getting there
I actually feel a little better today.. By no means am I ok.. but I'll get there... i hope..Sometimes people dont realise the power of their words... 2 very specal people said things yesterday to me that actually made me stop for a moment.. I don't think they realise that.. When it rains in my life it seems to down pour.. Now.. I like thunderstorms as much as the next girl.. but YA KNOW.. I don't need it following me around..
Anyhow back to where I was a second ago... Last night was rock bottom.. I hit hard...It isn't just the net stuff.. trust me there are alot more important real life things going on for me that I can't handle..Within the last 2 weeks I have watched as everyone close to me.... including my mother has turned their backs on me.. I sat here last night feeling so unbelievably alone.. I haven't felt that way since my freshman year in High School...The day I decided to give up totally.. I resigned myself .. and I tried my damndest to take myself out of the pain...and almost succeeded. I remember bits and peices of that night.. .. I remember the smell of the nurses purfume... eternity .. I still hate that perfume.. Last night I was back where I started.. and I had given up.I was ready to just toss it all to the wind and let it sort itself out... without me...thats when two angels came through to me... Simple words that they spoke to me made the difference...It's amazing how something so small and inconsequencial to them made the diference between life and well ...... death for me.. I never thought I would break again.. But these past few weeks have been more than I can handle....
Anyhow back to where I was a second ago... Last night was rock bottom.. I hit hard...It isn't just the net stuff.. trust me there are alot more important real life things going on for me that I can't handle..Within the last 2 weeks I have watched as everyone close to me.... including my mother has turned their backs on me.. I sat here last night feeling so unbelievably alone.. I haven't felt that way since my freshman year in High School...The day I decided to give up totally.. I resigned myself .. and I tried my damndest to take myself out of the pain...and almost succeeded. I remember bits and peices of that night.. .. I remember the smell of the nurses purfume... eternity .. I still hate that perfume.. Last night I was back where I started.. and I had given up.I was ready to just toss it all to the wind and let it sort itself out... without me...thats when two angels came through to me... Simple words that they spoke to me made the difference...It's amazing how something so small and inconsequencial to them made the diference between life and well ...... death for me.. I never thought I would break again.. But these past few weeks have been more than I can handle....