I still don't understand....
... maybe there's no way to understand. I can't imagine...
I'm still reeling from the shock. From relief that those I know and love are safe. The horror.
I'm still raw and bleeding inside... but there's only awareness of the wounds, but no magnitude on how deep they are. Maybe not so deep. I hope not.
I cried... many times today. I've also sat blank.. and stared.
Some people at my college were like me. Others either didn't care, or were hiding their fear/sadness behind a joke-mechanism. Someone was actually complaining about all the coverage. Saying it was 'everywhere', even the Food network and Cartoon Network. And then he said something about the PowerPuff Girls interrupting the regular programing. He pitched his voice high and squeaky in a PPG impression and said, "The nation mourns this terrible tragedy!"
I wanted to go out there and slap him. Instead, tears filled my eyes....
Listening to the news... I hear the voices of men and women breaking in sorrow... and my heart bleeds more...
I want to make those directly responsible for this suffer as those who died or who are dying suffered/are suffering.... I want them to suffer like the families suffer...
......
As an artist... one of the ways I cope is to get it out through writing and art.
I've written about this a lot today, mostly through IMs or emails.
I worked off and on on a drawing today to express my... my hope... my sadness... I had to ink it during the times I was too stunned to cry, and too emotionless to shiver...
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=26845
.....
When the Red Cross said they didn't want blood from people who lived overseas between years X and Y, I was happy. Because I'm hemophobic, and I hate needles to boot.
But today..... Today I regretted that I wasn't able to help... not one bit.
I feel lost.
*closes eyes* ...
I'm still reeling from the shock. From relief that those I know and love are safe. The horror.
I'm still raw and bleeding inside... but there's only awareness of the wounds, but no magnitude on how deep they are. Maybe not so deep. I hope not.
I cried... many times today. I've also sat blank.. and stared.
Some people at my college were like me. Others either didn't care, or were hiding their fear/sadness behind a joke-mechanism. Someone was actually complaining about all the coverage. Saying it was 'everywhere', even the Food network and Cartoon Network. And then he said something about the PowerPuff Girls interrupting the regular programing. He pitched his voice high and squeaky in a PPG impression and said, "The nation mourns this terrible tragedy!"
I wanted to go out there and slap him. Instead, tears filled my eyes....
Listening to the news... I hear the voices of men and women breaking in sorrow... and my heart bleeds more...
I want to make those directly responsible for this suffer as those who died or who are dying suffered/are suffering.... I want them to suffer like the families suffer...
......
As an artist... one of the ways I cope is to get it out through writing and art.
I've written about this a lot today, mostly through IMs or emails.
I worked off and on on a drawing today to express my... my hope... my sadness... I had to ink it during the times I was too stunned to cry, and too emotionless to shiver...
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=26845
.....
When the Red Cross said they didn't want blood from people who lived overseas between years X and Y, I was happy. Because I'm hemophobic, and I hate needles to boot.
But today..... Today I regretted that I wasn't able to help... not one bit.
I feel lost.
*closes eyes* ...