Breathing Room, Part II
Title: Breathing Room
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: R (for sex and language)
Type: Multi-chap, romance
Summary: They thought they had everything worked out; they thought everything was as perfect as it could be, but there was one thing Sirius wanted that Remus wouldn’t give him and it was beginning to drive him mad.
Author’s Notes: Written in 4 parts. A sequel to The Sharing of Breath, but written in such a way that reading the first story is unnecessary. If you would like to read it, you can do so here: The Sharing of Breath Series ALSO, un-beta'ed so if you see any mistakes, please comment to let me know.
( Part I )
XXXXXXX
Part II: Living Today
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There was a long queue outside the cinema, all Muggles dressed in thick coats with scarves and hats with snowflakes or reindeer. Remus tilted his head back and looked up. Everything was black with a sprinkling of stars, the moon looking mostly full, but hidden by whispers of clouds, ghosting their way across the sky.
“I think it’s going to snow tonight,” he said.
“Why?”
“It smells like snow.”
“You and your canine senses. That’s because it’s winter.”
Remus looked at Sirius. “Your lips are chapped.”
“That’s because of winter, too.”
“Hmmm. A Galleon says it’s going to snow tonight. Remember the last time we played in the snow?”
“With James and Lily?”
“Yes. Back before you started going on missions for Dumbledore.”
Sirius shrugged. “I don’t work so it’s nice to feel useful.”
“You should feel useful most days of the week, then.”
“Worried about me?”
“Sometimes.”
They joined the end of the queue, Sirius bouncing back and forth from one foot to the other to get his blood pumping. When he breathed out, he could see his breath, white like fog against the air.
“S’fucking cold.”
“You whinge all the time. Stop it. You don’t need a boyfriend, you need a proper mother.”
Sirius laughed. “I need someone to do my laundry.”
“Another good reason why I won’t move in - I’m not doing your bloody laundry.”
“Smelly pants?”
“Smelly everything - oh, god, there’re James and Lily.”
Sirius quickly turned around and spotted a couple walking down the sidewalk. Their faces were hidden behind the crowd of people, but the bright shade of ginger on Lily’s head and the wild black of James’ hair were very distinguishable.
“Oh god,” repeated Remus.
“What’s wrong with you?” asked Sirius. “You like James and Mrs. Potter.”
“Can’t you call her Lily?”
“No.”
“And I do like them, but they don’t know about us.” Remus’ voice was barely even a whisper.
“They’re not complete idiots.”
“They still don’t know, not for sure. And us at the cinema looks suspiciously like a date.”
“A date!” howled Sirius, laughing.
“Will you be quiet?”
“When was the last time we were on a date, Remus? We don’t do that romantic shit. MRS. POTTER!”
“Oh, god, can’t you ever shut up?”
“No, it’s impossible.”
Sirius practically felt Remus grow rigid as Lily and James approached. He didn’t want to start up the row they’d had an hour or so before, but he was really growing annoyed at Remus’ refusal to let their best mates know they were involved.
Lily looked as pretty as always, but James looked slightly dazed. It was the same look he got after he smoked elfish bark with Sirius, only James would never do that with Lily around.
“Hello, boys,” said Lily.
“Hi,” said Remus, a slight squeak to his voice. “How’re you?”
James mumbled something incoherently and played with the zipper of his coat. Sirius studied him, wondering what the hell was wrong with his best mate.
“Are you all right?” asked Sirius. When James didn’t answer, he glanced at Lily. “What’s wrong with your husband?”
“I’ve shocked him into oblivion,” she answered. “I thought perhaps going to the cinema might snap him out of his daze, but not yet.”
“What’d you do?” Sirius pushed James in the shoulder. “Hey, mate, you look like you drank a pint of Bemusement Draught.”
“We’re having a baby,” said Lily.
If Remus hadn’t been standing so close to Sirius, he imagined he would have fallen right over, but the body behind him supported him. Lily didn’t seem to be joking, but she didn’t seem to look any different either.
“But you’re not, y’know ... fat.”
“You’re so sensitive, Sirius, thank you for that. It’s a wonder how you haven’t had a girlfriend since you were sixteen.”
“Maybe I don’t want a girlfriend if they’re going to go off and do daft things like have babies.”
“No,” said James, the first coherent word he’d spoken. “No babies. Just one, singular, two arms, two legs, one head. There will be not pluralization of the baby.”
“Did he just say-?” began Sirius.
“Yes,” said Lily. “He’s lost the ability to speak normally.” She sighed dramatically. “I’m only a few weeks along and we’re a bit young and hadn’t really planned it, but you can’t really stop fate, can you?”
“Uh,” said Sirius.
“No,” said Remus.
“Singular,” said James.
“Women used to mother children when they were twelve and thirteen years old,” commented Remus. “So, if you lived a few hundred years ago, Lily, you’d be an old maid.”
“Way to be sensitive, there, Remo,” chortled Sirius.
Lily smiled. “Actually,” she said, “Remus is fairly sensitive. You might want to learn some things from him if you ever want to baby-sit for us.”
“No. I don’t like children. They’re ... loud and ... smell funny.” Sirius shook his head. “No children. Besides, having children is so ... grown up and adult.”
“You smell funny,” said James. “When he’s old enough we’ll let you teach him how to hex Snivellus.”
“Excellent-”
“We will not!” shrieked Lily. “James already said he wanted you to be the godfather, Sirius, but this is the exact reason why I don’t think you’d be a good choice! You’d corrupt our child!”
“If I’m godfather, does that make Remus the godmother?”
James and Lily both laughed, but Sirius knew he had gone too far when Remus took a step back from him, beginning to look furious. That was the second time in the same night he had made Remus angry. It wasn’t his fault; his mouth liked to say things before he brain even thought them.
“Actually,” said Remus, taking a deep breath, the anger on his face ebbing away. “I’d have imagined you as the godmother, since you prefer the bottom, rather than the top, which pretty much makes you the girl in the relationship.”
Sirius noticed the Muggles in front of them turn around to look at them curiously. James and Lily both had their mouths open in shock and Sirius wasn’t sure what had just happened. Had Remus really said-? When he looked at Remus, the other boy looked slightly sheepish, but had a smile threatening to reveal itself across his lips.
James cleared his throat. “I never would have guessed ... I think you just snapped me out of my daze.”
Remus shrugged. “Well, I hear the truth is always the best road to take.” He looked at Sirius when he said it.
The queue moved up several people and they followed it. Sirius grabbed Remus’ arm and looked at him.
“What the hell was that?” he asked, low enough so James and Lily couldn’t overhear.
Remus looked up at him shyly. “It seemed like the best way to stop our row,” he said, “to make it not exist anymore.”
“You really didn’t have to-”
“They know, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“Did you really have to say I like the bottom better, you pillock?”
“What picture were you planning on seeing?” asked Lily, throwing her arm around Remus’ shoulder before he could answer Sirius’ question.
“Heart of Darkness something or other,” said Sirius.
“Oh, what a terrible book. Remus, you don’t actually want to see that, do you?”
“I don’t know,” said Remus. “But if it’s based on a book, it can’t be too terrible, can it?”
“You three don’t think it’s odd that we’re in queue for something that only Muggles go to?” asked James.
“I used to go to the cinema all the time when I was little,” said Lily. Sirius watched as she leaned close to Remus and whispered something in his ear. He flushed and nodded as she said, “I thought so.”
“Going to share?” asked Sirius.
Lily shook her head. “No. Oh, look, you’re next. Go buy your tickets.”
XXXXXXX
“So why’d you do it?” Sirius asked as he opened the back door to his house.
They entered the kitchen, with its yellow wallpaper peeling and ripped, revealing the uneven plaster behind it. Scarred with carvings from a kitchen knife, the table was small and round, accompanied by two chairs that had red and gold cushions, the colors of Gryffindor. The blemishes Sirius made on the tabletop were stupid - words and phrases, incantations he didn’t want to forget. Near the edge he had carved five letters that always seemed to draw his attention: REMUS. He had never written his name like that before, but he liked looking at it, liked repeating it over and over again in his lead like an invocation. The rest of the kitchen was very standard, an icebox, counter space, open shelves above the sink for dishes and glasses; it was very Muggle.
