October - woo fucking hoo
Hola everyone, So I went home last weekend. I got to hang out with Susan and do some major shopping and relax and see the family. It was all good. I got thing I've been wanting - which was good. The only bad thing was that I discovered I cant drive for shit and I now hate it. Going home I got stuck in traffic for stupid reasons and got stressed out majorly. Thank you Susan for talking to me, it really calmed me down. Then I drove all day saturday (in traffic again) and shoped for several hundred hours, that wasnt stressful at all [insert sarcasm here]. Then driving back to Macomb, stupid me misses the turn for US 34, so I was well over half way to Peoria, before I took a U-turn in the 'authorized personnel' area. I put my hazards on - so I looked authorized. So that took me at least 30 plus minutes out of my way. So when I got back at 8ish, I wasnt happy I had a head ache, back ache, I was hungry and tired and frustrated. I really wanted a cigarette. But Erika was in my room for a couple hours, so by the time I couldve gone down to smoke (which I NEVER do), I was already to go to bed and forget about my day. Which I did. But that brings us to today, which is not interesting,so I will say nothing.
Here's what I will say though, my mind has a million things to think about - will this ever get easier? I mean I know alot of people have alot more serious problems then I do, I will not deny that. But geeze, cant someone just answer my questions for me? First off, boys are an issue I wont get into. Just leave it at the fact that they are an issue. Work and money are, like always, an issue. My health and the fact that I havent really worked out in awhile, very bad. School and it kicking my ass. And not knowing what I should do for next semester, next year, and the next couple of years. How can I work towards a goal I dont know. It feels like Im in an endless race towards a goal that I most likely will be disappointed in anyways. My fear is that after all my hard work and time, I wont be happy and I wont do what I want and my life will be nothing but one big fat regret. I need some answers here. I need to pray to God, speak to my inner self, wish on every shooting star that exists, blow out every birthday candle I can find, cross my fingers, and find myself a four leaf clover. Hell, I'll be happy with a magical wizard type that pops out of no where and gives me the answers I need. Hell, if he just pointed in the right direction, that'll be cool. Its like Im playing pin the tail on the fuckin donkey, and Im blind folded and still spinning. I just know Im gonna pin some fat guy in the ass, instead of hit the target of my dreams. Oh well, some day it'll all work out, right?
"Im giving it all, giving it all away" "theres a million reasons why I cry, hold my covers tight and close my eyes, cuz I dont want to be alone"
Here's what I will say though, my mind has a million things to think about - will this ever get easier? I mean I know alot of people have alot more serious problems then I do, I will not deny that. But geeze, cant someone just answer my questions for me? First off, boys are an issue I wont get into. Just leave it at the fact that they are an issue. Work and money are, like always, an issue. My health and the fact that I havent really worked out in awhile, very bad. School and it kicking my ass. And not knowing what I should do for next semester, next year, and the next couple of years. How can I work towards a goal I dont know. It feels like Im in an endless race towards a goal that I most likely will be disappointed in anyways. My fear is that after all my hard work and time, I wont be happy and I wont do what I want and my life will be nothing but one big fat regret. I need some answers here. I need to pray to God, speak to my inner self, wish on every shooting star that exists, blow out every birthday candle I can find, cross my fingers, and find myself a four leaf clover. Hell, I'll be happy with a magical wizard type that pops out of no where and gives me the answers I need. Hell, if he just pointed in the right direction, that'll be cool. Its like Im playing pin the tail on the fuckin donkey, and Im blind folded and still spinning. I just know Im gonna pin some fat guy in the ass, instead of hit the target of my dreams. Oh well, some day it'll all work out, right?
"Im giving it all, giving it all away" "theres a million reasons why I cry, hold my covers tight and close my eyes, cuz I dont want to be alone"