A few things that should noted.
I do not believe "true" love exists. I believe there are many few that can fully envelop themselves into a relationship allowing them to eel the full intensity of the chemical overload. If they are so lucky then they find the same in another then this strange phenomenon occurs. I pity those that carry that trait and find someone who doesn't, like a genetic misevaluation. This belief forces me to realize that some will never understand the true insanity of falling in love. I also believe there are varying levels of intensity and longevity of said collection of emotions.
I wonder where I stand?
Note number two
I've spent most o my adult life trying not to become mother but I've always treaded dangerously close. I have inherited her natural paranoia and neediness.
I am forever ambitious fueled by fear.
I can not say weather or not I will ever be complacent in who I am. I can say however, I have learned that no matter what you do or how much value you gain from it; if you do something earnestly there will always be someone that will admire and respect you for that.
I will never be "her". I will never be curvy, a savant of any sort, tan, naturally pretty, talented or charismatic.
I had spent years trying to be a genetic version what people found interesting. Then I spent even more trying to hid what I had been.
I am going to try to be honest. I am going to try to indulge into my own hobbies and interest with out fear or apprehension. I will no longer focus on my short comings and work on what I know. Trusting myself will be a herculean task.
If there is something I feel I can not do or am unready for then I will wait. I will focus on my capabilities for now.
Note number 3
I can't get somethings out of my head. I hate the fact some universal being gave me memories I never asked for. Or worse they happened by celestial accident. Doctors might say that I was in the second stage of grieving but what about the memories that have nothing do to with death? Its unfair that I have to have things inside of me that make me sick. I still to this day can not understand why someone would do those of things to another person and why it was me. Every happy memory of my sister is tainted by her lifeless body. Every peaceful memory of curling up in bed is tainted by handful of men. I fear nothing in my lifetime will be pure and truly joyful.
If I could have one small thing in this life I knew I could hold on to. I could think with out corruption, I think that just maybe I could forgive myself.
I wonder where I stand?
Note number two
I've spent most o my adult life trying not to become mother but I've always treaded dangerously close. I have inherited her natural paranoia and neediness.
I am forever ambitious fueled by fear.
I can not say weather or not I will ever be complacent in who I am. I can say however, I have learned that no matter what you do or how much value you gain from it; if you do something earnestly there will always be someone that will admire and respect you for that.
I will never be "her". I will never be curvy, a savant of any sort, tan, naturally pretty, talented or charismatic.
I had spent years trying to be a genetic version what people found interesting. Then I spent even more trying to hid what I had been.
I am going to try to be honest. I am going to try to indulge into my own hobbies and interest with out fear or apprehension. I will no longer focus on my short comings and work on what I know. Trusting myself will be a herculean task.
If there is something I feel I can not do or am unready for then I will wait. I will focus on my capabilities for now.
Note number 3
I can't get somethings out of my head. I hate the fact some universal being gave me memories I never asked for. Or worse they happened by celestial accident. Doctors might say that I was in the second stage of grieving but what about the memories that have nothing do to with death? Its unfair that I have to have things inside of me that make me sick. I still to this day can not understand why someone would do those of things to another person and why it was me. Every happy memory of my sister is tainted by her lifeless body. Every peaceful memory of curling up in bed is tainted by handful of men. I fear nothing in my lifetime will be pure and truly joyful.
If I could have one small thing in this life I knew I could hold on to. I could think with out corruption, I think that just maybe I could forgive myself.