Fic for natsukashi_yume (2/2)
Part 1
***
The first real fight they had ever had, had happened years ago and had lasted for two endless weeks, three days and fifteen hours. Then they both had ended up sitting in Takizawa-senpai's living room, silent and awkward and stubborn. Too proud to admit they had missed each other.
When they had finally done so - Takizawa had threatened to never let them go home that day if not as friends again so they hadn't actually had another choice -, shaking hands while keeping a ridiculously polite distance, Takizawa had offered them their first beer. Not even the bitterness of the drink could have overlapped the sweet, warm feeling of finding the way back to each other.
Kame remembered the foolish argument just now, sitting in the kitchen with all lights off, surrounded by evening darkness. Waiting for Jin.
Both his dogs were in the other room, only every now and then coming over and peeking into the kitchen from behind a corner, as if checking on their master.
Kame hadn't meant to snap, it hadn't been his intention. He was reasonable enough to understand the growing tension they had felt lately was nothing but an aftermath of what had been happening. Preparations for a tour, Jin's constant leavings and returns as his own work and the release of his solo debut had been pushing him to spend more and more time in the States; the pressure they both had been in all the time because media didn't seem to have enough of 'Akakame' yet. And above all, as if all of that hadn't been already too much for their agitated nerves, there was still the heavy, thick fear of displeased fans, some of them still peevish about the news, lingering around.
As expected, not everyone was excited to hear about their idols dating - and just because those were not around during the filming of various shows didn't mean they were not loud enough, spilling hate and ridiculous disappointment all over the Internet -; and this resentment was slowly taking its toll.
Kame hoped, no, Kame knew - and was only waiting for the moment he and Jin would get over it, survive. Together.
As well as he knew Jin felt the same.
Jin arrived just before midnight, silently rattling his spare keys in the lock and sneaking into the flat like a thief. Guilty. However, already the fact that he was there made Kame smile in content, relief. He released a breath he hadn't noticed he had been holding. It was a good sign. Jin being here. Jin driving over a half of the city to get to Kame's and not taking the shorter way to his own apartment. Jin taking off his shoes in Kame's dark foyer meant they would figure things out.
Kame was listening to Jin making his way through the place. Ran and Jelly were making little noises of excitement while accompanying the well-known guest, followed Jin all the way from the door to the kitchen where Jin stopped in the door frame. He was standing there, keeping the silence he heard all around, merged with the atmosphere of the room; waiting, hesitating. Searching for the right words.
"I know you are sorry," Kame broke the silence eventually, and saw the dark silhouette hovering around at the door giving a little nod. It was clear that their previous rift had been nagging Jin the whole evening and Kame could even imagine Jin had spent a couple of endless minutes shuffling his feet at the door-mat before pushing the key into the lock.
Jin nodded, watched Kame shifting a chair; a gesture of invitation for Jin to take a seat. Even without Kame's assurance, Jin would have eventually got to apologizing. He knew he had overreacted and had unleashed his tension on the only one who hadn't deserved it at all. Jin wasn't really good at admitting his slips and he was glad Kame understood, always promising himself to make it up for Kame somehow.
Jin sagged down on the chair. He looked tired, really tired. "I… didn't mean it. The way I said it. Was wrong." Guiltily, Jin glanced up.
Kame wasn't mad and somehow, Jin kind of wished he had been, had been mad or had struck back, rebuked Jin for his previous act. For pushing Kame away and blaming him for what had been only in Jin's head.
Because in fact, they had been in this together.
Exactly like Johnny had told them at the very beginning. Right now, in the middle of the mess their relationship was posing, they were a single being. Akakame, indeed.
Kame nodded.
"You should have told me you didn't feel well," the words came out carefully and it was obvious that Kame was worried. "We could have -" Kame shrugged, just a little, because his own words caught him unprepared. Nothing would have changed. He couldn't have just gone to the stage with Jin and held his hand; and Jin surely didn't even want as much.
And Johnny wouldn't have really appreciated such a gesture either.
The statement was out and people knew now. People knew Akanishi and Kamenashi were together.
According to Johnny, people just didn't need to be constantly reminded.
However, for most of the time, Jin was alone anyway. Outside the walls of their apartments, Jin was the one fighting all alone. Kame might have been the one being judged more strictly by fans but in the end, he was also strong enough to face their pointed fingers and their invectives, and he wasn't alone. He had a group standing by him and protecting him. There was usually someone standing by his side and turning harsh words into a joke. Koki. Ueda. They knew what to say when a random judging scream came from the crowd in front of them.
Jin though…
Kame shook his head and stood up, thinking and rolling his lip into his mouth. He knew well he had to put this right. Looking down, directly into Jin's puzzled, indecisive face, Kame's look was making Jin keep their eye contact, despite the obvious struggle on Jin's side. "You are not alone in this," Kame said; his voice soft yet firm, to push the meaning though the wall Jin had built around himself as a shield. "Not anymore. The world knows I'm with you and I won't let them forget."
Kame's hand was warm around Jin's, fingers squeezing. Assuring. Giving strength. His thumb was gently brushing Jin's skin.
"That's of course," Kame mumbled, "if you let me."
Jin shrugged.
Just as slowly, his hand started returning the squeeze; only as an instinctive reaction at first. Kame let him, only twisted his hand so their fingers slipped between each other, and then it was not clear anymore who was holding whom.
"I…don't know how. You can't just go and make them not care about us anymore, can you? The more I think about it, the more I wish Johnny had found another way to handle this. I know it's my fault and he did what he considered right, less harmful for his business." With a sigh, Jin looked away. He was lost. He still had a feeling he must have sounded like the biggest jerk somehow. Like someone who regretted what had happened. Like someone who would have preferred if Kame had stayed his little secret.
A dirty one.
The kind of secret people dread to leak out.
The truth was that Jin wasn't sure himself anymore.
Before, in the past, he had sometimes thought about what it would be like if he and Kame didn't have to really hide and pretend; they had talked about it not only once.
They had never got past Kame's random wish of going to an amusement park together though; avoiding all heavy, crucial questions because there had been a zero chance their random daydreaming might have ever come true.
Only the zero chance had somehow caught them up.
"All this time," Jin bit his lip, "I was trying to make them see me. Just me. Not the guy who used to be in KAT-TUN. And not because I'm hiding my past or because I'm ashamed of it, not at all. I need them to see only me because that's all I can offer now, you know? If they go and ask for 'Jin Akanishi', they will get me, they should get me. My music. But now they look at Jin Akanishi and see me with you, and it's not about music anymore…and -"
Jin had always hated when people were sticking their nose into his private life.
And he wasn't the only one.
Only Kame had learnt to endure their blatant curiosity and shut it off.
"Jin, it's done." Kame slightly tugged on Jin's hand, prompted the other to grudgingly rise from the chair, made him stop talking. Jin was still wearing his jacket and a hoodie underneath, only had pulled the hood down and his dark wavy hair was all over the place.
Gently, Kame drew a few strands away from Jin's forehead and a tender smile curled his lips up upon seeing Jin's disoriented blinking. "Everybody just needs to get used to it." He leaned in, lips nearing Jin's; giving Jin time to understand what was going on. They could either go on with this conversation and never reach an end, or they could stop it right there and then and give Jin's mind another stimulation, engage it in anything else but trying to solve the unsolvable. "And we all can take small steps at first, you know?" Kame waited for Jin to return his look and only then let their lips brush against each other. "Like having a dinner out, acting like everything was fine and we were just an ordinary couple enjoying a good meal." Puffs of hot breath were tickling Jin's chin when Kame was talking. "Then we would leave the restaurant in one car…"
"Johnny doesn't want publicity though."
Kame nodded, well-aware of Johnny's words. "I know. But not even Johnny can stop paparazzi from chasing after us. And the more we will be hiding, the worse their conclusions will be."
Kame hadn't really thought the whole scenario through and there was still a lot of what could eventually backfire against them.
Starting with Johnny's rage, of course. - They couldn't just keep crossing the line forever without facing real consequences after all.
"So…?" Kame nuzzled Jin's chin; the soft little hair Jin was letting grow there tickled Kame's nose. "What do you think?"
At first, Jin couldn't really wrap his mind around what Kame was proposing. Or that it was Kame the one coming up with such an idea. The two of them being seen on public might have not been strictly against Johnny's words but it surely wasn't anywhere near what their boss wanted from them. And Kame being the one suggesting it was rather unexpected and confusing indeed. Kame liked following Johnny's orders. Kame liked being seen as a perfect idol, doing everything he could to keep his flawless façade.
Maybe not anymore.
Jin's eyelashes fluttered.
And finally, the tension that had been clawing him from the inside for the last couple of days and weeks started loosening and fading out.
He had been so focused on himself, concerned about his debut and people judging him, the way they would see him, that he had completely forgotten that there was a person ready to do anything to help him out, to pull him up over and over again no matter how many times he would fall.
Kame was always careful about the image he was presenting in public. And if Kame was willing to take the risk and give the media what they were craving for, who was Jin to say 'no'? Kame wouldn't have endangered himself and his career after all. As well as he wouldn't have done so to Jin.
"A dinner you say, huh?" Jin rolled the words on his tongue, bowed his head a bit to rest his forehead against Kame's.
"A dinner," Kame agreed. "Nothing spectacular, just you and me and some sushi or anything we will have a mood for. And if it works, you might really take me to an amusement park later…" It sounded like a challenge. And a promise.
All at once.
***
The 'Akakame' topic wasn't really a scoop when a reporter managed to catch Taguchi Junnosuke one evening while the idol was coming home.
Taguchi said he was happy for both Akanishi and Kamenashi.
He said they had been great friends since the beginning and that Kamenashi was actually the only one ever having been able to push some senses into Akanishi's stubborn head. They both knew what they wanted work-wise and didn't stop until getting it. It was an admirable quality that was driving forward not only KAT-TUN as a group but also each of them as individuals.
