fic for kaminikaku
Title: Jishin 311
Author: shirayuki1582
Pairing: Kame/Jin
Word Count: 10,675
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Notes: This is based on and inspired by true events and people. I adjusted it as far as necessary to go with the story. I recognize the delicacy of the topic but there is no offence intended and it was written with the outmost respect for anyone involved.
This fanfic would’ve never been possible without the immense love, support and effort from my amazing Beta! Love you BJ!
Summary: If this is the end of the world, will you be there with me?
If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together,
Keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever…
(A.A. Milne)
Budapest, Hungary (06.46 am)
Jin is wide awake.
It’s too early, he thinks. Too quiet. Through the haziness of only half opened eyes he sees the white curtains of his hotel room, swaying slightly with a morning breeze. He assumes he can hear cars, maybe construction workers and their shouts, but they must be really far away. It’s the kind of moments, right after waking, when time seems to progress very slowly.
The city is still asleep.
Jin isn’t.
He turns around in bed, huddled against his soft duvet. He pulls it up to his chin and uses one of its corners to support his head. He decides that sleeping in is the best thing in the world. No way he’ll give it up easily as that; not on his day off.
After years of touring around he doesn’t mind the hotel beds anymore. Still, somehow today it doesn’t feel right. Something about how he lies there isn’t right. It’s too warm in here too. It’s only March.
He turns around to the other side again, watching those curtains. They sway back and forth in subtle motions playing with the rare light that comes in through the windows. Jin focuses on that for a while. He tries not to be so restless.
Maybe the weather will be good today, he thinks. Maybe he’ll go for a stroll later.
Later.
Not now. Now he’s supposed to rest and enjoy it. He sighs and clings on to his sheets.
When nothing helps, he reaches for his iPhone. It’s still plugged to a power jack on the wall. As usual there’s a zillion notifications from twitter. Fans spam him with tweets all day. He doesn’t understand most of them. Still, he wonders sometimes.
Does he read fanfics? Uhm. No. He doesn’t even know what that is and so he just shrugs. It contains the word “fan” though so it must be something scary. He totally refrains from googling it. Knowing his fans, he knows he’s better off not knowing certain things. He should turn off that notification setting eventually.
He picks up the hotel phone next to his bed and asks for the portier. He’s given up the idea that he can sleep any longer and tries desperately to explain to the man on the phone that he’d like a coffee, a Latte if possible. He has no clue about what the guy at the other end of the line replies. Does he even speak English? He’s not sure the guy understood him either. Oh well. Okay.
He hangs up the phone a moment later and decides to wait and see.
He can still go to Starbucks. Later. Maybe.
It’s nice not to be in a hurry.
He lets his head fall back against the pillow and checks his twitter list again. There’s a lot of silliness from Yuu and Keibo as usual. Yuu (that punk!) even keeps telling him things like he’s meeting the guys for drinks or going out with this or that person.
Even though Jin likes filming with Keanu Reeves, filming a movie about samurai makes him miss his friends and family even more.
He refreshes his list every few moments and the tweets keep coming in. Someone tweets about “everyone in affected areas please be safe” or “ I hope my friends in Japan are okay”.
There’s earthquakes in Japan again.
Jin knows earthquakes in Japan. They happen almost daily, even in Tokyo. Almost everywhere on the island really. He simply wonders which areas are affected this time but the tweets are really vague. He’ll find out eventually. Jin is definitively not worried.
He stretches out some morning stiffness and hears someone knock at the door. It’s probably the hotel service.
When he stands up to get the door, Jin still thinks it’s odd seeing his friends tweet so much at this time of day. Jin furrows his brows and rubs his nose.
Japan knows earthquakes. He’s sure, Japan can deal with them too.
It can, right?
Naka Ward, Yokohama, Japan (14.40 pm)
They’re filming for Going!Sports at the Yokohama Stadium and watch the professional baseball players train for their next game. Kame’s on a break right now. He enjoys not thinking much, just watching the guys run on the lawn from one side to the other, jumping and stretching.
For once, he’s glad he doesn’t have to join them. He wasn’t able to catch much sleep last night.
His comfortable blue sports jacket keeps him warm and protects him from the slight drizzle this afternoon. It’s early March. The winds are still chilly most of the time.
He checks his keitai too. There’s a reminder from the jimusho for the Myojo interview the next morning but nothing else. Other than most people, Kame is glad when there’s no new messages. No messages mean no stress, no additional obligations.
Kame sits down on a wooden bank, leans back and breathes in. He likes this stadium and he really likes Baseball.
When Kame closes he eyes for a moment, he feels the ground tremble subtly beneath his feet. It’s familiar here in Japan, it’s nothing that worries him.
But then there’s a loud bump.
Kame is not fast enough and falls right between the benches. From an instant to the next everything starts shaking violently. Everyone halts with their actions and there’s shouts from the crew and the baseball team. Suddenly there’s chaos.
This is a big one.
People scream and run around aimlessly. The television crew holds on to their equipment but some of the camera’s break anyway. The earthquake is too fast and they are unprepared.
Someone even shouts hastily through the megaphone that people should calm down, that they are safe here. And they probably are but it doesn’t help anything. People scream and run anyway.
Seconds feel like hours.
Then it suddenly stops.
There’s rumours. About a magnitude 8 earthquake. About an imminent tsunami alert in the northeast. Nobody knows what is true and what is not. Everyone’s just upset and scared.
Kame checks his phone again and wishes there were messages now. He wants to know what’s going on, just to hear that everyone’s safe. They don’t have family in the northeast. But the earthquake is right here in Yokohama too and it’s strong. Probably a lot stronger somewhere else.
He sends out a mail to his mum and brothers anyway, just in case.
Kame gets nervous when the signal is weak and it takes longer than usual to process. He doesn’t know yet that only a few hours later, the electricity net in many places will break down entirely.
There’s two women from the NTV staff that start crying and sobbing next to him. Kame is confused and wonders why an ordinary, quiet day suddenly turned out like this.
Ishinomaki, Miyagi prefecture (14.44 pm)
Yuko Sugimoto works for a beverage industry in the field sales.
It’s Friday. Every Friday she can get off work earlier and spend time with her four years old son Raito. So she hurries and says her sayonara’s to all of her clients. Proper bows included and all.
When she rushes out she grabs her jacket and car keys and gets into her second hand white Toyota.
She checks her wrist watch. The clock hand just hits 14.46pm. She’s about to start the engine when the ground starts shaking heavily. It takes her off guard and she automatically screams and holds both her hands to her ears. The noise is unbearably loud. She crouches on her seat, arms above her head, as to protect herself.
These are the longest 90 seconds in her entire life.
When the spook ends moments later, there’s dead silence. Yuko’s hands are still shaking and she leans back to catch her breath.
She tries to grab the steering wheel and it helps holding on to something.
But there’s no time for Yuko.
Suddenly someone knocks frantically on the car’s window. The man’s eyes are widened in horror.
“A tsunami”, he screams with his whole might. “A tsunami is coming here!!!”
And he runs. Runs for his life.
Yuko starts the engine immediately and accelerates with impossible speed, rushing away from the parking lot to higher grounds. Behind her, she knows, is the tsunami.
She can’t think anymore, only at the back of her head she realizing there’s a tsunami alert diaphone going of and a male voice giving out warnings through megaphones. She can’t hear what he says but it doesn’t matter. She just needs to get away. It’s a race against time but, somehow, she doesn’t know how, she makes it.
Yuko even meets her husband, Harunori, at a gathering place.
Her son Raito isn’t there.
She searches around restlessly, but can’t find him. She’s too shocked to cry but she's desperate.
More and more people gather at the wooden fence uphill. They can see the whole town from here. But what they see is too awful and a part of them doesn’t really want to watch but still can’t take their eyes off the scenario.
The tsunami is strong and fast. It devours everything in its wave and advances forward quickly.
Yuko realizes, the tsunami has long reached the day nursery, where she brings Raito every morning. The nursery is gone already but where are the children now?
Yuko feels numb and shocked but she will continue to look for her son. It’s the only thing that keeps her going. She keeps watching the ocean she always loved and now only scares her. It’s big and evil and stronger than all of them.
Budapest, Hungary (7.50 am)
When Jin gets out of the shower, he’s still dripping with water but he checks his phone again.
It’s becoming an addiction.
He curses about the slow wi-fi connection in the hotel. The tweets take way too long to load and the messages keep rushing in. There’s links to livestreams and low quality screencaps of news bits and Jin starts to realize that this is not an ordinary day in Japan.
Tsunami alerts. Earthquakes and aftershocks. First death tolls about 15 people. Maybe it’s a magnitude 8.9. It’s 155 kilometers from Sendai. Industrial places catching fire after the earthquake. It really is a magnitude 8.9. Tsunami reached Miyagi. Tsunami with 20 meters height. Tsunami reaching 30 meters in Iwate prefecture . Tsunami on its way to Indonesia, Philippines and Malaysia. Current death tolls unknown. Yamapi, are you okay? Facebook lists for the missing. Google lists for the victims. Yuu, what’s going on?
Let’s #prayforjapan.
Information keeps rushing in and Jin can’t put his phone down. Everything seems uncertain and vague and he gets nervous.
What is this, Japan?
He suddenly hates being so far away when his country is facing issues like that.
Keanu Reeves and his samurai, they can’t compare now.
He tries to call his parents but he only gets voicemail. Then he spends another three hours online on his apple laptop, trying to get more information.
Later this afternoon, he’ll be shooting a movie but he doesn’t feel like he can work with all hell breaking loose in Japan.
Kou Shibasaki calls him a bit later and talks randomly about the cast. Carl Rinsch, the director, had one of his fantastic ideas again. She describes him in all colours how he imagines the scene and she almost makes Jin laugh about it.
Almost.
Kou usually never calls him and they don’t talk about what’s happening. Kou surely must know about it too. But he’s somehow grateful, they’re only doing small talk. It’s nice for now to talk the same language, literally.
There’s nothing Jin can do right now. He can’t leave his work and go back to Japan. That’s what Jin would do. He’s that kind of person. The kind that leaves everything behind, to save the ones he loves.
But what else would he do there but be in the way? What could he do to help them? He couldn't save them. He’s worried and helpless, here and there.
There’s one only thing he can do. He can give his best for Japan. He can work hard, just for Japan. So he’ll go and shoot the best katana fight scene in the history of samurai movies.
Jin can do that.
He dials his mum’s number again. She will answer eventually, he thinks.
She will, when she can.
Japan knows earthquakes and Tsunami’s. But he’s not so sure now whether Japan can deal with both of them.
Can it?
Miyako City , Iwate Prefecture (14.00 pm)
Mariko gets home from school. Her house smells like Okonomiyaki and Mariko is really hungry. She has decided to not go to cram school today and help out her mum at home instead.
Truth is she’s bored and not in the mood for her studies. She wants to eat at home and spring clean the rooms together with her mum, like every year.
Her mum is the only family she has, so the two of them are really close. Her dad had died at sea many years back. There’s a photo on their butsudan that shows him handsome and smiling. Mariko used to sit before the photo when she was small and imagined that no matter where her dad was now, he’d always protect them, looking strong and smiling like on that photo there.
Mariko and her mum say a little prayer for the good meal when they’re done eating and sit together for a while. It’s March already and her mum says, she’s looking forward to see the cherry blossoms again soon. It’s comfortable there in the old kitchen and so Mariko reluctantly gets upstairs to start on her studies.
She’s not a bad student but she thinks that going to school is annoying and she’d rather drop on her bed, listening to KAT-TUN or Arashi all afternoon. Even so she sits down at her desk and gets out the books from her bag. She does this for her mum who, she knows, works so hard for her.
Suddenly there’s a loud rumbling sound and the ground starts shaking violently. Mariko jumps up from the sudden shock. Without thinking she stumbles out of her room downstairs. She’s never experienced such a strong earthquake before.
This is not normal.
This is not just any earthquake.
“Mum??” she screams. But she fears her mum can’t hear her with all the rattling going on. Her voice gets lost in the noise. She tries to escape the falling bookshelves and its items, but it’s barely impossible to even stand upright.
When the shaking lessens, she sees her mum standing outside of the house’s veranda among the laundry, looking scared and crouching on the ground. Mariko makes her way to the pile of clothes and blankets and reaches out her arms to her sobbing mother.
They hold on to each other the best they can and don’t let go until the tremor lessens more and more.
There’s a crack in the street next to their house and the neighbourhood looks shattered. Mariko can hardly believe that the earthquake had done that in just a few minutes.
Right when the two of them think they can continue with their daily routine, a loud alarm goes off.
