(no subject)
i guess i should update, considering that i haven't since june?
i've been (loosely) keeping a real journal, and i've been going to on campus therapy. so maybe that's been helping.
i went back through and read or skimmed every single entry since i created this journal.. six years ago. eighth grade into sophomore year in college.
its weird to look and see what i chose to update about, or what i chose to vaguely reference. how immature, but so deeply unhappy i was at 14. or how i didn't update about being depressed very often and most entries were obnoxious quizzes or internet speak rants about harry potter that were not exactly eloquent and had way too many exclamation points. and how i'm supposedly "mature" now (well, i guess so in comparison..) but i still have that sense of deep unhappiness. isn't that supposed to go away after middle school?
i think my depression is coming back again. its a familiar monster, but its different this time somehow. the ache is duller, like it has become a part of me. i just.. know that its there. i have no energy or enthusiasm for anything, i can't be bothered or motivated to do anything. i don't have a passion for anything, really. i just want to sleep.
hahaha or maybe its just the mono.
i've actually been looking forward to san diego. what the fuck? i just need this quarter to be over, to have a breather from seattle and from everyone and everything that i've been surrounded by up here. but i think i'm projecting. i was happy at the end of the summer in san diego, so i want to return to that. but i know that something will happen, i will become unhappy for some reason, and i'll start saying "i just need to get back to seattle, i'm so happy there."
sophomore slump? everyone's feeling it. its all the rage this year.
i've been (loosely) keeping a real journal, and i've been going to on campus therapy. so maybe that's been helping.
i went back through and read or skimmed every single entry since i created this journal.. six years ago. eighth grade into sophomore year in college.
its weird to look and see what i chose to update about, or what i chose to vaguely reference. how immature, but so deeply unhappy i was at 14. or how i didn't update about being depressed very often and most entries were obnoxious quizzes or internet speak rants about harry potter that were not exactly eloquent and had way too many exclamation points. and how i'm supposedly "mature" now (well, i guess so in comparison..) but i still have that sense of deep unhappiness. isn't that supposed to go away after middle school?
i think my depression is coming back again. its a familiar monster, but its different this time somehow. the ache is duller, like it has become a part of me. i just.. know that its there. i have no energy or enthusiasm for anything, i can't be bothered or motivated to do anything. i don't have a passion for anything, really. i just want to sleep.
hahaha or maybe its just the mono.
i've actually been looking forward to san diego. what the fuck? i just need this quarter to be over, to have a breather from seattle and from everyone and everything that i've been surrounded by up here. but i think i'm projecting. i was happy at the end of the summer in san diego, so i want to return to that. but i know that something will happen, i will become unhappy for some reason, and i'll start saying "i just need to get back to seattle, i'm so happy there."
sophomore slump? everyone's feeling it. its all the rage this year.