KKBB/Shaggy Dog Part 3!
Title: Cut You, Hurt You, Ow, Your Nose, Is Coming Off
Author: lucritus
Fandom: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang/The Shaggy Dog crossover
Pairing: Perry/Harry Harry/Kozak Perry/Kozak
Rating: R for language
Prompt: Just watched 'The Shaggy Dog' (at my daycare job-worst place in the world to get dirty thoughts) and please please please, somebody incorporate an infected Dr. Kozak into a fic. PLEASE!!!!!!! It will complete my life! Until I itch for a new idea...
Note: The long awaited part 3! And yes, most likely there will be a part four. Wow this one is long haha. But I love Kozak, and so should you! 8D I hope you all enjoy this and thanks so much for being patient! This was hard for me to get started but once I did I was on a roll!
Also, for those new to this, here is community.livejournal.com/kkissbbang/89427.html and community.livejournal.com/kkissbbang/89734.html
When Kozak opened his eyes, they were hardly focused. He was still tired, a bit dazed. But when his mind became less clouded and his vision was up to par, he was unsure as to why he was being stared at so strangely. Then, of course, it hit him. He had fallen asleep and did not wake up in time to get out of there. Which meant he was human again. Somewhat.
His eyes widened, matching that of Harry’s and made to get away with a quick “Shit!” when he fell off the couch, thankfully taking the blanket with him. Harry would find this funny if he wasn’t so confused, and sat up, trying not to gawk.
The man was littered with scars from what he could see, very similar to those he felt and noticed when bathing Harriet. The thought of this man actually being said dog was just to0 strange, but it only seemed the most logical explanation. Unless Harry was going insane.
Before either of them could say anything, footsteps were heard descending the stairs. Kozak inwardly groaned. He needed to get out of there, but streaking in the city was a very bad idea. Not that he would ever do that. Ever.
Perry walked into the living room with his robe on, his hair a little ruffled. He didn’t look quite awake and he appeared to be in dire need of coffee. Harry noticed this straight away. Perry wasn’t exactly fully functional without his coffee, but that didn’t mean he was not going to notice another man in the room. On the floor. With nothing covering but a blanket. Also, no coffee also meant a more cranky Perry. Which meant a lot of yelling. Which he did.
“Harry, what the fuck is this?” He looked between the two, confusion creasing his brow. Why did the other man look a bit like Harry? “Where the hell is the dog?”
Harry swallowed, forming a very sheepish, nervous smile. “I - uh,” he glanced over at Kozak. “I think that is…the dog.”
Kozak felt the sudden urge to hide, but that wasn’t going to solve anything. He just stayed quiet. Let the absurdity of the situation take its toll, he told himself. Of course, being referred to as “that” wasn’t very comforting. He’d been called worse back at the facility, but really. He would have expected something less offensive from Harry - but who was he kidding? He wasn’t the “dog” anymore. Just some stranger who was in their house.
Perry walked up closer, eyes squinting as he got a better look at Kozak. Recognition passed through his eyes and Kozak never wanted to run more before in his life. “Harry, get the fuck away from him, now,” Perry snapped, literally yanking a confused and argumentative Harry from the couch and distancing him from Kozak.
“What’s going on, Perry?” Harry demanded, pulling his arm free and looking awfully distressed and annoyed.
“You ever watch the news, idiot? That’s Marcus Kozak, the guy who did illegal testing on animals and put his boss in a coma! He escaped,” he hissed. “Not only that, but he’s infected with something contagious and dangerous.”
Kozak listened, irritated. He wondered if his eye was twitching. It felt like it. “You know, I’m just going to go and leave you love birds at peace,” he muttered, moving to get up, still holding onto the blanket.
“Don’t you fucking move!” Perry snapped, startling both Harry and Kozak, though Perry looked confused afterwards when Kozak sat back down on the floor. Even Harry noticed that was odd. Kozak had looked ready to run, not to actually listen - but he listened.
Then Perry saw the tail, which twitched from behind the scarred man. “What the fuck…” he mostly mouthed.
“Yeah,” Kozak said, frowning and glaring at them both, “You also forgot to mention that I was actually ‘infected’ by dog DNA and was kept in a government testing facility before I escaped. Not a prison. I’d rather not go back there,” he said bluntly. “Just let me borrow some clothes and I’ll leave. Just pretend I was never here.”
Perry kept his eyes narrowed, but Harry looked far more upset after Kozak stopped talking. “They did all that to you, didn’t they?”
“What?”
“The scars,” Harry pressed, a little shaken.
Kozak didn’t act surprised by the other man’s reaction. He sort of expected it. “Among other things, but I don’t think either of you really care, so, you going to let me go or what?”
“I’m calling the cops,” Perry said after a few moments of silence, but Harry grabbed his arm.
