[Yama fic] Forbidden Love (Part 21)
Title: Forbidden Love
Pairing: Yama (Ohno x Sho)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, antiquity, angst, romance, friendship
Disclaimer: Purely fictional, for entertainment only
Summary: Prince Satoshi tried to make Prince Masaki understand his relationship with Sho. Would he succeed? Sho got to see the girl whom Satoshi was going to marry.
Part 21
Satoshi
I didn’t expect him to say something like this. He really isn’t the same innocent, naïve and simple boy standing in front of me like before. I couldn’t say the palace converted him, because I feel that I was actually the culprit here. Even more unexpected was Masaki’s appearance outside the door. I should have known that he would come to see me after we were apart for so many months. If it wasn’t Masaki that’s standing out but it’s Father - then what would happen? I had let my guards down because of my emotions! The thought that I could have hurt him this way gives me chills!
"Masaki!" I chased after him. I really really don’t want to hurt him. "Stop!" I finally caught up with him and grabbed him by the shoulder. I turned him around so we were face to face.
"Why should I stop?!" Masaki bit his lips avoiding my eye contact.
"Masaki, I’m sorry. I don’t dare for you to understand us, nor for you to accept us. After all, a man loving another man is -- " I tried to find the right way of saying it. "I don’t want to say I’m ashamed, because I don’t feel that way. Masaki, Sho and I - you won’t understand - but - " Looking at Masaki, I don’t know if he can digest what I said.
"Try me! Now I stopped, listening to you. But how come you’re not saying now?!" Masaki like he’s interrogating me. His eyes were red. "How do you know I won’t understand if you don’t tell me?!"
"Fine, I’ll tell you." We sat down on a bench at the far corner of the garden. I made sure nobody was close enough to hear us before start talking. "Do you know how hard it is for someone to find a person who loves you so much that he’s willing to die for you, and you’re willing to die for him in a lifetime?" I looked at Masaki, not anticipating any reply from him. "But, finding someone who’s willing to live for you, and you’re willing to live for him, knowing how hurtful it would be, is even harder! Since to die, you only need a moment of courage. However, it requires a lifetime of courage to live!" I took a deep breath, not wanting to show anymore weakness in front of him. "I don’t want to lie to you. You are always the dearest brother that I’ve ever had."
Masaki didn’t look at me nor say anything. He lowered his head as if he’s in deep thoughts. I knew I needed to give him time to digest.
"Nii-san, Masaki is being willful again, isn’t it? I must have upset you." He put his hand on top of mine. "When we were little, I remembered you took my hand and we would go catch beetles and dragonflies together. When I didn’t do my calligraphy correctly, you would hold my hand and instruct me. When I was sad, you always cheered me up. You were always there for me. But come to think about it, Nii-san was always alone. Now that you had to go to war, had to worry about the kingdom, had to - compete with Jun. If it wasn’t for Sakurai-kun, who could be Nii-san’s company, who could share your burden, who could take care of you?! Even I was selfish - afraid that if I choose side, I would lose something that was not mine to begin with. So, Nii-san, you don’t need to apologize to me! I am just another selfish brother of yours!"
"Don’t say that - don’t say that - " I hugged him tightly.
"Nii-san - " He pulled away and looked me straight in the eye. I’ve never seen him looking at me so affirmatively before. "Don’t give up! I’m willing to give you my blessings!"
Sho
That day Satoshi came back and told me that Prince Masaki had accepted us. But I didn’t see a bit of joy in his eyes. In the contrary, he became quiet like before. A lot of times, he would go out early in the morning and came back exhausted late at night. I am used to not asking him, and he’s used to not telling me. When we came into eye contact, he’d just give me a casual smile.
Although he didn’t tell me, but I could still hear about what’s happening in the administration. Like some lower ranked ministers got replaced. Queen Matsumoto’s people had occupied more and more positions in the administrations, gaining more and more controlling power. On the other hand, our Prime Minister is going to become Satoshi’s father-in-law, and I, the son of General Sakurai who has main military power, is on Satoshi’s side. Now I really believe in what Satoshi said, all these arrangements by the king is to maintain the balance of power and let us hindered each other, preventing either side to make any reckless moves. That will at least keep the peace in the kingdom for the time being. The king is getting old. If he didn’t make these protective measures, he would be in danger of being overturned!
