Grace Update
In case you have been in a cave for the last four days, my close friend Grace (zennywitch) passed away Thursday and I found her on Friday. People have been wanting to know when funeral/memorials will be and I don't yet have the answer and here's why: no one knows how to contact her brother and sister. I was her main contact person and I advocated for her and drove her medical appointments when she needed me to, but the fact is that nothing was put in writing as per living will or power of attorney or her wishes. It was one of those things we meant to get around to, but since starting dialysis it seemed that her health was finally on an upturn and a will was something that could wait. So because I have no legal right to the body, I am waiting for the coroner investigator to find them so that I can talk to them and find out what they want to do, or hopefully they will abdicate the decision making to those of us who were in her life. But no matter what the brother and sister decide, we will have a service for her that she would like. I'm just waiting to get in contact with them so we can work things out, which will be weird because in the 16 years that I have known Grace, I never met them. I knew her mom, who died from cancer in 2001 and she was a wonderful, sweet woman. Grace moved back home from Hawaii in 1996 so that she could care for her mom in her last years and they were out of the picture even back then.
Her dialysis unit called me Friday 3/23 afternoon to tell me that the medivan went to her house and she didn't answer the door. That is a big red flag that something is really wrong, she has a standing appointment three times a week from 12:00-3:30 and she has to go, that's why they provide transportation. And she doesn't want to miss any appointments, she was trying to get on the donor list and she was complying with whatever her doctors wanted her to do. Dialysis was a perscription, and she went for three hours three times a week. When they called they told me that she had a doctor's appointment the day before and she didn't answer the door then, either, to which I said "WTF?" Why didn't anyone let me know Thursday? I didn't call her every single day but since she was on LJ that same day I didn't have any warning that something was wrong.
The previous Friday 3/16 I was waiting for her to be done with dialysis so that I could come pick her up and bring over her new kitty. We thought the weekend would be a good time for her to bond with kitty and be at home for two straight days with her. But Grace called me around 1:30 to tell me that she had a low blood sugar reaction and was too out of it to answer the door when her medivan came. She asked me to come asap to drive her to dialysis, and hurry since it was Friday and she needed to get in as much time as possible before they closed at 5:00. I rushed over minus kitty and waited with her while she had her treatment. About low blood sugar reaction: Grace had pancreatitis when she was in her early 20's and it became a big medical problem that landed her in the hospital for six months. In fact, she died then, too. Because of this she was diabetic and had no pancreas, and had to always monitor her blood sugar. In recent months her doctors started her on a new kind of insulin (Lantis) that works all the time so you only have to take it once a day. It's great for people who have regular eating and sleeping schedules, but it was terrible for Grace because she had insomnia and stayed up for 48 hours sometimes, and slept 20 hours at a time sometimes. Not to mention that she was on *a lot* of different drugs for many different malodies. I have seen her in low blood sugar reaction a few times and it's scary and dangerous - she doesn't have her wits, her personality changes and she doesn't even recognise people around her. Once she has some sugar in her again she's ok, and she has been off Lantis for a while because those scary episodes were happening. Well, some brilliant doctor of hers decided that her blood sugar has been too high lately and put her back on the Lantis, and this is what I believe killed her. As much as I pleaded that she not take it anymore, there was always some nurse or someone saying that it would be ok, she just has to find the right dosage for her. She promised me that she would keep candy bars and her phone right next to her bed so that she could bring her blood sugar up quickly when she needed to. But I know that there have been times when she had LBSR that she was unable to move her limbs or think clearly, sometimes she just wanted to go back to sleep. I tried not to press the issue because I knew she knew what was a stake and she was really sick of people treating her like she was doing something wrong with her own health. She wanted to live alone and be independant, and she wanted to do what her doctors wanted so that she would be a good transplant candidate. I don't know if she was still on the Lantis when she died but I believe that is exactly what happened.