It’s a tsunami alert and this is no test. They see their neighbours run like crazy down the road. Some of them call something about evacuation and tsunami as they rush by. Mariko keeps standing rooted to the spot in shock until she suddenly realizes that this is real and they should start running too.
Her mum breaks free of her hold and runs towards the house.
“Mum!!!”, Mariko screams again. “Where are you going??”
She runs after her and grabs her arms.
“Your dad’s Ihai. I have to take it with me!!”, her mother answers desperately.
“There’s no time. We have to go!” Mariko insists. “Dad will understand. We have to go!!”
And she drags her struggling mother away from the house and they both start running with the crowd.
Her mum isn’t fast. She has bad knees and slows down more than once. Mariko curses why they have sold their car two months ago but there’s no helping it now. She decides she won’t let go of her mother’s hand no matter what.
Even though they keep running, the hills seem still so far out of reach. Her mother tries her best but is in no shape to run fast. They know, behind them is the wave, next to them are their neighbours, before them is hope, and maybe safety. Cars and bikes rush by, people running for their lives. Mariko drags her mother along. It can’t be far now.
How far will it go?
How high will it be?
Just don’t look back, look forward!
But when they pass by the vegetable market, they suddenly feel their feet go wet.
This is the tsunami. It’s the prelude.
They see, people’s car being washed away next to them. Some cars have passengers. They press their hands against the glass. They know, they have lost.
It’s a matter of seconds, minutes at best and before they know, the wave sweeps them off their feet. The water is running land inwards like a river. Everywhere is just water. An aggressive stream of nature that takes everything it can get within its reach. Mariko’s scream is cut off by the water in her mouth but she rises up fast. She clings on to her mother’s hand. She won’t let go of that hand. They’re moving in between cars and house parts, wood and iron. There’s still screams and tsunami alerts and Mariko can’t think anymore because maybe that’s the end of it all and the end goes really fast. She wants to say, mum I’m scared. She wants to say so many things she doesn’t find words for. Worse, she doesn’t have time. Her mum just looks back at her with sad eyes and says two words nobody can’t hear. The tsunami is awful and loud. Most likely she said suki desu, I love you. And she squeezes that hand slightly. Mariko thinks, this means goodbye and she tries to be prepared for it. She tries to think of her Dad. They will see him again sooner this way. They sure will, right? But her mind is all blank really and all she can do is cry.
She won’t let go of that hand.
They have both given up, soaked in water and lost between the town’s swimming remains. Then Mariko is stuck. Is she stuck, or what is happening? She’s no longer moving but held against a house’s wall. A house that is standing, strongly against the big wave. She looks up and all she sees is Masami-san, the chubby vegetable vendor from next door. He’s saying something, but she can’t hear. She just feels his strong grip around her left arm. It’s hard for him. There’s two of them. Because, she promised she’d never let go of her mum. But Masami-san is there. Masami-san is strong and amazing. He’s makes all superheroes look small and useless. He is the one saving Mariko and her mum from the roaring waves. Masami-san is the unexpected help from above.
Mariko just tries to pull herself up with her right arm, clinging to Masami-san’s leg. He’s still wearing his green apron from the store. He looks like every day but his surroundings don’t. Mariko has never seen him stand on that broken balcony before. Any balcony to be true. She tries to climb up the railing succeeds to pull herself up, little by little. The adrenaline helps her to overcome the impossible. It seems like an eternity until both of them are on the concrete ground. And Mariko turns around just seconds later to say thank you to Masami-san, when there’s a bump on the railing and the man is gone.
It happens in a split second that Mariko sees him fall into the wave and drown immediately. His green apron disappearing in the brown mud, it all goes really fast. He gets washed away from the rubble the tsunami carries and Mariko knows, she’ll never see him again. She hugs her mum, who’s exhausted and leaning against the trembling wall and starts crying desperately.
This feels like the end of the world. It probably is. Mariko wishes it was a nightmare instead and she could wake up to her everyday life and her everyday boring school.
The moment of the tsunami wave sweeping over Miyako’s shores will go around the world on TV. On youTube it will reach 3’746’362 views. There will be blog entries about it for days.
There’s more than one Mariko and Masami-san in Miyako City that day. Some that lived and some, who died. Some, who don’t know which of the two.
This is their story.
Tokyo, Japan (17.25 pm)
All the plans and appointments at the jimusho are cancelled. These are exceptional circumstances. Nobody at the jimusho can ever remember having had a blank agenda ever.
The practice rooms resemble beehives. The numerous boys are sitting in every corner you look and block the path in the hallways. They’re agitated and talk without cease in confusion. They are worried about every single member that has not called or returned from an appointment. Some are constantly on the phone.
Somehow, they all can’t go home.
When Kame arrives, he looks just as rumpled and worried as everybody else. Some of the youngest juniors run to him when they see him, as if he knew how to deal with this better. Kame always knows how to deal with things. He’s older and calmer. He’s Kamenashi after all, always organized and ready to give advice to the younger ones. Now, he’s just tired and confused, same as them. Still, he says a few words of encouragement. Something like “Let’s pray for everyone’s safety” or “Let’s wait and have faith” and runs a hand through their funny haircuts, that they consider fashionable these days. He only half-heartedly believes in his own words but can’t disappoint those big, hopeful eyes looking up to him.
He drops down on the next chair and sips on a water bottle. A few meters away he sees Maru discuss something he just saw on TV with Junno. Maru looks funny as usual with his antics and gesticulations but Kame can’t laugh about it today.
Everyone’s waiting. Maybe waiting for instructions. They always get instructions of some kind, reasonable or not. Maybe they are waiting for everything to turn back to normal. Maybe they just want to stick together and feel less alone with this.
The TV’s on in the room next door. It’s all non-stop coverage on the current events. There’s the same information over and over again and most of the boys don’t really listen anymore. A few of them though can’t take their eyes off the screen.
It would be a good movie, if it weren’t real.
It’s around 17:30 that Yukio Edano, the chief cabinet secretary, faces the press.
There’s a problem in the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant after the continuous earthquake activities and aftershocks. He doesn’t specify with details, speaks calmly and composed. Wearing a simple worker’s blue uniform, he looks modest and discreet. Not his words but he himself is the message of the government.
Everything's under control.
Budapest, Hungary (18.10 pm)
Jin has banned his iPhone for hours, hidden in his backpack. He’s decided to stay focused on work this afternoon. He had been tempted to go backstage more than once to check his twitter but then didn’t. The green background they’re using for CGI and the complex sword fight choreographies help him not to feel distracted. His opponent is fictional and he’s right here, facing him. It’s a person, not the sea, not a geological plate. He can work with that.
He lies when they make it a wrap for the day and Asano asks him to go out for a drink. He lies and says he’s engaged elsewhere tonight and can’t make it. No after work drinks nor chatting. Jin usually likes to socialize. Tonight it doesn’t feel appropriate. Staying in his hotel bed alone sounds scary. There are too many thoughts in his head right now. He says his goodbyes and keeps it up with the handshakes and the “see you tomorrow” verbiage.
Jin is a wonderfully good actor.
At some point he stands alone in a street, whose name he could never pronounce nor read and he feels cold all of a sudden. Lonely. It’s getting darker here in Hungary, it’s late. It’s among all those strangers passing him by that he feels the worst ever since all day. He figures, he should get going.
He ends up at Arigato’s. Arigato is a small Japanese restaurant in a dead end corner in downtown Budapest. It’s one of those places that you don’t find when you look for them but you just accidentally happen to come across them when you most need them. The wooden interior is not very Japanese but the waiters and cooks seem to be. It’s not fancy or special but it’s the only place Jin wants to be in right now.
There are barely any guests in there and he’s glad for that. He needs space to sort out his feelings. He sits down in a corner seat and slips out of his jeans jacket. He skims through the card, up and down and up again. He’s not really reading.
One of the waiters is coming up to him now. He’s tall and skinny. Unspectacular hair and common white shirt with the compulsory black apron, he looks as normal as one can look; as a young Japanese.
“Sir, what can I get you?”, he asks in a sagging English accent. It surprises Jin, who looks up. For once, he almost feels offended being talked to in English.
“I’d like some Gyoza, please”, Jin answers in straight Japanese. If the young waiter is startled or embarrassed, it barely shows. Only Jin can see the look in the boy’s eyes, somewhat softening.
“And Yakisoba”, Jin adds.
“Very well, and-“
“And Ebi Furai. And Sashimi. And Shio Ramen”, Jin adds fast and frantically.
Okay.
The waiter just scribbles the kanji on his notebook, looking a bit disturbed now.
“….anything else?” he asks carefully.
And Jin is thinking. He doesn’t care he probably can’t eat all of this. He wants it now and he doesn’t know why he’s freaking out all of a sudden about food.
“Tea.” Jin says finally and nods at the menu card he’s still holding in his hands. He must look like a crazy person. And he drinks tea even. Jin doesn’t drink tea when he’s eating out. He suddenly feels like he wants to hide and start screaming but he folds back the card dangerously calm and looks up at the boy who stares at him. Jin didn’t mean to scare him.
“O-Okay. Coming right up!” says the young boy now and does a quick semi-correct bow towards Jin and leaves quickly. Jin follows him with his eyes but then nervously grabs out his phone.
He tries to catch up on the news on his mobile but he’s flooded with information. People in Japan are probably less informed about what’s going on. There are electricity cuts, even in Tokyo.
Jin can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the news of the developing nuclear accident in the northeast. There’s details about reactors’ cooling system breaking down and nuclear fuel rods being too hot and he doesn’t understand most of the technical terms or even any terms in anything nuclear but it sounds bad. Really bad. It’s disaster number three hitting Japan today. What’s coming next?
When the food arrives at his table, one dish after another, he does feel a bit embarrassed after all. He can’t explain why he does this. He can’t tell it to the fifteen years old waiter. Does he even know, about Japan? Does he care, about that country far away? Maybe he’s never been there before. All Jin does is nod towards the young man in approval. It means, don’t worry, I really want it this way.
And so he picks up the wooden ohashi and folds his hands together.
“Itadakimasu” he then says quietly but fervently.
When the food hits his taste buds, his eyes almost swell up in tears. Oh how he’s missed this food. How he really misses home right now. He eats like he has never eaten before, is starved of something other than food.
His phone rings, before he can even try the Ebi Furai, lined up on the plate so neatly. He drops the ohashi to the floor when he sees the caller and his shaky fingers slide on that touchscreen to the right to answer the call.
“Mum??” he screams. The room goes silent and the few people in there turn around.
“Mum?” Jin repeats nervously, slower.
“Jin, I saw your calls! How are you?” his mum says. She sounds like always. Probably tries hard. His zillion calls. And she asked how he is. As if that mattered now. “Do you eat well?”
“Mum, are you okay? Is everyone fine?” Jin ignores her questions. Of course he eats well. He’s grown up for God’s sake. But it’s good to hear her talk like that and ask silly questions.
Clicking noises continue to interrupt the line.
“I’m here”, his mum says. “We’re fine. Everyone’s fine here, don’t you worry. There are electricity cuts here so maybe my phone’s power won’t last long. I can’t recharge it, you know.”
“Okay,” Jin answers quickly. “Okay….”
“Lights just switched off again, Jin” his mum says then. “I should go search for more candles and look after your dad. Reio is the same as usual, calm like a stone. But you’re Dad isn’t so fond of the missing electricity. He’s easily upset when things are out of order.”
“Yes, I know…” Jin says and thinks of his parents and Reio and how he wishes he could hug them right now. Everything is okay, as long as they’re safe. They’re all there. They’re all okay. “Tell everyone I said hello and…”
A cracking noise interrupts him and he panics.
“Mum...? Mum??”
“Yes. Promise to sleep enough too” his mum says.
“I will….” Jin replies and feels a bit like a little boy, about to cry. “Bye…for now”
And his mum probably says “good night” or “bye” but the connection is so bad he only hears noise before the line dies and then there’s nothing but a continuous busy tone.
Jin sighs.
It’s after 2am already in Japan and his mum is still up. She probably can’t sleep.
Returning back to the hotel feels heavy and tedious in his legs and when he drops on the bed he feels almost guilty that he’s here, safe. Workers at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant probably don’t sleep. Those are the silent heroes in the battle against time and tragedy. The ones lost in the shelters most likely won’t sleep either. They are the ones who have lost everything, not waking up to a job like Jin tomorrow.
Even his mum maybe is awake, is looking after her family. Like many other mum’s that night.
Who knows whether Japan will still be there tomorrow. Japan is already not as it was when he left. Jin feels anxious because now he’s sure. Even Japan, can’t deal with a disaster like that.
Jin is mad at Yukio Edano and the whole bunch of governmental dudes and their empty promises.
Because nothing is under control at all.
Budapest , Hungary (March 25 th 2011)
Jin is very focused when he studies his opponent.