“I don’t know.” Remus took off his coat and tossed it on the kitchen table, obscuring the cut of his name from Sirius’ view. “I don’t like drawing attention to the fact that we’re together. If you were a girl I’d feel the same way. I don’t want to answer questions about our relationship and I don’t want people watching us the way we used to watch Lily and James when they first started dating. I don’t want any attention on me.”
“... But?”
“You know that me being a private person has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me?”
Sirius shrugged. He unbuttoned his jacket and shrugged it off, throwing it on top of Remus’.
“I suppose of everyone who should know, I mind James and Lily knowing least. I don’t want strangers knowing - so if another girl like Dahlia wants to chat me up, don’t tell her anything.”
“All right, fine.”
“And I didn’t like the ‘godmother’ comment because I’m sure James and Lily think I’m the girl in the relationship anyway, which does bother me. I’m unobtrusive, but that doesn’t mean I’m submissive. Which is why I said what I said.”
“Yeah, thanks for that,” said Sirius, though he really didn’t mind. “C’mon, let’s go to bed, all right?”
“All right.”
“I’ll even let you be on top, even though you think I’d be a more suitable godmother than you would.”
Remus smiled and shook his head. “I think I’m too tired for that, but after I’ve got a full night’s sleep. The moon was only a few days ago. It took a lot out of me this time.”
“Okay, fine, but tomorrow morning? Before the coffee?”
“Before and after, if you want.”
Sirius nodded. “Always.” He walked through the kitchen and lounge and into his bedroom. He undressed, dropping his clothes in a pile of dirty laundry in the corner. The sheets and blankets were cold when he climbed into bed and he rubbed his feet together to warm them up.
Remus was going through drawers, mumbling something under his breath. “You don’t have any clean pajamas!”
“So?”
“So what am I supposed to sleep in? It’s cold.”
“Who cares? I’ve got extra body heat.” Sirius grinned at Remus and watched him undressed, his t-shirt going over his head, revealing the fine lines of scars that tattooed his chest. His body was thin and Sirius could almost make out his ribs. Once he’d taken off his clothes, Remus got into bed and moved close to Sirius, their bodies knocking together until they got comfortable.
With heavy eyes, Sirius began to drift off to sleep when he felt something on his shoulder. He turned his head; Remus was kissing him, sucking lightly on his skin, hard enough to leave a mark in the morning, but soft enough not to hurt.
“I thought you said-”
“That was before I realized you didn’t wear anything to bed.”
One of Remus’ hands traveled down Sirius’ stomach and grasped him, pumping, stroking, all very slowly. It didn’t take much time before Sirius felt his orgasm being pulled from his body and his middle gave a jump as he spilt himself over Remus’ hand and his own stomach. He lay there for two or three minutes, regrouping, coming back to his senses, and gathering strength.
“I think you’ve officially killed my will to think properly.”
Remus sniggered. “You always say things like that.”
“S’cause it’s true.” Sirius turned and climbed on top of Remus, who began to laugh.
“You’re sticky! That’s disgusting.”
Sirius bit Remus’ ear. “How d’you want to do it tonight?” He kissed his neck, sucking on the skin, his hands moving from Remus’ chest and shoulders and into his hair. “Hard ... slow ... rough ...? Tell me.”
“Nuhh,” groaned Remus as Sirius parted his legs with his knee and rubbed the lower half of his body against his.
“‘Nuhh’ is not an answer,” said Sirius. “D’you want me in control?” The words fell off his tongue in almost-silent whispers, but Remus must have heard him for he shook his head. “D’you want to be in control? Tell me what to do.”
Sirius looked down at Remus. The other boy looked a bit nervous, his teeth worrying at his lower lip, his nostrils flared as he breathed in and out ... in an out ... in and out ... slowly and deeply.
“Tell me what to do,” repeated Sirius.
“I can’t,” whispered Remus.
“Why not? You did a brilliant thing tonight - saying that to James and Mrs. Potter nee Evans - so I want to ... repay you. But I’m not doing anything unless you tell me to do it.”
“What do I say?” asked Remus, then he shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Don’t look so embarrassed. Even when you’re in control, you’re not in full control. I’m giving you the chance to boss me around like your slave.”
“Oh god.”
“Er - I guess ‘slave’ took things a bit too far?”
Remus nodded.
“Sorry. You say, ‘kiss me here’ or ‘touch me there.’ It’ll be fun.”
Remus looked incredibly skeptical. For someone who had made most of the first moves in their physical relationship, Remus was very shy. But Sirius wasn’t worried; he could eventually talk Remus into doing anything he wanted.
“Tell me,” said Sirius again, bending his neck to kiss Remus.
“No.” Remus moved his head to the side; Sirius’ lips met his jaw instead. “Move over.”
Sirius pulled back and looked down at Remus, his heart quickening to almost a nauseating speed as he realized that Remus was actually going to do this, actually going to take control.
“Where?” whispered Sirius.
“On your back.”
Sirius moved, turning over. Remus reached for one of their wands and did a cleaning charm, vanishing all the sticky stuff off Sirius’ stomach.
“Don’t come.”
“I just did.”
Remus shook his head. “I mean later. Don’t come until I tell you to.”
Sirius nodded and swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling dry, as though it was full of cotton.
“Close your eyes.”
“But-”
“Do you want me to tell you what to do or not?”
Slowly, his lids lowered and all he could see was darkness. Everything suddenly felt louder, more intense. The hairs on his skin felt electric. Anticipation made his stomach tingle and nervousness, his heart pound. He jumped as a warm hand touched his thigh, working its way up to his hip. Lips came down on his chest, a tongue licking the indentation near his collar bones.
Remus worked slowly and Sirius had to fight himself not to open his eyes. He felt a loss, an absence, as Remus removed himself entirely from Sirius’ body. His skin was cold and he strained to hear something, anything, that would let him know that Remus was coming back. After over a minute, Sirius reached his hand down, needing to touch himself because he was so hard and-
“Don’t.”
Sirius’ hand paused, midair, as Remus spoke.
“Don’t open your eyes either.”
“Remus, I need - guh.”
A warm mouth enveloped him and Sirius gasped. His brain stopped working; coherent thought had completely abandoned him. He was there, he was going to come again, but he remembered Remus’ words - don’t come - and he twisted his lower body. Remus removed his mouth and Sirius breathed in and out very quickly, feeling tortured.
“Good,” said Remus and Sirius could hear the smile in his voice. “Don’t come. Don’t touch yourself. Turn over.”
Sirius sat up and carefully turned over, unable to fully lay down because of his erection.
“Don’t make noise, either,” Remus said in Sirius’ ear. He felt him mold himself over his back, Remus’ own erection rubbing against his backside. No noise? No movement? Sirius was going to explode. He was vocal, he was loud, and he was, above all, not still.
He gave up on the movement after he felt full of Remus and felt the movements, in and out of his body. He pushed back, helping increase the friction, but Remus pushed all the way in and stopped moving.
“I said, don’t.”
Sirius nodded and felt Remus bite down lightly on his shoulder. He loved being bitten. He loved looking in the mirror the next day after being with Remus and noting all the marks, the bites, and carrying them around underneath his clothes. It was like being branded, only he was the lone person who knew he belonged to someone else.
“I’ve got to touch-” said Sirius, still feeling himself on the edge of orgasm, but needing that extra touch to push him over. Remus slapped his hand. Oh, god, Remus slapped him. It was just on his hand, but it was hard enough to smart. They were never terribly rough when they had sex; they weren’t into bondage or anything remotely sadistic, but the slap was the only force Remus had never really shown, the only time he took control. And Christ, it was hot.
“Don’t come until I tell you,” said Remus. “... try not to, anyway.”