On Friday 3/23 I rushed to her house with my five year old boy in tow, I had no sitter and I didn't want to wait until my hubby got home to check on her. I told him to stay on the couch and don't touch anything and I went in calling her name. Her bedroom door was open and as I approached I could already see her slumped next to her bed. I ran to her and tried to pull her up but she was cold. I scrambled to find my phone I dropped at the doorway and called 911. They asked me to lay her flat on the floor and perform CPR on her, but it was too late. I said a few words over her while waiting for them, they asked me to wait outside and they got there so fast that I didn't have time to meet them. When paramedics arrived I got them to take my little boy outside, but soon they were gone and he came back in. He stayed in the livingroom with me and police were with with us and all around the property and wanted to know the answer to every question three times. I tried so hard to stay calm for my boy but it was hard, I called my brother to come take him away but it was hours (I think) before he got there. The first person I called was mforbes321 to break the news and she asked if I needed anything. I said no and I'm sorry a lot. But soon there she was, she came over anyway and thank God she did. She was so smart, thinking of things that I couldn't and filling in answers that I didn't have. Also great was a neighbor who grew up with Grace and knew all about the brother and sister that we are still trying to find. He was also a great friend to Grace in these years she's been sick and helping with the lawn and things like that. Melanie had the forsight to get the numbers out of Grace's phone so we could call more people, and to be honest I didn't know who a lot of them were. We were close for a long time but she had a different social circle closer to home that I wasn't really involved with unless we all intersected on her birthday or something. The female coroner who came was very supportive and understanding and seemed like a genuine, caring person. She listened to Melanie and I and after everyone else was gone, the coroner, a cop, Melanie and myself left around dusk.
I am so thankful to Melanie for coming over anyway, it seems stupid to say we bonded over this but it was a small bond before this happened. As much as I took care of Grace, so did Melanie, in fact I would say in LJ you could scarcely tell us apart because we are both Mels! I used to call her the other white Mel, and she has been such a wonderful girlfriend to Grace. I have met many more of Grace's friends online since Friday and I'm thankful to have some of them here now. I know that Grace didn't have to die, but I also know that she struggled with that body and all it's problems for so long, more than half of her life. And we all know that Grace was not what we all saw but what was inside, and we still have access to her. As for her shell, it was looked peaceful at the end, like she went to sleep and just left.
I struggle daily with What Ifs but I'm trying really hard to accept that we all did what we could, even Grace. I must make it perfectly clear that she was loving life, every moment of it and did not intend to leave us so soon, no question whatsoever. Now we have to wish her peace on her way and keep her in our hearts.
Her dialysis unit called me Friday 3/23 afternoon to tell me that the medivan went to her house and she didn't answer the door. That is a big red flag that something is really wrong, she has a standing appointment three times a week from 12:00-3:30 and she has to go, that's why they provide transportation. And she doesn't want to miss any appointments, she was trying to get on the donor list and she was complying with whatever her doctors wanted her to do. Dialysis was a perscription, and she went for three hours three times a week. When they called they told me that she had a doctor's appointment the day before and she didn't answer the door then, either, to which I said "WTF?" Why didn't anyone let me know Thursday? I didn't call her every single day but since she was on LJ that same day I didn't have any warning that something was wrong.