Taguchi wished Akanishi and Kamenashi all the best also from now on and gave the reporter the brightest smile he could master after a tiring day.
The short conversation wasn't exactly a front page matter, to bitter disappointment of the reporter. And while writing his informative, brief article later the day, the man had to hold himself back from concluding, that Taguchi Junnosuke might be actually an 'Akakame fanboy' indeed.
Only a couple of days later, someone else had more luck.
Tanaka Koki gave a response that ensured a sellout of the tabloid, publishing his words on its front page, accompanied by an old picture of Akanishi and Tanaka taken six years ago during the Sendai concert just after Akanishi's return from his hiatus back at the time.
Koki didn't even flinch while saying Jin was stupid.
No one cared that putting his opinion straightforward was his way to express that he actually liked Jin. Friends are always allowed to speak harsh about each other; only media never understood that Jin and Koki actually were friends. Good friends.
Calling Jin 'stupid' was nothing else but Koki's way to say 'finally'.
Or… 'He might have at least chosen better timing.'
Like Ryo concluded later, media just liked the idea of Akanishi and Tanaka not getting along; and Koki's words only gave them another reason to remind the public of an outdated rumor about the two of them fighting over the same girl.
A rumor that, in the light of Akanishi's and Kamenashi's publicly admitted relationship, sounded intriguing now.
***
"I can't believe they presented it this way. No, wait… let me word it right. I can't believe Johnny let them present it this way."
Yamapi took a sip of a beer lying in front of him on a small table in the middle of his living room. The place was still in a mess ever since he had got back from his little American adventure, but his tight work schedule hadn't given him a proper time for cleaning up. Now it was actually a welcomed advantage though. Inviting Jin and Nishikido over would have normally meant an afternoon of tidying later, but with the way things were now, Yamapi didn't really have to worry about an empty beer can rolling under the couch or Ryo's feet resting on the edge of a low table.
"Well, as Jin already proved, not even Johnny has everything under control and shit happens," Ryo said with a serious face but of course, didn't mean it other than as teasing pointed towards Jin.
No matter how serious shapes the whole matter had grown into, Ryo still found it quite hilarious, actually.
A hilarious way to tease Jin, less amusing though when the whole of Japan seemed to not care about anything else. A joke shouldn't be overdone because then the whole point dwindles and turns annoying instead of funny.
Explained in Ryo's way of thinking - if someone had the right to mock Akanishi and keep reminding him of what an idiot he was, then it was Ryo and no one else.
"What offends me more actually, is the fact that the assholes bothered with talking to what seems like everyone, but neither you nor I have gotten a chance to express our best wishes to our best friend." Ryo smirked. He was comfortably lounged on the floor, back leaning against the couch and legs propped up on the table, a beer in one hand and the morning issue of a tabloid in the other. "Seriously, what's wrong with people nowadays? They even found Kame's nearly nonexistent brothers but no one asked me," Ryo pouted.
Jin rolled his eyes upon the statement.
But he knew Ryo and Ryo's sense of humor. And he was as well quite sure Ryo wouldn't have really appreciated being chased by paparazzi all the time or having to answer their nosy questions.
It was more than enough that the sensation hunt held by keen reporters hadn't stopped at him and Kame, or well, on the rest of KAT-TUN, but exceeded to people outside of the entertainment business, outside of the jimusho walls. To their parents, to Kame's brothers who had managed to keep themselves out of Kame's idol life so far but now had their names all over front pages. To Jin's little brother who had been interrogated about Jin at a moment of importance for his own career; the career he had achieved without more than Jin's silent cheering from the side line. While standing on the stage, Reio wasn't 'the brother of Akanishi Jin', or 'the other Akanishi'; he was standing there on his own. Jin had always been proud of him. Now the image was shattered and every one of Reio's steps was accompanied by mentions of Jin. And Kame.
"Maybe they just didn't want your face in their papers," Yamapi mocked Ryo, partly because he was getting tipsy, and partly because that was his way to talk to his friend.
"They haven't asked you as well," Ryo reminded Yamapi, grinning.
Jin had to laugh.
He hadn't really wanted to come over today but in the end, he was glad he did. Ryo and Yamapi always managed to lift his mood, no matter how shitty the day or week Jin had.
Kame was working and Jin was supposed to pick him up later in the evening.
They were taking small steps.
A dinner. Jin waiting for Kame in a car in front of a studio. Kame coming to take a look at Jin's rehearsal. Small steps.
Small articles about them every other day or so. Kame's mom had called two times after finding their names once again displayed on a front page; she had been worried, making sure Kame wasn't affected too much by all the publicity, asking about Jin, then about usual stuff. About the dogs, about Jin's cold; whether Kame was sleeping and eating properly. And once again a question about the article writing about Jin and Kame meeting somewhere and being spotted together. Kame had told her not to worry too much. Or at all. Not to read that stuff. She knew him and Jin, knew about them for a good half of their lives.
Tabloids couldn't give her any answer she hadn't already got to know. They couldn't give her the truth.
"How are you guys dealing, by the way?" Yamapi asked then, more than gladly turning the direction of the conversation to Jin again.
Jin was munching on the rim of his can and nodded, a bit absentmindedly.
"Better, I guess. It's getting better." It was both the truth and a wish.
It was about taking small steps.
***
"Let me take one more look," Kame stated and rolled his half-naked body over Jin's, pressed their bare chests together while reaching for a printed page lying on a bedside table.
Jin groaned. More at Kame's intentions to read the brief survey on how his freshly released album was doing on the charts that Jin had found earlier today in his inbox (now not sure anymore why he had got the stupid idea to actually print it); than at the extra weight leaning against his spent body.
A running concert tour, never ending flying between Japan and America, sleep deprivation and stuffing his stomach with onboard food, all of it was slowly draining his energy. And yet, Jin didn't regret anything at all right now. With two concerts already done and spending an afternoon with Kazuya, first on a walk at a park and then ending at Kame's, and more precisely, in Kame's bed, Jin felt happier than he had been in a long time.
Today was giving him hope that they might eventually make it.
So far everything had been going well lately. KAT-TUN's new album had reached the number one on Oricon and stayed there for the whole first week as always, their long-awaited tour was a big success and Kame was getting more and more praising upon his sport caster career. Jin's face had graced the front page of nearly every well-known fashion magazine; famous photographers had been slowly lining up to get a chance to work with him, as well as some quite big names in music industry. Jin was realistic enough to understand that he couldn't have everything at once.
He was actually satisfied with how things had worked for him so far.
Save for the paper Kame was holding though.
"Look, you topped Oricon. That's good. Isn't it good?"
Kame was lying sprawled out on Jin's chest, carefully studying the numbers sorted in well-arranged tables. Kame had seen a lot of those in his life, always having been curious about how KAT-TUN or his dramas were doing. The only difference between checking on how KAT-TUN was doing on Japanese charts and how successful was Jin's album worldwide were the numbers.
Kame had next to no idea about most of the listed charts, but one he knew - topping Oricon meant an album was a well selling one.
Jin though, seemed to have a different opinion.
He sent Kame a rather doubtful look. "It's not such a big deal to top a Japanese chart. Really. Japan still loves me, you know? And even if…" Jin felt Kame froze. He couldn't see the other's face but his imagination was quite good when it came to anything related to Kazuya. And right now, Kame definitely wasn't pleased by what Jin had said. Yet Jin added more fuel into the slowly kindling fire. "I still think Johnny has his ways to boost the sales somehow… like in to fiddle the numbers, if he wants. To push his idols up the ranking."
Kame didn't like the way Jin put it just now.
"That's so…"
He really didn't like it. Kame sucked in a long, protracted breath; horrified, scandalized by Jin's words. Johnny might do a lot of things but… but in the end, Kame turned his head to look at Jin with a cold, judging glare. His elbow accidentally jabbed into Jin's ribs and Kame couldn't stop a smirk when Jin let out a little howl, instinctively shooting his hands to cover his sensitive collarbones as if expecting more of Kame's assaults. At the very moment Jin looked nothing like someone disdaining the number one spot on a national chart only for having a more or less groundless suspicion about Johnny's dirty ways of doing things.
"That's all you can do because you know I'm right," Jin pouted, wriggling with no chance to get away though.
This was not an argument. Just Jin being Jin and Kame being Kame. And most probably Johnny being Johnny.
In the end, Kame just rolled his eyes at the expression Jin was giving him and fidgeted around, finding a comfortable position with Jin as his pillow again. Jin's expression, his raised eyebrow and a twitch in a corner of his lips, was as if his whole face was just waiting for Kame to stop being stubborn and see obvious things in an open-minded way, and then could burst into a genuine victory laugh.
"Okay." Finally, Kame sighed. "Okay, you might have a point here."
"I know I have."
"So…?"
"Oricon doesn't really count then."
Jin yanked the paper out of Kame's hand, ignoring Kame's late attempt to grip the edge of the sheet between his fingers. The finger pads pressed against each other though and Kame hissed, slightly annoyed by his slow reaction. He was kind of clumsy at the moment. Stretching the hand with the paper, Jin kept the charts overview within Kame's reach, just in case. He actually had his doubts that Kame would try anything.
"But even then, it still looks good to me…" Kame stated a moment later, only confirming Jin's previous thought.
Satisfied, Jin brought the paper back; his arm was starting to hurt anyway.
"Or no?"
A shrug. "Just…" Jin was scratching his head. Thinking. Rereading the numbers. Names of the charts. Some of them he had never heard about before. There must have been thousands of charts in the States and none of the ones listed on the paper looked really important to him. He might have been, of course, wrong. But most likely, he wasn't.
