(no subject)
I need other things to get off my chest too. One of my ex's who I feel I still love, wants me back, but I'm with Paul. I love Paul dearly but from what I wrote my previous entry I still don't know what to think about all that. My ex is pretty much trying to tell me to chose and I really can't. They both make me feel the same way, but I wanna stay with Paul for the simple fact I really have no reason to leave him and I'm not about to just randomly leave him for an ex of mine. I just hung up on my ex because I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. My head is all sorts of jumbled up and stuff. I should just go single and stay that way, but seeing my life without Paul seems weird. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Being with him makes me so happy, he just worries me sometimes. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or what. I need to vent more often..Damn. I didn't realize how many things bug me. I could keep going in this one what's all really bugging me and whatnot...But it might go on for like 5 pages. I'll just start ranting...
First thing, I hate the state of WI. They're a bunch of pricks who like to dick around and do shit to piss people off. I know no one reads this so who knows if anyone even really cares. Bus as pretty much everyone knows, my daughter Morgan got taken and put into a foster home. Now I'm not gonna explain, just gonna say it wasn't my fault. Well that was back in Dec of last year. Since she has been taken the state has been doing nothing but dicking around with my family and I. They didn't even look into my parents to see if they would be capable of being the foster parents. They should of done something like that from the beginning. I mean she wasn't even taken out of this home. She was taken from her dad's mom's house. They have no reason to not let her be placed here. And since they've been dicking around, they had to close the case and then re-open it. I got a new fuckin case worker and everything. Hopefully they will be able to tell us everything we need to know at this next court date. Hopefully no more dicking around. Another thing, Morgan's current foster mom is trying to fuckin adopt her. Fuck that shit. I'd kill the bitch if that would happen, because then I'd never be able to see her again. I hate all the people I have to work with which really sucks because I gotta make it look like I appreciate all the bullshit they're telling me. All the yelling they do, all the lies they tell. I hate them just so much. Anyway..On to another thing...
There's Ed. What isn't wrong with this kid...Lets see, the only reason he comes over here is to try getting a cigarette from someone. If he doesn't get one he sits there and whines like a little kid who can't get what he wants. He went around telling my b/f's and my buisness to an ex of his who he lives with. Now she knows Paul and I are together, she doesn't care, she's not jealous, It's just the simple fact she doesn't need to know everything him and I do. He comes over here uninvited all the time. No one really wants him around because he acts so immature and incompetent. He was trying to date one of my buddies who doesn't find Ed attractive at all. He expects life to be handed to him on a silver platter. He's 19 years old and isn't even out looking for a job at all. He was going to get this one telemarketing job, but he passed it up..He yelled at me for not having a job. I've been under way too much stress dealing with the fuckin state and plus I was just in a car accident almost a month ago and my collarbone is still fucked up. I mean how would I get a job in the condition I'm in. I mean right now I am volunteering at a haunted house, but it's easy to do that. I don't have to move around much of have to really talk to anyone. I just get to scare.
On to another thing..People who say they're gonna come over but never do. Dogboy for instance. He called me earlier told me he was gonna come by. We were talking for a little while on the phone. He switches over to the other line, then comes back to me told me he's call me right back. Never did. Then there's also shit going on where I really don't get to see my lil bro because of his fiance...What a bitch. She's all cool to me talking to me, but I know she's gotta be talking shit behind my back, seems like she does it to everyone. That she's pretty much nothing but talk. And she pretty much drowned out my lil bro's bank account. He has like $7,500 or so and last I heard it was like down to $200 and that was within a week or 2. Actually I think it was only a week. She's nothing but a gold digger.
There's more things on my mind. I know it. Aha..There's this Wendy chick who's an ex of Paul's..She's going around telling me al sorts of bullshit about Paul saying he's still doing things with his ex who he lives with and blah, blah, blah..I mean if they were still doing things, she'd probably call me personally and tell me since she does have my number. But Wendy scared the fuck outta me with everything she was saying. It was pissing me off making me mad at Paul, making me want to know more, but I was crying my eyes out because I cannot picture myself living without him. I still have that small thought in the back of my head just telling me, what if he is doing all these things, what if he really is using you for something, what if he really doesn't like you in that way...I hate those thoughts. But I think them all the time especially when he's not with me. I love him so much and I seriously don't know what I would do if I lost him.
