(no subject)
what is your deepest, darkest fear? have you tried to overcome it?
i have been asked this a few times in the past, and as far as i can remember, my answer has always been the same.
i am not prone to nightmares, ever. but if i do have a dream that disturbingly follows me into the waking world with a 'thank god, it was only a dream!' moment, it is usually the same. it always ends in me being ostracized by my dearest friends somehow. the action usually takes place in a large room, with all my nearest and dearest coming to the consensus that i am a crap person, and they don't want to see me anymore.
i know, absolutely horrible right? i have my suspicions about the locus of these dreams but that's a whole other post.
dreamscape or not though, i would say losing my friends is definitely my most fearsome prospect.
and to a minor extent, (or not so minor, when it comes down to how it makes my heart feel), this fear has become manifest this year, hopefully more than will ever ever happen again. dennis, my dear matt b, tyler, jack and others, i feel like i lost in the height of my depressed state. when i was walking around blank faced and feeble minded and so far away from myself i was basically a different person. none of us talk anymore. in all cases i was just too gone and alienated them, i guess.
i don't necessarily think these are irreparable (maybe matt b..).. and i will have to get to work getting reconnected.
life happens. and if they are good friends at all, they will just be glad i am back to a better place.
i have been asked this a few times in the past, and as far as i can remember, my answer has always been the same.
i am not prone to nightmares, ever. but if i do have a dream that disturbingly follows me into the waking world with a 'thank god, it was only a dream!' moment, it is usually the same. it always ends in me being ostracized by my dearest friends somehow. the action usually takes place in a large room, with all my nearest and dearest coming to the consensus that i am a crap person, and they don't want to see me anymore.
i know, absolutely horrible right? i have my suspicions about the locus of these dreams but that's a whole other post.
dreamscape or not though, i would say losing my friends is definitely my most fearsome prospect.
and to a minor extent, (or not so minor, when it comes down to how it makes my heart feel), this fear has become manifest this year, hopefully more than will ever ever happen again. dennis, my dear matt b, tyler, jack and others, i feel like i lost in the height of my depressed state. when i was walking around blank faced and feeble minded and so far away from myself i was basically a different person. none of us talk anymore. in all cases i was just too gone and alienated them, i guess.
i don't necessarily think these are irreparable (maybe matt b..).. and i will have to get to work getting reconnected.
life happens. and if they are good friends at all, they will just be glad i am back to a better place.