(no subject)
I know I am so loved by God because he is doing something tremendous, I will be healed in an area just in time & on Valentine's day. He's setting it in motion via whomelse, but his own. Spoken (the band that speaks to my soul, lets my note last long and has actually verbally talked to me & healed an unsafe place... more of that later). I had waited for their CD and the story is really very long to tell, like a saga of things I didn't know about my makeup. The whole time with Tim would take pages to write and not here & not now (so I'm erasing all of it). But just to say, I sang all Spoken's songs while I was with Tim (some directed toward him, some to Christ & some to the journey their music brings me to). This was the very first time I heard their songs, but like all other times, I sang them like I knew them by heart just by reading the words. Again, many were love songs directed towards a lover and as I sang them it was like they were birthing in my emotions as if I had written them - I was gaining worldly hope & life & future and love. Probably my most intimate expression of myself is to hear their new CD for the first time and showing this exposure to another person (I'd never done it before). This time it was toward this man that was very much like me & we were giving each other gifts. That was the last time I was with Tim or talked with him in person. The Lord had other plans for both of us, him to a new maturity,obedience and sacrafice, me to honor, authority and knowing more of who I have always been & how I will be healed.
I have not been able to listen to their new CD since (and that was Sept). I put it on my IPOD last week, but with 400 songs I've only heard 1, then last night SOZO had 2 bands - Bradley - thought their rock was innovative & cutting edge (bought their 3 songs) & Sandoval. But Clubsword had a table & Spoken was coming purposely on a love day, so I can sing to my true beloved - Christ. For months since Tim, the Lord is re-establishing me in his love from this new place... I will never be what I was before. For before Tim, I never knew what I was missing from a man/world/life and the Lord recently asked me to give up all hope in the world. I had only a taste and Christ wanted something different for me, but I told Jesus that I'd walk in it even though he knows the truth of the things I had just longed for (to be known, to be wanted, cared for, loved - feminine attributes)
Jesus has been loving me so tenderly and carefully as if I was his only one & all eternity was for me alone. I have 14 days to write to Spoken & tell them how their words "you have blessed me" during "inside out soulfest" broke open the heavens & God the Father said to me "you have blessed me" - Imagine, even if I blessed the Father for one second (how or when - I have no clue) my life is complete. The unity, stillness, sureness since that day has stopped me from the frantic striving to "bless God". I have 14 days to listen to the music from Spoken & get what healing God has for me. For I will not hide from the liberty the Holy Spirit wants me to live in ... and I will embrace & love who he gives to me - the husbandless, the fatherless, the homeless, the prisoner, the brethren.
I have not been able to listen to their new CD since (and that was Sept). I put it on my IPOD last week, but with 400 songs I've only heard 1, then last night SOZO had 2 bands - Bradley - thought their rock was innovative & cutting edge (bought their 3 songs) & Sandoval. But Clubsword had a table & Spoken was coming purposely on a love day, so I can sing to my true beloved - Christ. For months since Tim, the Lord is re-establishing me in his love from this new place... I will never be what I was before. For before Tim, I never knew what I was missing from a man/world/life and the Lord recently asked me to give up all hope in the world. I had only a taste and Christ wanted something different for me, but I told Jesus that I'd walk in it even though he knows the truth of the things I had just longed for (to be known, to be wanted, cared for, loved - feminine attributes)
Jesus has been loving me so tenderly and carefully as if I was his only one & all eternity was for me alone. I have 14 days to write to Spoken & tell them how their words "you have blessed me" during "inside out soulfest" broke open the heavens & God the Father said to me "you have blessed me" - Imagine, even if I blessed the Father for one second (how or when - I have no clue) my life is complete. The unity, stillness, sureness since that day has stopped me from the frantic striving to "bless God". I have 14 days to listen to the music from Spoken & get what healing God has for me. For I will not hide from the liberty the Holy Spirit wants me to live in ... and I will embrace & love who he gives to me - the husbandless, the fatherless, the homeless, the prisoner, the brethren.