It's nice to vent even though no one's gonna read this.
There's also Chad. He's my most recent ex. I still have some feelings for him, but not very strong ones. I mainly like talking to him. I can't stand kissing him, being near him, nothing. He wants me back so bad, but he's not relationship material for me. He's too needy and well I can't give him all the attention he needs from someone. He might be going to jail sometime soon also. And he wants me to visit before he goes in, but I don't know if I would be able to because I don't really have any means of transportation. I wanna see him just in case he does go, because then I won't be able to see him for a long time. I told him to remember my address so he could write me and I could write back. He did some shit last year, but it's not in my rights to say what he did.
This next one goes out to this chicka Sara...I hate this chick..I really do. She's so nasty, doesn't shower, her teeth are just nasty and she just needs to get hit by a train because it might make an improvement on her face. I know it may sound mean, but she goes around and fucks anyone she can. She's tell people she hasn't had sex in like 3 years and they'll fall for it and fuck her. Her man she's with now is a total dork, but he's the shit. Sara doesn't deserve someone like him. She fuckin treats him like shit pretty much treats him like a little puppy dog. Like when he does something she doesn't approve of, she hits him. He's a sweetie though. He puts up with it and I don't know why. I asked him if he really wants to be with her and he said yes..I then told him I can easily get her to leave him and then he started thinking about it. Started talking to me more and he likes me a lot. He's been telling me how much she abuses him and all that shit. I don't understand why he won't leave her or have me do it for him. He deserves a lot better.
Monox...Now there's a few things about this kid that piss me off a lot...Apparently his shoulder is fucked up but he's able do move around and dance around like crazy, like there is no problems. Also, apparently he goes deaf sometimes in 1 ear then starts talking like someone who learned to talk because of being deaf...If you go deaf for a little bit, you'll still be talking normal..He was at my house the other day saying something about his knee and how it was so difficult to walk around especially up and down stairs...I guess he forgot he told me that because he was waling up and down stairs and dancing around like there was nothing to it.
There's just been so much going on with me lately it's just been crazy. If I think of more to rant about I'll come back and make another entry.
First thing, I hate the state of WI. They're a bunch of pricks who like to dick around and do shit to piss people off. I know no one reads this so who knows if anyone even really cares. Bus as pretty much everyone knows, my daughter Morgan got taken and put into a foster home. Now I'm not gonna explain, just gonna say it wasn't my fault. Well that was back in Dec of last year. Since she has been taken the state has been doing nothing but dicking around with my family and I. They didn't even look into my parents to see if they would be capable of being the foster parents. They should of done something like that from the beginning. I mean she wasn't even taken out of this home. She was taken from her dad's mom's house. They have no reason to not let her be placed here. And since they've been dicking around, they had to close the case and then re-open it. I got a new fuckin case worker and everything. Hopefully they will be able to tell us everything we need to know at this next court date. Hopefully no more dicking around. Another thing, Morgan's current foster mom is trying to fuckin adopt her. Fuck that shit. I'd kill the bitch if that would happen, because then I'd never be able to see her again. I hate all the people I have to work with which really sucks because I gotta make it look like I appreciate all the bullshit they're telling me. All the yelling they do, all the lies they tell. I hate them just so much. Anyway..On to another thing...
