Stupid....
Dear journal,
Have you ever felt upset every other day? Have you wanted to ever dig yourself a hole and jump in there and bury yourself alive and hope for a painless death? Have you ever felt that everybody in the world uses you for everything? Have you ever felt that to everyone you are just an object? A useless object? I do. I have wished for all those things, I have felt all those things. ::Sighs.:: Today, I looked at my roomie's macro homework and she copied mine every single word of it. I think to myself, so this is what I am for? My friends miss lec and come asking me for notes. Knowing that I am too nice to say no. It is as if I owe everybody something in this world... iT is as if i am an object to be played around with. As if I am some kind of peper somebody writes on and later throws out when they no longer need it. I don't know what I did to upset a friend. He no longer wants to talk to me. What did I do wrong journal? I am crying but I don't know why. I should be used to this. Because this is what I was born to do right? This is what faith wanted me to do right? I'm doing it. I'm doing everything, but I feel so much pain for doing the right thing. I feel as if I'm just a damaged good that I have nothing more to lose. Perhaps I am. I am a pisces, a depressed sign, an emotional sign a moody sign. People hate me. People say I hide things. I have to.... otherwise the whole world would be against me. I haveto hide everything inside. I will never share any secrets with anyone. No one wants to know anyway...haha..::laughs to self.:: I'm a damaged good, I have nothing to lose anyway. Tonight I'm gona pray for someting. Not happiness, not love...but death. If death is the only way out of this misery then I want to die. I hate living the life of a fish. I'm suffocating everyday, but I have to pretend that I am happy and swim around as if nothing is going on. I don't want to go on anymore. If I could, I promise everyone, you will never have to deal with my shit anymore.^_^ because I'll be far far away where I know I can be happy.:: looks up.:: I only wish that day can come sooner......... ja mata journal san. I'm sorry I bothered you again.^^; That was just a lot of rubbish in my head that I needed to get out to you journal.
~ <3 Kitto
Have you ever felt upset every other day? Have you wanted to ever dig yourself a hole and jump in there and bury yourself alive and hope for a painless death? Have you ever felt that everybody in the world uses you for everything? Have you ever felt that to everyone you are just an object? A useless object? I do. I have wished for all those things, I have felt all those things. ::Sighs.:: Today, I looked at my roomie's macro homework and she copied mine every single word of it. I think to myself, so this is what I am for? My friends miss lec and come asking me for notes. Knowing that I am too nice to say no. It is as if I owe everybody something in this world... iT is as if i am an object to be played around with. As if I am some kind of peper somebody writes on and later throws out when they no longer need it. I don't know what I did to upset a friend. He no longer wants to talk to me. What did I do wrong journal? I am crying but I don't know why. I should be used to this. Because this is what I was born to do right? This is what faith wanted me to do right? I'm doing it. I'm doing everything, but I feel so much pain for doing the right thing. I feel as if I'm just a damaged good that I have nothing more to lose. Perhaps I am. I am a pisces, a depressed sign, an emotional sign a moody sign. People hate me. People say I hide things. I have to.... otherwise the whole world would be against me. I haveto hide everything inside. I will never share any secrets with anyone. No one wants to know anyway...haha..::laughs to self.:: I'm a damaged good, I have nothing to lose anyway. Tonight I'm gona pray for someting. Not happiness, not love...but death. If death is the only way out of this misery then I want to die. I hate living the life of a fish. I'm suffocating everyday, but I have to pretend that I am happy and swim around as if nothing is going on. I don't want to go on anymore. If I could, I promise everyone, you will never have to deal with my shit anymore.^_^ because I'll be far far away where I know I can be happy.:: looks up.:: I only wish that day can come sooner......... ja mata journal san. I'm sorry I bothered you again.^^; That was just a lot of rubbish in my head that I needed to get out to you journal.
~ <3 Kitto