Sugar Bear
It's kind of off topic for the group it was in so I am going to talk it through here on my feed because it brought up some feelings for me.
Someone in my music festy group posted about their relationship ending due to the partner being an ass at the show. The partner bought them shirt as a kind of weak and useless apology. They are broken up and the person loves the shirt, but doesn't know of they could keep it because their ex gave it to them and why.
That's the background that brought up this memory for me. It's no secret that my father was abusive to me in all the ways a man can abuse a little girl. I never didn't hate him. He came into my life when I was a toddler and did not ever bond with him. I was his prisoner until the state put me into foster care from his treatment of me.
When I was in the 3rd grade he gave me a stuffed bear that I loved so, so, so much. Sugar bear was my comfort snuggle. We moved a lot and that bear was the one toy I was allowed to take with me. The rest of my stuff except clothes never moved with us. When we moved, everything familiar went away too. Sugar bear was my constant. Sugar bear came with a baby bear named Spice which was lost pretty quickly, didn't make the first move. Sugar had velcro on her paws so she could hug my arm.
I had to come to terms with the fact that my only and most prized possession, my biggest source of comfort was given to me by my worst enemy, the man that only ever did and said hurtful things to me.
I had to resolve that duality as a tiny person. I'm sitting with what other decisions in my life this has impacted. I can't think of any offhand, but I only just came to this memory today.
Someone in my music festy group posted about their relationship ending due to the partner being an ass at the show. The partner bought them shirt as a kind of weak and useless apology. They are broken up and the person loves the shirt, but doesn't know of they could keep it because their ex gave it to them and why.
That's the background that brought up this memory for me. It's no secret that my father was abusive to me in all the ways a man can abuse a little girl. I never didn't hate him. He came into my life when I was a toddler and did not ever bond with him. I was his prisoner until the state put me into foster care from his treatment of me.
When I was in the 3rd grade he gave me a stuffed bear that I loved so, so, so much. Sugar bear was my comfort snuggle. We moved a lot and that bear was the one toy I was allowed to take with me. The rest of my stuff except clothes never moved with us. When we moved, everything familiar went away too. Sugar bear was my constant. Sugar bear came with a baby bear named Spice which was lost pretty quickly, didn't make the first move. Sugar had velcro on her paws so she could hug my arm.
I had to come to terms with the fact that my only and most prized possession, my biggest source of comfort was given to me by my worst enemy, the man that only ever did and said hurtful things to me.
I had to resolve that duality as a tiny person. I'm sitting with what other decisions in my life this has impacted. I can't think of any offhand, but I only just came to this memory today.