"i am just a worthless liar...
i am just an inbecile..."
i have been shown that... i have some issues i need to deal with. i have a problem with lying... or not telling the whole truth... or just not saying things... as blunt and as honest as i am with people and as they think i am, i am -not- about myself. it is hard for me to be honest about myself, because the me i see is not the me others see... and the me i see i dont want others to see. in the past... well... few months... many of my problems have been brought to my attention. but i still could not see them. i continued to lie and deceive the most important person in my life... i could not bring myself to tell him everything about me... because he saw this immaculate being and i did not want him to see otherwise... but in doing that, he has seen it all. i need to change. i need to fix this problem. i know what is important to me, and that is chris. he is the most important person in my life and i would do anything for him. i know posting this will not make him come back, and honestly i dont blame him for shutting me out, i deserve it for everything i have put him through... but i do want it to be known that there WILL be some fucking changes going on. i want to be a better person for him. even if i cannot get him back, i want to be better for him. i will do everything i can, no matter the cost to change myself and fix this issue.
i am sorry chris. i dont blame you... i really dont... but i do want to try... and i will fucking try my damnedest...
i have been shown that... i have some issues i need to deal with. i have a problem with lying... or not telling the whole truth... or just not saying things... as blunt and as honest as i am with people and as they think i am, i am -not- about myself. it is hard for me to be honest about myself, because the me i see is not the me others see... and the me i see i dont want others to see. in the past... well... few months... many of my problems have been brought to my attention. but i still could not see them. i continued to lie and deceive the most important person in my life... i could not bring myself to tell him everything about me... because he saw this immaculate being and i did not want him to see otherwise... but in doing that, he has seen it all. i need to change. i need to fix this problem. i know what is important to me, and that is chris. he is the most important person in my life and i would do anything for him. i know posting this will not make him come back, and honestly i dont blame him for shutting me out, i deserve it for everything i have put him through... but i do want it to be known that there WILL be some fucking changes going on. i want to be a better person for him. even if i cannot get him back, i want to be better for him. i will do everything i can, no matter the cost to change myself and fix this issue.
i am sorry chris. i dont blame you... i really dont... but i do want to try... and i will fucking try my damnedest...