Sirius nodded and bit the insides of his cheeks to keep from coming as Remus began to move inside him again, one of his hands reaching around and grasping his erection, touching him, pulling on him. Almost able to feel his brain cells popping and dying, Sirius felt as though he was going mad.
With a familiar-sounding groan, Remus pushed hard into Sirius and said, “Okay, come.”
He hardly needed telling, and he came, biting down even harder on his cheeks to keep from crying out.
Remus pulled out, collapsing on his back next to Sirius on the bed. Sirius lowered grabbed his wand and cleaned the sheets before he lowered himself on the bed, turning his head so that it rested on the pillow, facing Remus.
“Good,” said Sirius.
“Hmm?”
“That was good. You could try for control more often. Don’t blush, Christ, it’s not a big deal.”
Remus glanced at Sirius. He looked shy and sheepish and Sirius pushed himself up so he could kiss him. It was a short kiss, limited amounts of tongue. When he pulled away, Sirius looked at Remus, studying his face.
“What?”
Sirius shrugged. “I.”
“You what?”
“I ... nothing. I’m tired now, too.”
“So go to sleep.”
Sirius nodded and laid back down. Remus turned over on his side and pulled the blankets up over him. With quick resolve, Sirius threw his arms around Remus and burrowed behind them. They usually didn’t do this. They hugged and caressed after having sex, but when it came time to sleep, they normally slept on their sides of the bed - which was fine because Sirius kicked and Remus tossed and turned.
“Are you all right?”
Sirius nodded against Remus’ shoulder. “Fine. I just - Remus, don’t go anywhere.”
“I don’t think I could with you tangled against me.”
“I mean never. In general. Don’t go.”
“All right ...”
“Why won’t you move in?”
“Oh, Padfoot, I’m not having this conversation again. Please. I’ll think about it.”
Sirius nodded again as Remus turned in his arms to face him. Slipping one of his legs in between Sirius’, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, his hair knotting in his fingers. With mingled breath, they fell asleep.
XXXXXXX
A loud banging from somewhere outside the house woke Sirius up some time around noon. He felt hot morning breath on his side and when he opened his eyes he saw Remus curled up halfway down the bed, his mouth open with soft snores escaping.
“What is that?” said Remus, keeping his eyes shut.
“S’too early,” yawned Sirius. “Almost noon.”
Remus’ eyes shot open. “Noon? I hate it when I sleep the day away. But, really, Sirius, what’s that banging?”
“Dunno.”
“I’ll check the door,” said Remus, throwing the blankets off his body as he sat up, stretching. Sirius watched him get up, his feet shuffling against the hardwood floor, and pick up his jeans from where he’d discarded them the night before. He slipped them on, buttoning them and doing up the zipper, and opened up the bedroom door.
Sirius yawned and flopped over, breathing in the smell of Remus from the other side of the bed. A familiar female voice entered through the open door. It wasn’t Lily; Sirius figured it must be one of his nosy neighbors. There was no way Remus would ever let him fall back asleep, so he got up and found a pair of pajama bottoms from the pile of dirty laundry. He sniffed them; they didn’t smell so he put them on. Remus’ t-shirt from the café was on the floor next to his socks and Sirius picked it up, knowing it was probably cleaner than any of his shirts.
The voices stopped and Sirius figured whichever neighbor had come knocking had left, so he exited his room, pulling the t-shirt over his head.
“Hey, Moony, d’you want to go to a restaurant for breakfast? I’ve been craving that asparagus omelet and it’s my ... turn ... to choose ... Er ...”
Sirius stopped dead, his voice trailing off. Remus stood by the front door, which was still opened, his expression holding anxiety and his eyes looking directly at his mother.
“Good morning, Sirius,” said Mrs. Lupin. “How are you?”
“... Um. Yes ... er ... Oh! Right. Hello. Fine.”
Sirius glanced at Remus who bit his lip and scrunched his eyebrows together, a look that said, Oh my god, I’m sorry.
“Oh, do you work at the café, too?”
Sirius looked down at his shirt. Oh - he was wearing Remus’ shirt. “Er. No ...”
“You look like you just now woke up.”
“Oh, we - er, I - I just woke up, yes.”
Mrs. Lupin narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. “And, Remus, dear, did you sleep in those awful trousers all night? On the sofa without any blankets or pillows? It was very cold out last night. I’m surprised you didn’t freeze.”
Remus didn’t answer.
“This is a one-bedroom, isn’t it?”
When Remus still didn’t comment, Sirius replied instead, “Yeah - one bedroom. That door.”
“What’s behind those doors?”
Sirius turned around. There were two doors on the wall behind him - the toilet and the bathroom - and then on the same wall where the door to his bedroom was was a door to a tiny room, not even large enough for a bed. He told Mrs. Lupin this, his voice squeaking and cracking as though he was going through puberty again.
“Oh, and do you have two beds in your bedroom?”
“Not exactly. No. Only the one bed.”
Mrs. Lupin looked at Remus and Sirius felt like an intruder and he tried to leave the entryway, to go back to his room, but Mrs. Lupin reached out and took hold of his arm, stopping him.
“Do you boys have something to tell me? Remus?”
“Nothing that you haven’t figured out.”
Mrs. Lupin shook her head. “You could have said something before now. I thought every time you went to stay in London you were sleeping on sofas or floors. I’d no idea you were - how long have you been seeing one another?”
“Seventh year.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Since we were seventh-years,” said Remus miserably.
“Oh, Remus, why didn’t you tell us? All those comments - the girls from work I wanted to introduce you to. Why didn’t you say?”
“The girls from work would have been useless anyway.” Remus pointed to himself. “Werewolf. Girls aren’t interested in dating lycanthropes.”
“You still could have said.”
“But I couldn’t have done! It’s an awkward conversation to have,” said Remus, “but you’re not angry? You don’t want to have me move out?”
“Heavens no. Why would you think such a ...? Remus, no. We love you too much for that!” Mrs. Lupin shook her head. “Since seventh year! Good gracious. So you’re a proper couple, then?”
Remus looked at Sirius and nodded. Looking back at his mother he said, “It would be safe to say that, yes.”
“Oh, good, then I’ve an excuse not to cook.”
“Uh ... pardon?” said Sirius, very confused.
“Christmas dinner,” replied Mrs. Lupin. “If you’re a proper couple you can make dinner yourselves, can’t you? And serve John and me dinner? This is how to properly do these things, to introduce your beau over dinner, to do things to make us approve of the relationship.”
“Mother, don’t be ridiculous,” said Remus, sounding slightly hysterical. “You know Sirius. You first met him when we were fifteen. You obviously know where his house is-”
“You included the address the first time you sent an owl to tell me you weren’t coming home, in case of emergency. This is an emergency so I Apparated over.”
“That’s fine,” said Remus, “but why do we need to-”
“Your father needs to be told.”
“Not over - at Christmas dinner? Mother, you cannot be serious - you’re - please no.”
“I’m perfectly serious. I expect either turkey or lamb. No duck, no chicken. Potatoes are optional, but the pudding has to be up to par because your father is very particular about his puddings.”
“Oh god,” said Sirius. “You’re - but I don’t - do I even have an oven?’ He looked at Remus for help, but the other boy looked shell-shocked and on the verge of a heart attack.
“Be home in time to pack a bag, sweetheart,” said Mrs. Lupin, patting Remus’ cheek. “We’re leaving for the train station in thirty minutes.”
Remus nodded.
“Have a good day, Sirius.” With that, Mrs. Lupin Disapparated.
“I think I’m going to have a breakdown,” said Remus, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor. “Did she really just - I can’t even think - this is - Christmas dinner? What is she thinking?”
“Obviously she’s been smoking elfish bark,” said Sirius, sitting down next to Remus. “You can’t even speak properly, what’d she do to you?”
“You can’t even cook. I certainly don’t make anything - turkey? Lamb? What if she wants - oh, we can’t make the potatoes she likes - secret family recipe that I’m not allowed to - if we screw something up - I haven’t any idea how to - and then cleaning - you don’t know cleaning spells. Look at this house - household spells - I gave you that book, but you never - if something goes wrong - have you ever opened the icebox? The oven is ancient and it’s not as though - I mean, are there - you don’t have a proper dining table either.”