"Just what?" Kame shifted, placing his chin onto Jin's chest, and watched the growing frown in the other's face. "Come on, Jin," Kame hands reached up, cradling Jin's face, thumbs brushing over his cheeks, pushing them up into a slack smile, a grin more likely, "you knew this wouldn't be easy." By 'this' he meant releasing a solo album this time. Trying to make a name in the American music market, being known as 'Jin Akanishi', not 'the Akanishi Jin from KAT-TUN'. - For the first time in weeks they were having a somewhat serious talk regarding anything but 'Akakame'. And as much as Kame didn't like seeing Jin doubting himself, the change of topic was relieving.
They might really… really make it in the end.
Kame rolled down and made himself comfortable next to Jin, lying on his back with his head leaning against Jin's shoulder. He stared at the paper Jin was holding up in front of their thoughtful faces.
"And you still have…" Kame's eyes flicked to the numbers and his nose wrinkled, "The second place in iTunes Dance Album Chart."
Jin let out a heavy sigh.
"What? That's good, isn't it?" Kame tilted his head a bit and pressed a kiss into Jin's shoulder.
The question gained him a doubtful look though, which Kame repaid by a light nudge and a not really successful attempt to tickle Jin's collarbone.
"It's the second place, it must be…" But the more Kame was trying to babble, the more Jin's skeptical look was making him chuckle until he couldn't keep his composure anymore and cracked up in a soft laugh, burying his face into Jin's shoulder again. His whole body was shaking with heavy gasps and his teeth left a couple of marks in Jin's skin as Kame was trying to muffle the uncontrolled sounds coming out his throat. They weren't loud, but were about to turn so. Kame wasn't really good at holding himself back when amused after all. He tried though, whimpered and gasped. He looked up, tears in his eyes and cheeks red, meeting Jin's eyes. The laugh had come out of nowhere, and maybe just because the whole day was nice and calm, reminding of only a couple of similar ones from the past. Kame felt relaxed and he really hoped that Jin was as well.
"Okay," Kame cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure, "What exactly is iTunes Dance Album Chart?"
"Exactly," Jin nodded with a bitter pout.
***
It should have been a routine by now.
Being the face of a certain product. Filming a short commercial. Attending a press conference. Keeping a polite smile, the one that looks warm, yet professionally distant...both at the same time. - Kame had mastered such a smile years ago, after all. - Standing in front of people and being blinded by lights, yet not showing off how uncomfortable he felt at the moment. Answering their questions, and praising whatever product it was this time. A lip balm. A shaver. A Nintendo console.
An afternoon tea.
Anything, really.
Kame was a professional. Work was his priority. He should have been able to shut off everything else and focus only on what was needed to be done.
Kame shouldn't have been thinking about what had happened a couple of weeks ago while presenting for Panasonic.
It had been different for many reasons; mainly because the press con at the time back then had been held too soon after the big news had been released. People had been eager to hear details; some kind of either confirmation or negation from him regarding the whole matter. What did Kamenashi Kazuya have to say about Akanishi's confession of their relationship? That had been the question of the day back then. As annoyed as Kame might have been, he, in fact, could understand. These days though, it seemed the interest was slowly fading out. They could breathe again.
Jin's tour had been wrapped and Jin was back in Japan. As expected, Johnny made him make an appearance on every possible show to remind fans in Japan that Jin Akanishi was not going to disappear from their sight. A rumor about possible concerts in Japan as a follow-up to the American tour had somehow already leaked out and fans seemed to be excited. Their idol was still there for them. No official statement had been released though. Even Jin got a suspicion that the agency was waiting. Still considering all options, calculating numbers. Money. Always money.
Jin was a bit grumpy about the matter. He was still heated up from his concerts overseas and wanted to keep going; jump from one concert tour to another without a break.
Singing was what he wanted to do the most, after all.
Kame didn't say it aloud, keeping his worries to himself, but the way the agency had been hesitating with even announcing a possible tour looked a lot like Johnny trying to prevent a new rush of rumors and Akakame craze. Dealing with it had been easier when Jin had been an ocean away. Now he was back and even Kame had to admit his anxiety.
The anxiety that was, most likely, the main reason for his intense self-consciousness right now, when stepping forward into a room full of reporters.
He could deal with blurred pictures covering front pages every other day. With headlines announcing to the world where he and Jin had dinner. The exact days when they were spotted at an airport, coming along with guesses of their possible destination.
He could deal with people staring at him on the street. Taking quick photos with their cells and sharing them online.
With fans screaming Jin's name during concerts.
- They had been doing all of this even before, after all. -
He could deal with anything.
As long as it didn't clash with his work.
Kame tried not to make any eye contact. Not to search for a potential threat. Someone to ask about Jin. Again. There was always someone like that in a crowd. A decent looking guy sitting in the second row. A young woman wearing glasses in the back row, stretching her neck to get a better view. A man whose head was lowered into the presentation pamphlet the press had been given at the entrance earlier.
Anyone could speak up and bring up Akanishi or Akakame.
Kame forced himself into a smile, one of those he was well aware that looked good on both pictures and a television screen. Bracing himself for the possibility he might need to take a hasty leave later once again. The eventual front page headlines were dancing in his head when his eyes blinked against the light in the room.
Surprisingly, everything went well in the end.
So well, that most of the event turned into a little blur for him later; all the images and questions he had heard thousands of times before mingled. The only thing changing from time to time was the names of various products.
Despite how smooth the presentation had gone though, Kame felt strung up and jumpy for the rest of the day. If his manager hadn't called him and reminded him, Kame would have missed a meeting; and he took a wrong turn on his way there so he arrived with a little delay. Still acceptable and excusable, yet being late was definitely not his style.
It dawned on him only later. Shreds of his memory were fitting together when in the evening Kame joined Jin on the couch to watch a movie. They were at Kame's again because the place was more comfortable, always had a full fridge and the chance of either Ryo or Yamapi intruding in the middle of a night was smaller. Jin didn't have any objection coming over all the time; as long as there was food, Kame and a guitar, the surroundings didn't really matter to him.
Kame was freshly showered and wrapped in one of his comfy home yukatas; lounging on the cushions, half watching the criminal story unraveling on the screen and half interested in reading a magazine. Jin's palms were warm against Kame's shins, playing with the soft hair there, and even though Jin once in a while tapped Kame's legs to get the other's attention - when something important happened in the movie -; he never got more than a glance over the edge of the magazine or a little twitch Kame did to send Jin's ticklish fingers away. But overall, the atmosphere between them was lazy and comfortable at first sight.
"It works, right?" Jin finally asked about what had been bugging for a while now. His fingers ceased brushing over Kame's leg and his hands rested on the other's ankles. "This. You and me. People knowing."
Taking small steps. It worked. Jin thought it did. Just like he had said to Yamapi and Ryo.
The sudden concern made Kame look up from the text he was reading.
"You tell me. You were the one who wanted to take it back at first."
"Hmm." Jin's fingers moved up Kame's leg again. He looked a bit lost for a moment, thinking too much and searching for answers that might have not even existed. "I think it's going to be good."
"Good," Kame nodded.
"Really good. As in 'people not really caring that much anymore' good." Jin shrugged and fidgeted to get closer to Kame. "You guys are having a new single soon and Johnny could let me have one as well." Carefully, he picked Kame's magazine, took it out of Kame's hands, letting it fall on the floor with a silent rustling of the pages. He ignored Kame's puzzled, sorrowful look after the article he hadn't finished yet. "You know… it's rather funny actually, if you think about it. All those years we were worried the truth might ruin our careers, but in the end, we are still here."
Kame didn't look at Jin, just shifted enough to sit up and bend his knees without getting entangled in the yukata. He watched how Jin's hand pulled back, sagging down listlessly by Jin's hip.
"What?" Jin got a bit uncertain. He wasn't aware of saying anything wrong, yet this just now wasn't exactly the reaction he had been expecting.
"Hmm?"
Kame, above everyone else, had been the one convincing Jin that things would eventually get better. Now they were better, at least for what Jin could say. His album was, despite the shaky start, doing just fine, slowly crawling up various charts in the States and he had even got an offer for a future collaboration again. Overseas, no one really cared about him being in a relationship with someone, be it a girl or a man. Jin had occasionally mentioned Kazuya's name in interviews, sending his greetings to Japan. This hadn't been happening often though, as there was still a part of Jin used to how things used to be. When Kame used to be his little secret.
"I…don't know," Jin shrugged, "You don't look like everything is fine. Is there something… like…?"
"Like?"
Kame's fingers started unconsciously tugging at the tie binding the yukata closed around his body. Slow, jerky moves. He didn't know what to do.
He was the one having been assuring Jin they could make it, pull through and live their lives as if nothing had happened, because even the most persistent reporters would have eventually gotten tired of chasing after them all the time. He was the one having painted Jin the bright future in which the two of them could walk down a street side by side without creating clamor bigger than the one upon two idols being spotted together.
Kame was the one having come up with the theory of small steps, taking one at a time; not pushing anything.
And Jin, obviously, had listened to him for once. Listened and believed; swallowed the nagging thoughts about 'what if' and the sales of his album, a question with no real answer now. Not without a time machine. Moreover, it was easier to live when one believed that the sale numbers had nothing much to do with Jin and Kame, with them and with everything that it represented.
Jin watched how Kame wound one end of the tie around his finger then let it wind off. And again. Tighter this time. The soft fabric throttled the blood circulation and the tip of the finger turned dark red. And Kame was just staring.
"Kazuya stop it!" Jin's hand swept off Kame's, made the other loosen the tie.
Confused, Kame finally looked up.
"Talk to me. What's wrong?"
And after a moment of thinking, "You were right," Kame's teeth scratched over his bottom lip and his head slightly shook in agitation. "Johnny was right. We should have stopped this. All of it. When we could." His eyelids fluttered; a memory of cameras flashing, people asking, voices one over the other. Confusing. Scary.
What was he doing just now?
Everything was fine, like Jin said. No big drama. KAT-TUN was doing well, their tour and album, the upcoming single.