Quietly eating dinner with him, he seemed to be eating exceptionally slow. I asked the servants to reheat some of the dishes. "What’s the matter? Are you not feeling well? Or something is bothering you?" I held his other hand which was not holding the chopsticks.
"Masaki is going away to guard the border - " He didn’t look at me, just continue to put food in his mouth slowly. "He’ll be leaving after my wedding."
"The food is cold. Don’t eat them anymore. It will hurt your stomach." I took the chopsticks away from his hand. "Was it His Majesty’s assignment?"
He didn’t say anything when I took his chopsticks away. He simply stood up and walked away from the table. "Yes, I knew it. Brothers in the royal family will eventually be apart. But his departure this time sends chills to my heart. Family love is getting thinner and thinner in the palace."
That night, I didn’t how to comfort him. It seems to be like the law of nature that can’t be stopped or resisted. The atmosphere in the palace is becoming weirder and weirder, like everyone is waiting for the final showdown.
Two months later I finally saw the girl whom Satoshi was going to marry. It was the king’s birthday and all high ranked ministers came to the palace for the big celebrations. That girl, whom I’ve learnt was named Shiori, being the future wife of Lord Satoshi, was naturally invited as guest. She looked more mature than her age. She was quite pretty and well manned. Honestly, she’s well qualified even as future queen. Satoshi being a prince was obviously sitting with the royal family, so he arranged for me to sit with Nino. That actually gave me a good chance to look at the girl!
She sat next to Satoshi’s younger sister, Princess Umika, but occasionally looked towards Satoshi who’s sitting with Prince Masaki. Was that admiration? Wouldn’t her be proud of going to be marrying such an outstanding man? A few months later, she would become his wife, and he would become her world…..Where does that leave me? My heart couldn’t help but ached on that thought.
"Don’t think too much now! And don’t look at the person you don’t want to see!" Nino suddenly handed me a cup of wine. "You know you’re in his heart. As long as you can see him every day, isn’t that enough? Being in the current situation is because he’s not relentless enough. But then if he is so relentless he will not be the man we know now."
"So, now I know, being able to love a person openly is so enviable - " I stared at the cup I was holding, thinking about what Nino said. If he really is such a ruthless and heartless person, will I still love him as much? Certainly not. But Satoshi, is it the only way we can live our lives?
To be continued.....
Previous | Index
Pairing: Yama (Ohno x Sho)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, antiquity, angst, romance, friendship
Disclaimer: Purely fictional, for entertainment only
Summary: Prince Satoshi tried to make Prince Masaki understand his relationship with Sho. Would he succeed? Sho got to see the girl whom Satoshi was going to marry.
Part 21
Satoshi
I didn’t expect him to say something like this. He really isn’t the same innocent, naïve and simple boy standing in front of me like before. I couldn’t say the palace converted him, because I feel that I was actually the culprit here. Even more unexpected was Masaki’s appearance outside the door. I should have known that he would come to see me after we were apart for so many months. If it wasn’t Masaki that’s standing out but it’s Father - then what would happen? I had let my guards down because of my emotions! The thought that I could have hurt him this way gives me chills!
"Masaki!" I chased after him. I really really don’t want to hurt him. "Stop!" I finally caught up with him and grabbed him by the shoulder. I turned him around so we were face to face.
"Why should I stop?!" Masaki bit his lips avoiding my eye contact.
"Masaki, I’m sorry. I don’t dare for you to understand us, nor for you to accept us. After all, a man loving another man is -- " I tried to find the right way of saying it. "I don’t want to say I’m ashamed, because I don’t feel that way. Masaki, Sho and I - you won’t understand - but - " Looking at Masaki, I don’t know if he can digest what I said.
"Try me! Now I stopped, listening to you. But how come you’re not saying now?!" Masaki like he’s interrogating me. His eyes were red. "How do you know I won’t understand if you don’t tell me?!"
"Fine, I’ll tell you." We sat down on a bench at the far corner of the garden. I made sure nobody was close enough to hear us before start talking. "Do you know how hard it is for someone to find a person who loves you so much that he’s willing to die for you, and you’re willing to die for him in a lifetime?" I looked at Masaki, not anticipating any reply from him. "But, finding someone who’s willing to live for you, and you’re willing to live for him, knowing how hurtful it would be, is even harder! Since to die, you only need a moment of courage. However, it requires a lifetime of courage to live!" I took a deep breath, not wanting to show anymore weakness in front of him. "I don’t want to lie to you. You are always the dearest brother that I’ve ever had."
