*sigh*
Not the greatest start to the day, being woken up by hysterical screaming :/
Mum had finally done what we all dreaded...shed fallen flat over.
it was like 8 in the morning (not that early i guess, but i hadnt slept all night due to feeling sicky), and apparently mum's right leg had gone completely numb, as if it wasnt even there, and whilst trying to stand up, shed collapsed onto the right leg, between the bed and the wardrobes..which is like..less than a meter wide :/..
THANKFULLY!!!
its dads college/home day today, so he was at home when it happend and was able to move furniture outt he way, and help me help mum upright..after about 30mins of struggling, mum was only half dressed, and was incredibly shakey and exhausted, so we had to call the ambulance round again :/
they used the same inflatable cushion thing as last time, and they stayed a bit longer just to chat to mum, offer to call the GP and her MS nurse to tell them about the fall..both paramedic/technicians were really patient and treated mum well....
Thankfully mum felt fine, and decided not to see any doctors this time... but a part of me kinda hoped she would go to the hospital, just because that way she can get PROPER medical attention, and she wont be tempted to get up and mess about.. and she could just relax, and get the attention she needs..and also for a purely selfish reason i could have a break!!
this is just getting too much now.. its almost every day, my mum will burst into tears, in apology and get hysterical...twice this week shes lost her balance, and couldnt get up out the chair.
its really selfish of me to say..but im 21 :/
ive turned into a house maid, rather than a member of the family, i spent all day yesterday washing, ironing and folding eveyones clothes, i cooked, prepared and served every piece of food yesterday!, it dosent sound that much..but its a house of 4 occasionally 5 adults!! and..im only 21 damn it XD
most people my age have moved out, go out drinking and just genrally have fun... im so exhausted D:
i do care for my mum honestly..but... it just sucks that this has to happen every day, weve never been well off for money, and now she's not able to work, weve taken a massive cut in money over 10 years, and all the money we do earn, gose towards mums taxi fares, prescriptions and general equiptment around the house.... im so tired Y_Y
i reeeeeeeeeeeeeally just wanna get out of here :( but ive got no-where to go :/
i dunno what to do anymore..and i dont really want to talk to mum about it as it will just make her even more self loathing, and blame herself for making me un-happy.. but i cant deal with not having my mum >.<
ive spoken to dad about it alot.. hes honest with me, and explains everything to me so i can see it from her point of view, but i feel bad talking to him, as hes not well, his necks still a problem his work load is terrible and hes said to me that he even feels like a carer not a husband anymore..its so wierd how this illness effects EVERYONE... except maybe nic..i cant even talk to him anymore :/ i dont even notic he's here...
when he is home, hes in his room 8am-11pm only coming down for fags lunch and dinner!! and when helens here, he dosent even come down for food..he goes to tesco's and buys £20 worth of junk food and they sit in nics pit of a room and stay there all day. when i do see him and talk to him..its like talking to a caveman...he just grunts n shrugs...
i hate feeling alone... but... there is no-one else.. i only know 2 other people locally...one of which is looking after 2 very young children with a 3rd on the way, and the other is 2 buses away, and is also looking after a kid, and is hard to have a serious conversation with :/
i love them both to bits... but i really cant talk to them :/
ugh..im gunna stop ranting now..sorry LJ ^^;
if you read this far thanks..and if i see any of you anywhen.. please give me a hug XD.. i need one xxxx
Mum had finally done what we all dreaded...shed fallen flat over.
it was like 8 in the morning (not that early i guess, but i hadnt slept all night due to feeling sicky), and apparently mum's right leg had gone completely numb, as if it wasnt even there, and whilst trying to stand up, shed collapsed onto the right leg, between the bed and the wardrobes..which is like..less than a meter wide :/..
THANKFULLY!!!
its dads college/home day today, so he was at home when it happend and was able to move furniture outt he way, and help me help mum upright..after about 30mins of struggling, mum was only half dressed, and was incredibly shakey and exhausted, so we had to call the ambulance round again :/
they used the same inflatable cushion thing as last time, and they stayed a bit longer just to chat to mum, offer to call the GP and her MS nurse to tell them about the fall..both paramedic/technicians were really patient and treated mum well....
Thankfully mum felt fine, and decided not to see any doctors this time... but a part of me kinda hoped she would go to the hospital, just because that way she can get PROPER medical attention, and she wont be tempted to get up and mess about.. and she could just relax, and get the attention she needs..and also for a purely selfish reason i could have a break!!
this is just getting too much now.. its almost every day, my mum will burst into tears, in apology and get hysterical...twice this week shes lost her balance, and couldnt get up out the chair.
its really selfish of me to say..but im 21 :/
ive turned into a house maid, rather than a member of the family, i spent all day yesterday washing, ironing and folding eveyones clothes, i cooked, prepared and served every piece of food yesterday!, it dosent sound that much..but its a house of 4 occasionally 5 adults!! and..im only 21 damn it XD
most people my age have moved out, go out drinking and just genrally have fun... im so exhausted D:
i do care for my mum honestly..but... it just sucks that this has to happen every day, weve never been well off for money, and now she's not able to work, weve taken a massive cut in money over 10 years, and all the money we do earn, gose towards mums taxi fares, prescriptions and general equiptment around the house.... im so tired Y_Y
i reeeeeeeeeeeeeally just wanna get out of here :( but ive got no-where to go :/
i dunno what to do anymore..and i dont really want to talk to mum about it as it will just make her even more self loathing, and blame herself for making me un-happy.. but i cant deal with not having my mum >.<
ive spoken to dad about it alot.. hes honest with me, and explains everything to me so i can see it from her point of view, but i feel bad talking to him, as hes not well, his necks still a problem his work load is terrible and hes said to me that he even feels like a carer not a husband anymore..its so wierd how this illness effects EVERYONE... except maybe nic..i cant even talk to him anymore :/ i dont even notic he's here...
when he is home, hes in his room 8am-11pm only coming down for fags lunch and dinner!! and when helens here, he dosent even come down for food..he goes to tesco's and buys £20 worth of junk food and they sit in nics pit of a room and stay there all day. when i do see him and talk to him..its like talking to a caveman...he just grunts n shrugs...
i hate feeling alone... but... there is no-one else.. i only know 2 other people locally...one of which is looking after 2 very young children with a 3rd on the way, and the other is 2 buses away, and is also looking after a kid, and is hard to have a serious conversation with :/
i love them both to bits... but i really cant talk to them :/
ugh..im gunna stop ranting now..sorry LJ ^^;
if you read this far thanks..and if i see any of you anywhen.. please give me a hug XD.. i need one xxxx