Happy Mother's Day

[knightlite]

There it was the night I celebrate, the night of my labor, delivery and birth of Jason... My true mother's day. This one was different. For the past 29 year's, I spend those hours from 4:00 pm to 12:04 am, retelling the story in my mind... oh now I was treated to a fish meal, now I threw it up, now I drink some brandy from the flask (the only thing that stopped the heartburn of the past month), now I feel the first labor pains, call my coach (a friend's husband), now I sit on the couch and do what I trained my body & mind to do, breathe in to the slow count of 7, breathe out to the slow count of 7 & relax all muscles. For all I would have is this birthing & then Jason un-named at the time, would be given away to someone with a home who could love him. All the promises of Popop (that he would have the same spirit as his son John & I would look for him my whole life if I gave him away). So there I am, transported to the hospital, & quietly in labor, taking the consumption of pain as my only time with this child. I became the eternal ocean & every wave hit the rocks(reinforced my Pagan mind quite well), then the pushing & not progressing (because I didn't want it to end), the squatting and laughting and the doctor with the episiotomy that ripped me up for 75 stitches. The one sight of Jason's face before they whisked him away. The chemical and mind change that happened - it was the first time in my life I experienced "happy". Alone in the room, breasts hot & engorged, calls from family, 1 day - 2 days. The social worker asking me to sign. I said let me see him to talk it over with him. They placed him in my arms & walked out and I walked & talked with you & I said "I have nothing to offer you except that I will love you, know you and be happy because of you, do you want to come for the ride". and I heard "yes". With no clothes and a neighbor who brought me the Pooh Bear blanket, I wrapped you, with no home to take you to (I stayed at Kate Kolman's house with my mom for 1 week, stayed with Len for a few weeks, 1 abandoned building before it burned, another abandoned building, 2 friends houses, porches, sides of houses- 17 places I stayed in the first year - until Colorado). I was physically reborn during your birth & healed (jason the healer)thread to follow to be happy.

This year was different, I didn't re-enact, a severing is beginning, Christ is trusted and perfect in what he does. - a wife