The black kimono fits him impeccably. Layers of cloth falling in a simple but sublime way. Dark strands of hair, carefully tied up in a knot. He looks proud and serious with his Katana held firmly in his right hand. There, a real samurai, who has the proper respect for his deadly weapon. He conveys confidence, superiority even, moving in perfect harmony with his surroundings.
Jin is Chikara. Jin is a samurai.
He‘s arrived early on the set and takes a moment to fall into character. He’s waiting to see Chikara, the son of the samurai leader, appear in the mirror in front of him. It’s easier now, when the set is still quiet. One by one he hears the cast members walk through the hallway, right behind that wall. Jin stays focused, calm and under control. He keeps staring into the mirror, minute by minute. Yes, he’s Chikara Oishi, fighting for Japan as a loyal and faithful ronin!
There’s a loud bump from the door and the spell is broken.
Jin turns around, startled.
“Bloody hell!!”
It’s Carl Rinsch, the director. Freeing his boots from several electronic cables, he stumbles into the room. He looks more like a Viking, rather than samurai with his blonde hair tied back at his neck and a neat moustache growing on his upper lip.
Jin smiles at the clumsy appearance.
The contrast is striking.
“Yo Carl, what’s up?”, Jin asks in a way too cheeky manner for a composed samurai.
“All good. I see you’re ready to rock the studio”, Carl answers while he sets his black suit straight again. “ Well Jin, your agency called earlier. You’ll have the afternoon off, just so you know.”
“Why…?” Jin furrows his brows.
“Some charity event, I heard” Carl says now a bit more seriously. “Marching J something. They said they’ll call you later.”
Jin only nods. Charity. That’s rather rare for JE entertainment. Naturally, he knows what it’s for.
Carl salutes and leaves the room, calling out to the John, the cameraman, that they will go with the CGI blue screens first. He’s always on the run.
Marching J.
After finishing filming, Jin slips out of his costume and puts on his usual set of clothes, meaning a simple grey sweater with the obligatory hoodie over a white t-shirt, a black leather jacket above it all and his jeans. He looks very casual. Very Akanishi Jin, as some would say. He finishes the look with a simple black beanie and pulls the hoodie over it. His hair is too messy and too long to deal with right now.
Who cares anyway. This is about something else.
They’re shooting a short video message in some randomly available room. Jin’s modest contribution to the series of fundraiser events for the tohoku tsunami victims, organized by his agency. Everyone will be there. Everyone but Jin, who again feels guilty about that.
They don’t even need many takes. Jin knows what he wants to say.
“Thank you everyone for attending Johnny’s charity event in Japan! I’m disappointed that I can’t be there with you guys. My family lives in Tokyo and I hate that I can’t be with them right now,” he says and frowns. It’s a very serious Jin that looks into the camera. He’s so serious, he almost looks a bit funny.
“Let’s come together to support our own,“ he ends up with an issued call to the imaginary crowd. It’s the only thing he can do right now. It’s fine.
His message will be shown on April 2 on a big screen outside in an open air event for everyone to see and hear. He’d lie if he said he isn’t worried how people will take it. Jin, participating as a video message.
He is lost in his thoughts again when he goes back to the hotel. Somehow he walks very often here. He always says it comes in handy with the workout. Truth is, it just helps with the nerves.
t’s starts raining slightly with a soft drizzle. It seems like it always rains in Budapest.
Jin thinks, he likes rain when he can sleep in. Jin also thinks, he likes cuddling with someone he likes all day when it’s rainy. The gloomy mood he’s in makes him think of lyrics. Something like I’d rather have a rainy day with you than see the sunshine alone…
He should probably write that down. He types it into his mobile while taking the stairs to his room.
He lurches through the room, throws away his backpack carelessly and drops down on his bed without undressing first. His thoughts keep roaming through the room and he catches a moment of it when he thinks about winter in Japan when it’s March already.
I’d rather have a hundred days of winter with you here in my arms.
Yes. This!
I’ll be your shelter from the storm…just to have you by my side.
Jin wants to write that down as well but his vision goes blurry. He struggles a bit to stay awake but then feels so heavy and sleepy and he wants to fight it but not really. The rain hits softly against the window. It’s steady and rhythmic. It calms him down and soothes his mind until he slowly but surely falls asleep to the sound of rain.
And Jin dreams about the pacific ocean. He’s floating with the constant waves of the sea, back and forth, immersed in the far, endless blue all around him. Hovering above him is a clouded sky. He can see there’s land in front of him.
In the surreal ways of dreams, he knows he’s so close to Honshu. The largest Japanese island is right there, almost within his grasp. Jin sees someone walking slowly up to the shore. A lonely atmosphere in that vast empty place, and it looks sad. Jin watches the person stand there for a long, long time.
Brown hair swaying with the wind, the lonesome figure looks small and thin against the white sand. Jin wishes, he could see more of the other’s face. Is it sad too? It’s seems more like the other is watching out for something, someone maybe.
Waiting.
And with the waiting, the waves become stronger; independent. They carry Jin away from Japan, rocking him up and down angrily. There is nothing he can do about it. No matter how much he struggles to swim forward, he ends up getting washed away even further.
The person on the shore is becoming smaller and smaller on the horizon, vanishing in the cerulean haze of his dream. Jin can’t hear anything. It’s a silent movie in his brain cells and he’s the lead.
Jin is scared because he’s helpless. There’s no sound, no action but the strong wave carrying him further and further away.
It’s in that inescapable moment right before waking that he feels even worse upon realizing who that is, the one, waiting there at the beach.
I’ll be your shelter from the storm.
Ishinomaki, Iwate Prefecture (March 13th 2011)
Yuko is desperate.
The day before she had been back to her house, to the nursery, to her workplace even. Nothing but rubble is left of those places. All around her is desolation.
Other citizens had done the same. Some just wordlessly strolled through town, too lost to go somewhere else. Some broke down in pain, seeing their life in pieces like that. Some went looking for something, anything they still can use. Some couldn’t bear to go on and chose a silent goodbye to the world.
Yuko though went searching for her missing son.
It’s cold now. It even starts snowing quietly, as if the tiny white flakes could cover up the shameful scenery and make it softer. It just makes it harder though for all of them, freezing without a roof over their head. Their hearts are numb and so are their cold fingers.
Someone hands Harunori a brown blanket. He passes it on wordlessly to his wife Yuko. The old woman from the liquor store tells them about the children. She heard they’ve been brought to a nearby shelter. Nobody really knows where.
The glasses she's wearing on her nose are shattered.
Yuko and Harunori drive for hours, as far as they can go until they run out of fuel. Then they have to carry on by foot. Tramping through the destroyed city, they pass Raito’s nursery. The building is still standing but it looks empty and naked. Where usually children play, there’s nothing but an unbearable silence.
Yuki finds Raito. Two days after the Tsunami. 72 hours later.
He’s been brought to an evacuation center in Ishinomaki Senshu University.
Raito hasn’t cried even once. He has no scratch, externally, but he starts throwing up every time he hears an earthquake alert. Raito is relieved he can hug his parents again. Not all of the kids there will be lucky like that. Somehow they would have a lot to say to each other now.
Yuko says nothing and just hugs back tight.
Tokyo, Japan (March 25th 2011)
Koki decides one day to the next, he’ll go to Miyagi over the weekend. He’s been stocking up his car with rice supplies, water and canned food. Koki doesn’t do things halfway. He’s determined and ready to leave.
Even the head of the jimusho, Johnny Kitagawa, just shrugs upon hearing Koki’s decision. This is bigger than him. Usually, he wouldn’t allow JE artists to give autographs or have their photos taken. Koki doesn’t care about those rules right now. This is different and nobody can stop him. It’s like he’s become an idol just for this moment. Now is the time to make people smile again.
Kame sees him off and he wishes he could simply join Koki’s mission on the passenger seat but he knows he can’t. Everywhere he goes, he causes a commotion. Kame is not Koki. People in Miyagi don’t need any further disturbance nor chaos. So he just hands over another bag full of supplies and watches the car disappear behind the corner a moment later.
Kame gets into his car and sighs deeply. He goes into reverse and changes plans. He won’t go home today. He can’t go to the jimusho either. All Marching J charity activities are done for the day.
Kame drives for hours. Away from the narrow spaces of Tokyo, past villages and empty fields onto more open spaces.
It’s evening when Kame arrives at the empty beach.
He walks up to the shore and pulls his jacket tighter. It’s become bitter cold again these days. Bleak and windy is the place. In it’s emptiness, there’s time and space for Kame and his thoughts.
Watching out at the horizon, he hears the tiny waves hit the sand in continuation. As if nothing ever had happened, the ocean lies before him in its infinity. An indomitable energy stored in its eery depths. Kame thinks about everything and nothing, about Japan and himself. All these random thoughts, they come and go.
The wind messes up his hair. It’s good he’s off work and he can look shitty if he wants to.
He doesn’t know why he suddenly thinks of Jin. Jin, who’s not even on the other side of this ocean out there this time. He’s not in America, but in Europe. Somewhere Kame’s never been to.
Jin is unimaginably far away.
Kame just stares out to the ever going waves and waits. He waits for something he can’t name.
Kitakami, Iwate Prefecture (a day in April 2011)
It still feels strange, living in a house again. After weeks at the shelter, Mariko sees a lot of things a bit differently than before.
They used to sleep back to back with strangers in that big, stuffed hall. People here and there would snore loudly in their sleep, some would startle awake when escaping their regular nightmares. Everything had been so uncertain. They all had to deal somehow and help each other out. Day by Day, people had been too shocked for crying.
For Mariko, it almost feels unreal that she’s still alive. Nothing about this seems to have anything to do with her, Mariko the ordinary schoolgirl from Miyako City.
Who is Mariko now?
She feels guilty about missing the shelter. It hadn’t been easy, not for her and her mum, not for anybody else. But people had been so close, so reachable. Now they are all so far away again. Some still live at the shelter.
Sure, she’s grateful that her aunt took them in. But it’s not the same. It won’t be the same ever again either. Mariko doesn’t feel at home anymore. It’s like ordinary life feels shallow and empty.
Mariko hugs her big white teddy bear.
They have things like that in the shelter boxes. Teddy Bears and pyjamas. Slippers and handsoap. Everyday, ordinary things. The volunteer had said, they had arrived all the way from Europe for them. It’s a bit embarrassing to be such burden to all those countries far away. It makes her want to apologise.
Mariko is probably too old for big white teddy bears too. She only squishes it tighter at the thought.
Just like every night now, she opens the window wide in that tiny room on the first floor. Breathing in the fresh spring air, she feels a bit safer and calmer. Here she can see all stars on the sky at night.
Maybe it’s because she’s more aware. Maybe they really do shine brighter than before.
Before.
“Good night up there!”, Mariko whispers and waves at the stars far above her.
Mariko knows. It’s Masami-san there, shining as the brightest star on the firmament, winking back at her.
She will never forget that kind, normal man that one fateful day became a quiet hero. One day she’s sure, she can thank him, when she’ll join him on that infinite sky.
All the wrong images get shooed to far distance when Mariko plugs some headphones into her ears and hugs her Teddy tight.
She’s listening to KAT-TUN’s Perfect and strongly believes in the song they seem to sing only for her.
A new morning is full of anxiety and confusion, what will illuminate tomorrow?
We always want to go back to the best days when we laughed so carefree, but...
Don’t be afraid! Come on, go forward, go forward and fly high!
Goodbye, goodbye, my cherry blossom's friend
Embrace forever the promise of the heart and go towards tomorrow.
Tokyo, Japan (March 30th 2011)
When Jin arrives at Narita airport, it is raining too.
He wants to feel normal coming back home but he knows it’s different. He’s here by chance, not having any scenes to film these two weeks. He’s thought long about whether he should come at all. It will be harder, later, to leave again.
Right now, he feels a bit overwhelmed.
Nobody knows he’s here and it better stays that way. He takes out his phone and randomly tweets “all my prayers eternally go to Japan.” He truly means it and wishes it wholeheartedly standing right there, but he’s also aware that it’s useful that it sounds like he’s far away, writing this.
He pulls his hoodie deeper down his face and tries to blend in the best possible at the crowded airport. Not looking right or left he rushes past the people with their baggage. Some of those suitcases filled with hopes of wishes, maybe duties or new lives. Jin knows these sorts of feelings when waiting to go for a whole new journey ahead. There’s always both joy and uncertainty mixed with it. He wonders, where Japan’s journey will go from here.
Jin himself knows exactly where he’s headed first. He himself is surprised of his choice but he feels like this is right.
