[Bandslash, FOB] Facts About Patrick Martin Stumph
Title: Facts About Patrick Martin Stumph
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Pete/Patrick
Genre: CRACK
Word Count: ~ 830
Disclaimer: This is all completely made up, except for the part where these people actually exist.
Summary: Fact: If you can see Patrick Martin Stumph, he can see you. If you can't see Patrick Martin Stumph you may be only seconds away from death.
Notes: Partly due to this post, and this generator, with a healthy bit of boredom and writer's block mixed in.
It's not bad enough that the power went out, or that Patrick's stuck with Pete, which, okay, not the worst thing that could have possibly happened to him, but.
“Oh, dude! Dude!”
Pete and Joe are texting each other super fucking lame Chuck Norris facts from one of those online generator things.
“This is fucking gold!” Pete yells, and okay, there's really no need for the yelling since since they're sitting three feet away from one another. “Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Patrick Martin Stumph. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Patrick Martin Stumph!”
And, yeah. That's the other thing.
Joe's back at the hotel with Andy and the rest of the Fall Out Boy traveling circus sideshow. He's in his hotel room with his laptop and working electricity while Pete and Patrick are stuck in an office building doing some kind of promotional thing.
There's the added bit of joy with Joe having gone from using Pete's ridiculously long name to Patrick's name. His full name, including the H on his last name that he can hear Pete pronouncing even though Pete, and most of the free world by now, if the internet is to be believed, knows it's a silent H. Patrick changed his name for a reason, but Joe and Pete are happily ignoring that part at the moment.
“Pete.”
“No, no, no. Listen to this one,” Pete says, smiling like the jackass he is. "Patrick Martin Stumph and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building."
Patrick kind of regrets that he's mostly past the days when punching Pete for the stupidest shit wasn't all that unusual. Mostly. He doesn't think anyone would blame him for punching Pete after almost an hour and a half of this.
“Pete.”
“You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Patrick Martin Stumph will find you and kill you.”
“Pete.”
“If you spell Patrick Martin Stumph in Scrabble, you win. Forever.”
Patrick sighs and tips his head back against the wall he's leaning against and closes his eyes. He hits his head against the wall once, and then again just to hear the oddly satisfying thump.
They're sitting on the floor in one corner of the office Patrick's sure has never seen natural light, while the people who work there are clustered in the break room where there are windows and actual fucking light.
“Hey, no.” Pete sounds concerned, “Don't break your brain, dude.”
Patrick opens his eyes and looks at Pete who finally sets his fucking Sidekick down.
“I think you and Joe already did that,” Patrick says, and he's pretty sure he's not lying.
He can almost, almost remember what life was like before he met Joe, before he met Pete. Before his his life turned into. Into this.
Pete grins at him, stupidly pleased with himself. Patrick can feel his mouth turning up into answering smile, and seriously.
He thinks if he tried hard enough he might be able to picture what his life would be like without Joe, Pete, Andy, and whole traveling circus sideshow that comes with them, but he's not sure why he'd want to.
“Patrick,” Pete whispers, moving closer to him until he's pressed up against his side, sliding down until he can comfortably rest his head on Patrick's shoulder. “Patrick.”
“What?”
Pete huffs and elbows him, lowering his voice until Patrick has to duck his head down to hear him. “Google won't search for Patrick Martin Stumph because it knows you don't find Patrick Martin Stumph, he finds you.”
Patrick laughs in spite of himself, but it probably has more to do with Pete's stupid smile and his stupid laughter.
“Hey,” Pete says, even quieter, “Patrick Martin Stumph is Pete Wentz's favorite person.”
Patrick rolls his eyes at that one, mostly because he already knew that. Pete, though. Pete's not looking at him, eyes glued to his Sidekick's screen even though it's not even on.
“Well, duh,” Patrick mutters, flicking Pete's ear. “I think the whole world knows that by now.”
Pete hunches down into his hoodie, and Patrick wraps an arm around him to keep him from squirming away.
“Hey, Pete.” Joe's not the only one who knows how to work the internet. “Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III doesn't open a can of whoopass. He makes his own.”
Pete snorts, and presses his face against Patrick's shoulder while he laughs, and really it wasn't that funny, but still.
“We should write a song using that thing,” Pete says, and he sounds like he's kidding, but it's hard to tell with him sometimes.
