3:30am - 3:48am 12/20/06
Wow, I haven't written for 12 hours... Shame on me. Well, a couple things happened since I last wrote. I did end up taking a shower, and I did get my belt, but instead of taking a nap, I curled up and watched this movie called "The Tenth Kingdom." Damn T.V. finally sucked me in.
So anyways, I watched T.V. for a while, then went over to the cafeteria with a nurse tech. I have privileges now. I noticed that I don't have the real suicidal thoughts, the ones I can't get rid of, until my anti-depressants kick in. For example, I'm not really suicidal right now. I mean, I still have that low sense of self-worth, but I don't actively want to kill myself. But let me get back to what I missed.
So I had dinner. I'm the only one really on this unit now... Jennifer, the woman who was going to drive her car off the cliff, ate with the other people, and doesn't sleep over here.
Then, my mom and Ronni visited. They caught me crying - how embarrassing. I was crying because I tried hard, but couldn't get rid of the suicidal thoughts. So that was annoying. We talked about all sorts of stuff. I can't really think of anything too important that we talked about - I was really tired. Oh, my mother mentioned, err, stated, that it's probably the drugs that were/are making me suicidal. So yay, it's something more than mental. She said that that's what Dr. A (my psychiatrist) said to my father. So that's an interesting little piece of info.
Ronni and my mom left around 7:50pm... I was really, really tired. So tired that I didn't write! The nurse tech, Farah, made me go to "Group Wrap-up" with the Acute patients, even though I told her I was really tired. I should've just been more assertive and not gone - what would she do to me?
I feel odd right now. I don't like that I woke up at this time, but I can't go to sleep. I'm kind of shaky, and I feel kind of odd... Almost how I felt after doing Coricidin, I think. I don't know... that was a long time ago. I think I'll get a shower, though, and try to go to sleep again after that.
So anyways, I watched T.V. for a while, then went over to the cafeteria with a nurse tech. I have privileges now. I noticed that I don't have the real suicidal thoughts, the ones I can't get rid of, until my anti-depressants kick in. For example, I'm not really suicidal right now. I mean, I still have that low sense of self-worth, but I don't actively want to kill myself. But let me get back to what I missed.
So I had dinner. I'm the only one really on this unit now... Jennifer, the woman who was going to drive her car off the cliff, ate with the other people, and doesn't sleep over here.
Then, my mom and Ronni visited. They caught me crying - how embarrassing. I was crying because I tried hard, but couldn't get rid of the suicidal thoughts. So that was annoying. We talked about all sorts of stuff. I can't really think of anything too important that we talked about - I was really tired. Oh, my mother mentioned, err, stated, that it's probably the drugs that were/are making me suicidal. So yay, it's something more than mental. She said that that's what Dr. A (my psychiatrist) said to my father. So that's an interesting little piece of info.
Ronni and my mom left around 7:50pm... I was really, really tired. So tired that I didn't write! The nurse tech, Farah, made me go to "Group Wrap-up" with the Acute patients, even though I told her I was really tired. I should've just been more assertive and not gone - what would she do to me?
I feel odd right now. I don't like that I woke up at this time, but I can't go to sleep. I'm kind of shaky, and I feel kind of odd... Almost how I felt after doing Coricidin, I think. I don't know... that was a long time ago. I think I'll get a shower, though, and try to go to sleep again after that.