If someone had been still intrigued by 'Akakame', then they were not showing it too ostentatiously. No obtrusive questions, no remarks. And yet…
"It doesn't work, Jin," Kame sighed. He needed to explain it to himself before he could give an intelligible answer to Jin, or anyone else. Maybe later, but now, mostly to Jin. Because Jin deserved one. After everything Kame had done to make him believe they could do it, it was only fair to give Jin something. "Not for me."
Jin wasn't sure he understood at first. "How…?" But maybe 'how' or 'why' or anything else were not the right questions to ask; the only answer Jin needed was the way Kame was looking at him, guilty and apologetically, pleading, begging Jin to understand and see the world through Kame's eyes. See the tension and fear of what might come someday. Jin considered reaching out and taking Kame's hand, or just touching it but in the end, kept his hand at place without making the slightest move. "Has anything happened today? During the press conference. Did they…?"
"No. Nothing like that," Kame said quickly. Jin shouldn't get the wrong impression. For once, press wasn't the one at blame. "Not this time. But it could be. Next week, a month from now. Anytime."
"I thought that…" Jin hesitated. "You said things were fine. You looked like they were." Okay, not the best example. Where work was concerned, Kazuya's face only rarely showed what he was really thinking. "When did you change your mind? You could have told me, you know?"
Kame's shoulders slightly shrugged. "I don't know. Now. Maybe earlier today. A week ago." It might have happened any time. He might have been trying so hard to look fine for his surroundings that the line between his real feelings and pretending had blurred. Mingled together. "I'm sorry. For not saying anything."
Jin nodded. Didn't say a word.
Kame surely had put a lot of thinking into this before speaking up. Kame wasn't the type to just freak out and act without considering all options.
As well as Kame was the type to bottle up all his worries inside, afraid of bothering the people around him. It was ridiculous, of course; and Jin had tried several times to assure the other that there was not such a thing as 'bothering' (save for the times when Kame insisted that Jin had to watch a particular baseball match for reasons Jin never got even after Kame's detailed commentary), with only a little success though.
Kame let out a soft, helpless sigh. "I can't do this, Jin. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing you before, for promising things would work out fine. I thought they could but -"
"Kame…" Finally, Jin brought a hand to Kame and tenderly scratched his knee as it was the first part of the other's body his fingers met. A soothing gesture.
Kame was tired. It was all over his face and deep in his eyes when he looked at Jin.
"Let's end it."
***
They spent their last day together in Tokyo Disneyland.
The promised amusement park date.
No one really paid attention to a couple of casually dressed men with baseball caps shielding their faces walking around, stopping occasionally at souvenir stands and having fun at various attractions, stuffing their mouths with cotton candy; or just sitting on a bench and enjoying the view around.
Saturday afternoon made the park crowded; full of shrieking kids and parents who had to watch over them.
No one really cared when at some point Jin and Kame were walking so close to each other that for a fleeting moment, their hands not only grazed over each other, but their fingers locked on, warm and tight. Then it was gone because Jin spotted a place with water guns and they spent the following hour shooting water at moving discs of various shapes and colors, screaming louder than the group of teenagers at the stall next to theirs; Jin's high-pitched falsetto ringing all around.
They went from one place to another. Every time Kame thought they might finally stop and have a coffee or something, Jin pulled out a map of the park and after giving the plan a quick, searching glance, found yet another attraction they simply had to see and try.
Anything, just to not think about tomorrow.
About what would happen once they went through the exit gate of the park and headed home. To their reality.
To tomorrow's headlines about Akanishi and Kamenashi being spotted in Disneyworld.
And to headlines that would come later on. Two weeks, a month from now; Johnny's choice of timing depending on careful, elaborate calculations and analysis of the situation. This time, they had at least given the agency the chance to choose the right time for yet more breaking news.
They took one last ride on a roller coaster, screaming their lungs out - because Kame hated the moment when the car was about to dive into the depth after going up to the very peak of the trail; and Jin simply wanted to outcry the clamor of the train and wind and people screaming behind their backs.
It must have been the best ride of his life, Jin concluded when the train eventually pulled in a small terminal and Jin released Kame's hand from his, not remembering when they had ended up with their fingers entwined. Marks of Kame's short nails were dark red on Jin's skin and Jin quickly tugged on sleeves of his hoodie to cover them.
Exchanging rather goofy grins, they left the roller coaster, leisurely dragging their feet to the exit.
"So…" Kame licked his lips when they stopped at the parking lot.
All around them, families and groups of young people were taking their leave as well. Slowly falling twilight painted the sky above them with dim, pastel tones. The sounds from the park were loud and cheerful.
Jin swayed on his feet, hands buried deep in the pockets of his pants. He was looking somewhere to the ground between him and Kame.
It might be the weirdest situation in his life so far.
This, or maybe the moment when the whole world had been reminded of the damn cheetah negligee he had once worn for a show, and his back dancers had had a blast for more than a week. The girls had been coming to rehearsals and meetings wearing something with a cheetah pattern on a daily basis, teasing Jin and poking him to put some of the pieces on.
However, giving it a second thought; his old pictures were more humiliating than weird.
"So," Jin nodded.
Weird. Definitely.
Kame's eyelids fluttered against the sharp evening sun. He didn't put on sunglasses though. Not wanting to miss the way the sun changed the shade of Jin's skin and hair.
"When is your flight?" Kame found a safe question and silently cursed himself right away because now he would have to think hard of another one. That was, of course, if they wanted to prolong this awkward moment any longer.
"In two days. Still some time left." Jin noticed one of his feet started tapping the ground. "And I promised Ryo a drink or two before I go."
"I see. Yeah." And then Kame was holding the keys of his car, because it was safer than saying anything else. "Thank you for today."
Jin flashed a smile. "We should do it again." Only the thought alone was unlikely to happen. Not any time soon at least. Jin bit his lip and glanced up at Kame's thoughtful face. "I mean…" clearing his throat, Jin was searching for the right words. "It was fun, right? Maybe we could -"
"We can't."
"But…"
Kame shook his head and raising the hand holding the keys, he gave a slight punch against Jin's chest. "It's over. Remember?"
"Not yet." Jin took a step forward in an attempt to hug the other and most probably, also kiss him. Right there in the middle of the parking lot. A reflex, an unconscious reaction his body had got used to during the last months. They might have not been openly affectionate towards each other at the time but Jin had known they could have been. And that was all that had mattered. He would need some time to settle in the new course of how things between them would be from now on.
Re-learning the old habits.
This was the end, after all. And the new beginning. All at once.
Kame flinched from Jin's sudden move and bumped into the car behind him. His breath was faster than it should be but else, he stayed calm and reasonable. Someone had to, after all. He knew he owned Jin a lot now, but they needed to be careful from now on. More than ever. "We can't. Not anymore."
Jin was thinking of why exactly he had agreed on this.
Then sighed. "Well, then it's probably going to be my manager calling yours later. You know, to settle stuff."
Kame smiled. "I'll tell mine not to turn off his phone."
"You better."
And just like that, the day had come to its end, drowning in a soft twilight and the amusement park resounding in the neighborhood, Kame's smile and Jin's little smirk just before he made a little waving gesture, turned around and went to find his car.
Kame closed his eyes against the setting sun and took a deep breath.
The last day was almost over.
But the world would wake up tomorrow anyway.
***
"Let's end it, Jin."
"Eh? You do realize it sounds a lot like a break up just now, right?"
"But I'm not breaking up with you!"
"Then what?"
"The public won't stop chasing after us as long as there will be a chance they might find something."
"Okay?"
"We gave them 'Akakame'. Maybe we can give them a break up, too."
***
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone…
***
The official statement came out a month later. Jin got to read it the moment he opened his inbox; lying in a bed, still a bit drowsy. Late summer sun was coming into the hotel room through an open window. The street outside was already busy, not giving much of a chance to keep sleeping anymore, even if Jin's phone hadn't rung. The statement wasn't more than a couple of short, polished sentences. But everything important was there anyway.
Akanishi Jin (28) and Kamenashi Kazuya (26) are no longer in a relationship due to their busy schedules and Akanishi's long-term staying overseas. Kamenashi is currently busy filming a remake of Kimura Takuya's drama Long Vacation, while Akanishi is in the US to promote his upcoming Hollywood debut.
Jin chuckled and scrolled down, checking also other mails; a mocking condolence from Ryo included. Working in only one group now was obviously giving Nishikido too much free time.
"Anything interesting?" A mumbled question came from a heap of crumpled sheeting by his side, just before Kazuya's tousled head peeked out and the drowsiness written all over his face made Jin lose interest in his phone overall. Not waiting for anything, Jin leaned down and greeted Kazuya into a new day with a kiss.
Kazuya whimpered, taken unawares by the gesture but was fast at adapting to the situation, tilting his head and returning the lazy, sloppy kiss.
A moment later, Kazuya managed to free himself from the sheeting and propped himself on an elbow, watching Jin with a concerned look. "Do you already know what hot actress you are supposed to date so the world could calm down and forget about the whole 'Akakame scandal'? Again…"
Jin shook his head. "Not really. They probably need some time to find someone juicy enough. You know…" Jin shrugged, "someone to catch the attention and interest of people out there."
"Not gonna be easy though," Kazuya smirked, tilting his head and giving Jin one of his mischievous, challenging looks. "We presented them real Akakame after all. What could possibly beat that?"
Jin was quite sure their managers would find something soon. That was what they were getting their money for after all.
And meanwhile, hidden in the safety of an L.A. hotel room, with Kame paying a short visit before going back to Japan and to his work; Jin and Kame could enjoy a precious moment of privacy.
"Yeah," Jin sighed, pecking Kame's lips. "We gave them Akakame."
"And then we took it back," Kame grinned softly, propping on an elbow and raising his other hand to smooth Jin's hair behind his ear. "They didn't deserve it."
Jin shook his head thoughtfully.
