Title: Show Me The World
Author: KliqzAngel
Characters: Sam and Dean Winchester with mentions of John, Jim, Bobby, and Caleb
Content: Pre-Wincest, Pre-Pilot AU, Sappiness
Pairing: Pre-Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,119 (2,562 with song lyrics)
Summary: After Sam ran off to Stanford, Dean decided to prove he could run farther. The problem was the thing he wanted most was in California.
Song: Laugh, I Nearly Died by The Rolling Stones and can be downloaded to listen to while reading
Here Notes: OK so the Pre-Pilot AU thing needs some explanation. The story is based on AU events pre-pilot, but the story is based on a non-definite timeline way after the pilot. Mentally I am thinking at least 2 or 3 years up to as long as 5 years post-pilot, but nothing is set in stone. John and Jim are both still alive. Don’t expect the Sammy we all know and love, ‘cause he ain’t in this story. I seem to have become obsessed with hardened Sam. I can’t seem to write him any other way. So, if he seems to resemble my
Abandoned, Hurt and Alone or
Human? Sam well, yeah… It’s ‘cause he’s along the same lines without being the same character, but in a totally different setting and plot.
Also, I wrote this for
J2_SPN_100days challenge. If you haven't checked it out, you should!!
I've been missing you but you just don't care
And I've been wandering, I've seen Greece and Rome
Lost in the wilderness, so far from home
Yeah, yeah'>
I've been travelling but I don't know where
I've been missing you but you just don't care
And I've been wandering, I've seen Greece and Rome
Lost in the wilderness, so far from home
Yeah, yeah
I've been to Africa, looking for my soul
And I feel like an actor looking for a role
I've been in Arabia, I've seen a million stars
Been sipping champagne on the boulevards - yes
I'm so sick and tired
Trying to turn the tide, yeah
So I'll say my goodbye
Laugh, laugh
I nearly died
I've been down to India, but it froze my bones
I'm living for the city, but I'm all alone
I've been travelling, but I don't know where
I've been wandering, but I just don't care
I hate to be denied
How you hurt my pride
I feel pushed aside
But laugh, laugh, laugh
I nearly died
Been travelling far and wide
Wondering who's going to be my guide
Living in a fantasy but it's way too far
But this kind of loneliness is way too hard
I've been wandering, feeling all alone
I lost my direction and I lost my home...Well
I'm so sick and tired
Now I'm on the slide
Feeling so despised
When you laugh, laugh
I almost died
(Been travelling far and wide
Wondering who's going to be my guide)
I hurt my pride, hurt my pride, hurt my pride (Been travelling far and wide)
Been travelling, yeah
(Been travelling far and wide
Wondering who's going to be my guide)
(Been travelling far and wide)
Dean stood in the shadows of what could have been any one of a thousand bars from his childhood, trying to decide what it was he was looking at, wondering how the world he knew had gotten so far beyond him.
He was watching a tall man bent over the pool table, lining up a shot Dean was pretty sure even he couldn’t make. The man should be familiar, but for all the things he recognized there were a dozen he didn’t. The dark hair he remembered was still there, but it had grown well past the shaggy mop he remembered as being one of the focal arguments between him and their father, and now reached well past his shoulders. It was braided and tied back with a bit of leather, reminding Dean of some ancient Indian warrior. He was tall, maybe taller than what Dean remembered, but it was hard to tell from the distance he was observing from. His shoulders were broad and the arms bared thanks to the sleeveless shirt were thick indicating the man was well built. Something else that had changed from the lanky kid he remembered.
Those arms though, had been covered in tattoos. This made Dean frown, wondering how he’d gotten that past their father. The more he saw, the more he worried what had happened in his absence. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He left, he’d gone to college, abandoned them. Left Dean alone to carry the slack, but he’d been unable to withstand the pressure of the responsibility shouldered all alone, mixed with the heart wrenching loneliness. So, for once he’d been the one to play follow the leader, and he'd fled. He’d headed east ‘til he’d hit the Mississippi, then headed south, down through tornado alley and into Mexico.
