oh! the difference debauchery makes!

[klhart]

debauchery, yes.
an evening ahead of a sure day off, full of drugs and booze and art and music and thankfully, love.
i am ashamed at myself for beating myself up over all this undone art work.
when all the time i was trying to pump a well that hadn't gotten rain in forever.
you will never ever get glorious fresh water from a dry well.
and you must feel shame when you're the one in charge of the rain.
i'm sorry self.
i'm sorry i'd forgotten how to exorcise that black, sticky sorrow in a healthy way.
i'm sorry i neglected to remember the warmth and brain power contained in beautiful music. i'm sorry i made my self blind to the ways i know i how to love.
i'm sorry for shutting my spark up in a tiny little light-proof bag.
i'm sorry i made me miserable. i'm sorry i was miserable. and miserable to read about.
misery, embarrassment, shame, stifling sorrow, closemindedness...BE GONE!
for some reason beyond my comprehension, this phrase popped into my head as my motto for the day...
shuck it, fuck it, put it in the bucket.
amen.