"Not at all."
***
***
The first real fight they had ever had, had happened years ago and had lasted for two endless weeks, three days and fifteen hours. Then they both had ended up sitting in Takizawa-senpai's living room, silent and awkward and stubborn. Too proud to admit they had missed each other.
When they had finally done so - Takizawa had threatened to never let them go home that day if not as friends again so they hadn't actually had another choice -, shaking hands while keeping a ridiculously polite distance, Takizawa had offered them their first beer. Not even the bitterness of the drink could have overlapped the sweet, warm feeling of finding the way back to each other.
Kame remembered the foolish argument just now, sitting in the kitchen with all lights off, surrounded by evening darkness. Waiting for Jin.
Both his dogs were in the other room, only every now and then coming over and peeking into the kitchen from behind a corner, as if checking on their master.
Kame hadn't meant to snap, it hadn't been his intention. He was reasonable enough to understand the growing tension they had felt lately was nothing but an aftermath of what had been happening. Preparations for a tour, Jin's constant leavings and returns as his own work and the release of his solo debut had been pushing him to spend more and more time in the States; the pressure they both had been in all the time because media didn't seem to have enough of 'Akakame' yet. And above all, as if all of that hadn't been already too much for their agitated nerves, there was still the heavy, thick fear of displeased fans, some of them still peevish about the news, lingering around.
As expected, not everyone was excited to hear about their idols dating - and just because those were not around during the filming of various shows didn't mean they were not loud enough, spilling hate and ridiculous disappointment all over the Internet -; and this resentment was slowly taking its toll.
Kame hoped, no, Kame knew - and was only waiting for the moment he and Jin would get over it, survive. Together.
As well as he knew Jin felt the same.
Jin arrived just before midnight, silently rattling his spare keys in the lock and sneaking into the flat like a thief. Guilty. However, already the fact that he was there made Kame smile in content, relief. He released a breath he hadn't noticed he had been holding. It was a good sign. Jin being here. Jin driving over a half of the city to get to Kame's and not taking the shorter way to his own apartment. Jin taking off his shoes in Kame's dark foyer meant they would figure things out.
Kame was listening to Jin making his way through the place. Ran and Jelly were making little noises of excitement while accompanying the well-known guest, followed Jin all the way from the door to the kitchen where Jin stopped in the door frame. He was standing there, keeping the silence he heard all around, merged with the atmosphere of the room; waiting, hesitating. Searching for the right words.
"I know you are sorry," Kame broke the silence eventually, and saw the dark silhouette hovering around at the door giving a little nod. It was clear that their previous rift had been nagging Jin the whole evening and Kame could even imagine Jin had spent a couple of endless minutes shuffling his feet at the door-mat before pushing the key into the lock.
Jin nodded, watched Kame shifting a chair; a gesture of invitation for Jin to take a seat. Even without Kame's assurance, Jin would have eventually got to apologizing. He knew he had overreacted and had unleashed his tension on the only one who hadn't deserved it at all. Jin wasn't really good at admitting his slips and he was glad Kame understood, always promising himself to make it up for Kame somehow.
Jin sagged down on the chair. He looked tired, really tired. "I… didn't mean it. The way I said it. Was wrong." Guiltily, Jin glanced up.
Kame wasn't mad and somehow, Jin kind of wished he had been, had been mad or had struck back, rebuked Jin for his previous act. For pushing Kame away and blaming him for what had been only in Jin's head.
Because in fact, they had been in this together.
Exactly like Johnny had told them at the very beginning. Right now, in the middle of the mess their relationship was posing, they were a single being. Akakame, indeed.
Kame nodded.
"You should have told me you didn't feel well," the words came out carefully and it was obvious that Kame was worried. "We could have -" Kame shrugged, just a little, because his own words caught him unprepared. Nothing would have changed. He couldn't have just gone to the stage with Jin and held his hand; and Jin surely didn't even want as much.
And Johnny wouldn't have really appreciated such a gesture either.
The statement was out and people knew now. People knew Akanishi and Kamenashi were together.
According to Johnny, people just didn't need to be constantly reminded.
However, for most of the time, Jin was alone anyway. Outside the walls of their apartments, Jin was the one fighting all alone. Kame might have been the one being judged more strictly by fans but in the end, he was also strong enough to face their pointed fingers and their invectives, and he wasn't alone. He had a group standing by him and protecting him. There was usually someone standing by his side and turning harsh words into a joke. Koki. Ueda. They knew what to say when a random judging scream came from the crowd in front of them.
Jin though…
Kame shook his head and stood up, thinking and rolling his lip into his mouth. He knew well he had to put this right. Looking down, directly into Jin's puzzled, indecisive face, Kame's look was making Jin keep their eye contact, despite the obvious struggle on Jin's side. "You are not alone in this," Kame said; his voice soft yet firm, to push the meaning though the wall Jin had built around himself as a shield. "Not anymore. The world knows I'm with you and I won't let them forget."
Kame's hand was warm around Jin's, fingers squeezing. Assuring. Giving strength. His thumb was gently brushing Jin's skin.
"That's of course," Kame mumbled, "if you let me."
Jin shrugged.
Just as slowly, his hand started returning the squeeze; only as an instinctive reaction at first. Kame let him, only twisted his hand so their fingers slipped between each other, and then it was not clear anymore who was holding whom.
"I…don't know how. You can't just go and make them not care about us anymore, can you? The more I think about it, the more I wish Johnny had found another way to handle this. I know it's my fault and he did what he considered right, less harmful for his business." With a sigh, Jin looked away. He was lost. He still had a feeling he must have sounded like the biggest jerk somehow. Like someone who regretted what had happened. Like someone who would have preferred if Kame had stayed his little secret.
A dirty one.
The kind of secret people dread to leak out.
The truth was that Jin wasn't sure himself anymore.
Before, in the past, he had sometimes thought about what it would be like if he and Kame didn't have to really hide and pretend; they had talked about it not only once.
They had never got past Kame's random wish of going to an amusement park together though; avoiding all heavy, crucial questions because there had been a zero chance their random daydreaming might have ever come true.
Only the zero chance had somehow caught them up.
"All this time," Jin bit his lip, "I was trying to make them see me. Just me. Not the guy who used to be in KAT-TUN. And not because I'm hiding my past or because I'm ashamed of it, not at all. I need them to see only me because that's all I can offer now, you know? If they go and ask for 'Jin Akanishi', they will get me, they should get me. My music. But now they look at Jin Akanishi and see me with you, and it's not about music anymore…and -"
Jin had always hated when people were sticking their nose into his private life.
And he wasn't the only one.
Only Kame had learnt to endure their blatant curiosity and shut it off.
"Jin, it's done." Kame slightly tugged on Jin's hand, prompted the other to grudgingly rise from the chair, made him stop talking. Jin was still wearing his jacket and a hoodie underneath, only had pulled the hood down and his dark wavy hair was all over the place.
Gently, Kame drew a few strands away from Jin's forehead and a tender smile curled his lips up upon seeing Jin's disoriented blinking. "Everybody just needs to get used to it." He leaned in, lips nearing Jin's; giving Jin time to understand what was going on. They could either go on with this conversation and never reach an end, or they could stop it right there and then and give Jin's mind another stimulation, engage it in anything else but trying to solve the unsolvable. "And we all can take small steps at first, you know?" Kame waited for Jin to return his look and only then let their lips brush against each other. "Like having a dinner out, acting like everything was fine and we were just an ordinary couple enjoying a good meal." Puffs of hot breath were tickling Jin's chin when Kame was talking. "Then we would leave the restaurant in one car…"
"Johnny doesn't want publicity though."
Kame nodded, well-aware of Johnny's words. "I know. But not even Johnny can stop paparazzi from chasing after us. And the more we will be hiding, the worse their conclusions will be."
Kame hadn't really thought the whole scenario through and there was still a lot of what could eventually backfire against them.
Starting with Johnny's rage, of course. - They couldn't just keep crossing the line forever without facing real consequences after all.
"So…?" Kame nuzzled Jin's chin; the soft little hair Jin was letting grow there tickled Kame's nose. "What do you think?"
At first, Jin couldn't really wrap his mind around what Kame was proposing. Or that it was Kame the one coming up with such an idea. The two of them being seen on public might have not been strictly against Johnny's words but it surely wasn't anywhere near what their boss wanted from them. And Kame being the one suggesting it was rather unexpected and confusing indeed. Kame liked following Johnny's orders. Kame liked being seen as a perfect idol, doing everything he could to keep his flawless façade.
Maybe not anymore.
Jin's eyelashes fluttered.
And finally, the tension that had been clawing him from the inside for the last couple of days and weeks started loosening and fading out.
He had been so focused on himself, concerned about his debut and people judging him, the way they would see him, that he had completely forgotten that there was a person ready to do anything to help him out, to pull him up over and over again no matter how many times he would fall.
Kame was always careful about the image he was presenting in public. And if Kame was willing to take the risk and give the media what they were craving for, who was Jin to say 'no'? Kame wouldn't have endangered himself and his career after all. As well as he wouldn't have done so to Jin.
"A dinner you say, huh?" Jin rolled the words on his tongue, bowed his head a bit to rest his forehead against Kame's.
"A dinner," Kame agreed. "Nothing spectacular, just you and me and some sushi or anything we will have a mood for. And if it works, you might really take me to an amusement park later…" It sounded like a challenge. And a promise.
All at once.
***
The 'Akakame' topic wasn't really a scoop when a reporter managed to catch Taguchi Junnosuke one evening while the idol was coming home.
Taguchi said he was happy for both Akanishi and Kamenashi.
He said they had been great friends since the beginning and that Kamenashi was actually the only one ever having been able to push some senses into Akanishi's stubborn head. They both knew what they wanted work-wise and didn't stop until getting it. It was an admirable quality that was driving forward not only KAT-TUN as a group but also each of them as individuals.