So he walks towards a cab and exchanges a few words with the driver and the other only nods. They leave immediately and Jin is relieved. He doesn’t want to change his mind about this again last minute and feels silly when he realizes that he’s a bit nervous anyway.
They drive past streets and houses and Jin looks for signs of the earthquakes. He finds some of course but he knows that some others, surely, have already been taken care of.
The cab takes a turn and slows down at one point.
Here it is. The jimusho.
It’s where he always comes back to, no matter where he goes.
He enters the building through the back door. This way he’ll pass the practice rooms first.
The hallway is dark. It’s empty. Jin can’t remember a time he’s ever seen it like this. Johnny Kitagawa always has a schedule for them. If he doesn’t he’ll find one, he’ll create one. Johnny’s Jimusho never stands still.
It doesn’t, until now.
Jin’s steps echo in the eerily quiet rooms. He walks slowly, takes it in. It’s not what he expected. He didn’t expect to miss the jimusho, the lively jimusho, standing right here. His finger tracing along the bare, white walls, he suddenly feels a strange loneliness. It’s like something died, while he was away. It still lingers in the rooms, in the hallway but it slowly fades with every step he takes. Jin says goodbye to his childhood. Its memory slips away from fingers.
This really must be something like the end of the world.
At the end of the hallway, there’s a secretary going up the stairs. What are people even doing here. It’s like all despair they’ve ever felt takes in the whole space, now that the laughter is gone. The missing, noisy juniors running up and down can’t hold back the sadness that are held in each fibre of those old walls now.
This place is out of balance.
Jin wants to run away. He wants to run away from his own shadow. It’s him, who left here first.
He can’t bear it and turns around to leave, only to stop again.
One of the rooms isn’t empty. It’s someone’s outline in front of the window right there.
Jin knows right away who that is. He’s not surprised.
“Kame?” Jin asks carefully. He feels like intruding the intimate moment of someone, who has a date with his thoughts in an abandoned place like this.
The other turns around. Slowly dissolving from the bright yellow window curtain as mere silhouette, it becomes a body with a face.
Kame looks a lot less than perfect today. His hair hangs down messily and he looks like he hasn’t slept for days. His tired eyes find Jin and stare at him in disbelief. It’s like Jin appeared out of nowhere in the surreal dreams soaked up in these halls.
“Jin…..” Kame says slowly. “You’re here.”
“Yeah” Jin answers and walks towards him. “Are you okay...?”
“I’m fine” Kame replies quickly, snaps out of it. Kamenashi Kazuya is always fine, even if he’s obviously not. Jin feels the strange need to throw an arm around Kame’s shoulder, just to fill the awkward distance between them.
He doesn’t.
Jin just nods and they talk about anything but this, the important stuff. The shallow words seem to fall back at them but they’re both tired. They need something else now.
It’s getting night outside. The night’s dark swallows all the bad things and they feel a bit lighter when they decide to go out drinking. Kame drives Jin with his car. They want to find a quiet place but most of Tokyo is quiet now. Bars only work with candles.
It’s easy this way for them. Nobody cares about idols between beers and aftershocks.
Jin buys lots of beer. And Vodka.
They take it all and transfer to Yoyogi park where Jin is so out of it already, he staggers over his own feet and sings a slurred version of Minako Honda’s “Kaze no Uta” beyond recognition.
Kame just keeps sipping at his Vodka Red and tries his best to keep some sort of balance on the actually neat and even ground. He stops in his track because it looks like Jin has found a friend.
At least, Jin talks loudly to it.
“Now, my friend” Jin then says more than just audibly, swaying slightly back and forth. “If this is the end of the world, what shall be your last wish? Huh? Tell me!!!”
“It’s just a bench, Jin” Kame cares to mention. And then he giggles stupidly.
“It’s here, witnessing. It has feelings, okay?!” Jin screams a bit too loud and his voice croaks. He pats the imaginary shoulders of the red, wooden bench and leans towards it. “Right, Bench-san?”
Okay.
Kame doesn’t know how he stops himself in time. He feels tempted to use the park’s ground as a sleeping mat. Somehow he drags Jin away from bench-san and they find a taxi. They’re too drunk to notice that even Tokyo Tower has his top bent from the earthquake. Tokyo Tower bows his head in a silent grief.
Kame doesn’t remember how they get home but they do, eventually.
They don’t leave the house for three, consecutive days. There’s no reason to. The jimusho is empty. Tokyo is kind of paralyzed. The world out there doesn’t need them and they have everything here.
Jin wants to see his family but he doesn’t feel like he’s ready. He just hangs around Kame’s place, eats Kame’s food and spends most of the day sleeping.
Kame keeps cleaning frantically in every corner of the house. This or he cooks time-consuming dishes. Without his job, he’s only half a person. He has too much time on his hands.
The TV is practically on all day. Sometimes Kame joins Jin on the sofa, sprawled next to him and they passively watch random TV programs together.
Even television is improvising. There’s the news and there’s the rest, which is nothing but crappy re-runs. They try too hard to make the TV program look like nothing’s ever happened. At some point they leave the channel on NHK.
Scientists keep explaining in meticulous detail about how a nuclear reactor is built and what’s really happening in there right now, in Fukushima Daiichi. Then again there’s repeatedly images of the Tsunami, hitting the shores of Iwate and Miyagi and how it dashes forward, taking everything in its stream. The filmed footage is wiggly. It’s probably recorded with a phone cam but that only adds to the drama. There’s not much new info now, save for the evacuation centers and shelters.
Jin and Kame never talk about they see. They don’t comment it either. They actually only ever talk when Kame cooks and they have a casual Japanese meal together. Jin likes the conversation in Japanese but he’s fine with being comfortably quiet next to someone as well.
Kame is tired, watching the same horrible pictures again and again. Still he watches, forces himself to watch. This is his country that suffers.
It starts wearing him out. He looks pale and ill like he’s about to die and slip away.
When the Tsunami is back on the daily newsline for the millionth time in these three days, Jin decidedly walks up to the TV and switches it off.
“What are you doing…?” Kame asks appalled.
“You should stop watching this…” Jin says determinedly and wants to walk away. He’s aiming to get another asahi beer from the fridge. But he doesn’t get far.
“Oh, look at that” Kame scoffs, getting up from the couch. “Of course.”
Jin looks stops and sees a dangerous sparkle in Kame’s eyes.
“You, don’t give a shit!!!” Kame suddenly screams out.
“Kame, please...” Jin tries to calm him down.
This is definitively taking the wrong turn here. Jin even takes a step towards Kame and wants to make him sit back down and breathe. Worst idea ever.
“Damn hypocrite!!!”
Kame’s voice reaches a pitch that is so high, his voice seems to break from it.
“Calm the fuck down right now and -“ and that’s how far Jin’s ability goes to save the situation.
“You don’t give a damn! You only care for your fucking self!”
Kame starts gesticulating wildly, screaming his lungs out with every phrase. Jin can do nothing but stare at this outburst.
He has never seen Kame like this. Ever.
Kame gets more and more hysterical and his face goes red with all the anger dammed inside his chest for too long. He gasps for air and his lips start prickling from exhaustion.
“You just went away. You always just go away. And you don’t give a shit about Japan!! About anyone of us!!!”
And that’s when Jin punches him mercilessly in his face.
Kame’s hysterics stop immediately. He stumbles backwards for a moment, holds his position and hides his face behind his shaking hands.
Jin braces himself for a counterattack only an instant later. Kame moves towards him but falls forwards and starts sobbing violently, throwing his arms around Jin’s waist. He buries his face in Jin’s shirt and digs his fingers deep into the fabric.
“I’m sorry…” Kame says between sobs.
“I know” Jin says as he leans into the embrace, holding a miserable Kame tight to his chest. Jin too has tears in his eyes. He’s not mad at Kame. This is all bigger than them and he just lets it go. He lets all the pain and anger vanish and leave his body.
“I know” Jin repeats quietly. “I’m sorry too.”
Tokyo, Japan ( later that day)
Silence stretches in Kame’s living room. It contrasts with anything that was before.
Kame and Jin both lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Exhaustion has taken over their bodies. They don’t feel like moving anywhere else soon so they stay randomly scattered on Kame's thick, white carpet. At least, their breathing has settled to a steady rhythm again.
Eventually, Kame rolls slowly to his right and looks at the man next to him, who's lost in thoughts. What is he thinking of right now? Is he still here, in this room or has he left it mentally?
Jin has become less obvious with age. It's not as easy as before to read him and so Kame studies his face instead. The sharp edge of his jaw line is clearer now as an adult and a few, scarce stubbles cover his chin.
The moles have always stayed the same. Kame still knows each one of them, by heart.
And Kame still sees the fifteen year old boy, who dyed his hair blonde as a mere experiment and wore the silliest shirts to work, saying things like Can you walk upon the water?
Kame still remembers a boy, who was nothing like a superstar. He screamed worse than a girl when someone jokingly tickled his collarbones. Oh he hated that so much. But then again there was a childish excitement and joy in everything he did.
Who would have thought, that this playful, silly boy would someday be the first Johnny idol to be successful in America.
Jin is grown up now. A handsome, ambitious young man with a plan and a dream in his pocket.
Kame reaches out carefully with his fingertips towards Jin’s hand and touches it just slightly. Jin turns his head and looks at him thoughtfully, moves closer. He takes Kame’s hand properly into his own and squeezes it gently. Jin’s eyes look bare and honest looking back like that at Kame for a bit more than a while.
“I love Japan…” Jin starts. It sounds superfluous to him, saying it like that. There had been no doubt for him, ever.
Kame sighs and starts to twiddle with the carpet under him out of mere embarrassment. He would want to say so much and he has more than one reason to apologise again. But this is Jin’s turn to talk. So he makes himself listen instead. He almost knows, senses what Jin is about to say.
“I don’t leave because I don’t love Japan. I just…I have to do this, you know. So I won’t regret it, later in my life. I want to try at least and give my best.” Jin rubs his forehead with his other hand. It's difficult to explain it with something as mere as words.
“I know…” Kame simply says now. And he does. He accepts that Jin has obligations. Kame knows a thing or two about obligations too. And about dreams. Jin’s dreams and his own. He just wishes he were a bit stronger sometimes, like Jin, in pursuing them.
“It sucks getting older, huh” Kame tries to laugh it off but his eyes get a little damp again after all. He doesn't want to cry again but something feels awfully heavy on his chest.
“It will be easier, I guess.” Jin muses. “Someday.”
“Yeah…?”
“Yeah. Things can only go up, once you’re at the bottom, right?” Jin concludes.
Kame squeezes that hand in his palm even a bit more, runs his thumb gently over Jin's white, long fingers and wants to hold on to this for a bit, if just a moment longer.
He realizes that this is probably the last time, they will ever do this again.
“Will you call, sometimes?” Kame dares to ask after all.
“Sure...” Jin answers promptly and he probably means it, now. But that’s what Jin is like anyway. He lives for the spur of the moment, absorbed into his world and his projects and focused on what is right in front of him. He’s not doing those things on purpose. Things, like not calling. It’s not because he hates Japan or KAT-TUN or Kame. It’s just how Jin is. Kame knows that too. Jin was always Jin. Jin was always different.
They will separate as friends, this time.
At some point they end up back on that couch again together and switch on the TV. Jin flips through all the Japanese channels until he stumbles upon a Chinese one and settles with watching old Pokémon re-runs. In Chinese. They both don't know any Chinese. At least though in Pikachu's world, everything's still as it once was.
When Jin finally leaves that evening to go visit his family, Kame stops for a moment. He leans against the wooden door that closed behind him, takes in the lonely rooms and thinks that this is enough now of the sentimentality. He dials Koki’s number and gets the keys for his car. They should go out today, with the band. They have time now, to make new memories.
Tokyo, Japan (May 19th 2011)
Work at the jimusho is picking up again. Slowly. It’s still less than before of course but Kame focuses on his Going! Sports program and the extra bonding time with the band members. Sometimes he simply goes to the jimusho, because.
There will be a new single for sure, sooner or later, and he's ready for that day now. Within the Sports program’s filming, he could even go to visit the Tsunami region in Sendai after all and that gives him the opportunity to pray for the victims right there and move on a bit from his own fears.
It helps.
He hasn’t heard from Jin, who’s back in Budapest since two weeks already.
Not that he’s surprised.
Just sometimes, Kame secretly opens up Jin’s twitter. He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t but somehow he does it anyway. Although naturally, he can’t find words like “chyeah” in an ordinary English dictionary.
He smiles as he reads Jin’s tweet for today.
I miss Japan.
“We miss you too, Jin,” Kame says quietly to himself. He means it without grief and regrets. Jin is fine and they are fine here too.
They will be.
Don’t be afraid! Come on, go forward, go forward and fly high!
Kame is ready to give his best. Today he will make some people smile again.