“Perry! You can’t possibly! They’ll take him back to that place and you know it!”
“Why the fuck should I care?” Perry glared hard at Harry, who returned the look just as much.
“He doesn’t deserve to go back there.”
“He’s a fucking criminal! He almost killed his boss!” Perry emphasized, not letting up. But neither was Harry.
“I was a criminal, Perry! Are you going to call the cops on me too and drag me there?”
“That’s not the same thing, Harry, and you know it.” His voice faltered somewhat when he saw that Harry was close to tears.
Kozak was really not sure how to react to this. No one had ever really defended him before. He didn’t say a word, however, even when there was a long, long time of silence before Perry spoke again.
“All right, get him some fucking clothes. Your clothes. I’m going to get some fucking coffee. But when I come out of the kitchen and he’s still here, I’m calling the police, got it?”
Harry nodded and looked over at Kozak, but his expression was unreadable. “I’ll…uh, be right back,” he muttered before rushing upstairs. Kozak was left looking at Perry, who stared back at him with a look that would have probably killed him if it were possible.
“Don’t move. Or touch anything. You hurt Harry and I’ll fucking kill you.” With that, Perry stalked off to the kitchen.
Fuck, Kozak thought. What the hell did I get myself into?
Harry didn’t take too long coming back down, clothes folded over his arm. He seemed to hesitate when approaching Kozak, but he held them out. “Er, here. I figure these will be fine and since we, uh, well you look like you have the same size as me so I guess there won’t be a problem. I thought about cutting a hole in the pants, for your tail but…”
“It’s fine,” Kozak said without much else. His tone was flat and he took the clothes, not saying anything else. Harry frowned and stepped back, crossing his arms. He didn’t say anything else either, but eventually turned around awkwardly when Kozak gave him a look. Harry was trying so hard not to stare. But the man needed his personal space and privacy while he got dressed.
Kozak had some trouble working with both the boxers and the sweatpants, almost wishing that Harry had cut a hole. But there wasn’t much he could do about that and left the tail out above the pants. His only way not to let his pants fall down on him was to tie the string tight enough to keep them around his hips. He’d fix it eventually when he got out of there.
Harry glanced over his shoulder just a little when Kozak began to put the gray t-shirt on. He couldn’t help but worry. The man was awfully thin and those scars… How long had Kozak been in hiding? Starving? No wonder he was in such a horrible state when he found him as a dog…
He turned completely around when he saw that Kozak was completely dressed then and blurted, “I’m sorry I called you a girl!”
Kozak was startled by the outburst and quickly recovered with a raised eyebrow. He would have settled for a deadpan expression, but that was impossible. “Don’t worry. I’ve been called worse.” A lot worse, he thought back bitterly.
Harry seemed even more unpredictable when he noticed the man approaching him until they were nearly face to face. Kozak was ready to back away, but ended up flinching only a little when Harry’s hand lifted and hesitated before a few fingers traced tiny scars, and a large one, across his cheek. “What did they do to you there?”
Kozak was ready to snap a retort and pull away and leave right then, but the sad, watery look in Harry’s eyes stopped him. That and, well, his hand felt nice. “Came from the muzzle they put on me,” he finally answered, his voice unsteady. “They kept it tight so I wouldn’t bite anyone. It was only when I managed to get it off that I got away.”
Harry continued to trace his fingers gently around the scar. He didn’t pull his hand away even when Kozak started leaning into it just a little. Eventually, though, he cleared his throat and lowered it back to his side. “I got to go to the bathroom, so, um, I’ll be right back. Don’t leave yet, okay? I have a few more questions. Just, uh, sit on the couch.” He said it all with quite a hurry as he walked away.
With the word “sit” in that phrasing, Kozak couldn’t really not listen and ended up sitting on the couch. He sighed heavily and held his head in his hands, fingers lacing through his hair, which, for once, felt clean. Sure, it was longer, and he wasn’t necessarily clean shaven anymore, but he felt clean. Better. Despite how tired and haggard he looked.
He just hoped Perry wasn’t going to walk in while Harry was still using the bathroom. But of course, things never worked out for him the way he wanted them to and the large blonde man came back into the living room. He didn’t have a coffee mug in hand, which meant it was still being brewed. Then why was he out here? He could have given Kozak just a little more time-
“He’s gone already?”
What? Kozak stared at him in confusion, especially when Perry sat down next to him on the couch. Okay. Apparently Perry was bipolar. Kozak did not know that Perry was awfully strange without his coffee, but he did find out that for some reason now Perry thought Kozak was Harry.
Must have been the clothes.
“Uhh,” Kozak started, but any coherent thought or words were lost when Perry got very, very, very close to his face and muttered a seductive “Good” before connected his lips with his.
Did the man not see his tail?
