Mother's day
Mother's day is always uncomfortable for me. I was an unwilling stepmother to a feral little boy who's mother was too busy getting wasted and having orgies to really help her son grow up, or send him to school, or show up on time for anything. He is now an anxious young man who is bitter at the world. I don't really expect him to call me up and wish me a happy mother's day. I don't exactly feel as though I did him a solid by raising him while openly hating his mother. It was so hard not to. I didn't even know I wasn't supposed to talk crap about his mom in front of him, until it was way too late. I was only 25 when I met him, I had no intention of having kids of my own, and I walked into a situation where a wonderful man (Justin) was being horribly mistreated by this hateful drunk bitch. It was unbearable.
I spent so many years feeling helpless, and angry. It was such a relief, once she got married, and had another baby, she stopped being so terrible to us. Though she quit drinking a few years ago, she never once approached me to apologize for the crap she pulled. She has posted thankful messages to my facebook page, which has been encouraging, but also a bit trite in the face of EVERYTHING.
So yeah, Mother's day is rough. I never celebrated it growing up. My Mom didn't do any holidays, we as a family never exchanged presents with regularity. As an adult, I am want to exchange all the presents and celebrate all the things! But I often tiptoe around mother's day like it's no big deal, when it really is, I just feel like an ass saying I want to celebrate, when I don't feel deserving of the festivities...but then...all the times I picked him up from school and made him a snack, or took him to the park to fly kites, or fought to have him put in school, the times I took him to the health department to get all of his vaccinations when he was 12 (Cuz, at the time, Mom was antivax). I worked hard trying to help him even though the situation was so toxic, and all, only because I love his Dad.
In order to cope with the feels, I did some googling on the subject and read a few things people have written about mother's day. It was helpful to read one person's perspective that Mother's day is more about teaching children to value family and learn empathy by highlighting all that Mom does for them. That made it feel less important, now that Stepson is grown.
Then I just needed to come over here and puke up some thinkings.
I spent so many years feeling helpless, and angry. It was such a relief, once she got married, and had another baby, she stopped being so terrible to us. Though she quit drinking a few years ago, she never once approached me to apologize for the crap she pulled. She has posted thankful messages to my facebook page, which has been encouraging, but also a bit trite in the face of EVERYTHING.
So yeah, Mother's day is rough. I never celebrated it growing up. My Mom didn't do any holidays, we as a family never exchanged presents with regularity. As an adult, I am want to exchange all the presents and celebrate all the things! But I often tiptoe around mother's day like it's no big deal, when it really is, I just feel like an ass saying I want to celebrate, when I don't feel deserving of the festivities...but then...all the times I picked him up from school and made him a snack, or took him to the park to fly kites, or fought to have him put in school, the times I took him to the health department to get all of his vaccinations when he was 12 (Cuz, at the time, Mom was antivax). I worked hard trying to help him even though the situation was so toxic, and all, only because I love his Dad.
In order to cope with the feels, I did some googling on the subject and read a few things people have written about mother's day. It was helpful to read one person's perspective that Mother's day is more about teaching children to value family and learn empathy by highlighting all that Mom does for them. That made it feel less important, now that Stepson is grown.
Then I just needed to come over here and puke up some thinkings.