“Yeah, I'm thinking not.” Patrick's smiling though, and hey, they're going to need B-sides for the next album, right? Who knows what could happen.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Pete/Patrick
Genre: CRACK
Word Count: ~ 830
Disclaimer: This is all completely made up, except for the part where these people actually exist.
Summary: Fact: If you can see Patrick Martin Stumph, he can see you. If you can't see Patrick Martin Stumph you may be only seconds away from death.
Notes: Partly due to this post, and this generator, with a healthy bit of boredom and writer's block mixed in.
It's not bad enough that the power went out, or that Patrick's stuck with Pete, which, okay, not the worst thing that could have possibly happened to him, but.
“Oh, dude! Dude!”
Pete and Joe are texting each other super fucking lame Chuck Norris facts from one of those online generator things.
“This is fucking gold!” Pete yells, and okay, there's really no need for the yelling since since they're sitting three feet away from one another. “Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Patrick Martin Stumph. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Patrick Martin Stumph!”
And, yeah. That's the other thing.
Joe's back at the hotel with Andy and the rest of the Fall Out Boy traveling circus sideshow. He's in his hotel room with his laptop and working electricity while Pete and Patrick are stuck in an office building doing some kind of promotional thing.
There's the added bit of joy with Joe having gone from using Pete's ridiculously long name to Patrick's name. His full name, including the H on his last name that he can hear Pete pronouncing even though Pete, and most of the free world by now, if the internet is to be believed, knows it's a silent H. Patrick changed his name for a reason, but Joe and Pete are happily ignoring that part at the moment.
“Pete.”
“No, no, no. Listen to this one,” Pete says, smiling like the jackass he is. "Patrick Martin Stumph and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building."
Patrick kind of regrets that he's mostly past the days when punching Pete for the stupidest shit wasn't all that unusual. Mostly. He doesn't think anyone would blame him for punching Pete after almost an hour and a half of this.
“Pete.”
“You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Patrick Martin Stumph will find you and kill you.”
“Pete.”
“If you spell Patrick Martin Stumph in Scrabble, you win. Forever.”
Patrick sighs and tips his head back against the wall he's leaning against and closes his eyes. He hits his head against the wall once, and then again just to hear the oddly satisfying thump.
They're sitting on the floor in one corner of the office Patrick's sure has never seen natural light, while the people who work there are clustered in the break room where there are windows and actual fucking light.
“Hey, no.” Pete sounds concerned, “Don't break your brain, dude.”
Patrick opens his eyes and looks at Pete who finally sets his fucking Sidekick down.
“I think you and Joe already did that,” Patrick says, and he's pretty sure he's not lying.
He can almost, almost remember what life was like before he met Joe, before he met Pete. Before his his life turned into. Into this.
Pete grins at him, stupidly pleased with himself. Patrick can feel his mouth turning up into answering smile, and seriously.
He thinks if he tried hard enough he might be able to picture what his life would be like without Joe, Pete, Andy, and whole traveling circus sideshow that comes with them, but he's not sure why he'd want to.
“Patrick,” Pete whispers, moving closer to him until he's pressed up against his side, sliding down until he can comfortably rest his head on Patrick's shoulder. “Patrick.”
“What?”
Pete huffs and elbows him, lowering his voice until Patrick has to duck his head down to hear him. “Google won't search for Patrick Martin Stumph because it knows you don't find Patrick Martin Stumph, he finds you.”
Patrick laughs in spite of himself, but it probably has more to do with Pete's stupid smile and his stupid laughter.
“Hey,” Pete says, even quieter, “Patrick Martin Stumph is Pete Wentz's favorite person.”
Patrick rolls his eyes at that one, mostly because he already knew that. Pete, though. Pete's not looking at him, eyes glued to his Sidekick's screen even though it's not even on.
“Well, duh,” Patrick mutters, flicking Pete's ear. “I think the whole world knows that by now.”
Pete hunches down into his hoodie, and Patrick wraps an arm around him to keep him from squirming away.
“Hey, Pete.” Joe's not the only one who knows how to work the internet. “Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III doesn't open a can of whoopass. He makes his own.”
Pete snorts, and presses his face against Patrick's shoulder while he laughs, and really it wasn't that funny, but still.
“We should write a song using that thing,” Pete says, and he sounds like he's kidding, but it's hard to tell with him sometimes.
“Yeah, I'm thinking not.” Patrick's smiling though, and hey, they're going to need B-sides for the next album, right? Who knows what could happen.