From there he'd worked his way around the globe, down through Mexico, into Central then South America. Venezuela, Columbia, Brazil, Bolivia, Argentina, then he’d made his way onto a freighter, heading across the pacific ending up in Australia before island hopping his way up into Asia. Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, China, down into India, back up through Pakistan, heading north ‘til he hit Russia, then east through Europe. He’d worked without rushing, but not really stopping to rest ‘til he’d gotten hurt enough in Italy he’d had to take a break. After a couple months he’d continued his journey down into Africa following the Nile south then heading East ‘til he reached Guinea and couldn’t go any further.
He’d made his way onto another boat, another freighter, heading west until he was back into South America, though Rio, which was something he'd missed the first time. He’d timed it just right to hit Carnival losing himself in a haze for four days before waking up in an alley naked, hung over and itching for something he still wasn’t ready to name. Leaving he’d chased a patch back northward, not stopping ‘til he was standing in Brownsville, Texas.
He’d hoped being back on US spoil would sooth the ache and itch that had been following him since he’d left his father passed out in that hotel in Maine, but it hadn’t. Finally, he’d been forced to admit a truth that had been chasing him around the world. He’d hunted things he hadn’t known existed. He’d learned languages and cultures of people he’d never imagined were real. He’d slept in filth that made the roach traps he’d been used to at home a luxury, he’d starved for days ‘til he’d broken down and eaten things that he didn’t want to remember. But, never once had he found that thing he needed to fulfill him. Hadn’t until Brownsville, Texas been man enough to admit that thing he needed was Sam.
Tracking him had been much harder than Dean imagined it would. Sam hadn’t been at Stanford since early his Junior year, after his apartment burned and his girlfriend died. The knowledge that his brother had suffered, needing him, while he’d been on a freighter eating fresh seafood and learning French, had been crushing. After Stanford, Sam had apparently fallen off the map, at least off any map Dean carried. The old contacts were gone, most dead and the few left, Dean didn’t have the guts to contact.
He heard their father was underground somewhere, but that bit of information hadn’t come from anyone even remotely reliable so Dean took it for what it was worth. He knew there was little chance his father would ever forgive him, and strangely wasn’t concerned with it. If he'd learned nothing in his travels, it was who he was, who the man beneath the veil of being ‘John Winchester’s Boy’ was. He’d learned how to stand on his own two feet, and learned how empty that ability was without Sam to share that strength with. He’d seen the wonders of the world, and ached that Sam wasn’t there to share them with.
He knew the only reason he hadn’t labeled that itch sooner, was because he’d been too afraid to. It was hard to admit the thing you needed the most was half way across the world, because you’d run just to prove you could go farther than him.
A cheer from the crowd pulled Dean from his thoughts and looking up he saw Sam turn, his heart dropping at the sight of his baby Brother’s face. He could now admit Sam was more than his weakness, he was his greatest desire too, but the eyes of that desire didn’t match the ones he remembered. Gone were the intense, yet compassionate soul that had annoyed him so much because they seemed to follow his every move. In their place were eyes as hard as steel not matching the easy grin on his lips.
He knew the minute he’d been spotted. Apparently the shadows didn’t hide as much as they used to. He watched as Sam moved to the bar, ordering two beers, before turning and heading his direction, setting one bottle in front of him before completely turning his back on him.
Dean wasn’t sure how to react.
He’d expected something more. Hugs, anger, smiles, yelling, anything more than this casual disinterest that he was getting. Somehow, this made him ache even more.
“I missed you.”
He didn’t even realize that he’d spoken the words ‘til Sam turned and watched him behind those walls of his. “I’ve been around, Dean.”
“I couldn’t stay,” Dean said, the words ripping themselves from his heart of their own will, leaving him bleeding emotionally.
Sam snorted and grinned. Dean didn’t want to ever see that grin on his little brother’s face again, but didn’t hold much hope he stood much chance of preventing it. “When I said that I got disowned.”
“I’m sorry,” Dean said intending to say more, but not knowing what so instead didn’t.
“Sorry’s are only useful if you know what you are apologizing for, Dean.” Sam pointed out and smirking emptied the bottle before turning his attention to the crowd. “He blamed me you know. Came to school and cussed me out. Practically pulled my shoulder out of the socket, did break my jaw tryin’ to get me to tell him where you’d gone. It was like he just couldn’t believe you had left. Me, sure, I mean I was the bad son. I was the black sheep who went back on everything he was, but you…” Sam shook his head.