Author: shirayuki1582
Pairing: Kame/Jin
Word Count: 10,675
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Notes: This is based on and inspired by true events and people. I adjusted it as far as necessary to go with the story. I recognize the delicacy of the topic but there is no offence intended and it was written with the outmost respect for anyone involved.
This fanfic would’ve never been possible without the immense love, support and effort from my amazing Beta! Love you BJ!
Summary: If this is the end of the world, will you be there with me?
If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together,
Keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever…
(A.A. Milne)
Budapest, Hungary (06.46 am)
Jin is wide awake.
It’s too early, he thinks. Too quiet. Through the haziness of only half opened eyes he sees the white curtains of his hotel room, swaying slightly with a morning breeze. He assumes he can hear cars, maybe construction workers and their shouts, but they must be really far away. It’s the kind of moments, right after waking, when time seems to progress very slowly.
The city is still asleep.
Jin isn’t.
He turns around in bed, huddled against his soft duvet. He pulls it up to his chin and uses one of its corners to support his head. He decides that sleeping in is the best thing in the world. No way he’ll give it up easily as that; not on his day off.
After years of touring around he doesn’t mind the hotel beds anymore. Still, somehow today it doesn’t feel right. Something about how he lies there isn’t right. It’s too warm in here too. It’s only March.
He turns around to the other side again, watching those curtains. They sway back and forth in subtle motions playing with the rare light that comes in through the windows. Jin focuses on that for a while. He tries not to be so restless.
Maybe the weather will be good today, he thinks. Maybe he’ll go for a stroll later.
Later.
Not now. Now he’s supposed to rest and enjoy it. He sighs and clings on to his sheets.
When nothing helps, he reaches for his iPhone. It’s still plugged to a power jack on the wall. As usual there’s a zillion notifications from twitter. Fans spam him with tweets all day. He doesn’t understand most of them. Still, he wonders sometimes.
Does he read fanfics? Uhm. No. He doesn’t even know what that is and so he just shrugs. It contains the word “fan” though so it must be something scary. He totally refrains from googling it. Knowing his fans, he knows he’s better off not knowing certain things. He should turn off that notification setting eventually.
He picks up the hotel phone next to his bed and asks for the portier. He’s given up the idea that he can sleep any longer and tries desperately to explain to the man on the phone that he’d like a coffee, a Latte if possible. He has no clue about what the guy at the other end of the line replies. Does he even speak English? He’s not sure the guy understood him either. Oh well. Okay.
He hangs up the phone a moment later and decides to wait and see.
He can still go to Starbucks. Later. Maybe.
It’s nice not to be in a hurry.
He lets his head fall back against the pillow and checks his twitter list again. There’s a lot of silliness from Yuu and Keibo as usual. Yuu (that punk!) even keeps telling him things like he’s meeting the guys for drinks or going out with this or that person.
Even though Jin likes filming with Keanu Reeves, filming a movie about samurai makes him miss his friends and family even more.
He refreshes his list every few moments and the tweets keep coming in. Someone tweets about “everyone in affected areas please be safe” or “ I hope my friends in Japan are okay”.
There’s earthquakes in Japan again.
Jin knows earthquakes in Japan. They happen almost daily, even in Tokyo. Almost everywhere on the island really. He simply wonders which areas are affected this time but the tweets are really vague. He’ll find out eventually. Jin is definitively not worried.
He stretches out some morning stiffness and hears someone knock at the door. It’s probably the hotel service.
When he stands up to get the door, Jin still thinks it’s odd seeing his friends tweet so much at this time of day. Jin furrows his brows and rubs his nose.
Japan knows earthquakes. He’s sure, Japan can deal with them too.
It can, right?
Naka Ward, Yokohama, Japan (14.40 pm)
They’re filming for Going!Sports at the Yokohama Stadium and watch the professional baseball players train for their next game. Kame’s on a break right now. He enjoys not thinking much, just watching the guys run on the lawn from one side to the other, jumping and stretching.
For once, he’s glad he doesn’t have to join them. He wasn’t able to catch much sleep last night.
His comfortable blue sports jacket keeps him warm and protects him from the slight drizzle this afternoon. It’s early March. The winds are still chilly most of the time.
He checks his keitai too. There’s a reminder from the jimusho for the Myojo interview the next morning but nothing else. Other than most people, Kame is glad when there’s no new messages. No messages mean no stress, no additional obligations.
Kame sits down on a wooden bank, leans back and breathes in. He likes this stadium and he really likes Baseball.
When Kame closes he eyes for a moment, he feels the ground tremble subtly beneath his feet. It’s familiar here in Japan, it’s nothing that worries him.
But then there’s a loud bump.
Kame is not fast enough and falls right between the benches. From an instant to the next everything starts shaking violently. Everyone halts with their actions and there’s shouts from the crew and the baseball team. Suddenly there’s chaos.
This is a big one.
People scream and run around aimlessly. The television crew holds on to their equipment but some of the camera’s break anyway. The earthquake is too fast and they are unprepared.
Someone even shouts hastily through the megaphone that people should calm down, that they are safe here. And they probably are but it doesn’t help anything. People scream and run anyway.
Seconds feel like hours.
Then it suddenly stops.
There’s rumours. About a magnitude 8 earthquake. About an imminent tsunami alert in the northeast. Nobody knows what is true and what is not. Everyone’s just upset and scared.
Kame checks his phone again and wishes there were messages now. He wants to know what’s going on, just to hear that everyone’s safe. They don’t have family in the northeast. But the earthquake is right here in Yokohama too and it’s strong. Probably a lot stronger somewhere else.
He sends out a mail to his mum and brothers anyway, just in case.
Kame gets nervous when the signal is weak and it takes longer than usual to process. He doesn’t know yet that only a few hours later, the electricity net in many places will break down entirely.
There’s two women from the NTV staff that start crying and sobbing next to him. Kame is confused and wonders why an ordinary, quiet day suddenly turned out like this.
Ishinomaki, Miyagi prefecture (14.44 pm)
Yuko Sugimoto works for a beverage industry in the field sales.
It’s Friday. Every Friday she can get off work earlier and spend time with her four years old son Raito. So she hurries and says her sayonara’s to all of her clients. Proper bows included and all.
When she rushes out she grabs her jacket and car keys and gets into her second hand white Toyota.
She checks her wrist watch. The clock hand just hits 14.46pm. She’s about to start the engine when the ground starts shaking heavily. It takes her off guard and she automatically screams and holds both her hands to her ears. The noise is unbearably loud. She crouches on her seat, arms above her head, as to protect herself.
These are the longest 90 seconds in her entire life.
When the spook ends moments later, there’s dead silence. Yuko’s hands are still shaking and she leans back to catch her breath.
She tries to grab the steering wheel and it helps holding on to something.
But there’s no time for Yuko.
Suddenly someone knocks frantically on the car’s window. The man’s eyes are widened in horror.
“A tsunami”, he screams with his whole might. “A tsunami is coming here!!!”
And he runs. Runs for his life.
Yuko starts the engine immediately and accelerates with impossible speed, rushing away from the parking lot to higher grounds. Behind her, she knows, is the tsunami.
She can’t think anymore, only at the back of her head she realizing there’s a tsunami alert diaphone going of and a male voice giving out warnings through megaphones. She can’t hear what he says but it doesn’t matter. She just needs to get away. It’s a race against time but, somehow, she doesn’t know how, she makes it.
Yuko even meets her husband, Harunori, at a gathering place.
Her son Raito isn’t there.
She searches around restlessly, but can’t find him. She’s too shocked to cry but she's desperate.
More and more people gather at the wooden fence uphill. They can see the whole town from here. But what they see is too awful and a part of them doesn’t really want to watch but still can’t take their eyes off the scenario.
The tsunami is strong and fast. It devours everything in its wave and advances forward quickly.
Yuko realizes, the tsunami has long reached the day nursery, where she brings Raito every morning. The nursery is gone already but where are the children now?
Yuko feels numb and shocked but she will continue to look for her son. It’s the only thing that keeps her going. She keeps watching the ocean she always loved and now only scares her. It’s big and evil and stronger than all of them.
Budapest, Hungary (7.50 am)
When Jin gets out of the shower, he’s still dripping with water but he checks his phone again.
It’s becoming an addiction.
He curses about the slow wi-fi connection in the hotel. The tweets take way too long to load and the messages keep rushing in. There’s links to livestreams and low quality screencaps of news bits and Jin starts to realize that this is not an ordinary day in Japan.
Tsunami alerts. Earthquakes and aftershocks. First death tolls about 15 people. Maybe it’s a magnitude 8.9. It’s 155 kilometers from Sendai. Industrial places catching fire after the earthquake. It really is a magnitude 8.9. Tsunami reached Miyagi. Tsunami with 20 meters height. Tsunami reaching 30 meters in Iwate prefecture . Tsunami on its way to Indonesia, Philippines and Malaysia. Current death tolls unknown. Yamapi, are you okay? Facebook lists for the missing. Google lists for the victims. Yuu, what’s going on?
Let’s #prayforjapan.
Information keeps rushing in and Jin can’t put his phone down. Everything seems uncertain and vague and he gets nervous.
What is this, Japan?
He suddenly hates being so far away when his country is facing issues like that.
Keanu Reeves and his samurai, they can’t compare now.
He tries to call his parents but he only gets voicemail. Then he spends another three hours online on his apple laptop, trying to get more information.
Later this afternoon, he’ll be shooting a movie but he doesn’t feel like he can work with all hell breaking loose in Japan.
Kou Shibasaki calls him a bit later and talks randomly about the cast. Carl Rinsch, the director, had one of his fantastic ideas again. She describes him in all colours how he imagines the scene and she almost makes Jin laugh about it.
Almost.
Kou usually never calls him and they don’t talk about what’s happening. Kou surely must know about it too. But he’s somehow grateful, they’re only doing small talk. It’s nice for now to talk the same language, literally.
There’s nothing Jin can do right now. He can’t leave his work and go back to Japan. That’s what Jin would do. He’s that kind of person. The kind that leaves everything behind, to save the ones he loves.
But what else would he do there but be in the way? What could he do to help them? He couldn't save them. He’s worried and helpless, here and there.
There’s one only thing he can do. He can give his best for Japan. He can work hard, just for Japan. So he’ll go and shoot the best katana fight scene in the history of samurai movies.
Jin can do that.
He dials his mum’s number again. She will answer eventually, he thinks.
She will, when she can.
Japan knows earthquakes and Tsunami’s. But he’s not so sure now whether Japan can deal with both of them.
Can it?
Miyako City , Iwate Prefecture (14.00 pm)
Mariko gets home from school. Her house smells like Okonomiyaki and Mariko is really hungry. She has decided to not go to cram school today and help out her mum at home instead.
Truth is she’s bored and not in the mood for her studies. She wants to eat at home and spring clean the rooms together with her mum, like every year.
Her mum is the only family she has, so the two of them are really close. Her dad had died at sea many years back. There’s a photo on their butsudan that shows him handsome and smiling. Mariko used to sit before the photo when she was small and imagined that no matter where her dad was now, he’d always protect them, looking strong and smiling like on that photo there.
Mariko and her mum say a little prayer for the good meal when they’re done eating and sit together for a while. It’s March already and her mum says, she’s looking forward to see the cherry blossoms again soon. It’s comfortable there in the old kitchen and so Mariko reluctantly gets upstairs to start on her studies.
She’s not a bad student but she thinks that going to school is annoying and she’d rather drop on her bed, listening to KAT-TUN or Arashi all afternoon. Even so she sits down at her desk and gets out the books from her bag. She does this for her mum who, she knows, works so hard for her.
Suddenly there’s a loud rumbling sound and the ground starts shaking violently. Mariko jumps up from the sudden shock. Without thinking she stumbles out of her room downstairs. She’s never experienced such a strong earthquake before.
This is not normal.
This is not just any earthquake.
“Mum??” she screams. But she fears her mum can’t hear her with all the rattling going on. Her voice gets lost in the noise. She tries to escape the falling bookshelves and its items, but it’s barely impossible to even stand upright.
When the shaking lessens, she sees her mum standing outside of the house’s veranda among the laundry, looking scared and crouching on the ground. Mariko makes her way to the pile of clothes and blankets and reaches out her arms to her sobbing mother.
They hold on to each other the best they can and don’t let go until the tremor lessens more and more.
There’s a crack in the street next to their house and the neighbourhood looks shattered. Mariko can hardly believe that the earthquake had done that in just a few minutes.
Right when the two of them think they can continue with their daily routine, a loud alarm goes off.
It’s a tsunami alert and this is no test. They see their neighbours run like crazy down the road. Some of them call something about evacuation and tsunami as they rush by. Mariko keeps standing rooted to the spot in shock until she suddenly realizes that this is real and they should start running too.