There's Ed. What isn't wrong with this kid...Lets see, the only reason he comes over here is to try getting a cigarette from someone. If he doesn't get one he sits there and whines like a little kid who can't get what he wants. He went around telling my b/f's and my buisness to an ex of his who he lives with. Now she knows Paul and I are together, she doesn't care, she's not jealous, It's just the simple fact she doesn't need to know everything him and I do. He comes over here uninvited all the time. No one really wants him around because he acts so immature and incompetent. He was trying to date one of my buddies who doesn't find Ed attractive at all. He expects life to be handed to him on a silver platter. He's 19 years old and isn't even out looking for a job at all. He was going to get this one telemarketing job, but he passed it up..He yelled at me for not having a job. I've been under way too much stress dealing with the fuckin state and plus I was just in a car accident almost a month ago and my collarbone is still fucked up. I mean how would I get a job in the condition I'm in. I mean right now I am volunteering at a haunted house, but it's easy to do that. I don't have to move around much of have to really talk to anyone. I just get to scare.
On to another thing..People who say they're gonna come over but never do. Dogboy for instance. He called me earlier told me he was gonna come by. We were talking for a little while on the phone. He switches over to the other line, then comes back to me told me he's call me right back. Never did. Then there's also shit going on where I really don't get to see my lil bro because of his fiance...What a bitch. She's all cool to me talking to me, but I know she's gotta be talking shit behind my back, seems like she does it to everyone. That she's pretty much nothing but talk. And she pretty much drowned out my lil bro's bank account. He has like $7,500 or so and last I heard it was like down to $200 and that was within a week or 2. Actually I think it was only a week. She's nothing but a gold digger.
There's more things on my mind. I know it. Aha..There's this Wendy chick who's an ex of Paul's..She's going around telling me al sorts of bullshit about Paul saying he's still doing things with his ex who he lives with and blah, blah, blah..I mean if they were still doing things, she'd probably call me personally and tell me since she does have my number. But Wendy scared the fuck outta me with everything she was saying. It was pissing me off making me mad at Paul, making me want to know more, but I was crying my eyes out because I cannot picture myself living without him. I still have that small thought in the back of my head just telling me, what if he is doing all these things, what if he really is using you for something, what if he really doesn't like you in that way...I hate those thoughts. But I think them all the time especially when he's not with me. I love him so much and I seriously don't know what I would do if I lost him.
It's nice to vent even though no one's gonna read this.
There's also Chad. He's my most recent ex. I still have some feelings for him, but not very strong ones. I mainly like talking to him. I can't stand kissing him, being near him, nothing. He wants me back so bad, but he's not relationship material for me. He's too needy and well I can't give him all the attention he needs from someone. He might be going to jail sometime soon also. And he wants me to visit before he goes in, but I don't know if I would be able to because I don't really have any means of transportation. I wanna see him just in case he does go, because then I won't be able to see him for a long time. I told him to remember my address so he could write me and I could write back. He did some shit last year, but it's not in my rights to say what he did.
This next one goes out to this chicka Sara...I hate this chick..I really do. She's so nasty, doesn't shower, her teeth are just nasty and she just needs to get hit by a train because it might make an improvement on her face. I know it may sound mean, but she goes around and fucks anyone she can. She's tell people she hasn't had sex in like 3 years and they'll fall for it and fuck her. Her man she's with now is a total dork, but he's the shit. Sara doesn't deserve someone like him. She fuckin treats him like shit pretty much treats him like a little puppy dog. Like when he does something she doesn't approve of, she hits him. He's a sweetie though. He puts up with it and I don't know why. I asked him if he really wants to be with her and he said yes..I then told him I can easily get her to leave him and then he started thinking about it. Started talking to me more and he likes me a lot. He's been telling me how much she abuses him and all that shit. I don't understand why he won't leave her or have me do it for him. He deserves a lot better.
Monox...Now there's a few things about this kid that piss me off a lot...Apparently his shoulder is fucked up but he's able do move around and dance around like crazy, like there is no problems. Also, apparently he goes deaf sometimes in 1 ear then starts talking like someone who learned to talk because of being deaf...If you go deaf for a little bit, you'll still be talking normal..He was at my house the other day saying something about his knee and how it was so difficult to walk around especially up and down stairs...I guess he forgot he told me that because he was waling up and down stairs and dancing around like there was nothing to it.
There's just been so much going on with me lately it's just been crazy. If I think of more to rant about I'll come back and make another entry.