Would You Rather Be Kind or Be Right?
I have read any number of relationship articles that ask that very question. Of course, I concluded that I would rather be kind than right. This reinforced my compulsive apologizing, because I concluded that it was impossible for me to insist I was right and still be kind. I got into the habit of automatically apologizing in any disagreement, often over and over and over, and not even know what I was apologizing for. Of course, I was torturing my partners by doing that.
Even worse, I also concluded that it was unkind and the height of hubris to admit I thought I was right about anything. If someone insisted they were right about something, I apologized to them even when they were wrong. I told myself that certainty did not matter, only kindness. Listening and validating others was more important. Of course, I ended up enabling friends and partners in unacceptable behavior in the name of kindness. I even supported one woman's flashing of non-consenting others to show off her brand new privates, because I thought that was what I had to do to be a good friend/ally. I literally did not stop to think that this same behavior would be considered sex-offender stuff if done by a man.
Therefore, I conclude that this question sets up a false dichotomy and is, therefore, bullshit. I can be kind AND right. In fact, I am kinder to others when I maintain my boundaries and integrity, because I do not enable them.
Even worse, I also concluded that it was unkind and the height of hubris to admit I thought I was right about anything. If someone insisted they were right about something, I apologized to them even when they were wrong. I told myself that certainty did not matter, only kindness. Listening and validating others was more important. Of course, I ended up enabling friends and partners in unacceptable behavior in the name of kindness. I even supported one woman's flashing of non-consenting others to show off her brand new privates, because I thought that was what I had to do to be a good friend/ally. I literally did not stop to think that this same behavior would be considered sex-offender stuff if done by a man.
Therefore, I conclude that this question sets up a false dichotomy and is, therefore, bullshit. I can be kind AND right. In fact, I am kinder to others when I maintain my boundaries and integrity, because I do not enable them.