Her mum breaks free of her hold and runs towards the house.
“Mum!!!”, Mariko screams again. “Where are you going??”
She runs after her and grabs her arms.
“Your dad’s Ihai. I have to take it with me!!”, her mother answers desperately.
“There’s no time. We have to go!” Mariko insists. “Dad will understand. We have to go!!”
And she drags her struggling mother away from the house and they both start running with the crowd.
Her mum isn’t fast. She has bad knees and slows down more than once. Mariko curses why they have sold their car two months ago but there’s no helping it now. She decides she won’t let go of her mother’s hand no matter what.
Even though they keep running, the hills seem still so far out of reach. Her mother tries her best but is in no shape to run fast. They know, behind them is the wave, next to them are their neighbours, before them is hope, and maybe safety. Cars and bikes rush by, people running for their lives. Mariko drags her mother along. It can’t be far now.
How far will it go?
How high will it be?
Just don’t look back, look forward!
But when they pass by the vegetable market, they suddenly feel their feet go wet.
This is the tsunami. It’s the prelude.
They see, people’s car being washed away next to them. Some cars have passengers. They press their hands against the glass. They know, they have lost.
It’s a matter of seconds, minutes at best and before they know, the wave sweeps them off their feet. The water is running land inwards like a river. Everywhere is just water. An aggressive stream of nature that takes everything it can get within its reach. Mariko’s scream is cut off by the water in her mouth but she rises up fast. She clings on to her mother’s hand. She won’t let go of that hand. They’re moving in between cars and house parts, wood and iron. There’s still screams and tsunami alerts and Mariko can’t think anymore because maybe that’s the end of it all and the end goes really fast. She wants to say, mum I’m scared. She wants to say so many things she doesn’t find words for. Worse, she doesn’t have time. Her mum just looks back at her with sad eyes and says two words nobody can’t hear. The tsunami is awful and loud. Most likely she said suki desu, I love you. And she squeezes that hand slightly. Mariko thinks, this means goodbye and she tries to be prepared for it. She tries to think of her Dad. They will see him again sooner this way. They sure will, right? But her mind is all blank really and all she can do is cry.
She won’t let go of that hand.
They have both given up, soaked in water and lost between the town’s swimming remains. Then Mariko is stuck. Is she stuck, or what is happening? She’s no longer moving but held against a house’s wall. A house that is standing, strongly against the big wave. She looks up and all she sees is Masami-san, the chubby vegetable vendor from next door. He’s saying something, but she can’t hear. She just feels his strong grip around her left arm. It’s hard for him. There’s two of them. Because, she promised she’d never let go of her mum. But Masami-san is there. Masami-san is strong and amazing. He’s makes all superheroes look small and useless. He is the one saving Mariko and her mum from the roaring waves. Masami-san is the unexpected help from above.
Mariko just tries to pull herself up with her right arm, clinging to Masami-san’s leg. He’s still wearing his green apron from the store. He looks like every day but his surroundings don’t. Mariko has never seen him stand on that broken balcony before. Any balcony to be true. She tries to climb up the railing succeeds to pull herself up, little by little. The adrenaline helps her to overcome the impossible. It seems like an eternity until both of them are on the concrete ground. And Mariko turns around just seconds later to say thank you to Masami-san, when there’s a bump on the railing and the man is gone.
It happens in a split second that Mariko sees him fall into the wave and drown immediately. His green apron disappearing in the brown mud, it all goes really fast. He gets washed away from the rubble the tsunami carries and Mariko knows, she’ll never see him again. She hugs her mum, who’s exhausted and leaning against the trembling wall and starts crying desperately.
This feels like the end of the world. It probably is. Mariko wishes it was a nightmare instead and she could wake up to her everyday life and her everyday boring school.
The moment of the tsunami wave sweeping over Miyako’s shores will go around the world on TV. On youTube it will reach 3’746’362 views. There will be blog entries about it for days.
There’s more than one Mariko and Masami-san in Miyako City that day. Some that lived and some, who died. Some, who don’t know which of the two.
This is their story.
Tokyo, Japan (17.25 pm)
All the plans and appointments at the jimusho are cancelled. These are exceptional circumstances. Nobody at the jimusho can ever remember having had a blank agenda ever.
The practice rooms resemble beehives. The numerous boys are sitting in every corner you look and block the path in the hallways. They’re agitated and talk without cease in confusion. They are worried about every single member that has not called or returned from an appointment. Some are constantly on the phone.
Somehow, they all can’t go home.
When Kame arrives, he looks just as rumpled and worried as everybody else. Some of the youngest juniors run to him when they see him, as if he knew how to deal with this better. Kame always knows how to deal with things. He’s older and calmer. He’s Kamenashi after all, always organized and ready to give advice to the younger ones. Now, he’s just tired and confused, same as them. Still, he says a few words of encouragement. Something like “Let’s pray for everyone’s safety” or “Let’s wait and have faith” and runs a hand through their funny haircuts, that they consider fashionable these days. He only half-heartedly believes in his own words but can’t disappoint those big, hopeful eyes looking up to him.
He drops down on the next chair and sips on a water bottle. A few meters away he sees Maru discuss something he just saw on TV with Junno. Maru looks funny as usual with his antics and gesticulations but Kame can’t laugh about it today.
Everyone’s waiting. Maybe waiting for instructions. They always get instructions of some kind, reasonable or not. Maybe they are waiting for everything to turn back to normal. Maybe they just want to stick together and feel less alone with this.
The TV’s on in the room next door. It’s all non-stop coverage on the current events. There’s the same information over and over again and most of the boys don’t really listen anymore. A few of them though can’t take their eyes off the screen.
It would be a good movie, if it weren’t real.
It’s around 17:30 that Yukio Edano, the chief cabinet secretary, faces the press.
There’s a problem in the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant after the continuous earthquake activities and aftershocks. He doesn’t specify with details, speaks calmly and composed. Wearing a simple worker’s blue uniform, he looks modest and discreet. Not his words but he himself is the message of the government.
Everything's under control.
Budapest, Hungary (18.10 pm)
Jin has banned his iPhone for hours, hidden in his backpack. He’s decided to stay focused on work this afternoon. He had been tempted to go backstage more than once to check his twitter but then didn’t. The green background they’re using for CGI and the complex sword fight choreographies help him not to feel distracted. His opponent is fictional and he’s right here, facing him. It’s a person, not the sea, not a geological plate. He can work with that.
He lies when they make it a wrap for the day and Asano asks him to go out for a drink. He lies and says he’s engaged elsewhere tonight and can’t make it. No after work drinks nor chatting. Jin usually likes to socialize. Tonight it doesn’t feel appropriate. Staying in his hotel bed alone sounds scary. There are too many thoughts in his head right now. He says his goodbyes and keeps it up with the handshakes and the “see you tomorrow” verbiage.
Jin is a wonderfully good actor.
At some point he stands alone in a street, whose name he could never pronounce nor read and he feels cold all of a sudden. Lonely. It’s getting darker here in Hungary, it’s late. It’s among all those strangers passing him by that he feels the worst ever since all day. He figures, he should get going.
He ends up at Arigato’s. Arigato is a small Japanese restaurant in a dead end corner in downtown Budapest. It’s one of those places that you don’t find when you look for them but you just accidentally happen to come across them when you most need them. The wooden interior is not very Japanese but the waiters and cooks seem to be. It’s not fancy or special but it’s the only place Jin wants to be in right now.
There are barely any guests in there and he’s glad for that. He needs space to sort out his feelings. He sits down in a corner seat and slips out of his jeans jacket. He skims through the card, up and down and up again. He’s not really reading.
One of the waiters is coming up to him now. He’s tall and skinny. Unspectacular hair and common white shirt with the compulsory black apron, he looks as normal as one can look; as a young Japanese.
“Sir, what can I get you?”, he asks in a sagging English accent. It surprises Jin, who looks up. For once, he almost feels offended being talked to in English.
“I’d like some Gyoza, please”, Jin answers in straight Japanese. If the young waiter is startled or embarrassed, it barely shows. Only Jin can see the look in the boy’s eyes, somewhat softening.
“And Yakisoba”, Jin adds.
“Very well, and-“
“And Ebi Furai. And Sashimi. And Shio Ramen”, Jin adds fast and frantically.
Okay.
The waiter just scribbles the kanji on his notebook, looking a bit disturbed now.
“….anything else?” he asks carefully.
And Jin is thinking. He doesn’t care he probably can’t eat all of this. He wants it now and he doesn’t know why he’s freaking out all of a sudden about food.
“Tea.” Jin says finally and nods at the menu card he’s still holding in his hands. He must look like a crazy person. And he drinks tea even. Jin doesn’t drink tea when he’s eating out. He suddenly feels like he wants to hide and start screaming but he folds back the card dangerously calm and looks up at the boy who stares at him. Jin didn’t mean to scare him.
“O-Okay. Coming right up!” says the young boy now and does a quick semi-correct bow towards Jin and leaves quickly. Jin follows him with his eyes but then nervously grabs out his phone.
He tries to catch up on the news on his mobile but he’s flooded with information. People in Japan are probably less informed about what’s going on. There are electricity cuts, even in Tokyo.
Jin can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the news of the developing nuclear accident in the northeast. There’s details about reactors’ cooling system breaking down and nuclear fuel rods being too hot and he doesn’t understand most of the technical terms or even any terms in anything nuclear but it sounds bad. Really bad. It’s disaster number three hitting Japan today. What’s coming next?
When the food arrives at his table, one dish after another, he does feel a bit embarrassed after all. He can’t explain why he does this. He can’t tell it to the fifteen years old waiter. Does he even know, about Japan? Does he care, about that country far away? Maybe he’s never been there before. All Jin does is nod towards the young man in approval. It means, don’t worry, I really want it this way.
And so he picks up the wooden ohashi and folds his hands together.
“Itadakimasu” he then says quietly but fervently.
When the food hits his taste buds, his eyes almost swell up in tears. Oh how he’s missed this food. How he really misses home right now. He eats like he has never eaten before, is starved of something other than food.
His phone rings, before he can even try the Ebi Furai, lined up on the plate so neatly. He drops the ohashi to the floor when he sees the caller and his shaky fingers slide on that touchscreen to the right to answer the call.
“Mum??” he screams. The room goes silent and the few people in there turn around.
“Mum?” Jin repeats nervously, slower.
“Jin, I saw your calls! How are you?” his mum says. She sounds like always. Probably tries hard. His zillion calls. And she asked how he is. As if that mattered now. “Do you eat well?”
“Mum, are you okay? Is everyone fine?” Jin ignores her questions. Of course he eats well. He’s grown up for God’s sake. But it’s good to hear her talk like that and ask silly questions.
Clicking noises continue to interrupt the line.
“I’m here”, his mum says. “We’re fine. Everyone’s fine here, don’t you worry. There are electricity cuts here so maybe my phone’s power won’t last long. I can’t recharge it, you know.”
“Okay,” Jin answers quickly. “Okay….”
“Lights just switched off again, Jin” his mum says then. “I should go search for more candles and look after your dad. Reio is the same as usual, calm like a stone. But you’re Dad isn’t so fond of the missing electricity. He’s easily upset when things are out of order.”
“Yes, I know…” Jin says and thinks of his parents and Reio and how he wishes he could hug them right now. Everything is okay, as long as they’re safe. They’re all there. They’re all okay. “Tell everyone I said hello and…”
A cracking noise interrupts him and he panics.
“Mum...? Mum??”
“Yes. Promise to sleep enough too” his mum says.
“I will….” Jin replies and feels a bit like a little boy, about to cry. “Bye…for now”
And his mum probably says “good night” or “bye” but the connection is so bad he only hears noise before the line dies and then there’s nothing but a continuous busy tone.
Jin sighs.
It’s after 2am already in Japan and his mum is still up. She probably can’t sleep.
Returning back to the hotel feels heavy and tedious in his legs and when he drops on the bed he feels almost guilty that he’s here, safe. Workers at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant probably don’t sleep. Those are the silent heroes in the battle against time and tragedy. The ones lost in the shelters most likely won’t sleep either. They are the ones who have lost everything, not waking up to a job like Jin tomorrow.
Even his mum maybe is awake, is looking after her family. Like many other mum’s that night.
Who knows whether Japan will still be there tomorrow. Japan is already not as it was when he left. Jin feels anxious because now he’s sure. Even Japan, can’t deal with a disaster like that.
Jin is mad at Yukio Edano and the whole bunch of governmental dudes and their empty promises.
Because nothing is under control at all.
Budapest , Hungary (March 25 th 2011)
Jin is very focused when he studies his opponent.