“Bobby says he’s still hunting somewhere. Haven’t talked to him since that day though. Didn’t call me after Jess died, didn’t call me when I was in the hospital burn ward. Bobby had to put in a good word for me so I could get munitions from Caleb. Pastor Jim had to set me up with a contact I could use for advice, someone dad doesn’t much get along with. Ellen, she’s pretty cool, she lets me hang there when I need downtime.”
Sam turned his eyes back to Dean, who used all his strength to fight the shudder at the not quite concealed blaze behind them, anger at Dean wasn’t sure what. “I know you’ve always hated dad and I not getting along, but you’re gonna have to just accept it now, Dean. Dad ain’t gonna be willing to change his views on me, and I don’t wanna. Besides, I’m the enemy now you know.”
Dean lifted an eyebrow as Sam snorted standing and Dean had to scramble to keep up as his little brother strode quickly from the bar. “I suppose I should tell you right off, I’m a freak infected by demon blood. Best as we could figure out it happened the night mom died. The demon blood gave me visions, straight from the yellow-eyed bastard himself, but that wasn’t all I got. Empathy, telekinesis, a little healing had to get help learning how to control all of them. Had to get more help tryin’ to figure out what I was.”
Dean was trying to control his panic. He wanted to think Sam was nuts, but the cold emotionless way he talked about it told him if nothing else, Sam believed. So, if Sam believed, Dean supposed he owed it to him to believe too. “Thought I was evil for awhile, apparently dad does too, because he’s soured pretty much everyone I knew to me except Bobby and Pastor Jim. Like I said, Caleb only works with me because a’Bobby.”
Dad hunted Sam? Thought he was evil? Dean wanted to disbelieve him, but again it was Sam’s conviction and emotionless honesty that convinced him. “Learned some things, spent some time with Jim, spent more time with a shaman, then I went to New Orleans and studied with a voodoo priestess. Figured if I was gonna educate myself it might as well be a rounded education.”
Sam laughed, but Dean didn’t hear any humor in the sound. “Might not have been Stanford, but I wasn’t gonna settle for anything less than the supernatural equivalent. Turns out I’m some reincarnated, reborn fallen angel or some weird thing.” Sam shrugs. “Apparently my chances of turning anything less than evil were slim. I told ‘em they had my big brother to thank for my unexpected goodness.”
This time when Sam turned to look at him, the eyes were less guarded, and Dean could almost read a glimmer of something less hard in his eyes. “I missed you too, Dean. Been waiting for you to come back since dad said that you’d left. I’m not the same Sammy you knew though, Dean, and I can’t go back to being him.”
Dean nodded carefully, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I’m not the same Dean who left.” Dean said carefully. “I don’t want you to be anything, but my brother, Sam.”
Sam arched an eyebrow and Dean blushed, remembering that some empaths had the ability to tell the truth from a lie. “OK, well, I mean…” Dean stopped talking when Sam chuckled low and deep.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind those extra non-brotherly things myself.” Sam said grinning and laughed all out when Dean blushed, but then quickly quieted growing serious. “But more than anything, I want my brother back. I want a partner to hunt with, travel the roads with. I want someone to bounce ideas with and argue with and laugh with. I want blood, Dean.” Sam shakes his head turning and pacing away before coming back. “But I’m not John Winchester’s black sheep boy anymore, and I need to know you’re ok with that.”
Nodding Dean looked around the parking lot settling his eyes on a couple leaving before turning his attention back to Sam. “I’m ok with it, and shit, I ain’t exactly John’s good little soldier anymore either. I’ve literally been around the world and back, Sam. I’ve hunted things dad doesn’t know exist. I’ve got so many stories to tell you, I don’t even know where to start. God, Sam, I have things to show you. I want us to go back. I wanna see the world, this time with you next to me.”
“I can live without a lot of things, and honestly I was really surprised to learn dad is one of them. But, the one thing I can’t live without anymore is you. It hurts. I don’t feel right.” Dean hangs his head pressing his fists into his eyes. “I want us to be Sam and Dean again. I want us to be brothers. I want us to be lovers. I want…” Dean stops when Sam touches his lips with a hand, effectively silencing him.
“I want, too.” Sam said softly. “Show me the world.”
And, Dean did.
The End!