the importance of small talk...
I try and think of times when there almost needs to be some sort of speech taking place just to fill up the empty portions of the day. You know when you are talking to someone and there really is not that much going on as far as conversation goes?... You try so desperately to spark something there, but sometimes there is just nothing. I dont enjoy the feeling, it is almost a pseudo loneliness. You eagerly want to talk to someone and when you do there is nothing to say. Why does that happen?
The usual banter that I can concoct is about movies and that sort of knowledge that I am so utterly fascinated by otherwise, but for some reason the knowledge obtained is not as filling as usual. There is an awkward silence left behind that sometimes makes me think for the other person. I read into what they are going to ask as if I were some sort of psychic phone line. I dont understand the importance, it makes sense but at the same time does not make any sense what so ever. It is like kissing a person for the first time, that tension is felt through out the entire conversation and you are not sure if it really supposed to be happening...you know the usual symptoms of being uneased.
It is funny when I think of all the "conversations" I have had over the years and especially over the last year and a half. I had so many discussions with Julia and some of them(I know this sounds bad)..but some of them were forced discussions. You see, I have been doing alot of self analyzing lately to figure out what exactly is wrong with me, and I for some reason cannot hold a decent conversation with someone that I love(well loved at least). I do not want to think about the past relationship that I have had(and how it is over), but in order to go forward I have to look to the past. I know there is something wrong with me. I just need to figure out what it is that needs fixing.
Why could I not talk with Julia? I mean if this girl was living with me for awhile and I told her I love you for the better part of our relationship, why could I not have a conversation with her that had substance? Something that was intriguing, something that I was wanting to know, you know?
I wanted that so bad, I want it so bad. Sure there is going to be the occasional talk with someone you have not seen in awhile and it of course is not going to be worth anything. That is a "no Brainer", it would actually be weird if you just sat there and talked about your normal life with this person as if they were your best friend.
Some discussions are forced, others are natural. If I am with someone that I want to talk with so badly, why can I not do that?
Prince Klassen
current music_
Mogwai-happy songs, for happy people.
The usual banter that I can concoct is about movies and that sort of knowledge that I am so utterly fascinated by otherwise, but for some reason the knowledge obtained is not as filling as usual. There is an awkward silence left behind that sometimes makes me think for the other person. I read into what they are going to ask as if I were some sort of psychic phone line. I dont understand the importance, it makes sense but at the same time does not make any sense what so ever. It is like kissing a person for the first time, that tension is felt through out the entire conversation and you are not sure if it really supposed to be happening...you know the usual symptoms of being uneased.
It is funny when I think of all the "conversations" I have had over the years and especially over the last year and a half. I had so many discussions with Julia and some of them(I know this sounds bad)..but some of them were forced discussions. You see, I have been doing alot of self analyzing lately to figure out what exactly is wrong with me, and I for some reason cannot hold a decent conversation with someone that I love(well loved at least). I do not want to think about the past relationship that I have had(and how it is over), but in order to go forward I have to look to the past. I know there is something wrong with me. I just need to figure out what it is that needs fixing.
Why could I not talk with Julia? I mean if this girl was living with me for awhile and I told her I love you for the better part of our relationship, why could I not have a conversation with her that had substance? Something that was intriguing, something that I was wanting to know, you know?
I wanted that so bad, I want it so bad. Sure there is going to be the occasional talk with someone you have not seen in awhile and it of course is not going to be worth anything. That is a "no Brainer", it would actually be weird if you just sat there and talked about your normal life with this person as if they were your best friend.
Some discussions are forced, others are natural. If I am with someone that I want to talk with so badly, why can I not do that?
Prince Klassen
current music_
Mogwai-happy songs, for happy people.