrmann showed up
she called my work office and they let her know where I've been hiding. She flew down again, this time angry
Kimi: so... Is this where you take everyone that's got a crush on you?
Me: you keep showing up, like the word forever actually means something to you
Kimi: Mr Williams, you're not the only one that believes in fairytales, yours just happens to cost a lot of money, panic and distress.
Me: do me a favor, and it'll mean a lot to me
Kimi: what would that be
Me: I want someone to fall in love with me like the way you fall asleep, slowly and then all at once.
Kimi: that'll be hard
Me: And one more thing, when anyone asks you a pain from one to ten again, everything is a nine.
Kimi:?
Me: I want you to be tough, the terrible ten is the feeling you get when we're not around or when I'm gone.
Kimi: you can't say things like that
Me: I'm officially a grenade, it is my responsibility to limit the casualties
Kimi: don't worry. I'll cover you
I came here to find myself. I do a lot of good things for people because when I was younger, all I wanted was to be remembered... I figured out the truth, I thought happiness was to be spread throughout, but all you're doing is touching others and you're not really loving...
I dont want to ask life for any favors, but I'm trying to change, I don't want a hundred admirers anymore, I just want one. I don't want to be loved widely, I want to be loved deeply... I'm sick, terminal again, I'm sick.
I read this recently, Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
Someone's going to get my infinity, and within those numbered days, it'll be a forever she'll never forget.
What a crazy who knows how long...
I don't know if I'm a glutton for punishment, or I'm too nice for my own good... But some skeletons I've been dodging finally caught up to me. I'm tired of being tough
First the good, then the bad,
I love my job, I can go complete nerd mode and recite chemical compounds and dangers, JSA's and JFA's and safety practices, SOP's and what page they are on and the paragraph you can find it in... all I have been doing is being on site, reading disclosure statements from North Dakota and Pittsburgh, job related things. The hardest part tho is recognizing similarities and implementing them in real life scenarios.
Blah blah blah, conocophillips job site awarded me an safety award for successful location of H2S on site. Causing a stop work for a crew of 37, Avoiding any disaster, blah blah blah, created a prototype H2S monitor engineered to fit on a boot strap instead of the "breathing zone" around the chest... because H2S is heavier than air so it travels like a mist instead of freeflowing naturally.
My devotion to work and tweeking things creatively awarded me a bonus... Which led to buying something I really wanted for myself for the first time without worrying about judgement. Every time I sit inside my new car, it's a wonderful release of accomplishment and freedom.
I then started making friends, lots of them, that entire crew of ppl paid me a visit, obtained my # and paid their thanks and asked many questions.
My antisocial behaviour kicked in, I didn't want to make friends... I came here to find myself and make a career under the banner, if you really want it go out and get it and don't let anything stop you.
I already had my friend, the one person I've been talking to everyday, something that life has taught me;
Kimi Fuhrmann
Impressions can last, especially when the right words are used.
I leave for salt lake,
me: hello Kimi Fuhrmann
Kimi: this silence is deafening
Me: this drive is boring
Kimi: I want to be with you tomorrow
Me: that'd be nice...
Kimi: I want to hang out tomorrow... and then forever... Pick me up at 3am, I'll meet you half way.
Me: okay. I'd like that.
She's been right there, as reliable as any person I've ever met.
Now, the bad, because this is my only outlet and when things were going great... Life likes to slap me just as hard across my face.
Backstory:
I was born prematurely, my family only knows that... But it defines me as a person. I have smaller lungs than normal ppl, and I'm always sick, randomly, kidney stones, bronchitis, pneumonia, the lists goes on. I get everything
Growing up sick all the time sucked... Then I got tuberculosis when I was 11 and my parents was told that this lung disease was going to be difficult and that I might not make it.
My mom taught me how to wish upon the stars, we did it together every night during my battle with TB. My dad was granted retirement from the navy early and was there full time, for the first time. Tough was something that was forced upon me from the beginning, I still remember my dad's words, "please, you'll appreciate your own efforts when you're older, but you've been given a death sentence... All you've gotta do is live to tell about it."
I basically lived at the hospital, young and weak, I could barely keep standing. For some odd reason, the TB left my system and I wasn't terminal anymore... I found this passion of a fresh start, regardless of my cards dealt initially, I wanted to be tough, and started wrestling, football, running, anything that was the exact opposite of what I experienced... Weakness.
Little does anyone know, my knight in shining armour complex isn't what it is by definition... It's a twisted reality, I've always been the damsel in distress, from day one... I just never show it
Now the bad,
I went down at work, not because I had an accident, but because I couldn't breath anymore.
I was aware of what was going on around me... I was weasing and panicked, the CB radio is firing off, "Washington is down, Clydesdale, need help..." I was rushed to the hospital. The one place I grew to hate at a young age...
I stayed over night. Unaware of what happened, all I knew was that it's been getting hard to breath lately. And that I'm always in pain...
Robin Williams said it best, sometimes the happiest people are the saddest, you've just gotta love them like their dying.
One day became 3, three days off the grid... 3 days off the phone, internet, reality. I'm alone in a new state, alone taking tests, tests that I got so used too... But one test I wasn't ready for
Kimi Fuhrmann showed up
she called my work office and they let her know where I've been hiding. She flew down again, this time angry
Kimi: so... Is this where you take everyone that's got a crush on you?
Me: you keep showing up, like the word forever actually means something to you
Kimi: Mr Williams, you're not the only one that believes in fairytales, yours just happens to cost a lot of money, panic and distress.
Me: do me a favor, and it'll mean a lot to me
Kimi: what would that be
Me: I want someone to fall in love with me like the way you fall asleep, slowly and then all at once.
Kimi: that'll be hard
Me: And one more thing, when anyone asks you a pain from one to ten again, everything is a nine.
Kimi:?
Me: I want you to be tough, the terrible ten is the feeling you get when we're not around or when I'm gone.
Kimi: you can't say things like that
Me: I'm officially a grenade, it is my responsibility to limit the casualties
Kimi: don't worry. I'll cover you
I came here to find myself. I do a lot of good things for people because when I was younger, all I wanted was to be remembered... I figured out the truth, I thought happiness was to be spread throughout, but all you're doing is touching others and you're not really loving...
I dont want to ask life for any favors, but I'm trying to change, I don't want a hundred admirers anymore, I just want one. I don't want to be loved widely, I want to be loved deeply... I'm sick, terminal again, I'm sick.
I read this recently, Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
Someone's going to get my infinity, and within those numbered days, it'll be a forever she'll never forget.