What reason?
It is said everything happens for a reason....
Fuck if I know... I can't believe that, as much as I'd like to. I think its our way of trying to make sense out of the random bullshit that happens. Tonight is one of those times. I've got to wonder what plan is at work to make this all possible. But I have no answer, there is no plan, and I'm alone here to decide my own destiny. And fuck... I've been lost so long I don't hardly know whats going on anymore.
I'm afraid you might be right. I lose in the end. I want to be at the summit for as long as possible, I want the best of both, but its impossible. I am no better than the next guy. For all I try, for all I believe in, for all I want to be in myself, I fail. I cant be that person. I cant be all I claim. And so my destiny lies in what I finally decide, and its like I'm a pawn in this twisted game, but the worst part is that I am no pawn but rather the king. I'm moving my pawns around to protect myself. And fuck, I'm the one who will lose in the end. I want to be what I preach, I want to hold myself to that standard and know I am the highest you'll find anybody. Unfortunately it is nights like this that I know I'm not.
Everything happens for a reason...
My house burning down
Moving to Barrington
Meeting Kristin
Hurting my shoulder
My mom dying
Going to Illinois
Losing Kristin
If this is all on purpose, then what the fuck am I missing? There must be some bright context for all this to happen, and I'm just too blind to see it. I'm blind to everything. We all are - nothing happens for any reason, it just does... You are alone here, accept that. It is you who decided who you are and what you stand for. And thats why this hurts me so much, because its glaring to me that I'm not who I claim or see myself as. I want you to see me on the pedestal as what you want to be... but I look in the mirror and see just another guy running around trying to make sense of a world beyond his comprehension... why am I so alone...?
-Ryan
Fuck if I know... I can't believe that, as much as I'd like to. I think its our way of trying to make sense out of the random bullshit that happens. Tonight is one of those times. I've got to wonder what plan is at work to make this all possible. But I have no answer, there is no plan, and I'm alone here to decide my own destiny. And fuck... I've been lost so long I don't hardly know whats going on anymore.
I'm afraid you might be right. I lose in the end. I want to be at the summit for as long as possible, I want the best of both, but its impossible. I am no better than the next guy. For all I try, for all I believe in, for all I want to be in myself, I fail. I cant be that person. I cant be all I claim. And so my destiny lies in what I finally decide, and its like I'm a pawn in this twisted game, but the worst part is that I am no pawn but rather the king. I'm moving my pawns around to protect myself. And fuck, I'm the one who will lose in the end. I want to be what I preach, I want to hold myself to that standard and know I am the highest you'll find anybody. Unfortunately it is nights like this that I know I'm not.
Everything happens for a reason...
My house burning down
Moving to Barrington
Meeting Kristin
Hurting my shoulder
My mom dying
Going to Illinois
Losing Kristin
If this is all on purpose, then what the fuck am I missing? There must be some bright context for all this to happen, and I'm just too blind to see it. I'm blind to everything. We all are - nothing happens for any reason, it just does... You are alone here, accept that. It is you who decided who you are and what you stand for. And thats why this hurts me so much, because its glaring to me that I'm not who I claim or see myself as. I want you to see me on the pedestal as what you want to be... but I look in the mirror and see just another guy running around trying to make sense of a world beyond his comprehension... why am I so alone...?
-Ryan