letter to myself
Do you know...
I hate you sometimes. You screw everything up...everything good in your life,you find some way to throw it out the door. Yes,yes,I know you don't mean to...but for once,can't you work against your nature and be someone better than who you are? I know you're lazy,and precocious,and clingy,and the teeniest bit obsessive,but,for crying out loud...when you've got something good,normally,you want to hold onto it. Not push it away. And now you've given yourself the biggest heartache of your life. You are your own worst enemy,Heather Elizabeth. No one else. Not your mother. Not your friends. Not your sister,or your family,or even that one you've given your heart to. No one's working against you. No one's trying to steal your man away. You might as well be giving him away,with how you act. Can't you see you're driving him further and further from your arms? No one expects you to be anything other than who you are,and you need to stop taking shit so seriously.
You love. I know you do. I've never felt you love this much in your entire life,and you've had so much love to give,without anyone who wanted to take it,haven't you? There were those who made you think that they wanted it,but all they wanted was something easy,and you wanted to feel...wanted...so you gave it to them. And now the one person who,for ages,wanted nothing but your love doesn't really seem to care for it anymore. And all because YOU FUCKED UP. You fucked up,like you always do. It's a good thing your parents didn't name you Grace,because you are for certain the most graceless creature I've ever seen. You say the wrong thing,you do the wrong thing...I know,you like to ask 'well then,how am I supposed to be me?' - you can still be you and not be so fucking moronic at times.
I tell you all this not to get you down...but because I love you. I want you to be happy,I want you to feel wanted,and loved,I want for you to be able to give all that love you have in your heart and not have it thrown back in your face. You're a good person,Heather. You're just not very good at being a person sometimes,is all.
Love,
Yourself.
I hate you sometimes. You screw everything up...everything good in your life,you find some way to throw it out the door. Yes,yes,I know you don't mean to...but for once,can't you work against your nature and be someone better than who you are? I know you're lazy,and precocious,and clingy,and the teeniest bit obsessive,but,for crying out loud...when you've got something good,normally,you want to hold onto it. Not push it away. And now you've given yourself the biggest heartache of your life. You are your own worst enemy,Heather Elizabeth. No one else. Not your mother. Not your friends. Not your sister,or your family,or even that one you've given your heart to. No one's working against you. No one's trying to steal your man away. You might as well be giving him away,with how you act. Can't you see you're driving him further and further from your arms? No one expects you to be anything other than who you are,and you need to stop taking shit so seriously.
You love. I know you do. I've never felt you love this much in your entire life,and you've had so much love to give,without anyone who wanted to take it,haven't you? There were those who made you think that they wanted it,but all they wanted was something easy,and you wanted to feel...wanted...so you gave it to them. And now the one person who,for ages,wanted nothing but your love doesn't really seem to care for it anymore. And all because YOU FUCKED UP. You fucked up,like you always do. It's a good thing your parents didn't name you Grace,because you are for certain the most graceless creature I've ever seen. You say the wrong thing,you do the wrong thing...I know,you like to ask 'well then,how am I supposed to be me?' - you can still be you and not be so fucking moronic at times.
I tell you all this not to get you down...but because I love you. I want you to be happy,I want you to feel wanted,and loved,I want for you to be able to give all that love you have in your heart and not have it thrown back in your face. You're a good person,Heather. You're just not very good at being a person sometimes,is all.
Love,
Yourself.