2:39 PM 1/30/2005 tired of love. not really sure why just cause it hurts so much to know that u love people and not bein about to love them. or being far away an not being able to hug them or hold them close to u. even though when u had that chance to do so u never did so. cause u thought that it was not important. but now that i am away seems that i want to hold and hug my mother and be close to her. know of people that have or are able to do so but do not do it. cause they feel they are to old and that is a kid thing to do. now my words are not the greatest but startin to be able to put thoughts together. before it was hard for me to even to put a sentence together and try to express my feelins. but now they seem to flow and just come to me naturally. but cause there is either so much feelin that i have to release. like yellin out of a car window when u are goin down an empty highway or street. at the top of your lungs just to get rid of that anger that u have been holdin in. it feels great after u do so. guess that is the reason that u have to sound off when u are runnin in formation it is a great stress relievin tactic. know that even runnin helps u feels better about yourself, know that it does that for me. even when i am sick goin on a run actually helps me get rid of that sickness or illness that is keepin me down. but either way there is other things that bring people down. but guess that is another subject. but back to love. was given a soda today and i was like i don't drink coke often. he was like fuk u, and i was don't feel bad. cause i used to do it to my mother often. she would come from salvation army with close and i would be like i am not wearin that. but know i wish to wear whatever she gives me. cause she worked and searched hard for whatever she got me. the money that she is earnin or was earnin was not much. i should have been gratefull for what i was given. there is people like that that are given blessin and they do not aknowledge that they are gettin blessed. they just take it as small token of junk or nonesense. like the barracks that we live in. they are great they have heat. they have a bed and furniture. they have showers,washers, and dryers. plus they have a person guardin the doors. so they have many things that people on the street would be killin for. oh plus they have lockin doors. which can be bypassed my the master key. but that guy is trustworthy. now hate gettin woken up. but hey shyt happens. now there is people livin in tarp or cardboard boxes. and really happy about that. cause there is others that are livin in abandon cars or alleys. all them people got themselves there. but hey if u keep complainin it will not do much for your situation. it is only going to make it worse. u should be countin your blessins. other that i have nothin more to say. other than i think that barracks are great.have light and power which on the outside u would have to be payin for. here it is all combined with the bill. guess if u think u can do better go ahead and move out of the barracks. i am happy with the livin conditions. now there is one other thing that i would like to add. here u also have food that is given to u at a low price. cause pretty sure that u can go up for seconds if u are nice to the people behind that counter. u can keep eatin and get nice and fat. cause know i sure am. even though i am going to start cuttin back and start runnin.
2:39 PM 1/30/2005 tired of love. not really sure why just cause it hurts so much to know that u love people and not bein about to love them. or being far away an not being able to hug them or hold them close to u. even though when u had that chance to do so u never did so. cause u thought that it was not important. but now that i am away seems that i want to hold and hug my mother and be close to her. know of people that have or are able to do so but do not do it. cause they feel they are to old and that is a kid thing to do. now my words are not the greatest but startin to be able to put thoughts together. before it was hard for me to even to put a sentence together and try to express my feelins. but now they seem to flow and just come to me naturally. but cause there is either so much feelin that i have to release. like yellin out of a car window when u are goin down an empty highway or street. at the top of your lungs just to get rid of that anger that u have been holdin in. it feels great after u do so. guess that is the reason that u have to sound off when u are runnin in formation it is a great stress relievin tactic. know that even runnin helps u feels better about yourself, know that it does that for me. even when i am sick goin on a run actually helps me get rid of that sickness or illness that is keepin me down. but either way there is other things that bring people down. but guess that is another subject. but back to love. was given a soda today and i was like i don't drink coke often. he was like fuk u, and i was don't feel bad. cause i used to do it to my mother often. she would come from salvation army with close and i would be like i am not wearin that. but know i wish to wear whatever she gives me. cause she worked and searched hard for whatever she got me. the money that she is earnin or was earnin was not much. i should have been gratefull for what i was given. there is people like that that are given blessin and they do not aknowledge that they are gettin blessed. they just take it as small token of junk or nonesense. like the barracks that we live in. they are great they have heat. they have a bed and furniture. they have showers,washers, and dryers. plus they have a person guardin the doors. so they have many things that people on the street would be killin for. oh plus they have lockin doors. which can be bypassed my the master key. but that guy is trustworthy. now hate gettin woken up. but hey shyt happens. now there is people livin in tarp or cardboard boxes. and really happy about that. cause there is others that are livin in abandon cars or alleys. all them people got themselves there. but hey if u keep complainin it will not do much for your situation. it is only going to make it worse. u should be countin your blessins. other that i have nothin more to say. other than i think that barracks are great.have light and power which on the outside u would have to be payin for. here it is all combined with the bill. guess if u think u can do better go ahead and move out of the barracks. i am happy with the livin conditions. now there is one other thing that i would like to add. here u also have food that is given to u at a low price. cause pretty sure that u can go up for seconds if u are nice to the people behind that counter. u can keep eatin and get nice and fat. cause know i sure am. even though i am going to start cuttin back and start runnin.
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