The black kimono fits him impeccably. Layers of cloth falling in a simple but sublime way. Dark strands of hair, carefully tied up in a knot. He looks proud and serious with his Katana held firmly in his right hand. There, a real samurai, who has the proper respect for his deadly weapon. He conveys confidence, superiority even, moving in perfect harmony with his surroundings.
Jin is Chikara. Jin is a samurai.
He‘s arrived early on the set and takes a moment to fall into character. He’s waiting to see Chikara, the son of the samurai leader, appear in the mirror in front of him. It’s easier now, when the set is still quiet. One by one he hears the cast members walk through the hallway, right behind that wall. Jin stays focused, calm and under control. He keeps staring into the mirror, minute by minute. Yes, he’s Chikara Oishi, fighting for Japan as a loyal and faithful ronin!
There’s a loud bump from the door and the spell is broken.
Jin turns around, startled.
“Bloody hell!!”
It’s Carl Rinsch, the director. Freeing his boots from several electronic cables, he stumbles into the room. He looks more like a Viking, rather than samurai with his blonde hair tied back at his neck and a neat moustache growing on his upper lip.
Jin smiles at the clumsy appearance.
The contrast is striking.
“Yo Carl, what’s up?”, Jin asks in a way too cheeky manner for a composed samurai.
“All good. I see you’re ready to rock the studio”, Carl answers while he sets his black suit straight again. “ Well Jin, your agency called earlier. You’ll have the afternoon off, just so you know.”
“Why…?” Jin furrows his brows.
“Some charity event, I heard” Carl says now a bit more seriously. “Marching J something. They said they’ll call you later.”
Jin only nods. Charity. That’s rather rare for JE entertainment. Naturally, he knows what it’s for.
Carl salutes and leaves the room, calling out to the John, the cameraman, that they will go with the CGI blue screens first. He’s always on the run.
Marching J.
After finishing filming, Jin slips out of his costume and puts on his usual set of clothes, meaning a simple grey sweater with the obligatory hoodie over a white t-shirt, a black leather jacket above it all and his jeans. He looks very casual. Very Akanishi Jin, as some would say. He finishes the look with a simple black beanie and pulls the hoodie over it. His hair is too messy and too long to deal with right now.
Who cares anyway. This is about something else.
They’re shooting a short video message in some randomly available room. Jin’s modest contribution to the series of fundraiser events for the tohoku tsunami victims, organized by his agency. Everyone will be there. Everyone but Jin, who again feels guilty about that.
They don’t even need many takes. Jin knows what he wants to say.
“Thank you everyone for attending Johnny’s charity event in Japan! I’m disappointed that I can’t be there with you guys. My family lives in Tokyo and I hate that I can’t be with them right now,” he says and frowns. It’s a very serious Jin that looks into the camera. He’s so serious, he almost looks a bit funny.
“Let’s come together to support our own,“ he ends up with an issued call to the imaginary crowd. It’s the only thing he can do right now. It’s fine.
His message will be shown on April 2 on a big screen outside in an open air event for everyone to see and hear. He’d lie if he said he isn’t worried how people will take it. Jin, participating as a video message.
He is lost in his thoughts again when he goes back to the hotel. Somehow he walks very often here. He always says it comes in handy with the workout. Truth is, it just helps with the nerves.
t’s starts raining slightly with a soft drizzle. It seems like it always rains in Budapest.
Jin thinks, he likes rain when he can sleep in. Jin also thinks, he likes cuddling with someone he likes all day when it’s rainy. The gloomy mood he’s in makes him think of lyrics. Something like I’d rather have a rainy day with you than see the sunshine alone…
He should probably write that down. He types it into his mobile while taking the stairs to his room.
He lurches through the room, throws away his backpack carelessly and drops down on his bed without undressing first. His thoughts keep roaming through the room and he catches a moment of it when he thinks about winter in Japan when it’s March already.
I’d rather have a hundred days of winter with you here in my arms.
Yes. This!
I’ll be your shelter from the storm…just to have you by my side.
Jin wants to write that down as well but his vision goes blurry. He struggles a bit to stay awake but then feels so heavy and sleepy and he wants to fight it but not really. The rain hits softly against the window. It’s steady and rhythmic. It calms him down and soothes his mind until he slowly but surely falls asleep to the sound of rain.
And Jin dreams about the pacific ocean. He’s floating with the constant waves of the sea, back and forth, immersed in the far, endless blue all around him. Hovering above him is a clouded sky. He can see there’s land in front of him.
In the surreal ways of dreams, he knows he’s so close to Honshu. The largest Japanese island is right there, almost within his grasp. Jin sees someone walking slowly up to the shore. A lonely atmosphere in that vast empty place, and it looks sad. Jin watches the person stand there for a long, long time.
Brown hair swaying with the wind, the lonesome figure looks small and thin against the white sand. Jin wishes, he could see more of the other’s face. Is it sad too? It’s seems more like the other is watching out for something, someone maybe.
Waiting.
And with the waiting, the waves become stronger; independent. They carry Jin away from Japan, rocking him up and down angrily. There is nothing he can do about it. No matter how much he struggles to swim forward, he ends up getting washed away even further.
The person on the shore is becoming smaller and smaller on the horizon, vanishing in the cerulean haze of his dream. Jin can’t hear anything. It’s a silent movie in his brain cells and he’s the lead.
Jin is scared because he’s helpless. There’s no sound, no action but the strong wave carrying him further and further away.
It’s in that inescapable moment right before waking that he feels even worse upon realizing who that is, the one, waiting there at the beach.
I’ll be your shelter from the storm.
Ishinomaki, Iwate Prefecture (March 13th 2011)
Yuko is desperate.
The day before she had been back to her house, to the nursery, to her workplace even. Nothing but rubble is left of those places. All around her is desolation.
Other citizens had done the same. Some just wordlessly strolled through town, too lost to go somewhere else. Some broke down in pain, seeing their life in pieces like that. Some went looking for something, anything they still can use. Some couldn’t bear to go on and chose a silent goodbye to the world.
Yuko though went searching for her missing son.
It’s cold now. It even starts snowing quietly, as if the tiny white flakes could cover up the shameful scenery and make it softer. It just makes it harder though for all of them, freezing without a roof over their head. Their hearts are numb and so are their cold fingers.
Someone hands Harunori a brown blanket. He passes it on wordlessly to his wife Yuko. The old woman from the liquor store tells them about the children. She heard they’ve been brought to a nearby shelter. Nobody really knows where.
The glasses she's wearing on her nose are shattered.
Yuko and Harunori drive for hours, as far as they can go until they run out of fuel. Then they have to carry on by foot. Tramping through the destroyed city, they pass Raito’s nursery. The building is still standing but it looks empty and naked. Where usually children play, there’s nothing but an unbearable silence.
Yuki finds Raito. Two days after the Tsunami. 72 hours later.
He’s been brought to an evacuation center in Ishinomaki Senshu University.
Raito hasn’t cried even once. He has no scratch, externally, but he starts throwing up every time he hears an earthquake alert. Raito is relieved he can hug his parents again. Not all of the kids there will be lucky like that. Somehow they would have a lot to say to each other now.
Yuko says nothing and just hugs back tight.
Tokyo, Japan (March 25th 2011)
Koki decides one day to the next, he’ll go to Miyagi over the weekend. He’s been stocking up his car with rice supplies, water and canned food. Koki doesn’t do things halfway. He’s determined and ready to leave.
Even the head of the jimusho, Johnny Kitagawa, just shrugs upon hearing Koki’s decision. This is bigger than him. Usually, he wouldn’t allow JE artists to give autographs or have their photos taken. Koki doesn’t care about those rules right now. This is different and nobody can stop him. It’s like he’s become an idol just for this moment. Now is the time to make people smile again.
Kame sees him off and he wishes he could simply join Koki’s mission on the passenger seat but he knows he can’t. Everywhere he goes, he causes a commotion. Kame is not Koki. People in Miyagi don’t need any further disturbance nor chaos. So he just hands over another bag full of supplies and watches the car disappear behind the corner a moment later.
Kame gets into his car and sighs deeply. He goes into reverse and changes plans. He won’t go home today. He can’t go to the jimusho either. All Marching J charity activities are done for the day.
Kame drives for hours. Away from the narrow spaces of Tokyo, past villages and empty fields onto more open spaces.
It’s evening when Kame arrives at the empty beach.
He walks up to the shore and pulls his jacket tighter. It’s become bitter cold again these days. Bleak and windy is the place. In it’s emptiness, there’s time and space for Kame and his thoughts.
Watching out at the horizon, he hears the tiny waves hit the sand in continuation. As if nothing ever had happened, the ocean lies before him in its infinity. An indomitable energy stored in its eery depths. Kame thinks about everything and nothing, about Japan and himself. All these random thoughts, they come and go.
The wind messes up his hair. It’s good he’s off work and he can look shitty if he wants to.
He doesn’t know why he suddenly thinks of Jin. Jin, who’s not even on the other side of this ocean out there this time. He’s not in America, but in Europe. Somewhere Kame’s never been to.
Jin is unimaginably far away.
Kame just stares out to the ever going waves and waits. He waits for something he can’t name.
Kitakami, Iwate Prefecture (a day in April 2011)
It still feels strange, living in a house again. After weeks at the shelter, Mariko sees a lot of things a bit differently than before.
They used to sleep back to back with strangers in that big, stuffed hall. People here and there would snore loudly in their sleep, some would startle awake when escaping their regular nightmares. Everything had been so uncertain. They all had to deal somehow and help each other out. Day by Day, people had been too shocked for crying.
For Mariko, it almost feels unreal that she’s still alive. Nothing about this seems to have anything to do with her, Mariko the ordinary schoolgirl from Miyako City.
Who is Mariko now?
She feels guilty about missing the shelter. It hadn’t been easy, not for her and her mum, not for anybody else. But people had been so close, so reachable. Now they are all so far away again. Some still live at the shelter.
Sure, she’s grateful that her aunt took them in. But it’s not the same. It won’t be the same ever again either. Mariko doesn’t feel at home anymore. It’s like ordinary life feels shallow and empty.
Mariko hugs her big white teddy bear.
They have things like that in the shelter boxes. Teddy Bears and pyjamas. Slippers and handsoap. Everyday, ordinary things. The volunteer had said, they had arrived all the way from Europe for them. It’s a bit embarrassing to be such burden to all those countries far away. It makes her want to apologise.
Mariko is probably too old for big white teddy bears too. She only squishes it tighter at the thought.
Just like every night now, she opens the window wide in that tiny room on the first floor. Breathing in the fresh spring air, she feels a bit safer and calmer. Here she can see all stars on the sky at night.
Maybe it’s because she’s more aware. Maybe they really do shine brighter than before.
Before.
“Good night up there!”, Mariko whispers and waves at the stars far above her.
Mariko knows. It’s Masami-san there, shining as the brightest star on the firmament, winking back at her.
She will never forget that kind, normal man that one fateful day became a quiet hero. One day she’s sure, she can thank him, when she’ll join him on that infinite sky.
All the wrong images get shooed to far distance when Mariko plugs some headphones into her ears and hugs her Teddy tight.
She’s listening to KAT-TUN’s Perfect and strongly believes in the song they seem to sing only for her.
A new morning is full of anxiety and confusion, what will illuminate tomorrow?
We always want to go back to the best days when we laughed so carefree, but...
Don’t be afraid! Come on, go forward, go forward and fly high!
Goodbye, goodbye, my cherry blossom's friend
Embrace forever the promise of the heart and go towards tomorrow.
Tokyo, Japan (March 30th 2011)
When Jin arrives at Narita airport, it is raining too.
He wants to feel normal coming back home but he knows it’s different. He’s here by chance, not having any scenes to film these two weeks. He’s thought long about whether he should come at all. It will be harder, later, to leave again.
Right now, he feels a bit overwhelmed.
Nobody knows he’s here and it better stays that way. He takes out his phone and randomly tweets “all my prayers eternally go to Japan.” He truly means it and wishes it wholeheartedly standing right there, but he’s also aware that it’s useful that it sounds like he’s far away, writing this.
He pulls his hoodie deeper down his face and tries to blend in the best possible at the crowded airport. Not looking right or left he rushes past the people with their baggage. Some of those suitcases filled with hopes of wishes, maybe duties or new lives. Jin knows these sorts of feelings when waiting to go for a whole new journey ahead. There’s always both joy and uncertainty mixed with it. He wonders, where Japan’s journey will go from here.
Jin himself knows exactly where he’s headed first. He himself is surprised of his choice but he feels like this is right.
So he walks towards a cab and exchanges a few words with the driver and the other only nods. They leave immediately and Jin is relieved. He doesn’t want to change his mind about this again last minute and feels silly when he realizes that he’s a bit nervous anyway.
