woke up this morning sucking on the moon.
When I was 16 I decided my favorite word was pensive. I liked the way it sounded in my head and the way it could weigh down a sentence. I don't spend much time these days allowing myself to be pensive. I spend a lot of time stressed, and even more time, concerned. Both of these feelings (sad as they may be) lack the inner peace of pensiveness. A strangely familiar calm of depression that I miss, and long for.
There is something peaceful in knowing you are controlled by something greater than yourself. Handing the reigns over. For many people its God, death or love. For a long time with me, it was sadness. Sometimes I think i've turned my sadness inside out into determination, its still there.... but more productive. Sadness is too broad of a word, it evokes the wrong connotation. It wasn't as much sadness as understanding, not as much understanding as respect.
I will go to therapy. I will take medicine. But i still stand strongly behind the belief that sometimes, its important to sit back, stop talking, and notice the beauty in darkness.
There is something peaceful in knowing you are controlled by something greater than yourself. Handing the reigns over. For many people its God, death or love. For a long time with me, it was sadness. Sometimes I think i've turned my sadness inside out into determination, its still there.... but more productive. Sadness is too broad of a word, it evokes the wrong connotation. It wasn't as much sadness as understanding, not as much understanding as respect.
I will go to therapy. I will take medicine. But i still stand strongly behind the belief that sometimes, its important to sit back, stop talking, and notice the beauty in darkness.