“Remus, my god, stop talking!”
“Lily!”
“What?”
“Maybe she can help us cook. She can come over and bring that - whatsisname-?”
“Uh, you mean, James?”
“Yeah, James. Maybe that can join us because, otherwise, you know - disaster and burnt chicken.”
“Your mother said no chicken.”
“No chicken. Of course not. What of duck?”
“She said no duck.”
Remus nodded. “Right.”
“Why did she come over? Your mother, I mean.”
“Death.”
“Oh, well, that clears everything up.”
“Dad’s mum - the grim and whatnot. Scotland. Oh, train. Thirty minutes. I need to - and then we can - later, I’ll come back.”
Remus made to get up, but Sirius gripped his shoulders and pushed him back down. “Hey, calm down, yeah?” He kissed him, his lips hovering for a couple moments as he pulled away, breathing in the breath Remus exhaled. “It’ll be all right. How long will you be in Scotland?”
“I don’t know. Dad wants to travel the Muggle way since he’s, y’know ... Muggle.”
“You can Apparate here, can’t you? Tell everyone you’re taking the train and then not? Not take the train?”
Remus shrugged. “We’ll see.” He turned his head and looked right at Sirius. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “My grandmother - a bit - she was nice.”
“It’s okay. Owl me from Scotland, all right? Let me know how things go. I can Apparate there if you need me to. Into Hogsmeade or-”
“I’ll let you know. Thanks. Sirius ... I ...”
“What?”
Remus shook his head. “Nothing. I need to go.”
“Wait! Just think about today, all right? Don’t worry so much about Christmas just yet. Go be with your family and go do whatever it is families do when they get together.”
This time Sirius didn’t try to stop him when Remus stood and he watched him Disapparate.
XXXXXXX
After a shower and a shave, Sirius got dressed and Apparated into the fenced-in back garden of James and Lily’s house. He knocked on their back door, shivering from the cold. It had snowed last night and a thick sheet of powder covered everything, weighing down tree branches, and shining brightly where it reflected the sun.
Lily opened the door wearing a thick wool jumper and jeans. Her feet were covered by mismatched socks, one red and one green.
“Morning,” said Sirius.
“You mean afternoon.”
Sirius shrugged. “Sure. Can James come out to play?”
Lily snorted. “He’s been a bad boy, so he’s not allowed to play in the snow today.”
“I see. Well, you’re a shit mum, Mrs. Potter.”
“That kind of language will get you banned from my house, young man.”
“It’s kind of hot when you get all authoritarian on me.”
Lily laughed. “Would you like to come in or do you actually want James to come out and play? He’s listening to the wireless; there’s a broadcast of the Puddlemere game.”
“I’ll come in,” said Sirius, stepping through the doorway and Lily moved aside. She closed the door. “But ... I kind of need to talk to you.”
“Me? Don’t tell James. He’ll get jealous.”
Sirius looked around the small kitchen. There wasn’t a table or anything so he perched himself up on the counter, his legs swinging back and forth, banging against the cupboards underneath.
“All right. So. Remus’ mum came by the house about an hour ago.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. She was fine. She was fine with ...”
“You being Remus’ boyfriend?” offered Lily.
“Um. Yes. Is that what I’m called? A boyfriend? That sounds so fucked up.”
Lily smiled. “Remus did say last night-”
“I know what he said,” interrupted Sirius. “Though, okay, fine, it’s true. It doesn’t matter. His mother knows.”
“That’s good, though!”
“She wants us to tell Remus’ dad over dinner.”
“Oh, well, if Mrs. Lupin had such a good reaction then-”
“Christmas dinner.”
“But it’s still just a dinner-”
“At my house.”
“Er ... you’ll have to clean of course, but there’s no reason why Mr. Lupin shouldn’t like-”
“With us cooking.”
“... You’re doomed,” said Lily.
“You have to help us. You know how to cook.”
Lily scoffed and shook her head. “I’m not a maid.”
“I’ll pay you.”
Lily shook her head again. “We’re having Christmas dinner here.”
Sirius jumped down and placed his hands on Lily’s shoulders. “Listen to me. If Remus’ dad doesn’t, if he has a fit or if he thinks I’ve perverted his son ... this is important. Rather very important, actually.”
“I’ll help,” said Lily. “But only because it’s important.”
“Thank you. I love you. You’ve no idea how fucking elated I am that you married James right now. You and him have to come to dinner.”
Lily nodded. “All right. We will. It’ll be fine and if Remus’ dad starts to disapprove, we’ll help talk you guys up, help make him see that you’re still the same people.”
“Don’t let James help us. He never says the right thing.”
Lily shook her head. “I’d never dream of it.”
Sirius hugged Lily. “Thank you.” He pushed her away. “Er, I never did that, if anyone ever asks.”
“Did what?”
“Exactly.”
Lily smiled. “You must love Remus loads if you’re willing to come to me for help.”
“Er ...” Sirius swallowed. He’d never said that to Remus before, that weird four-letter L-word. “I want him to move in, but he doesn’t want to. Now that his mum knows, perhaps he’ll change his mind. Telling his parents really held him back.”
“He’s a very private person.”
“I know. He was convinced you and James didn’t know and he didn’t want to tell you.”
“What changed his mind last night?” asked Lily.
“Dunno.”
“We did know. You were so very, very obvious at Hogwarts. You toned everything down after we left school, but there was no denying it, really. Your excuse that you couldn’t find a date to the wedding? That was the silliest thing I’d ever heard.”
“I know. Believe me, I wasn’t under delusions that you and James thought I was having sex with girls at my house. Say, Lily, are you really going to name me godfather?”
She smiled again and nodded. “If you promise not to teach him how to hex his teachers at Hogwarts I will. Don’t tell James, though. I’m trying to make him think that he has to wear me down to agree, but I thought you would be a perfect choice all along.”
“Perfect? Really? Why?”
“You’re James’ best mate, firstly. You would be very fun to be around, lots of energy, but you’re still responsible and you wouldn’t levitate the baby and leave him up on the ceiling all day either. And you’ll never have any kids of your own so this a right good chance for you.”
Sirius was rendered silent at those words. Never have any kids. He’d never thought of it before, but it was true. He would never have a girlfriend, let alone a wife to bear his children. Unless Regulus stopped being a total git, the Black family name would end with him. Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa were already married and taken on their husbands’ names. There were no more Blacks.
“I’m sorry,” said Lily. “I didn’t mean to say ...”
“No, it’s true. I won’t have any ... I never realized, I guess. It’s all right. You can’t have everything.”
“Remus can’t either. Werewolf legislation - they’re not allowed to marry or have children.”
“That’s bullshit.”
Lily shrugged. “That’s the way the Ministry is. Look, I told James I would make sandwiches for lunch. You’re welcome to stay, but I need to eat since there’s a second person inside me.”
Sirius shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.”
“I’ll come ‘round your house on Christmas Eve. We’ll go to the store and buy everything we need to make dinner and then Christmas morning we’ll cook everything. How does that sound?”
“Good, great. Thanks, Lily.”
“Sure.”
“Hey, Mrs. Potter?”
“Yes, Mr. Black?”
“What’d you say to Remus at the cinema last night?”
Lily smiled. “He can tell you if he wants to. I’ll see you soon.”
Sirius tried to give her a smile, but he couldn’t manage. He turned and left. In the back garden, his feet sunk into the snow, up over the top of his shoes. His feet and ankles grew cold since he refused to ever put on any socks. The wind was laced with the sounds and smells of Christmas. Sirius decided to walk a ways instead of Apparate straight to his house. Opening up the gate to the front garden, he walked through the snow, kicking it up as he went, his head full of thoughts of food, cooking, and impending disasters.
