The Ben Affleck Story ( a true tale)
So Monday night my friends and I throw a triple birthday party at Noir, in Harvard Square, where one of the honorees works. It's a lovely night. I myself am dressed in a powder blue, 2 sizes too big, powder blue velour track suit with matching state trooper hat and a tiara from Iparty that reads 'birthda girl' (not a typo). It's a fun time and people come out and keep buying me shots which I consume and quickly lose my filter which keeps things I shouldn't say from escaping my mouth. A coworker, Dana, informs me that Ben Affleck (star of such masterpieces as Gigli and Daredevil) is at a nearby bar, RedLine and says she's going to bring him back for my birthday.
About an hour pass and I have already forgotten about her promise when I am told that Ben Affleck is right behind me. He is surrounded by a group of people and is pretty tall, but a lot skinnier than I would have guessed. I go up to him and drunkenly tell him that we went to the same highschool and a few other things that he seems pretty uninterested by. Beyond this point, up until the end of the story (which I vividly remember) what I might have said is up for debate. I vaguely remember saying something about how Pearl Harbor was a terrible movie (it is) and I may have called Him O'Bannion, his character from Dazed and Confused. I walk away for a bit and then decide that I have been a jerk and should go apologize to him. So i go over and break through the circle of fawning girls, make him shake my hand and I tell him that I am sorry for being an asshole. He then says to me "so, you're a homosexual, right?". "No I like girls".
Looking back on it there are so many better retorts I could have used, e.g. "Why yes I am, how do you like them apples?"
So I excused myself and woke up the next day with a picture of half his head and a sense of accomplishment that I had seized the night by smugly insulting a Hollywood actor. If you do not believe any of this story please refer to Erin Good, Chris Cleveland or Elizabeth Cook who will assure you that I am in no way exaggerating.
Thank you and Goodnight
About an hour pass and I have already forgotten about her promise when I am told that Ben Affleck is right behind me. He is surrounded by a group of people and is pretty tall, but a lot skinnier than I would have guessed. I go up to him and drunkenly tell him that we went to the same highschool and a few other things that he seems pretty uninterested by. Beyond this point, up until the end of the story (which I vividly remember) what I might have said is up for debate. I vaguely remember saying something about how Pearl Harbor was a terrible movie (it is) and I may have called Him O'Bannion, his character from Dazed and Confused. I walk away for a bit and then decide that I have been a jerk and should go apologize to him. So i go over and break through the circle of fawning girls, make him shake my hand and I tell him that I am sorry for being an asshole. He then says to me "so, you're a homosexual, right?". "No I like girls".
Looking back on it there are so many better retorts I could have used, e.g. "Why yes I am, how do you like them apples?"
So I excused myself and woke up the next day with a picture of half his head and a sense of accomplishment that I had seized the night by smugly insulting a Hollywood actor. If you do not believe any of this story please refer to Erin Good, Chris Cleveland or Elizabeth Cook who will assure you that I am in no way exaggerating.
Thank you and Goodnight