Maybe that was a good thing; because embarrassingly, it was wagging.
Author: lucritus
Fandom: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang/The Shaggy Dog crossover
Pairing: Perry/Harry Harry/Kozak Perry/Kozak
Rating: R for language
Prompt: Just watched 'The Shaggy Dog' (at my daycare job-worst place in the world to get dirty thoughts) and please please please, somebody incorporate an infected Dr. Kozak into a fic. PLEASE!!!!!!! It will complete my life! Until I itch for a new idea...
Note: The long awaited part 3! And yes, most likely there will be a part four. Wow this one is long haha. But I love Kozak, and so should you! 8D I hope you all enjoy this and thanks so much for being patient! This was hard for me to get started but once I did I was on a roll!
Also, for those new to this, here is community.livejournal.com/kkissbbang/89427.html and community.livejournal.com/kkissbbang/89734.html
When Kozak opened his eyes, they were hardly focused. He was still tired, a bit dazed. But when his mind became less clouded and his vision was up to par, he was unsure as to why he was being stared at so strangely. Then, of course, it hit him. He had fallen asleep and did not wake up in time to get out of there. Which meant he was human again. Somewhat.
His eyes widened, matching that of Harry’s and made to get away with a quick “Shit!” when he fell off the couch, thankfully taking the blanket with him. Harry would find this funny if he wasn’t so confused, and sat up, trying not to gawk.
The man was littered with scars from what he could see, very similar to those he felt and noticed when bathing Harriet. The thought of this man actually being said dog was just to0 strange, but it only seemed the most logical explanation. Unless Harry was going insane.
Before either of them could say anything, footsteps were heard descending the stairs. Kozak inwardly groaned. He needed to get out of there, but streaking in the city was a very bad idea. Not that he would ever do that. Ever.
Perry walked into the living room with his robe on, his hair a little ruffled. He didn’t look quite awake and he appeared to be in dire need of coffee. Harry noticed this straight away. Perry wasn’t exactly fully functional without his coffee, but that didn’t mean he was not going to notice another man in the room. On the floor. With nothing covering but a blanket. Also, no coffee also meant a more cranky Perry. Which meant a lot of yelling. Which he did.
“Harry, what the fuck is this?” He looked between the two, confusion creasing his brow. Why did the other man look a bit like Harry? “Where the hell is the dog?”
Harry swallowed, forming a very sheepish, nervous smile. “I - uh,” he glanced over at Kozak. “I think that is…the dog.”
Kozak felt the sudden urge to hide, but that wasn’t going to solve anything. He just stayed quiet. Let the absurdity of the situation take its toll, he told himself. Of course, being referred to as “that” wasn’t very comforting. He’d been called worse back at the facility, but really. He would have expected something less offensive from Harry - but who was he kidding? He wasn’t the “dog” anymore. Just some stranger who was in their house.
Perry walked up closer, eyes squinting as he got a better look at Kozak. Recognition passed through his eyes and Kozak never wanted to run more before in his life. “Harry, get the fuck away from him, now,” Perry snapped, literally yanking a confused and argumentative Harry from the couch and distancing him from Kozak.
“What’s going on, Perry?” Harry demanded, pulling his arm free and looking awfully distressed and annoyed.
“You ever watch the news, idiot? That’s Marcus Kozak, the guy who did illegal testing on animals and put his boss in a coma! He escaped,” he hissed. “Not only that, but he’s infected with something contagious and dangerous.”
Kozak listened, irritated. He wondered if his eye was twitching. It felt like it. “You know, I’m just going to go and leave you love birds at peace,” he muttered, moving to get up, still holding onto the blanket.
“Don’t you fucking move!” Perry snapped, startling both Harry and Kozak, though Perry looked confused afterwards when Kozak sat back down on the floor. Even Harry noticed that was odd. Kozak had looked ready to run, not to actually listen - but he listened.
Then Perry saw the tail, which twitched from behind the scarred man. “What the fuck…” he mostly mouthed.
“Yeah,” Kozak said, frowning and glaring at them both, “You also forgot to mention that I was actually ‘infected’ by dog DNA and was kept in a government testing facility before I escaped. Not a prison. I’d rather not go back there,” he said bluntly. “Just let me borrow some clothes and I’ll leave. Just pretend I was never here.”
Perry kept his eyes narrowed, but Harry looked far more upset after Kozak stopped talking. “They did all that to you, didn’t they?”
“What?”
“The scars,” Harry pressed, a little shaken.
Kozak didn’t act surprised by the other man’s reaction. He sort of expected it. “Among other things, but I don’t think either of you really care, so, you going to let me go or what?”
“I’m calling the cops,” Perry said after a few moments of silence, but Harry grabbed his arm.
“Perry! You can’t possibly! They’ll take him back to that place and you know it!”