Taguchi wished Akanishi and Kamenashi all the best also from now on and gave the reporter the brightest smile he could master after a tiring day.
The short conversation wasn't exactly a front page matter, to bitter disappointment of the reporter. And while writing his informative, brief article later the day, the man had to hold himself back from concluding, that Taguchi Junnosuke might be actually an 'Akakame fanboy' indeed.
Only a couple of days later, someone else had more luck.
Tanaka Koki gave a response that ensured a sellout of the tabloid, publishing his words on its front page, accompanied by an old picture of Akanishi and Tanaka taken six years ago during the Sendai concert just after Akanishi's return from his hiatus back at the time.
Koki didn't even flinch while saying Jin was stupid.
No one cared that putting his opinion straightforward was his way to express that he actually liked Jin. Friends are always allowed to speak harsh about each other; only media never understood that Jin and Koki actually were friends. Good friends.
Calling Jin 'stupid' was nothing else but Koki's way to say 'finally'.
Or… 'He might have at least chosen better timing.'
Like Ryo concluded later, media just liked the idea of Akanishi and Tanaka not getting along; and Koki's words only gave them another reason to remind the public of an outdated rumor about the two of them fighting over the same girl.
A rumor that, in the light of Akanishi's and Kamenashi's publicly admitted relationship, sounded intriguing now.
***
"I can't believe they presented it this way. No, wait… let me word it right. I can't believe Johnny let them present it this way."
Yamapi took a sip of a beer lying in front of him on a small table in the middle of his living room. The place was still in a mess ever since he had got back from his little American adventure, but his tight work schedule hadn't given him a proper time for cleaning up. Now it was actually a welcomed advantage though. Inviting Jin and Nishikido over would have normally meant an afternoon of tidying later, but with the way things were now, Yamapi didn't really have to worry about an empty beer can rolling under the couch or Ryo's feet resting on the edge of a low table.
"Well, as Jin already proved, not even Johnny has everything under control and shit happens," Ryo said with a serious face but of course, didn't mean it other than as teasing pointed towards Jin.
No matter how serious shapes the whole matter had grown into, Ryo still found it quite hilarious, actually.
A hilarious way to tease Jin, less amusing though when the whole of Japan seemed to not care about anything else. A joke shouldn't be overdone because then the whole point dwindles and turns annoying instead of funny.
Explained in Ryo's way of thinking - if someone had the right to mock Akanishi and keep reminding him of what an idiot he was, then it was Ryo and no one else.
"What offends me more actually, is the fact that the assholes bothered with talking to what seems like everyone, but neither you nor I have gotten a chance to express our best wishes to our best friend." Ryo smirked. He was comfortably lounged on the floor, back leaning against the couch and legs propped up on the table, a beer in one hand and the morning issue of a tabloid in the other. "Seriously, what's wrong with people nowadays? They even found Kame's nearly nonexistent brothers but no one asked me," Ryo pouted.
Jin rolled his eyes upon the statement.
But he knew Ryo and Ryo's sense of humor. And he was as well quite sure Ryo wouldn't have really appreciated being chased by paparazzi all the time or having to answer their nosy questions.
It was more than enough that the sensation hunt held by keen reporters hadn't stopped at him and Kame, or well, on the rest of KAT-TUN, but exceeded to people outside of the entertainment business, outside of the jimusho walls. To their parents, to Kame's brothers who had managed to keep themselves out of Kame's idol life so far but now had their names all over front pages. To Jin's little brother who had been interrogated about Jin at a moment of importance for his own career; the career he had achieved without more than Jin's silent cheering from the side line. While standing on the stage, Reio wasn't 'the brother of Akanishi Jin', or 'the other Akanishi'; he was standing there on his own. Jin had always been proud of him. Now the image was shattered and every one of Reio's steps was accompanied by mentions of Jin. And Kame.
"Maybe they just didn't want your face in their papers," Yamapi mocked Ryo, partly because he was getting tipsy, and partly because that was his way to talk to his friend.
"They haven't asked you as well," Ryo reminded Yamapi, grinning.
Jin had to laugh.
He hadn't really wanted to come over today but in the end, he was glad he did. Ryo and Yamapi always managed to lift his mood, no matter how shitty the day or week Jin had.
Kame was working and Jin was supposed to pick him up later in the evening.
They were taking small steps.
A dinner. Jin waiting for Kame in a car in front of a studio. Kame coming to take a look at Jin's rehearsal. Small steps.
Small articles about them every other day or so. Kame's mom had called two times after finding their names once again displayed on a front page; she had been worried, making sure Kame wasn't affected too much by all the publicity, asking about Jin, then about usual stuff. About the dogs, about Jin's cold; whether Kame was sleeping and eating properly. And once again a question about the article writing about Jin and Kame meeting somewhere and being spotted together. Kame had told her not to worry too much. Or at all. Not to read that stuff. She knew him and Jin, knew about them for a good half of their lives.
Tabloids couldn't give her any answer she hadn't already got to know. They couldn't give her the truth.
"How are you guys dealing, by the way?" Yamapi asked then, more than gladly turning the direction of the conversation to Jin again.
Jin was munching on the rim of his can and nodded, a bit absentmindedly.
"Better, I guess. It's getting better." It was both the truth and a wish.
It was about taking small steps.
***
"Let me take one more look," Kame stated and rolled his half-naked body over Jin's, pressed their bare chests together while reaching for a printed page lying on a bedside table.
Jin groaned. More at Kame's intentions to read the brief survey on how his freshly released album was doing on the charts that Jin had found earlier today in his inbox (now not sure anymore why he had got the stupid idea to actually print it); than at the extra weight leaning against his spent body.
A running concert tour, never ending flying between Japan and America, sleep deprivation and stuffing his stomach with onboard food, all of it was slowly draining his energy. And yet, Jin didn't regret anything at all right now. With two concerts already done and spending an afternoon with Kazuya, first on a walk at a park and then ending at Kame's, and more precisely, in Kame's bed, Jin felt happier than he had been in a long time.
Today was giving him hope that they might eventually make it.
So far everything had been going well lately. KAT-TUN's new album had reached the number one on Oricon and stayed there for the whole first week as always, their long-awaited tour was a big success and Kame was getting more and more praising upon his sport caster career. Jin's face had graced the front page of nearly every well-known fashion magazine; famous photographers had been slowly lining up to get a chance to work with him, as well as some quite big names in music industry. Jin was realistic enough to understand that he couldn't have everything at once.
He was actually satisfied with how things had worked for him so far.
Save for the paper Kame was holding though.
"Look, you topped Oricon. That's good. Isn't it good?"
Kame was lying sprawled out on Jin's chest, carefully studying the numbers sorted in well-arranged tables. Kame had seen a lot of those in his life, always having been curious about how KAT-TUN or his dramas were doing. The only difference between checking on how KAT-TUN was doing on Japanese charts and how successful was Jin's album worldwide were the numbers.
Kame had next to no idea about most of the listed charts, but one he knew - topping Oricon meant an album was a well selling one.
Jin though, seemed to have a different opinion.
He sent Kame a rather doubtful look. "It's not such a big deal to top a Japanese chart. Really. Japan still loves me, you know? And even if…" Jin felt Kame froze. He couldn't see the other's face but his imagination was quite good when it came to anything related to Kazuya. And right now, Kame definitely wasn't pleased by what Jin had said. Yet Jin added more fuel into the slowly kindling fire. "I still think Johnny has his ways to boost the sales somehow… like in to fiddle the numbers, if he wants. To push his idols up the ranking."
Kame didn't like the way Jin put it just now.
"That's so…"
He really didn't like it. Kame sucked in a long, protracted breath; horrified, scandalized by Jin's words. Johnny might do a lot of things but… but in the end, Kame turned his head to look at Jin with a cold, judging glare. His elbow accidentally jabbed into Jin's ribs and Kame couldn't stop a smirk when Jin let out a little howl, instinctively shooting his hands to cover his sensitive collarbones as if expecting more of Kame's assaults. At the very moment Jin looked nothing like someone disdaining the number one spot on a national chart only for having a more or less groundless suspicion about Johnny's dirty ways of doing things.
"That's all you can do because you know I'm right," Jin pouted, wriggling with no chance to get away though.
This was not an argument. Just Jin being Jin and Kame being Kame. And most probably Johnny being Johnny.
In the end, Kame just rolled his eyes at the expression Jin was giving him and fidgeted around, finding a comfortable position with Jin as his pillow again. Jin's expression, his raised eyebrow and a twitch in a corner of his lips, was as if his whole face was just waiting for Kame to stop being stubborn and see obvious things in an open-minded way, and then could burst into a genuine victory laugh.
"Okay." Finally, Kame sighed. "Okay, you might have a point here."
"I know I have."
"So…?"
"Oricon doesn't really count then."
Jin yanked the paper out of Kame's hand, ignoring Kame's late attempt to grip the edge of the sheet between his fingers. The finger pads pressed against each other though and Kame hissed, slightly annoyed by his slow reaction. He was kind of clumsy at the moment. Stretching the hand with the paper, Jin kept the charts overview within Kame's reach, just in case. He actually had his doubts that Kame would try anything.
"But even then, it still looks good to me…" Kame stated a moment later, only confirming Jin's previous thought.
Satisfied, Jin brought the paper back; his arm was starting to hurt anyway.
"Or no?"
A shrug. "Just…" Jin was scratching his head. Thinking. Rereading the numbers. Names of the charts. Some of them he had never heard about before. There must have been thousands of charts in the States and none of the ones listed on the paper looked really important to him. He might have been, of course, wrong. But most likely, he wasn't.