They drive past streets and houses and Jin looks for signs of the earthquakes. He finds some of course but he knows that some others, surely, have already been taken care of.
The cab takes a turn and slows down at one point.
Here it is. The jimusho.
It’s where he always comes back to, no matter where he goes.
He enters the building through the back door. This way he’ll pass the practice rooms first.
The hallway is dark. It’s empty. Jin can’t remember a time he’s ever seen it like this. Johnny Kitagawa always has a schedule for them. If he doesn’t he’ll find one, he’ll create one. Johnny’s Jimusho never stands still.
It doesn’t, until now.
Jin’s steps echo in the eerily quiet rooms. He walks slowly, takes it in. It’s not what he expected. He didn’t expect to miss the jimusho, the lively jimusho, standing right here. His finger tracing along the bare, white walls, he suddenly feels a strange loneliness. It’s like something died, while he was away. It still lingers in the rooms, in the hallway but it slowly fades with every step he takes. Jin says goodbye to his childhood. Its memory slips away from fingers.
This really must be something like the end of the world.
At the end of the hallway, there’s a secretary going up the stairs. What are people even doing here. It’s like all despair they’ve ever felt takes in the whole space, now that the laughter is gone. The missing, noisy juniors running up and down can’t hold back the sadness that are held in each fibre of those old walls now.
This place is out of balance.
Jin wants to run away. He wants to run away from his own shadow. It’s him, who left here first.
He can’t bear it and turns around to leave, only to stop again.
One of the rooms isn’t empty. It’s someone’s outline in front of the window right there.
Jin knows right away who that is. He’s not surprised.
“Kame?” Jin asks carefully. He feels like intruding the intimate moment of someone, who has a date with his thoughts in an abandoned place like this.
The other turns around. Slowly dissolving from the bright yellow window curtain as mere silhouette, it becomes a body with a face.
Kame looks a lot less than perfect today. His hair hangs down messily and he looks like he hasn’t slept for days. His tired eyes find Jin and stare at him in disbelief. It’s like Jin appeared out of nowhere in the surreal dreams soaked up in these halls.
“Jin…..” Kame says slowly. “You’re here.”
“Yeah” Jin answers and walks towards him. “Are you okay...?”
“I’m fine” Kame replies quickly, snaps out of it. Kamenashi Kazuya is always fine, even if he’s obviously not. Jin feels the strange need to throw an arm around Kame’s shoulder, just to fill the awkward distance between them.
He doesn’t.
Jin just nods and they talk about anything but this, the important stuff. The shallow words seem to fall back at them but they’re both tired. They need something else now.
It’s getting night outside. The night’s dark swallows all the bad things and they feel a bit lighter when they decide to go out drinking. Kame drives Jin with his car. They want to find a quiet place but most of Tokyo is quiet now. Bars only work with candles.
It’s easy this way for them. Nobody cares about idols between beers and aftershocks.
Jin buys lots of beer. And Vodka.
They take it all and transfer to Yoyogi park where Jin is so out of it already, he staggers over his own feet and sings a slurred version of Minako Honda’s “Kaze no Uta” beyond recognition.
Kame just keeps sipping at his Vodka Red and tries his best to keep some sort of balance on the actually neat and even ground. He stops in his track because it looks like Jin has found a friend.
At least, Jin talks loudly to it.
“Now, my friend” Jin then says more than just audibly, swaying slightly back and forth. “If this is the end of the world, what shall be your last wish? Huh? Tell me!!!”
“It’s just a bench, Jin” Kame cares to mention. And then he giggles stupidly.
“It’s here, witnessing. It has feelings, okay?!” Jin screams a bit too loud and his voice croaks. He pats the imaginary shoulders of the red, wooden bench and leans towards it. “Right, Bench-san?”
Okay.
Kame doesn’t know how he stops himself in time. He feels tempted to use the park’s ground as a sleeping mat. Somehow he drags Jin away from bench-san and they find a taxi. They’re too drunk to notice that even Tokyo Tower has his top bent from the earthquake. Tokyo Tower bows his head in a silent grief.
Kame doesn’t remember how they get home but they do, eventually.
They don’t leave the house for three, consecutive days. There’s no reason to. The jimusho is empty. Tokyo is kind of paralyzed. The world out there doesn’t need them and they have everything here.
Jin wants to see his family but he doesn’t feel like he’s ready. He just hangs around Kame’s place, eats Kame’s food and spends most of the day sleeping.
Kame keeps cleaning frantically in every corner of the house. This or he cooks time-consuming dishes. Without his job, he’s only half a person. He has too much time on his hands.
The TV is practically on all day. Sometimes Kame joins Jin on the sofa, sprawled next to him and they passively watch random TV programs together.
Even television is improvising. There’s the news and there’s the rest, which is nothing but crappy re-runs. They try too hard to make the TV program look like nothing’s ever happened. At some point they leave the channel on NHK.
Scientists keep explaining in meticulous detail about how a nuclear reactor is built and what’s really happening in there right now, in Fukushima Daiichi. Then again there’s repeatedly images of the Tsunami, hitting the shores of Iwate and Miyagi and how it dashes forward, taking everything in its stream. The filmed footage is wiggly. It’s probably recorded with a phone cam but that only adds to the drama. There’s not much new info now, save for the evacuation centers and shelters.
Jin and Kame never talk about they see. They don’t comment it either. They actually only ever talk when Kame cooks and they have a casual Japanese meal together. Jin likes the conversation in Japanese but he’s fine with being comfortably quiet next to someone as well.
Kame is tired, watching the same horrible pictures again and again. Still he watches, forces himself to watch. This is his country that suffers.
It starts wearing him out. He looks pale and ill like he’s about to die and slip away.
When the Tsunami is back on the daily newsline for the millionth time in these three days, Jin decidedly walks up to the TV and switches it off.
“What are you doing…?” Kame asks appalled.
“You should stop watching this…” Jin says determinedly and wants to walk away. He’s aiming to get another asahi beer from the fridge. But he doesn’t get far.
“Oh, look at that” Kame scoffs, getting up from the couch. “Of course.”
Jin looks stops and sees a dangerous sparkle in Kame’s eyes.
“You, don’t give a shit!!!” Kame suddenly screams out.
“Kame, please...” Jin tries to calm him down.
This is definitively taking the wrong turn here. Jin even takes a step towards Kame and wants to make him sit back down and breathe. Worst idea ever.
“Damn hypocrite!!!”
Kame’s voice reaches a pitch that is so high, his voice seems to break from it.
“Calm the fuck down right now and -“ and that’s how far Jin’s ability goes to save the situation.
“You don’t give a damn! You only care for your fucking self!”
Kame starts gesticulating wildly, screaming his lungs out with every phrase. Jin can do nothing but stare at this outburst.
He has never seen Kame like this. Ever.
Kame gets more and more hysterical and his face goes red with all the anger dammed inside his chest for too long. He gasps for air and his lips start prickling from exhaustion.
“You just went away. You always just go away. And you don’t give a shit about Japan!! About anyone of us!!!”
And that’s when Jin punches him mercilessly in his face.
Kame’s hysterics stop immediately. He stumbles backwards for a moment, holds his position and hides his face behind his shaking hands.
Jin braces himself for a counterattack only an instant later. Kame moves towards him but falls forwards and starts sobbing violently, throwing his arms around Jin’s waist. He buries his face in Jin’s shirt and digs his fingers deep into the fabric.
“I’m sorry…” Kame says between sobs.
“I know” Jin says as he leans into the embrace, holding a miserable Kame tight to his chest. Jin too has tears in his eyes. He’s not mad at Kame. This is all bigger than them and he just lets it go. He lets all the pain and anger vanish and leave his body.
“I know” Jin repeats quietly. “I’m sorry too.”
Tokyo, Japan ( later that day)
Silence stretches in Kame’s living room. It contrasts with anything that was before.
Kame and Jin both lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Exhaustion has taken over their bodies. They don’t feel like moving anywhere else soon so they stay randomly scattered on Kame's thick, white carpet. At least, their breathing has settled to a steady rhythm again.
Eventually, Kame rolls slowly to his right and looks at the man next to him, who's lost in thoughts. What is he thinking of right now? Is he still here, in this room or has he left it mentally?
Jin has become less obvious with age. It's not as easy as before to read him and so Kame studies his face instead. The sharp edge of his jaw line is clearer now as an adult and a few, scarce stubbles cover his chin.
The moles have always stayed the same. Kame still knows each one of them, by heart.
And Kame still sees the fifteen year old boy, who dyed his hair blonde as a mere experiment and wore the silliest shirts to work, saying things like Can you walk upon the water?
Kame still remembers a boy, who was nothing like a superstar. He screamed worse than a girl when someone jokingly tickled his collarbones. Oh he hated that so much. But then again there was a childish excitement and joy in everything he did.
Who would have thought, that this playful, silly boy would someday be the first Johnny idol to be successful in America.
Jin is grown up now. A handsome, ambitious young man with a plan and a dream in his pocket.
Kame reaches out carefully with his fingertips towards Jin’s hand and touches it just slightly. Jin turns his head and looks at him thoughtfully, moves closer. He takes Kame’s hand properly into his own and squeezes it gently. Jin’s eyes look bare and honest looking back like that at Kame for a bit more than a while.
“I love Japan…” Jin starts. It sounds superfluous to him, saying it like that. There had been no doubt for him, ever.
Kame sighs and starts to twiddle with the carpet under him out of mere embarrassment. He would want to say so much and he has more than one reason to apologise again. But this is Jin’s turn to talk. So he makes himself listen instead. He almost knows, senses what Jin is about to say.
“I don’t leave because I don’t love Japan. I just…I have to do this, you know. So I won’t regret it, later in my life. I want to try at least and give my best.” Jin rubs his forehead with his other hand. It's difficult to explain it with something as mere as words.
“I know…” Kame simply says now. And he does. He accepts that Jin has obligations. Kame knows a thing or two about obligations too. And about dreams. Jin’s dreams and his own. He just wishes he were a bit stronger sometimes, like Jin, in pursuing them.
“It sucks getting older, huh” Kame tries to laugh it off but his eyes get a little damp again after all. He doesn't want to cry again but something feels awfully heavy on his chest.
“It will be easier, I guess.” Jin muses. “Someday.”
“Yeah…?”
“Yeah. Things can only go up, once you’re at the bottom, right?” Jin concludes.
Kame squeezes that hand in his palm even a bit more, runs his thumb gently over Jin's white, long fingers and wants to hold on to this for a bit, if just a moment longer.
He realizes that this is probably the last time, they will ever do this again.
“Will you call, sometimes?” Kame dares to ask after all.
“Sure...” Jin answers promptly and he probably means it, now. But that’s what Jin is like anyway. He lives for the spur of the moment, absorbed into his world and his projects and focused on what is right in front of him. He’s not doing those things on purpose. Things, like not calling. It’s not because he hates Japan or KAT-TUN or Kame. It’s just how Jin is. Kame knows that too. Jin was always Jin. Jin was always different.
They will separate as friends, this time.
At some point they end up back on that couch again together and switch on the TV. Jin flips through all the Japanese channels until he stumbles upon a Chinese one and settles with watching old Pokémon re-runs. In Chinese. They both don't know any Chinese. At least though in Pikachu's world, everything's still as it once was.
When Jin finally leaves that evening to go visit his family, Kame stops for a moment. He leans against the wooden door that closed behind him, takes in the lonely rooms and thinks that this is enough now of the sentimentality. He dials Koki’s number and gets the keys for his car. They should go out today, with the band. They have time now, to make new memories.
Tokyo, Japan (May 19th 2011)
Work at the jimusho is picking up again. Slowly. It’s still less than before of course but Kame focuses on his Going! Sports program and the extra bonding time with the band members. Sometimes he simply goes to the jimusho, because.
There will be a new single for sure, sooner or later, and he's ready for that day now. Within the Sports program’s filming, he could even go to visit the Tsunami region in Sendai after all and that gives him the opportunity to pray for the victims right there and move on a bit from his own fears.
It helps.
He hasn’t heard from Jin, who’s back in Budapest since two weeks already.
Not that he’s surprised.
Just sometimes, Kame secretly opens up Jin’s twitter. He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t but somehow he does it anyway. Although naturally, he can’t find words like “chyeah” in an ordinary English dictionary.
He smiles as he reads Jin’s tweet for today.
I miss Japan.
“We miss you too, Jin,” Kame says quietly to himself. He means it without grief and regrets. Jin is fine and they are fine here too.
They will be.
Don’t be afraid! Come on, go forward, go forward and fly high!
Kame is ready to give his best. Today he will make some people smile again.