Life Altering Shit Going On Here
There's something I didn't realize about myself until I rotated my internal clock far enough for my insomniac brain to fall asleep in the evening rather than the wee hours of the morning. See, it was this whole big thing where I couldn't sleep until at least five in the morning and then I was dead the whole day and it would go on for months and months. So I tricked my body chemistry into thinking I was sleeping in later and later until I was waking up in the evening, and then in the morning like normal people. Anyway, big realization is:
I am a morning person.
It's so funny; for years it was like, "no, not morning, I haven't gotten more than three hours of sleep. Fuck mornings!" because sleep deprivation has the tendency to bring out the grumpy in me. But now that I'm waking up naturally in the morning, well rested and everything, I realize how much I like it. I like waking up just after sunrise when everything's all calm and there's not a lot of traffic in the distance. It's different than falling asleep at that time because the world is waking up with me. That quiet isn't a threat of impending morning, it's a promise of a new day.
I have this whole routine now. Wake up around 6-6:30, lie in bed for a little while, get up and get some tea, curl up on the couch with a blanket and sweatshirt, get some writing in. I seriously don't know a better way to start the day. And the windows are open and the sun's shining in, and anyone who wakes up in the afternoon knows how much the light hurts when you first get up so it's really a treat because the sun is so gentle. I just feel good. I haven't felt this positive in my life before.
Which isn't to say everything in my life is composed of sunshine and rainbows, because it isn't, but I feel differently about how my life is going. I don't quite know how to get into it. I've seriously been lacking all this time, not knowing what I was missing. Why didn't anyone tell me?!?!? Seriously, I'm actually happy.
I am a morning person.
It's so funny; for years it was like, "no, not morning, I haven't gotten more than three hours of sleep. Fuck mornings!" because sleep deprivation has the tendency to bring out the grumpy in me. But now that I'm waking up naturally in the morning, well rested and everything, I realize how much I like it. I like waking up just after sunrise when everything's all calm and there's not a lot of traffic in the distance. It's different than falling asleep at that time because the world is waking up with me. That quiet isn't a threat of impending morning, it's a promise of a new day.
I have this whole routine now. Wake up around 6-6:30, lie in bed for a little while, get up and get some tea, curl up on the couch with a blanket and sweatshirt, get some writing in. I seriously don't know a better way to start the day. And the windows are open and the sun's shining in, and anyone who wakes up in the afternoon knows how much the light hurts when you first get up so it's really a treat because the sun is so gentle. I just feel good. I haven't felt this positive in my life before.
Which isn't to say everything in my life is composed of sunshine and rainbows, because it isn't, but I feel differently about how my life is going. I don't quite know how to get into it. I've seriously been lacking all this time, not knowing what I was missing. Why didn't anyone tell me?!?!? Seriously, I'm actually happy.