CSI Eulogy
I really wanted to love CSI all the way to the end of its run. Two years ago, when I joined the fandom, I couldn't imagine a time when I wouldn't be a raving CSI/Grissom fangirl.
I still love CSI. And I still love Grissom. But I love what they were, not what they are.
Maybe this is what the writers wanted all along. Maybe this is where they meant all the characters to go. Maybe Grissom never was as complex and interesting as I thought he was. About the time "Still Life" aired, I started to realize that the writers just didn't see Grissom the way I did. In my head, he was my ideal character. Just the right amounts of intelligence, faults, quirks and tragedy to make for a great hero. The kind I really worship, the kind I want to write and develop and see bloom into a god among men.
But he's become much more mundane than that. Yes, he's still a genius, but he's lost his edge, somehow (and his snark. I miss Gil with his double-bitch on). Or rather, the writers have lost their edge. They've gotten safe with him. They're not willing to hurt him, I mean *really* hurt him, or push him. They're letting him stagnate and giving him a hat and a contrived love affair and calling it character development. (And for the record, I'll just say that it's not the Gil/Sara thing that bothers me, it's the way it's been written. I could believe that relationship, I really could, but not like this. Again, they've taken the safe road with it, while blindly claiming that they're pushing their characters by having Sara "not be as excited to see Gil" when he returns from sabbatical. There's a word for this kind of writing: pussy. There. I said it.)
But then again, maybe Gil was all the things I thought he was. Maybe CSI just fell into a trap, a dangerous trap that threatens all who write or create in any way. I've fallen in it myself, both with my musical compositions and my written ones. And the way I know I'm in it, is when I look at what I'm doing and realize that it's not only more difficult than it used to be, but it isn't as good. It happens when you start creating what others want and not what you want.
Here's how I see it. Some of the greatest authors I know started writing simply because they couldn't find anyone else who had written the stories they wanted to read. I know that's why I started writing. I had stories that I desperately wanted told, and I eventually realized that, unless I told them, they would never exist. So I wrote "In Search of a Reason" and "The Balance of Power" because no one else would "get it right"."
But it's such a slippery slope. You start off writing the thing you want, and if it gets a positive reaction, you write more. And eventually, you can start to hear the voices of the fans in your head as you're creating, trying to tell you what they want and what they like. So you think, "Well, why don't I just do that, then?" Except that what you're hearing is what you *think* your fans want. Or what you think *they* think they want. It's a convoluted mess, and you'll end up neglecting the things you were doing before that made people like your stuff in the first place!
I haven't been able to bring myself to watch any episodes lately, because there's nothing left in it for me to love. At first I loved all the way cool forensic work, the chance to sit there and say, "Okay, we KNOW that Suspect X did it, now we need to find a sneaky ninja way to prove it." And now it's so much interrogation room stuff, which is cool to a point, but lately I've been going, "Shouldn't the detectives be doing this?" I've suspended a lot of disbelief for this show, and now I'm feeling maxed out.
I'm not ready to leave fandom yet. I'm going to start "Stump the Mod" back up again at grisskink. But I'm going to keep writing the Grissom *I* fell in love with. I'm going back to season three, and I'm moving in with Classic!Grissom.
And while I'm at it, I've realized that the time has come for me to move into writing fiction of my own. Because, as I discovered with Grissom, no one is going to create the character I want to read about above all others. No one else is going to create the hero I want to see, or put him in the peril that will make him great. So I guess I have to.
I still love CSI. And I still love Grissom. But I love what they were, not what they are.
Maybe this is what the writers wanted all along. Maybe this is where they meant all the characters to go. Maybe Grissom never was as complex and interesting as I thought he was. About the time "Still Life" aired, I started to realize that the writers just didn't see Grissom the way I did. In my head, he was my ideal character. Just the right amounts of intelligence, faults, quirks and tragedy to make for a great hero. The kind I really worship, the kind I want to write and develop and see bloom into a god among men.
But he's become much more mundane than that. Yes, he's still a genius, but he's lost his edge, somehow (and his snark. I miss Gil with his double-bitch on). Or rather, the writers have lost their edge. They've gotten safe with him. They're not willing to hurt him, I mean *really* hurt him, or push him. They're letting him stagnate and giving him a hat and a contrived love affair and calling it character development. (And for the record, I'll just say that it's not the Gil/Sara thing that bothers me, it's the way it's been written. I could believe that relationship, I really could, but not like this. Again, they've taken the safe road with it, while blindly claiming that they're pushing their characters by having Sara "not be as excited to see Gil" when he returns from sabbatical. There's a word for this kind of writing: pussy. There. I said it.)
But then again, maybe Gil was all the things I thought he was. Maybe CSI just fell into a trap, a dangerous trap that threatens all who write or create in any way. I've fallen in it myself, both with my musical compositions and my written ones. And the way I know I'm in it, is when I look at what I'm doing and realize that it's not only more difficult than it used to be, but it isn't as good. It happens when you start creating what others want and not what you want.
Here's how I see it. Some of the greatest authors I know started writing simply because they couldn't find anyone else who had written the stories they wanted to read. I know that's why I started writing. I had stories that I desperately wanted told, and I eventually realized that, unless I told them, they would never exist. So I wrote "In Search of a Reason" and "The Balance of Power" because no one else would "get it right"."
But it's such a slippery slope. You start off writing the thing you want, and if it gets a positive reaction, you write more. And eventually, you can start to hear the voices of the fans in your head as you're creating, trying to tell you what they want and what they like. So you think, "Well, why don't I just do that, then?" Except that what you're hearing is what you *think* your fans want. Or what you think *they* think they want. It's a convoluted mess, and you'll end up neglecting the things you were doing before that made people like your stuff in the first place!
I haven't been able to bring myself to watch any episodes lately, because there's nothing left in it for me to love. At first I loved all the way cool forensic work, the chance to sit there and say, "Okay, we KNOW that Suspect X did it, now we need to find a sneaky ninja way to prove it." And now it's so much interrogation room stuff, which is cool to a point, but lately I've been going, "Shouldn't the detectives be doing this?" I've suspended a lot of disbelief for this show, and now I'm feeling maxed out.
I'm not ready to leave fandom yet. I'm going to start "Stump the Mod" back up again at grisskink. But I'm going to keep writing the Grissom *I* fell in love with. I'm going back to season three, and I'm moving in with Classic!Grissom.
And while I'm at it, I've realized that the time has come for me to move into writing fiction of my own. Because, as I discovered with Grissom, no one is going to create the character I want to read about above all others. No one else is going to create the hero I want to see, or put him in the peril that will make him great. So I guess I have to.