XXXXXXX
End Part II
XXXXXXX
As always, links to all my fics (divided up by pairings) can be found here: Click Me
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: R (for sex and language)
Type: Multi-chap, romance
Summary: They thought they had everything worked out; they thought everything was as perfect as it could be, but there was one thing Sirius wanted that Remus wouldn’t give him and it was beginning to drive him mad.
Author’s Notes: Written in 4 parts. A sequel to The Sharing of Breath, but written in such a way that reading the first story is unnecessary. If you would like to read it, you can do so here: The Sharing of Breath Series ALSO, un-beta'ed so if you see any mistakes, please comment to let me know.
( Part I )
XXXXXXX
Part II: Living Today
XXXXXXX
There was a long queue outside the cinema, all Muggles dressed in thick coats with scarves and hats with snowflakes or reindeer. Remus tilted his head back and looked up. Everything was black with a sprinkling of stars, the moon looking mostly full, but hidden by whispers of clouds, ghosting their way across the sky.
“I think it’s going to snow tonight,” he said.
“Why?”
“It smells like snow.”
“You and your canine senses. That’s because it’s winter.”
Remus looked at Sirius. “Your lips are chapped.”
“That’s because of winter, too.”
“Hmmm. A Galleon says it’s going to snow tonight. Remember the last time we played in the snow?”
“With James and Lily?”
“Yes. Back before you started going on missions for Dumbledore.”
Sirius shrugged. “I don’t work so it’s nice to feel useful.”
“You should feel useful most days of the week, then.”
“Worried about me?”
“Sometimes.”
They joined the end of the queue, Sirius bouncing back and forth from one foot to the other to get his blood pumping. When he breathed out, he could see his breath, white like fog against the air.
“S’fucking cold.”
“You whinge all the time. Stop it. You don’t need a boyfriend, you need a proper mother.”
Sirius laughed. “I need someone to do my laundry.”
“Another good reason why I won’t move in - I’m not doing your bloody laundry.”
“Smelly pants?”
“Smelly everything - oh, god, there’re James and Lily.”
Sirius quickly turned around and spotted a couple walking down the sidewalk. Their faces were hidden behind the crowd of people, but the bright shade of ginger on Lily’s head and the wild black of James’ hair were very distinguishable.
“Oh god,” repeated Remus.
“What’s wrong with you?” asked Sirius. “You like James and Mrs. Potter.”
“Can’t you call her Lily?”
“No.”
“And I do like them, but they don’t know about us.” Remus’ voice was barely even a whisper.
“They’re not complete idiots.”
“They still don’t know, not for sure. And us at the cinema looks suspiciously like a date.”
“A date!” howled Sirius, laughing.
“Will you be quiet?”
“When was the last time we were on a date, Remus? We don’t do that romantic shit. MRS. POTTER!”
“Oh, god, can’t you ever shut up?”
“No, it’s impossible.”
Sirius practically felt Remus grow rigid as Lily and James approached. He didn’t want to start up the row they’d had an hour or so before, but he was really growing annoyed at Remus’ refusal to let their best mates know they were involved.
Lily looked as pretty as always, but James looked slightly dazed. It was the same look he got after he smoked elfish bark with Sirius, only James would never do that with Lily around.
“Hello, boys,” said Lily.
“Hi,” said Remus, a slight squeak to his voice. “How’re you?”
James mumbled something incoherently and played with the zipper of his coat. Sirius studied him, wondering what the hell was wrong with his best mate.
“Are you all right?” asked Sirius. When James didn’t answer, he glanced at Lily. “What’s wrong with your husband?”
“I’ve shocked him into oblivion,” she answered. “I thought perhaps going to the cinema might snap him out of his daze, but not yet.”
“What’d you do?” Sirius pushed James in the shoulder. “Hey, mate, you look like you drank a pint of Bemusement Draught.”
“We’re having a baby,” said Lily.
If Remus hadn’t been standing so close to Sirius, he imagined he would have fallen right over, but the body behind him supported him. Lily didn’t seem to be joking, but she didn’t seem to look any different either.
“But you’re not, y’know ... fat.”
“You’re so sensitive, Sirius, thank you for that. It’s a wonder how you haven’t had a girlfriend since you were sixteen.”
“Maybe I don’t want a girlfriend if they’re going to go off and do daft things like have babies.”
“No,” said James, the first coherent word he’d spoken. “No babies. Just one, singular, two arms, two legs, one head. There will be not pluralization of the baby.”
“Did he just say-?” began Sirius.
“Yes,” said Lily. “He’s lost the ability to speak normally.” She sighed dramatically. “I’m only a few weeks along and we’re a bit young and hadn’t really planned it, but you can’t really stop fate, can you?”
“Uh,” said Sirius.
“No,” said Remus.
“Singular,” said James.
“Women used to mother children when they were twelve and thirteen years old,” commented Remus. “So, if you lived a few hundred years ago, Lily, you’d be an old maid.”
“Way to be sensitive, there, Remo,” chortled Sirius.
Lily smiled. “Actually,” she said, “Remus is fairly sensitive. You might want to learn some things from him if you ever want to baby-sit for us.”
“No. I don’t like children. They’re ... loud and ... smell funny.” Sirius shook his head. “No children. Besides, having children is so ... grown up and adult.”
“You smell funny,” said James. “When he’s old enough we’ll let you teach him how to hex Snivellus.”
“Excellent-”
“We will not!” shrieked Lily. “James already said he wanted you to be the godfather, Sirius, but this is the exact reason why I don’t think you’d be a good choice! You’d corrupt our child!”
“If I’m godfather, does that make Remus the godmother?”
James and Lily both laughed, but Sirius knew he had gone too far when Remus took a step back from him, beginning to look furious. That was the second time in the same night he had made Remus angry. It wasn’t his fault; his mouth liked to say things before he brain even thought them.
“Actually,” said Remus, taking a deep breath, the anger on his face ebbing away. “I’d have imagined you as the godmother, since you prefer the bottom, rather than the top, which pretty much makes you the girl in the relationship.”
Sirius noticed the Muggles in front of them turn around to look at them curiously. James and Lily both had their mouths open in shock and Sirius wasn’t sure what had just happened. Had Remus really said-? When he looked at Remus, the other boy looked slightly sheepish, but had a smile threatening to reveal itself across his lips.
James cleared his throat. “I never would have guessed ... I think you just snapped me out of my daze.”
Remus shrugged. “Well, I hear the truth is always the best road to take.” He looked at Sirius when he said it.
The queue moved up several people and they followed it. Sirius grabbed Remus’ arm and looked at him.
“What the hell was that?” he asked, low enough so James and Lily couldn’t overhear.
Remus looked up at him shyly. “It seemed like the best way to stop our row,” he said, “to make it not exist anymore.”
“You really didn’t have to-”
“They know, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“Did you really have to say I like the bottom better, you pillock?”
“What picture were you planning on seeing?” asked Lily, throwing her arm around Remus’ shoulder before he could answer Sirius’ question.
“Heart of Darkness something or other,” said Sirius.
“Oh, what a terrible book. Remus, you don’t actually want to see that, do you?”
“I don’t know,” said Remus. “But if it’s based on a book, it can’t be too terrible, can it?”
“You three don’t think it’s odd that we’re in queue for something that only Muggles go to?” asked James.
“I used to go to the cinema all the time when I was little,” said Lily. Sirius watched as she leaned close to Remus and whispered something in his ear. He flushed and nodded as she said, “I thought so.”
“Going to share?” asked Sirius.
Lily shook her head. “No. Oh, look, you’re next. Go buy your tickets.”
XXXXXXX
“So why’d you do it?” Sirius asked as he opened the back door to his house.
They entered the kitchen, with its yellow wallpaper peeling and ripped, revealing the uneven plaster behind it. Scarred with carvings from a kitchen knife, the table was small and round, accompanied by two chairs that had red and gold cushions, the colors of Gryffindor. The blemishes Sirius made on the tabletop were stupid - words and phrases, incantations he didn’t want to forget. Near the edge he had carved five letters that always seemed to draw his attention: REMUS. He had never written his name like that before, but he liked looking at it, liked repeating it over and over again in his lead like an invocation. The rest of the kitchen was very standard, an icebox, counter space, open shelves above the sink for dishes and glasses; it was very Muggle.
