(no subject)
Musings of the day!
"Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already
know everything."
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing.
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they use to.
"You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just
on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last
second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time!!"
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a
woman are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about
men is they're a bunch of liars."
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
"All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism."
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and
be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is
another theory which states that this has already happened."
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but
they've always worked for me."
"You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and
those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration."
No man's property is safe while Congress is in session. Mark Twain,
writer.