Masaki didn’t look at me nor say anything. He lowered his head as if he’s in deep thoughts. I knew I needed to give him time to digest.
"Nii-san, Masaki is being willful again, isn’t it? I must have upset you." He put his hand on top of mine. "When we were little, I remembered you took my hand and we would go catch beetles and dragonflies together. When I didn’t do my calligraphy correctly, you would hold my hand and instruct me. When I was sad, you always cheered me up. You were always there for me. But come to think about it, Nii-san was always alone. Now that you had to go to war, had to worry about the kingdom, had to - compete with Jun. If it wasn’t for Sakurai-kun, who could be Nii-san’s company, who could share your burden, who could take care of you?! Even I was selfish - afraid that if I choose side, I would lose something that was not mine to begin with. So, Nii-san, you don’t need to apologize to me! I am just another selfish brother of yours!"
"Don’t say that - don’t say that - " I hugged him tightly.
"Nii-san - " He pulled away and looked me straight in the eye. I’ve never seen him looking at me so affirmatively before. "Don’t give up! I’m willing to give you my blessings!"
Sho
That day Satoshi came back and told me that Prince Masaki had accepted us. But I didn’t see a bit of joy in his eyes. In the contrary, he became quiet like before. A lot of times, he would go out early in the morning and came back exhausted late at night. I am used to not asking him, and he’s used to not telling me. When we came into eye contact, he’d just give me a casual smile.
Although he didn’t tell me, but I could still hear about what’s happening in the administration. Like some lower ranked ministers got replaced. Queen Matsumoto’s people had occupied more and more positions in the administrations, gaining more and more controlling power. On the other hand, our Prime Minister is going to become Satoshi’s father-in-law, and I, the son of General Sakurai who has main military power, is on Satoshi’s side. Now I really believe in what Satoshi said, all these arrangements by the king is to maintain the balance of power and let us hindered each other, preventing either side to make any reckless moves. That will at least keep the peace in the kingdom for the time being. The king is getting old. If he didn’t make these protective measures, he would be in danger of being overturned!
Quietly eating dinner with him, he seemed to be eating exceptionally slow. I asked the servants to reheat some of the dishes. "What’s the matter? Are you not feeling well? Or something is bothering you?" I held his other hand which was not holding the chopsticks.
"Masaki is going away to guard the border - " He didn’t look at me, just continue to put food in his mouth slowly. "He’ll be leaving after my wedding."
"The food is cold. Don’t eat them anymore. It will hurt your stomach." I took the chopsticks away from his hand. "Was it His Majesty’s assignment?"
He didn’t say anything when I took his chopsticks away. He simply stood up and walked away from the table. "Yes, I knew it. Brothers in the royal family will eventually be apart. But his departure this time sends chills to my heart. Family love is getting thinner and thinner in the palace."
That night, I didn’t how to comfort him. It seems to be like the law of nature that can’t be stopped or resisted. The atmosphere in the palace is becoming weirder and weirder, like everyone is waiting for the final showdown.
Two months later I finally saw the girl whom Satoshi was going to marry. It was the king’s birthday and all high ranked ministers came to the palace for the big celebrations. That girl, whom I’ve learnt was named Shiori, being the future wife of Lord Satoshi, was naturally invited as guest. She looked more mature than her age. She was quite pretty and well manned. Honestly, she’s well qualified even as future queen. Satoshi being a prince was obviously sitting with the royal family, so he arranged for me to sit with Nino. That actually gave me a good chance to look at the girl!
She sat next to Satoshi’s younger sister, Princess Umika, but occasionally looked towards Satoshi who’s sitting with Prince Masaki. Was that admiration? Wouldn’t her be proud of going to be marrying such an outstanding man? A few months later, she would become his wife, and he would become her world…..Where does that leave me? My heart couldn’t help but ached on that thought.
"Don’t think too much now! And don’t look at the person you don’t want to see!" Nino suddenly handed me a cup of wine. "You know you’re in his heart. As long as you can see him every day, isn’t that enough? Being in the current situation is because he’s not relentless enough. But then if he is so relentless he will not be the man we know now."
"So, now I know, being able to love a person openly is so enviable - " I stared at the cup I was holding, thinking about what Nino said. If he really is such a ruthless and heartless person, will I still love him as much? Certainly not. But Satoshi, is it the only way we can live our lives?
To be continued.....
Previous | Index