“I don’t know.” Remus took off his coat and tossed it on the kitchen table, obscuring the cut of his name from Sirius’ view. “I don’t like drawing attention to the fact that we’re together. If you were a girl I’d feel the same way. I don’t want to answer questions about our relationship and I don’t want people watching us the way we used to watch Lily and James when they first started dating. I don’t want any attention on me.”
“... But?”
“You know that me being a private person has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me?”
Sirius shrugged. He unbuttoned his jacket and shrugged it off, throwing it on top of Remus’.
“I suppose of everyone who should know, I mind James and Lily knowing least. I don’t want strangers knowing - so if another girl like Dahlia wants to chat me up, don’t tell her anything.”
“All right, fine.”
“And I didn’t like the ‘godmother’ comment because I’m sure James and Lily think I’m the girl in the relationship anyway, which does bother me. I’m unobtrusive, but that doesn’t mean I’m submissive. Which is why I said what I said.”
“Yeah, thanks for that,” said Sirius, though he really didn’t mind. “C’mon, let’s go to bed, all right?”
“All right.”
“I’ll even let you be on top, even though you think I’d be a more suitable godmother than you would.”
Remus smiled and shook his head. “I think I’m too tired for that, but after I’ve got a full night’s sleep. The moon was only a few days ago. It took a lot out of me this time.”
“Okay, fine, but tomorrow morning? Before the coffee?”
“Before and after, if you want.”
Sirius nodded. “Always.” He walked through the kitchen and lounge and into his bedroom. He undressed, dropping his clothes in a pile of dirty laundry in the corner. The sheets and blankets were cold when he climbed into bed and he rubbed his feet together to warm them up.
Remus was going through drawers, mumbling something under his breath. “You don’t have any clean pajamas!”
“So?”
“So what am I supposed to sleep in? It’s cold.”
“Who cares? I’ve got extra body heat.” Sirius grinned at Remus and watched him undressed, his t-shirt going over his head, revealing the fine lines of scars that tattooed his chest. His body was thin and Sirius could almost make out his ribs. Once he’d taken off his clothes, Remus got into bed and moved close to Sirius, their bodies knocking together until they got comfortable.
With heavy eyes, Sirius began to drift off to sleep when he felt something on his shoulder. He turned his head; Remus was kissing him, sucking lightly on his skin, hard enough to leave a mark in the morning, but soft enough not to hurt.
“I thought you said-”
“That was before I realized you didn’t wear anything to bed.”
One of Remus’ hands traveled down Sirius’ stomach and grasped him, pumping, stroking, all very slowly. It didn’t take much time before Sirius felt his orgasm being pulled from his body and his middle gave a jump as he spilt himself over Remus’ hand and his own stomach. He lay there for two or three minutes, regrouping, coming back to his senses, and gathering strength.
“I think you’ve officially killed my will to think properly.”
Remus sniggered. “You always say things like that.”
“S’cause it’s true.” Sirius turned and climbed on top of Remus, who began to laugh.
“You’re sticky! That’s disgusting.”
Sirius bit Remus’ ear. “How d’you want to do it tonight?” He kissed his neck, sucking on the skin, his hands moving from Remus’ chest and shoulders and into his hair. “Hard ... slow ... rough ...? Tell me.”
“Nuhh,” groaned Remus as Sirius parted his legs with his knee and rubbed the lower half of his body against his.
“‘Nuhh’ is not an answer,” said Sirius. “D’you want me in control?” The words fell off his tongue in almost-silent whispers, but Remus must have heard him for he shook his head. “D’you want to be in control? Tell me what to do.”
Sirius looked down at Remus. The other boy looked a bit nervous, his teeth worrying at his lower lip, his nostrils flared as he breathed in and out ... in an out ... in and out ... slowly and deeply.
“Tell me what to do,” repeated Sirius.
“I can’t,” whispered Remus.
“Why not? You did a brilliant thing tonight - saying that to James and Mrs. Potter nee Evans - so I want to ... repay you. But I’m not doing anything unless you tell me to do it.”
“What do I say?” asked Remus, then he shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Don’t look so embarrassed. Even when you’re in control, you’re not in full control. I’m giving you the chance to boss me around like your slave.”
“Oh god.”
“Er - I guess ‘slave’ took things a bit too far?”
Remus nodded.
“Sorry. You say, ‘kiss me here’ or ‘touch me there.’ It’ll be fun.”
Remus looked incredibly skeptical. For someone who had made most of the first moves in their physical relationship, Remus was very shy. But Sirius wasn’t worried; he could eventually talk Remus into doing anything he wanted.
“Tell me,” said Sirius again, bending his neck to kiss Remus.
“No.” Remus moved his head to the side; Sirius’ lips met his jaw instead. “Move over.”
Sirius pulled back and looked down at Remus, his heart quickening to almost a nauseating speed as he realized that Remus was actually going to do this, actually going to take control.
“Where?” whispered Sirius.
“On your back.”
Sirius moved, turning over. Remus reached for one of their wands and did a cleaning charm, vanishing all the sticky stuff off Sirius’ stomach.
“Don’t come.”
“I just did.”
Remus shook his head. “I mean later. Don’t come until I tell you to.”
Sirius nodded and swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling dry, as though it was full of cotton.
“Close your eyes.”
“But-”
“Do you want me to tell you what to do or not?”
Slowly, his lids lowered and all he could see was darkness. Everything suddenly felt louder, more intense. The hairs on his skin felt electric. Anticipation made his stomach tingle and nervousness, his heart pound. He jumped as a warm hand touched his thigh, working its way up to his hip. Lips came down on his chest, a tongue licking the indentation near his collar bones.
Remus worked slowly and Sirius had to fight himself not to open his eyes. He felt a loss, an absence, as Remus removed himself entirely from Sirius’ body. His skin was cold and he strained to hear something, anything, that would let him know that Remus was coming back. After over a minute, Sirius reached his hand down, needing to touch himself because he was so hard and-
“Don’t.”
Sirius’ hand paused, midair, as Remus spoke.
“Don’t open your eyes either.”
“Remus, I need - guh.”
A warm mouth enveloped him and Sirius gasped. His brain stopped working; coherent thought had completely abandoned him. He was there, he was going to come again, but he remembered Remus’ words - don’t come - and he twisted his lower body. Remus removed his mouth and Sirius breathed in and out very quickly, feeling tortured.
“Good,” said Remus and Sirius could hear the smile in his voice. “Don’t come. Don’t touch yourself. Turn over.”
Sirius sat up and carefully turned over, unable to fully lay down because of his erection.
“Don’t make noise, either,” Remus said in Sirius’ ear. He felt him mold himself over his back, Remus’ own erection rubbing against his backside. No noise? No movement? Sirius was going to explode. He was vocal, he was loud, and he was, above all, not still.
He gave up on the movement after he felt full of Remus and felt the movements, in and out of his body. He pushed back, helping increase the friction, but Remus pushed all the way in and stopped moving.
“I said, don’t.”
Sirius nodded and felt Remus bite down lightly on his shoulder. He loved being bitten. He loved looking in the mirror the next day after being with Remus and noting all the marks, the bites, and carrying them around underneath his clothes. It was like being branded, only he was the lone person who knew he belonged to someone else.
“I’ve got to touch-” said Sirius, still feeling himself on the edge of orgasm, but needing that extra touch to push him over. Remus slapped his hand. Oh, god, Remus slapped him. It was just on his hand, but it was hard enough to smart. They were never terribly rough when they had sex; they weren’t into bondage or anything remotely sadistic, but the slap was the only force Remus had never really shown, the only time he took control. And Christ, it was hot.
“Don’t come until I tell you,” said Remus. “... try not to, anyway.”