"Just what?" Kame shifted, placing his chin onto Jin's chest, and watched the growing frown in the other's face. "Come on, Jin," Kame hands reached up, cradling Jin's face, thumbs brushing over his cheeks, pushing them up into a slack smile, a grin more likely, "you knew this wouldn't be easy." By 'this' he meant releasing a solo album this time. Trying to make a name in the American music market, being known as 'Jin Akanishi', not 'the Akanishi Jin from KAT-TUN'. - For the first time in weeks they were having a somewhat serious talk regarding anything but 'Akakame'. And as much as Kame didn't like seeing Jin doubting himself, the change of topic was relieving.
They might really… really make it in the end.
Kame rolled down and made himself comfortable next to Jin, lying on his back with his head leaning against Jin's shoulder. He stared at the paper Jin was holding up in front of their thoughtful faces.
"And you still have…" Kame's eyes flicked to the numbers and his nose wrinkled, "The second place in iTunes Dance Album Chart."
Jin let out a heavy sigh.
"What? That's good, isn't it?" Kame tilted his head a bit and pressed a kiss into Jin's shoulder.
The question gained him a doubtful look though, which Kame repaid by a light nudge and a not really successful attempt to tickle Jin's collarbone.
"It's the second place, it must be…" But the more Kame was trying to babble, the more Jin's skeptical look was making him chuckle until he couldn't keep his composure anymore and cracked up in a soft laugh, burying his face into Jin's shoulder again. His whole body was shaking with heavy gasps and his teeth left a couple of marks in Jin's skin as Kame was trying to muffle the uncontrolled sounds coming out his throat. They weren't loud, but were about to turn so. Kame wasn't really good at holding himself back when amused after all. He tried though, whimpered and gasped. He looked up, tears in his eyes and cheeks red, meeting Jin's eyes. The laugh had come out of nowhere, and maybe just because the whole day was nice and calm, reminding of only a couple of similar ones from the past. Kame felt relaxed and he really hoped that Jin was as well.
"Okay," Kame cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure, "What exactly is iTunes Dance Album Chart?"
"Exactly," Jin nodded with a bitter pout.
***
It should have been a routine by now.
Being the face of a certain product. Filming a short commercial. Attending a press conference. Keeping a polite smile, the one that looks warm, yet professionally distant...both at the same time. - Kame had mastered such a smile years ago, after all. - Standing in front of people and being blinded by lights, yet not showing off how uncomfortable he felt at the moment. Answering their questions, and praising whatever product it was this time. A lip balm. A shaver. A Nintendo console.
An afternoon tea.
Anything, really.
Kame was a professional. Work was his priority. He should have been able to shut off everything else and focus only on what was needed to be done.
Kame shouldn't have been thinking about what had happened a couple of weeks ago while presenting for Panasonic.
It had been different for many reasons; mainly because the press con at the time back then had been held too soon after the big news had been released. People had been eager to hear details; some kind of either confirmation or negation from him regarding the whole matter. What did Kamenashi Kazuya have to say about Akanishi's confession of their relationship? That had been the question of the day back then. As annoyed as Kame might have been, he, in fact, could understand. These days though, it seemed the interest was slowly fading out. They could breathe again.
Jin's tour had been wrapped and Jin was back in Japan. As expected, Johnny made him make an appearance on every possible show to remind fans in Japan that Jin Akanishi was not going to disappear from their sight. A rumor about possible concerts in Japan as a follow-up to the American tour had somehow already leaked out and fans seemed to be excited. Their idol was still there for them. No official statement had been released though. Even Jin got a suspicion that the agency was waiting. Still considering all options, calculating numbers. Money. Always money.
Jin was a bit grumpy about the matter. He was still heated up from his concerts overseas and wanted to keep going; jump from one concert tour to another without a break.
Singing was what he wanted to do the most, after all.
Kame didn't say it aloud, keeping his worries to himself, but the way the agency had been hesitating with even announcing a possible tour looked a lot like Johnny trying to prevent a new rush of rumors and Akakame craze. Dealing with it had been easier when Jin had been an ocean away. Now he was back and even Kame had to admit his anxiety.
The anxiety that was, most likely, the main reason for his intense self-consciousness right now, when stepping forward into a room full of reporters.
He could deal with blurred pictures covering front pages every other day. With headlines announcing to the world where he and Jin had dinner. The exact days when they were spotted at an airport, coming along with guesses of their possible destination.
He could deal with people staring at him on the street. Taking quick photos with their cells and sharing them online.
With fans screaming Jin's name during concerts.
- They had been doing all of this even before, after all. -
He could deal with anything.
As long as it didn't clash with his work.
Kame tried not to make any eye contact. Not to search for a potential threat. Someone to ask about Jin. Again. There was always someone like that in a crowd. A decent looking guy sitting in the second row. A young woman wearing glasses in the back row, stretching her neck to get a better view. A man whose head was lowered into the presentation pamphlet the press had been given at the entrance earlier.
Anyone could speak up and bring up Akanishi or Akakame.
Kame forced himself into a smile, one of those he was well aware that looked good on both pictures and a television screen. Bracing himself for the possibility he might need to take a hasty leave later once again. The eventual front page headlines were dancing in his head when his eyes blinked against the light in the room.
Surprisingly, everything went well in the end.
So well, that most of the event turned into a little blur for him later; all the images and questions he had heard thousands of times before mingled. The only thing changing from time to time was the names of various products.
Despite how smooth the presentation had gone though, Kame felt strung up and jumpy for the rest of the day. If his manager hadn't called him and reminded him, Kame would have missed a meeting; and he took a wrong turn on his way there so he arrived with a little delay. Still acceptable and excusable, yet being late was definitely not his style.
It dawned on him only later. Shreds of his memory were fitting together when in the evening Kame joined Jin on the couch to watch a movie. They were at Kame's again because the place was more comfortable, always had a full fridge and the chance of either Ryo or Yamapi intruding in the middle of a night was smaller. Jin didn't have any objection coming over all the time; as long as there was food, Kame and a guitar, the surroundings didn't really matter to him.
Kame was freshly showered and wrapped in one of his comfy home yukatas; lounging on the cushions, half watching the criminal story unraveling on the screen and half interested in reading a magazine. Jin's palms were warm against Kame's shins, playing with the soft hair there, and even though Jin once in a while tapped Kame's legs to get the other's attention - when something important happened in the movie -; he never got more than a glance over the edge of the magazine or a little twitch Kame did to send Jin's ticklish fingers away. But overall, the atmosphere between them was lazy and comfortable at first sight.
"It works, right?" Jin finally asked about what had been bugging for a while now. His fingers ceased brushing over Kame's leg and his hands rested on the other's ankles. "This. You and me. People knowing."
Taking small steps. It worked. Jin thought it did. Just like he had said to Yamapi and Ryo.
The sudden concern made Kame look up from the text he was reading.
"You tell me. You were the one who wanted to take it back at first."
"Hmm." Jin's fingers moved up Kame's leg again. He looked a bit lost for a moment, thinking too much and searching for answers that might have not even existed. "I think it's going to be good."
"Good," Kame nodded.
"Really good. As in 'people not really caring that much anymore' good." Jin shrugged and fidgeted to get closer to Kame. "You guys are having a new single soon and Johnny could let me have one as well." Carefully, he picked Kame's magazine, took it out of Kame's hands, letting it fall on the floor with a silent rustling of the pages. He ignored Kame's puzzled, sorrowful look after the article he hadn't finished yet. "You know… it's rather funny actually, if you think about it. All those years we were worried the truth might ruin our careers, but in the end, we are still here."
Kame didn't look at Jin, just shifted enough to sit up and bend his knees without getting entangled in the yukata. He watched how Jin's hand pulled back, sagging down listlessly by Jin's hip.
"What?" Jin got a bit uncertain. He wasn't aware of saying anything wrong, yet this just now wasn't exactly the reaction he had been expecting.
"Hmm?"
Kame, above everyone else, had been the one convincing Jin that things would eventually get better. Now they were better, at least for what Jin could say. His album was, despite the shaky start, doing just fine, slowly crawling up various charts in the States and he had even got an offer for a future collaboration again. Overseas, no one really cared about him being in a relationship with someone, be it a girl or a man. Jin had occasionally mentioned Kazuya's name in interviews, sending his greetings to Japan. This hadn't been happening often though, as there was still a part of Jin used to how things used to be. When Kame used to be his little secret.
"I…don't know," Jin shrugged, "You don't look like everything is fine. Is there something… like…?"
"Like?"
Kame's fingers started unconsciously tugging at the tie binding the yukata closed around his body. Slow, jerky moves. He didn't know what to do.
He was the one having been assuring Jin they could make it, pull through and live their lives as if nothing had happened, because even the most persistent reporters would have eventually gotten tired of chasing after them all the time. He was the one having painted Jin the bright future in which the two of them could walk down a street side by side without creating clamor bigger than the one upon two idols being spotted together.
Kame was the one having come up with the theory of small steps, taking one at a time; not pushing anything.
And Jin, obviously, had listened to him for once. Listened and believed; swallowed the nagging thoughts about 'what if' and the sales of his album, a question with no real answer now. Not without a time machine. Moreover, it was easier to live when one believed that the sale numbers had nothing much to do with Jin and Kame, with them and with everything that it represented.
Jin watched how Kame wound one end of the tie around his finger then let it wind off. And again. Tighter this time. The soft fabric throttled the blood circulation and the tip of the finger turned dark red. And Kame was just staring.
"Kazuya stop it!" Jin's hand swept off Kame's, made the other loosen the tie.
Confused, Kame finally looked up.
"Talk to me. What's wrong?"
And after a moment of thinking, "You were right," Kame's teeth scratched over his bottom lip and his head slightly shook in agitation. "Johnny was right. We should have stopped this. All of it. When we could." His eyelids fluttered; a memory of cameras flashing, people asking, voices one over the other. Confusing. Scary.
What was he doing just now?
Everything was fine, like Jin said. No big drama. KAT-TUN was doing well, their tour and album, the upcoming single.
