long time no update....

[klk1084]

beware-venting ahead: ive had a horrible couple of days. i started these new diet pills and they make me naseaus. im in debt. ive been working my ass off, to pay my double rent and bills this month. i even paid two of my five credit cards off. its inevitable. everytime i try to get caught up, it comes crashing down. i woke up today, and tried using my phone. it was shut off. LONG story short, i owe tmobile 500 dollars b/c i went over my minuets by a thousand. i have a plan with three thousand! ive been with them for five years and have never paid over 120. so, all ive done today is cry. and have no phone. and i needed to talk. this just put me over the edge. so i went right over to jen's. she has been so wonderful to me. and she understands what im going through, and never tells me "budget your money better, and cut out what you dont need" just like everyone else. if i cut out the few things i do that make me feel better about mysef, i'd end up in a hospital. it all started the end of march, and hasnt stopped. at night i just pray for god to give me strength. michelle leaves for colorado in a couple weeks. i dont want to do this again!

so i came over to use her computer, and on her screen saver is a beautiful picture of the colorado mts. instantly i knew it was taken when abe brought me down to see her for my birthday. Even though it wouldnt be good for me, i would give anything i have to be standing on those mts. again. to do it all over, and remember what happy is.

i wont be like this forever. just give me time.....