Sirius nodded and bit the insides of his cheeks to keep from coming as Remus began to move inside him again, one of his hands reaching around and grasping his erection, touching him, pulling on him. Almost able to feel his brain cells popping and dying, Sirius felt as though he was going mad.
With a familiar-sounding groan, Remus pushed hard into Sirius and said, “Okay, come.”
He hardly needed telling, and he came, biting down even harder on his cheeks to keep from crying out.
Remus pulled out, collapsing on his back next to Sirius on the bed. Sirius lowered grabbed his wand and cleaned the sheets before he lowered himself on the bed, turning his head so that it rested on the pillow, facing Remus.
“Good,” said Sirius.
“Hmm?”
“That was good. You could try for control more often. Don’t blush, Christ, it’s not a big deal.”
Remus glanced at Sirius. He looked shy and sheepish and Sirius pushed himself up so he could kiss him. It was a short kiss, limited amounts of tongue. When he pulled away, Sirius looked at Remus, studying his face.
“What?”
Sirius shrugged. “I.”
“You what?”
“I ... nothing. I’m tired now, too.”
“So go to sleep.”
Sirius nodded and laid back down. Remus turned over on his side and pulled the blankets up over him. With quick resolve, Sirius threw his arms around Remus and burrowed behind them. They usually didn’t do this. They hugged and caressed after having sex, but when it came time to sleep, they normally slept on their sides of the bed - which was fine because Sirius kicked and Remus tossed and turned.
“Are you all right?”
Sirius nodded against Remus’ shoulder. “Fine. I just - Remus, don’t go anywhere.”
“I don’t think I could with you tangled against me.”
“I mean never. In general. Don’t go.”
“All right ...”
“Why won’t you move in?”
“Oh, Padfoot, I’m not having this conversation again. Please. I’ll think about it.”
Sirius nodded again as Remus turned in his arms to face him. Slipping one of his legs in between Sirius’, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, his hair knotting in his fingers. With mingled breath, they fell asleep.
XXXXXXX
A loud banging from somewhere outside the house woke Sirius up some time around noon. He felt hot morning breath on his side and when he opened his eyes he saw Remus curled up halfway down the bed, his mouth open with soft snores escaping.
“What is that?” said Remus, keeping his eyes shut.
“S’too early,” yawned Sirius. “Almost noon.”
Remus’ eyes shot open. “Noon? I hate it when I sleep the day away. But, really, Sirius, what’s that banging?”
“Dunno.”
“I’ll check the door,” said Remus, throwing the blankets off his body as he sat up, stretching. Sirius watched him get up, his feet shuffling against the hardwood floor, and pick up his jeans from where he’d discarded them the night before. He slipped them on, buttoning them and doing up the zipper, and opened up the bedroom door.
Sirius yawned and flopped over, breathing in the smell of Remus from the other side of the bed. A familiar female voice entered through the open door. It wasn’t Lily; Sirius figured it must be one of his nosy neighbors. There was no way Remus would ever let him fall back asleep, so he got up and found a pair of pajama bottoms from the pile of dirty laundry. He sniffed them; they didn’t smell so he put them on. Remus’ t-shirt from the café was on the floor next to his socks and Sirius picked it up, knowing it was probably cleaner than any of his shirts.
The voices stopped and Sirius figured whichever neighbor had come knocking had left, so he exited his room, pulling the t-shirt over his head.
“Hey, Moony, d’you want to go to a restaurant for breakfast? I’ve been craving that asparagus omelet and it’s my ... turn ... to choose ... Er ...”
Sirius stopped dead, his voice trailing off. Remus stood by the front door, which was still opened, his expression holding anxiety and his eyes looking directly at his mother.
“Good morning, Sirius,” said Mrs. Lupin. “How are you?”
“... Um. Yes ... er ... Oh! Right. Hello. Fine.”
Sirius glanced at Remus who bit his lip and scrunched his eyebrows together, a look that said, Oh my god, I’m sorry.
“Oh, do you work at the café, too?”
Sirius looked down at his shirt. Oh - he was wearing Remus’ shirt. “Er. No ...”
“You look like you just now woke up.”
“Oh, we - er, I - I just woke up, yes.”
Mrs. Lupin narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. “And, Remus, dear, did you sleep in those awful trousers all night? On the sofa without any blankets or pillows? It was very cold out last night. I’m surprised you didn’t freeze.”
Remus didn’t answer.
“This is a one-bedroom, isn’t it?”
When Remus still didn’t comment, Sirius replied instead, “Yeah - one bedroom. That door.”
“What’s behind those doors?”
Sirius turned around. There were two doors on the wall behind him - the toilet and the bathroom - and then on the same wall where the door to his bedroom was was a door to a tiny room, not even large enough for a bed. He told Mrs. Lupin this, his voice squeaking and cracking as though he was going through puberty again.
“Oh, and do you have two beds in your bedroom?”
“Not exactly. No. Only the one bed.”
Mrs. Lupin looked at Remus and Sirius felt like an intruder and he tried to leave the entryway, to go back to his room, but Mrs. Lupin reached out and took hold of his arm, stopping him.
“Do you boys have something to tell me? Remus?”
“Nothing that you haven’t figured out.”
Mrs. Lupin shook her head. “You could have said something before now. I thought every time you went to stay in London you were sleeping on sofas or floors. I’d no idea you were - how long have you been seeing one another?”
“Seventh year.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Since we were seventh-years,” said Remus miserably.
“Oh, Remus, why didn’t you tell us? All those comments - the girls from work I wanted to introduce you to. Why didn’t you say?”
“The girls from work would have been useless anyway.” Remus pointed to himself. “Werewolf. Girls aren’t interested in dating lycanthropes.”
“You still could have said.”
“But I couldn’t have done! It’s an awkward conversation to have,” said Remus, “but you’re not angry? You don’t want to have me move out?”
“Heavens no. Why would you think such a ...? Remus, no. We love you too much for that!” Mrs. Lupin shook her head. “Since seventh year! Good gracious. So you’re a proper couple, then?”
Remus looked at Sirius and nodded. Looking back at his mother he said, “It would be safe to say that, yes.”
“Oh, good, then I’ve an excuse not to cook.”
“Uh ... pardon?” said Sirius, very confused.
“Christmas dinner,” replied Mrs. Lupin. “If you’re a proper couple you can make dinner yourselves, can’t you? And serve John and me dinner? This is how to properly do these things, to introduce your beau over dinner, to do things to make us approve of the relationship.”
“Mother, don’t be ridiculous,” said Remus, sounding slightly hysterical. “You know Sirius. You first met him when we were fifteen. You obviously know where his house is-”
“You included the address the first time you sent an owl to tell me you weren’t coming home, in case of emergency. This is an emergency so I Apparated over.”
“That’s fine,” said Remus, “but why do we need to-”
“Your father needs to be told.”
“Not over - at Christmas dinner? Mother, you cannot be serious - you’re - please no.”
“I’m perfectly serious. I expect either turkey or lamb. No duck, no chicken. Potatoes are optional, but the pudding has to be up to par because your father is very particular about his puddings.”
“Oh god,” said Sirius. “You’re - but I don’t - do I even have an oven?’ He looked at Remus for help, but the other boy looked shell-shocked and on the verge of a heart attack.
“Be home in time to pack a bag, sweetheart,” said Mrs. Lupin, patting Remus’ cheek. “We’re leaving for the train station in thirty minutes.”
Remus nodded.
“Have a good day, Sirius.” With that, Mrs. Lupin Disapparated.
“I think I’m going to have a breakdown,” said Remus, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor. “Did she really just - I can’t even think - this is - Christmas dinner? What is she thinking?”
“Obviously she’s been smoking elfish bark,” said Sirius, sitting down next to Remus. “You can’t even speak properly, what’d she do to you?”
“You can’t even cook. I certainly don’t make anything - turkey? Lamb? What if she wants - oh, we can’t make the potatoes she likes - secret family recipe that I’m not allowed to - if we screw something up - I haven’t any idea how to - and then cleaning - you don’t know cleaning spells. Look at this house - household spells - I gave you that book, but you never - if something goes wrong - have you ever opened the icebox? The oven is ancient and it’s not as though - I mean, are there - you don’t have a proper dining table either.”