If someone had been still intrigued by 'Akakame', then they were not showing it too ostentatiously. No obtrusive questions, no remarks. And yet…
"It doesn't work, Jin," Kame sighed. He needed to explain it to himself before he could give an intelligible answer to Jin, or anyone else. Maybe later, but now, mostly to Jin. Because Jin deserved one. After everything Kame had done to make him believe they could do it, it was only fair to give Jin something. "Not for me."
Jin wasn't sure he understood at first. "How…?" But maybe 'how' or 'why' or anything else were not the right questions to ask; the only answer Jin needed was the way Kame was looking at him, guilty and apologetically, pleading, begging Jin to understand and see the world through Kame's eyes. See the tension and fear of what might come someday. Jin considered reaching out and taking Kame's hand, or just touching it but in the end, kept his hand at place without making the slightest move. "Has anything happened today? During the press conference. Did they…?"
"No. Nothing like that," Kame said quickly. Jin shouldn't get the wrong impression. For once, press wasn't the one at blame. "Not this time. But it could be. Next week, a month from now. Anytime."
"I thought that…" Jin hesitated. "You said things were fine. You looked like they were." Okay, not the best example. Where work was concerned, Kazuya's face only rarely showed what he was really thinking. "When did you change your mind? You could have told me, you know?"
Kame's shoulders slightly shrugged. "I don't know. Now. Maybe earlier today. A week ago." It might have happened any time. He might have been trying so hard to look fine for his surroundings that the line between his real feelings and pretending had blurred. Mingled together. "I'm sorry. For not saying anything."
Jin nodded. Didn't say a word.
Kame surely had put a lot of thinking into this before speaking up. Kame wasn't the type to just freak out and act without considering all options.
As well as Kame was the type to bottle up all his worries inside, afraid of bothering the people around him. It was ridiculous, of course; and Jin had tried several times to assure the other that there was not such a thing as 'bothering' (save for the times when Kame insisted that Jin had to watch a particular baseball match for reasons Jin never got even after Kame's detailed commentary), with only a little success though.
Kame let out a soft, helpless sigh. "I can't do this, Jin. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing you before, for promising things would work out fine. I thought they could but -"
"Kame…" Finally, Jin brought a hand to Kame and tenderly scratched his knee as it was the first part of the other's body his fingers met. A soothing gesture.
Kame was tired. It was all over his face and deep in his eyes when he looked at Jin.
"Let's end it."
***
They spent their last day together in Tokyo Disneyland.
The promised amusement park date.
No one really paid attention to a couple of casually dressed men with baseball caps shielding their faces walking around, stopping occasionally at souvenir stands and having fun at various attractions, stuffing their mouths with cotton candy; or just sitting on a bench and enjoying the view around.
Saturday afternoon made the park crowded; full of shrieking kids and parents who had to watch over them.
No one really cared when at some point Jin and Kame were walking so close to each other that for a fleeting moment, their hands not only grazed over each other, but their fingers locked on, warm and tight. Then it was gone because Jin spotted a place with water guns and they spent the following hour shooting water at moving discs of various shapes and colors, screaming louder than the group of teenagers at the stall next to theirs; Jin's high-pitched falsetto ringing all around.
They went from one place to another. Every time Kame thought they might finally stop and have a coffee or something, Jin pulled out a map of the park and after giving the plan a quick, searching glance, found yet another attraction they simply had to see and try.
Anything, just to not think about tomorrow.
About what would happen once they went through the exit gate of the park and headed home. To their reality.
To tomorrow's headlines about Akanishi and Kamenashi being spotted in Disneyworld.
And to headlines that would come later on. Two weeks, a month from now; Johnny's choice of timing depending on careful, elaborate calculations and analysis of the situation. This time, they had at least given the agency the chance to choose the right time for yet more breaking news.
They took one last ride on a roller coaster, screaming their lungs out - because Kame hated the moment when the car was about to dive into the depth after going up to the very peak of the trail; and Jin simply wanted to outcry the clamor of the train and wind and people screaming behind their backs.
It must have been the best ride of his life, Jin concluded when the train eventually pulled in a small terminal and Jin released Kame's hand from his, not remembering when they had ended up with their fingers entwined. Marks of Kame's short nails were dark red on Jin's skin and Jin quickly tugged on sleeves of his hoodie to cover them.
Exchanging rather goofy grins, they left the roller coaster, leisurely dragging their feet to the exit.
"So…" Kame licked his lips when they stopped at the parking lot.
All around them, families and groups of young people were taking their leave as well. Slowly falling twilight painted the sky above them with dim, pastel tones. The sounds from the park were loud and cheerful.
Jin swayed on his feet, hands buried deep in the pockets of his pants. He was looking somewhere to the ground between him and Kame.
It might be the weirdest situation in his life so far.
This, or maybe the moment when the whole world had been reminded of the damn cheetah negligee he had once worn for a show, and his back dancers had had a blast for more than a week. The girls had been coming to rehearsals and meetings wearing something with a cheetah pattern on a daily basis, teasing Jin and poking him to put some of the pieces on.
However, giving it a second thought; his old pictures were more humiliating than weird.
"So," Jin nodded.
Weird. Definitely.
Kame's eyelids fluttered against the sharp evening sun. He didn't put on sunglasses though. Not wanting to miss the way the sun changed the shade of Jin's skin and hair.
"When is your flight?" Kame found a safe question and silently cursed himself right away because now he would have to think hard of another one. That was, of course, if they wanted to prolong this awkward moment any longer.
"In two days. Still some time left." Jin noticed one of his feet started tapping the ground. "And I promised Ryo a drink or two before I go."
"I see. Yeah." And then Kame was holding the keys of his car, because it was safer than saying anything else. "Thank you for today."
Jin flashed a smile. "We should do it again." Only the thought alone was unlikely to happen. Not any time soon at least. Jin bit his lip and glanced up at Kame's thoughtful face. "I mean…" clearing his throat, Jin was searching for the right words. "It was fun, right? Maybe we could -"
"We can't."
"But…"
Kame shook his head and raising the hand holding the keys, he gave a slight punch against Jin's chest. "It's over. Remember?"
"Not yet." Jin took a step forward in an attempt to hug the other and most probably, also kiss him. Right there in the middle of the parking lot. A reflex, an unconscious reaction his body had got used to during the last months. They might have not been openly affectionate towards each other at the time but Jin had known they could have been. And that was all that had mattered. He would need some time to settle in the new course of how things between them would be from now on.
Re-learning the old habits.
This was the end, after all. And the new beginning. All at once.
Kame flinched from Jin's sudden move and bumped into the car behind him. His breath was faster than it should be but else, he stayed calm and reasonable. Someone had to, after all. He knew he owned Jin a lot now, but they needed to be careful from now on. More than ever. "We can't. Not anymore."
Jin was thinking of why exactly he had agreed on this.
Then sighed. "Well, then it's probably going to be my manager calling yours later. You know, to settle stuff."
Kame smiled. "I'll tell mine not to turn off his phone."
"You better."
And just like that, the day had come to its end, drowning in a soft twilight and the amusement park resounding in the neighborhood, Kame's smile and Jin's little smirk just before he made a little waving gesture, turned around and went to find his car.
Kame closed his eyes against the setting sun and took a deep breath.
The last day was almost over.
But the world would wake up tomorrow anyway.
***
"Let's end it, Jin."
"Eh? You do realize it sounds a lot like a break up just now, right?"
"But I'm not breaking up with you!"
"Then what?"
"The public won't stop chasing after us as long as there will be a chance they might find something."
"Okay?"
"We gave them 'Akakame'. Maybe we can give them a break up, too."
***
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone…
***
The official statement came out a month later. Jin got to read it the moment he opened his inbox; lying in a bed, still a bit drowsy. Late summer sun was coming into the hotel room through an open window. The street outside was already busy, not giving much of a chance to keep sleeping anymore, even if Jin's phone hadn't rung. The statement wasn't more than a couple of short, polished sentences. But everything important was there anyway.
Akanishi Jin (28) and Kamenashi Kazuya (26) are no longer in a relationship due to their busy schedules and Akanishi's long-term staying overseas. Kamenashi is currently busy filming a remake of Kimura Takuya's drama Long Vacation, while Akanishi is in the US to promote his upcoming Hollywood debut.
Jin chuckled and scrolled down, checking also other mails; a mocking condolence from Ryo included. Working in only one group now was obviously giving Nishikido too much free time.
"Anything interesting?" A mumbled question came from a heap of crumpled sheeting by his side, just before Kazuya's tousled head peeked out and the drowsiness written all over his face made Jin lose interest in his phone overall. Not waiting for anything, Jin leaned down and greeted Kazuya into a new day with a kiss.
Kazuya whimpered, taken unawares by the gesture but was fast at adapting to the situation, tilting his head and returning the lazy, sloppy kiss.
A moment later, Kazuya managed to free himself from the sheeting and propped himself on an elbow, watching Jin with a concerned look. "Do you already know what hot actress you are supposed to date so the world could calm down and forget about the whole 'Akakame scandal'? Again…"
Jin shook his head. "Not really. They probably need some time to find someone juicy enough. You know…" Jin shrugged, "someone to catch the attention and interest of people out there."
"Not gonna be easy though," Kazuya smirked, tilting his head and giving Jin one of his mischievous, challenging looks. "We presented them real Akakame after all. What could possibly beat that?"
Jin was quite sure their managers would find something soon. That was what they were getting their money for after all.
And meanwhile, hidden in the safety of an L.A. hotel room, with Kame paying a short visit before going back to Japan and to his work; Jin and Kame could enjoy a precious moment of privacy.
"Yeah," Jin sighed, pecking Kame's lips. "We gave them Akakame."
"And then we took it back," Kame grinned softly, propping on an elbow and raising his other hand to smooth Jin's hair behind his ear. "They didn't deserve it."
Jin shook his head thoughtfully.
"Not at all."
***