“Why the fuck should I care?” Perry glared hard at Harry, who returned the look just as much.
“He doesn’t deserve to go back there.”
“He’s a fucking criminal! He almost killed his boss!” Perry emphasized, not letting up. But neither was Harry.
“I was a criminal, Perry! Are you going to call the cops on me too and drag me there?”
“That’s not the same thing, Harry, and you know it.” His voice faltered somewhat when he saw that Harry was close to tears.
Kozak was really not sure how to react to this. No one had ever really defended him before. He didn’t say a word, however, even when there was a long, long time of silence before Perry spoke again.
“All right, get him some fucking clothes. Your clothes. I’m going to get some fucking coffee. But when I come out of the kitchen and he’s still here, I’m calling the police, got it?”
Harry nodded and looked over at Kozak, but his expression was unreadable. “I’ll…uh, be right back,” he muttered before rushing upstairs. Kozak was left looking at Perry, who stared back at him with a look that would have probably killed him if it were possible.
“Don’t move. Or touch anything. You hurt Harry and I’ll fucking kill you.” With that, Perry stalked off to the kitchen.
Fuck, Kozak thought. What the hell did I get myself into?
Harry didn’t take too long coming back down, clothes folded over his arm. He seemed to hesitate when approaching Kozak, but he held them out. “Er, here. I figure these will be fine and since we, uh, well you look like you have the same size as me so I guess there won’t be a problem. I thought about cutting a hole in the pants, for your tail but…”
“It’s fine,” Kozak said without much else. His tone was flat and he took the clothes, not saying anything else. Harry frowned and stepped back, crossing his arms. He didn’t say anything else either, but eventually turned around awkwardly when Kozak gave him a look. Harry was trying so hard not to stare. But the man needed his personal space and privacy while he got dressed.
Kozak had some trouble working with both the boxers and the sweatpants, almost wishing that Harry had cut a hole. But there wasn’t much he could do about that and left the tail out above the pants. His only way not to let his pants fall down on him was to tie the string tight enough to keep them around his hips. He’d fix it eventually when he got out of there.
Harry glanced over his shoulder just a little when Kozak began to put the gray t-shirt on. He couldn’t help but worry. The man was awfully thin and those scars… How long had Kozak been in hiding? Starving? No wonder he was in such a horrible state when he found him as a dog…
He turned completely around when he saw that Kozak was completely dressed then and blurted, “I’m sorry I called you a girl!”
Kozak was startled by the outburst and quickly recovered with a raised eyebrow. He would have settled for a deadpan expression, but that was impossible. “Don’t worry. I’ve been called worse.” A lot worse, he thought back bitterly.
Harry seemed even more unpredictable when he noticed the man approaching him until they were nearly face to face. Kozak was ready to back away, but ended up flinching only a little when Harry’s hand lifted and hesitated before a few fingers traced tiny scars, and a large one, across his cheek. “What did they do to you there?”
Kozak was ready to snap a retort and pull away and leave right then, but the sad, watery look in Harry’s eyes stopped him. That and, well, his hand felt nice. “Came from the muzzle they put on me,” he finally answered, his voice unsteady. “They kept it tight so I wouldn’t bite anyone. It was only when I managed to get it off that I got away.”
Harry continued to trace his fingers gently around the scar. He didn’t pull his hand away even when Kozak started leaning into it just a little. Eventually, though, he cleared his throat and lowered it back to his side. “I got to go to the bathroom, so, um, I’ll be right back. Don’t leave yet, okay? I have a few more questions. Just, uh, sit on the couch.” He said it all with quite a hurry as he walked away.
With the word “sit” in that phrasing, Kozak couldn’t really not listen and ended up sitting on the couch. He sighed heavily and held his head in his hands, fingers lacing through his hair, which, for once, felt clean. Sure, it was longer, and he wasn’t necessarily clean shaven anymore, but he felt clean. Better. Despite how tired and haggard he looked.
He just hoped Perry wasn’t going to walk in while Harry was still using the bathroom. But of course, things never worked out for him the way he wanted them to and the large blonde man came back into the living room. He didn’t have a coffee mug in hand, which meant it was still being brewed. Then why was he out here? He could have given Kozak just a little more time-
“He’s gone already?”
What? Kozak stared at him in confusion, especially when Perry sat down next to him on the couch. Okay. Apparently Perry was bipolar. Kozak did not know that Perry was awfully strange without his coffee, but he did find out that for some reason now Perry thought Kozak was Harry.
Must have been the clothes.
“Uhh,” Kozak started, but any coherent thought or words were lost when Perry got very, very, very close to his face and muttered a seductive “Good” before connected his lips with his.
Did the man not see his tail?
Maybe that was a good thing; because embarrassingly, it was wagging.