“Remus, my god, stop talking!”
“Lily!”
“What?”
“Maybe she can help us cook. She can come over and bring that - whatsisname-?”
“Uh, you mean, James?”
“Yeah, James. Maybe that can join us because, otherwise, you know - disaster and burnt chicken.”
“Your mother said no chicken.”
“No chicken. Of course not. What of duck?”
“She said no duck.”
Remus nodded. “Right.”
“Why did she come over? Your mother, I mean.”
“Death.”
“Oh, well, that clears everything up.”
“Dad’s mum - the grim and whatnot. Scotland. Oh, train. Thirty minutes. I need to - and then we can - later, I’ll come back.”
Remus made to get up, but Sirius gripped his shoulders and pushed him back down. “Hey, calm down, yeah?” He kissed him, his lips hovering for a couple moments as he pulled away, breathing in the breath Remus exhaled. “It’ll be all right. How long will you be in Scotland?”
“I don’t know. Dad wants to travel the Muggle way since he’s, y’know ... Muggle.”
“You can Apparate here, can’t you? Tell everyone you’re taking the train and then not? Not take the train?”
Remus shrugged. “We’ll see.” He turned his head and looked right at Sirius. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “My grandmother - a bit - she was nice.”
“It’s okay. Owl me from Scotland, all right? Let me know how things go. I can Apparate there if you need me to. Into Hogsmeade or-”
“I’ll let you know. Thanks. Sirius ... I ...”
“What?”
Remus shook his head. “Nothing. I need to go.”
“Wait! Just think about today, all right? Don’t worry so much about Christmas just yet. Go be with your family and go do whatever it is families do when they get together.”
This time Sirius didn’t try to stop him when Remus stood and he watched him Disapparate.
XXXXXXX
After a shower and a shave, Sirius got dressed and Apparated into the fenced-in back garden of James and Lily’s house. He knocked on their back door, shivering from the cold. It had snowed last night and a thick sheet of powder covered everything, weighing down tree branches, and shining brightly where it reflected the sun.
Lily opened the door wearing a thick wool jumper and jeans. Her feet were covered by mismatched socks, one red and one green.
“Morning,” said Sirius.
“You mean afternoon.”
Sirius shrugged. “Sure. Can James come out to play?”
Lily snorted. “He’s been a bad boy, so he’s not allowed to play in the snow today.”
“I see. Well, you’re a shit mum, Mrs. Potter.”
“That kind of language will get you banned from my house, young man.”
“It’s kind of hot when you get all authoritarian on me.”
Lily laughed. “Would you like to come in or do you actually want James to come out and play? He’s listening to the wireless; there’s a broadcast of the Puddlemere game.”
“I’ll come in,” said Sirius, stepping through the doorway and Lily moved aside. She closed the door. “But ... I kind of need to talk to you.”
“Me? Don’t tell James. He’ll get jealous.”
Sirius looked around the small kitchen. There wasn’t a table or anything so he perched himself up on the counter, his legs swinging back and forth, banging against the cupboards underneath.
“All right. So. Remus’ mum came by the house about an hour ago.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. She was fine. She was fine with ...”
“You being Remus’ boyfriend?” offered Lily.
“Um. Yes. Is that what I’m called? A boyfriend? That sounds so fucked up.”
Lily smiled. “Remus did say last night-”
“I know what he said,” interrupted Sirius. “Though, okay, fine, it’s true. It doesn’t matter. His mother knows.”
“That’s good, though!”
“She wants us to tell Remus’ dad over dinner.”
“Oh, well, if Mrs. Lupin had such a good reaction then-”
“Christmas dinner.”
“But it’s still just a dinner-”
“At my house.”
“Er ... you’ll have to clean of course, but there’s no reason why Mr. Lupin shouldn’t like-”
“With us cooking.”
“... You’re doomed,” said Lily.
“You have to help us. You know how to cook.”
Lily scoffed and shook her head. “I’m not a maid.”
“I’ll pay you.”
Lily shook her head again. “We’re having Christmas dinner here.”
Sirius jumped down and placed his hands on Lily’s shoulders. “Listen to me. If Remus’ dad doesn’t, if he has a fit or if he thinks I’ve perverted his son ... this is important. Rather very important, actually.”
“I’ll help,” said Lily. “But only because it’s important.”
“Thank you. I love you. You’ve no idea how fucking elated I am that you married James right now. You and him have to come to dinner.”
Lily nodded. “All right. We will. It’ll be fine and if Remus’ dad starts to disapprove, we’ll help talk you guys up, help make him see that you’re still the same people.”
“Don’t let James help us. He never says the right thing.”
Lily shook her head. “I’d never dream of it.”
Sirius hugged Lily. “Thank you.” He pushed her away. “Er, I never did that, if anyone ever asks.”
“Did what?”
“Exactly.”
Lily smiled. “You must love Remus loads if you’re willing to come to me for help.”
“Er ...” Sirius swallowed. He’d never said that to Remus before, that weird four-letter L-word. “I want him to move in, but he doesn’t want to. Now that his mum knows, perhaps he’ll change his mind. Telling his parents really held him back.”
“He’s a very private person.”
“I know. He was convinced you and James didn’t know and he didn’t want to tell you.”
“What changed his mind last night?” asked Lily.
“Dunno.”
“We did know. You were so very, very obvious at Hogwarts. You toned everything down after we left school, but there was no denying it, really. Your excuse that you couldn’t find a date to the wedding? That was the silliest thing I’d ever heard.”
“I know. Believe me, I wasn’t under delusions that you and James thought I was having sex with girls at my house. Say, Lily, are you really going to name me godfather?”
She smiled again and nodded. “If you promise not to teach him how to hex his teachers at Hogwarts I will. Don’t tell James, though. I’m trying to make him think that he has to wear me down to agree, but I thought you would be a perfect choice all along.”
“Perfect? Really? Why?”
“You’re James’ best mate, firstly. You would be very fun to be around, lots of energy, but you’re still responsible and you wouldn’t levitate the baby and leave him up on the ceiling all day either. And you’ll never have any kids of your own so this a right good chance for you.”
Sirius was rendered silent at those words. Never have any kids. He’d never thought of it before, but it was true. He would never have a girlfriend, let alone a wife to bear his children. Unless Regulus stopped being a total git, the Black family name would end with him. Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa were already married and taken on their husbands’ names. There were no more Blacks.
“I’m sorry,” said Lily. “I didn’t mean to say ...”
“No, it’s true. I won’t have any ... I never realized, I guess. It’s all right. You can’t have everything.”
“Remus can’t either. Werewolf legislation - they’re not allowed to marry or have children.”
“That’s bullshit.”
Lily shrugged. “That’s the way the Ministry is. Look, I told James I would make sandwiches for lunch. You’re welcome to stay, but I need to eat since there’s a second person inside me.”
Sirius shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.”
“I’ll come ‘round your house on Christmas Eve. We’ll go to the store and buy everything we need to make dinner and then Christmas morning we’ll cook everything. How does that sound?”
“Good, great. Thanks, Lily.”
“Sure.”
“Hey, Mrs. Potter?”
“Yes, Mr. Black?”
“What’d you say to Remus at the cinema last night?”
Lily smiled. “He can tell you if he wants to. I’ll see you soon.”
Sirius tried to give her a smile, but he couldn’t manage. He turned and left. In the back garden, his feet sunk into the snow, up over the top of his shoes. His feet and ankles grew cold since he refused to ever put on any socks. The wind was laced with the sounds and smells of Christmas. Sirius decided to walk a ways instead of Apparate straight to his house. Opening up the gate to the front garden, he walked through the snow, kicking it up as he went, his head full of thoughts of food, cooking, and impending disasters.
XXXXXXX
End Part II
XXXXXXX
As always, links to all my fics (divided up by pairings) can be found here: Click Me