The previous Friday 3/16 I was waiting for her to be done with dialysis so that I could come pick her up and bring over her new kitty. We thought the weekend would be a good time for her to bond with kitty and be at home for two straight days with her. But Grace called me around 1:30 to tell me that she had a low blood sugar reaction and was too out of it to answer the door when her medivan came. She asked me to come asap to drive her to dialysis, and hurry since it was Friday and she needed to get in as much time as possible before they closed at 5:00. I rushed over minus kitty and waited with her while she had her treatment. About low blood sugar reaction: Grace had pancreatitis when she was in her early 20's and it became a big medical problem that landed her in the hospital for six months. In fact, she died then, too. Because of this she was diabetic and had no pancreas, and had to always monitor her blood sugar. In recent months her doctors started her on a new kind of insulin (Lantis) that works all the time so you only have to take it once a day. It's great for people who have regular eating and sleeping schedules, but it was terrible for Grace because she had insomnia and stayed up for 48 hours sometimes, and slept 20 hours at a time sometimes. Not to mention that she was on *a lot* of different drugs for many different malodies. I have seen her in low blood sugar reaction a few times and it's scary and dangerous - she doesn't have her wits, her personality changes and she doesn't even recognise people around her. Once she has some sugar in her again she's ok, and she has been off Lantis for a while because those scary episodes were happening. Well, some brilliant doctor of hers decided that her blood sugar has been too high lately and put her back on the Lantis, and this is what I believe killed her. As much as I pleaded that she not take it anymore, there was always some nurse or someone saying that it would be ok, she just has to find the right dosage for her. She promised me that she would keep candy bars and her phone right next to her bed so that she could bring her blood sugar up quickly when she needed to. But I know that there have been times when she had LBSR that she was unable to move her limbs or think clearly, sometimes she just wanted to go back to sleep. I tried not to press the issue because I knew she knew what was a stake and she was really sick of people treating her like she was doing something wrong with her own health. She wanted to live alone and be independant, and she wanted to do what her doctors wanted so that she would be a good transplant candidate. I don't know if she was still on the Lantis when she died but I believe that is exactly what happened.
On Friday 3/23 I rushed to her house with my five year old boy in tow, I had no sitter and I didn't want to wait until my hubby got home to check on her. I told him to stay on the couch and don't touch anything and I went in calling her name. Her bedroom door was open and as I approached I could already see her slumped next to her bed. I ran to her and tried to pull her up but she was cold. I scrambled to find my phone I dropped at the doorway and called 911. They asked me to lay her flat on the floor and perform CPR on her, but it was too late. I said a few words over her while waiting for them, they asked me to wait outside and they got there so fast that I didn't have time to meet them. When paramedics arrived I got them to take my little boy outside, but soon they were gone and he came back in. He stayed in the livingroom with me and police were with with us and all around the property and wanted to know the answer to every question three times. I tried so hard to stay calm for my boy but it was hard, I called my brother to come take him away but it was hours (I think) before he got there. The first person I called was mforbes321 to break the news and she asked if I needed anything. I said no and I'm sorry a lot. But soon there she was, she came over anyway and thank God she did. She was so smart, thinking of things that I couldn't and filling in answers that I didn't have. Also great was a neighbor who grew up with Grace and knew all about the brother and sister that we are still trying to find. He was also a great friend to Grace in these years she's been sick and helping with the lawn and things like that. Melanie had the forsight to get the numbers out of Grace's phone so we could call more people, and to be honest I didn't know who a lot of them were. We were close for a long time but she had a different social circle closer to home that I wasn't really involved with unless we all intersected on her birthday or something. The female coroner who came was very supportive and understanding and seemed like a genuine, caring person. She listened to Melanie and I and after everyone else was gone, the coroner, a cop, Melanie and myself left around dusk.
I am so thankful to Melanie for coming over anyway, it seems stupid to say we bonded over this but it was a small bond before this happened. As much as I took care of Grace, so did Melanie, in fact I would say in LJ you could scarcely tell us apart because we are both Mels! I used to call her the other white Mel, and she has been such a wonderful girlfriend to Grace. I have met many more of Grace's friends online since Friday and I'm thankful to have some of them here now. I know that Grace didn't have to die, but I also know that she struggled with that body and all it's problems for so long, more than half of her life. And we all know that Grace was not what we all saw but what was inside, and we still have access to her. As for her shell, it was looked peaceful at the end, like she went to sleep and just left.
I struggle daily with What Ifs but I'm trying really hard to accept that we all did what we could, even Grace. I must make it perfectly clear that she was loving life, every moment of it and did not intend to leave us so soon, no question whatsoever. Now we have to wish her peace on her way and keep her in our hearts.